*
p.s. Hey. ** jay, Hi, jay! Bach, wow, I can imagine. Naturally I wish you would record your playing and share it, but I figure that’s too big and maybe inappropriate to ask. Play on! As someone who never gets scared by horror movies and almost think those who get scared are faking it or emotionally masturbating or something, I’m with you. I liked ‘Obsession’ too. I fear that young director is going to sell out as he gets money thrown at him going forward, but miracles happen, I guess. Anyway, hi. I hope the little heatwave starting here today isn’t creeping into your neck. ** Adem Berbic, sal showed up so I presume you were speaking directly to him. Retired the singing portion, right, I think I remember that now. Glad his thing did its thing for you. I basically do readings so I can actually talk with people who read me as opposed to wishing and hoping and assuming. It’s worth that. If I ever get to London again, I will bring a carton. ** Dominik, Hi!!! If Zac and I lived in Vienna, we would make your haunted house our next major project. Yeah, the projectile suitcase was the single instance in my life that I’ve never been able to explain with my usual practicality. I kind of guessed you’d wonder about Ritchie. Until one of his bones washes up on shore, that remains mystery central. Ha. Someone should make a horror movie where there’s an actual, physical child version of someone housed inside his/her/their body. It could be pretty scary? Love liquefying and pouring himself into a vase holding beautiful flowers, G. ** _Black_Acrylic, Yes, I thought of Langley too. And Portsmouth Sinfonia. ** Don., So far we have managed to conquer the email-controlling demon. Alcohol does have its virtues. It’s easy to forget that. Contented, nice. I think that’s supposed to be emotion’s ultimate goal? ** Steve, Friends of a certain bent claim that the flying suitcase was an act telepathy on my part, but I don’t believe in that anymore than I believe my friend’s ghost was saying hi to me in the only way it could. I’ll find out about the cigarette scentedness today. Supposedly it’s left exactly as it was when he died, so … maybe. Thanks about the gig. I’ve got yours cued for later today. ** Malik, Clay in ‘Dutchman’ would be amazing. That could be an Obie or Tony or something winner, pal. I imagine that directing that might be even more interesting, but I’m very shy. That conversation does sound beautiful. I love those moments too. I’ll tell Zac you wished him happy birthday, and he’ll undoubtedly tell me to thank you for the wish, and if by some miracle I remember to, I will pass his thanks along. ** laura w, Haha. I hope a song or two or more makes your upcoming playlist. There is an audiobook of ‘Closer’. I don’t know if it’s out yet. They played me a sample of it, and I was completely horrified by it. It’s so, so wrong. I would avoid it like the veritable plague. Thanks for braving the new cover. Wow, ‘Safe’, that is extremely old. I’m guessing the Tillman book must be ‘Haunted Houses’? My bank account is bruised too. Commiserations. Kind of a deep bruise in my case, eek. ** ⋆˚꩜｡darbbzz⋆˚꩜｡, d-ster! Hey. We need a thunderstorm over here so badly. Everything’s burning. Geese rule. They’re one of the most underrated creatures. Not as underrated a pigeons, but still. That stretch of observational writing was very beautiful, my friend. Bob Dylan! He’ll probably be very rumbly and grouchy? I read something about the ‘Hellraiser Revival’ game, but not much yet. I’m not religious, but I am interested in the concept of God, and it makes for a good metaphor. Also ‘Oh, my God’ is a good way to indicate you’re surprised. Make that noise beat please. ** HaRpEr //, Liturgy seems to be playing everywhere in the world except Paris for some reason. You think, about Vaping? I worry it’s an interim thing and writing about it will date the writing, but I don’t know. Plus in some way Vaping mostly conveys cowardice to me, which is undoubtedly not fair. I’ll go look at your substack then. Great! ** Bill, Happy some tracks snuck through and into you. Thanks for the links to the Porter ensemble. I’ll check it. All good where you are? ** sal, Hi. No big, there aren’t really lags around here unless I slough off. ‘Harsh wall noise’ edition! What a capital and inspired thing. Everyone needs one of those maybe? A million dollar idea maybe? ** Nicholas., And there you are! Hey, bud. Mm, I think the simple and, yes, obvious answer is that I managed my darkness by writing about it. That organised it, and it became my material rather than a threat to me. Your declaration was digested by me with considerable sagely nodding. It was/is a helluva thing, in fact! ** Uday, I’ll convey your birthday wish to the guy himself. I do have a soft spot for anarchic, self-organising things, it’s certainly true. If penile length was constantly correlated with age, I would worry for the escorts mostly. ** Thom, Thanks about the smoking shebang. I think the only good thing about smoking is how it crystallises your thoughts. That’s it. And there are other ways. The launch sounds really nice. Big crowds are overrated. Oh, wow, the zine is gettable in non-physical form. I’ll sneak in while I ‘pray’ that the bizarre French mail system does its job. Everyone, Thom has just launched the first issue of a zine he co-edits. It’s called Holobiosis, and you can get it in pdf form for free, I think, by just pushing down with your fingertip on these words. Guaranteed windfall, guys. Go, go! Thanks, pal, that’s very exciting! If I understand what you mean about mechanic, I am exactly the same way. Speaking from my personal experience, most people will miss the mechanics, and you just have to get used to that and hope they’re getting it via the power of suggestion subconsciously or something. Week’s okay here, although we have new if gratefully brief heatwave starting today. You? ** Okay. One of my minor obsessions is fake food, and I’m forcing you to indulge me and, if we’re all very lucky, yourselves to some degree vis-a-vis that particular turf today. See you tomorrow.
Now available in North America 
Hey Dennis! Sure, I’ll sort out a recording by this evening, no problem. My Bach is still super patchy, so maybe I’ll share some Chopin instead.
https://youtu.be/iD1SaQw6d04
hey Dennis, this is an old piece I was practicing a few months ago, so I’ve reheated it a little, which is why there are a few stammers and hesitations. Also apologies for the weak acoustics, my room is weirdly shaped, and I rarely play without headphones!
this is really beautiful! Sorry for the intrusion, but ive been learning piano and just finished a music fundamentals class this semester in hopes of pursuing music (or at least learning its structure) I think this was actually one of the sheets I was looking over, thinking, woah! How amazing would it be to become skilled enough to play this piece one day!
As of this moment the only songs I know are “a promise”from Silent Hill 2, Laura Palmer’s Theme, and still currently learning Depeche Mode’s “Never let me down”and “Space Dog” by Tori Amos. Last one is more challenging/ difficult for me, but ive been doing surprisingly ok for a Tori Amos piece.
I’ve been wanting to learn more classical pieces, I was thinking a piece from Igor Stravinsky since my teacher is very fond of him. Although Ive been wanting to search for some more gothic pieces. One of the songs I want to learn is anesthesia by Type-o negative, but obviously thats not what I mean by classical goth, both I also very much like the sound of a piano being played in bass notes, it sounds beautiful like gurgling of a perforated bowel. At least Anesthesia does on the bass notes. Or at least my piano does.
Anyways I rambled, but thats beautiful, and you seem quite experience, so, great! Inspiration! Might distractingly hope on the piano after this and, forget to leave a comment.
Ah, thank you ⋆˚꩜｡darbbzz⋆˚꩜｡, much appreciated. This piece is really not super hard, it’s just got a few really nasty bits – I’m also completely ignoring the last page, because it’s way too hard for me. I really like the SH2 soundtrack, it’s got a lot of really good piano stuff, I totally want to learn that one now. I think playing pieces you know well is really amazing to learn from, so that you only need to get the technique down, and not have to spend time figuring out rhythm or melody.
Stravinsky is really nice. If you’re looking for a gothic piece that’s not insanely hard, AND has your bass inclination, then I really recommend Moonlight Sonata. It’s hard when played at full speed, but it sounds lovely played slowly too, particularly if you let yourself ignore certain tricky notes. Also, I am not super experienced; I played for a few years as a child, but really didn’t learn anything; I only picked the piano up again – after a 7 year intermittence – a few months ago, and have been slowly building up to this level for a while. Please keep me updated, and enjoy your playing!
Greatly appreciated. The fake crab upstairs is a charismatic critter. Yesterday, good-but-not-great ramen (which I’m fairly certain was not fake). Today, work. Tomorrow, beach again. Today is shaping up to be brainless so I’m hoping the beach brings the brain. Are you brained, or is the heat re-crescendoing already?
Is not crying normal? Yesterday a friend was taken aback by the fact that — to my recollection — I’ve cried twice in the last ten years. I guess that might be less than average, but is it taking-aback territory? Subjectivity is weird.
Hi!!
I have a bunch of miniature fake food and drink items—my current favorite is a cup of bubble tea. The fake-and-tiny combo just sweeps me off my feet every time; I can’t resist it.
I’d watch that horror movie. I’ve yet to see one that actually freaks me out—and I’m not talking about jump scares but good old physical/psychological terror.
How surprisingly gentle and beautiful of love. Love starting a band called Troubled Teen Industry, Od.
I always thought of those fizzy strawberry things that Haribo do as being prime examples of the fake food genre. Seem to have lost my sweet tooth over the years and now skip dessert to go straight for coffee after any fancy meal. That development seems a shame in that I might be denying myself certain aesthetic delights?
Ah yes that makes sense see hum I thought I could do that but my darkness is already material so if I write about it/it becomes real or something that manages me. Like hum isn’t what you do like actually what we’re all supposed to do in our own ways you can self exorcise how beautiful is that. I can see the flames of potential in people the easiest and Ive seen over and over most make kindling of themselves and their greatness burring a candle at all ends so all thats left is their darkness unmanageable and writhing. Light is precision speed Stellar and all. Dark is your friend your truth the more to be made. I burn all warp it change it manufacture a god a world a portal a space then time then reality bends forever green pasture wherever I am interloper and King. Akin to something ancient and terrible and glorious and wise. A very delicate dance and balancing act that age has helped settle. God I got the mark of the mask fucking some guy in the ass while he wore a black mask to completely conceal his visage while letting me plunge into him as if I wouldn’t know the truth of his frenzy from his sort of scaly hole. It was fantastic and haha something happened as I said an aspect of darkness so myself affixed it self like a jewel on to me. He also had a striking painting of a tri breasted sort of chaos being a women with 6 stacked tits and multiple eyes and blonde hair it was him on display before you entered his bedroom to fuck him it was sooo telling like here I am im not in that room so interesting truly. ah im drifting theres a lot here for you and I think you’ll enjoy it my point will arrive through you I assume love you very much. TTYLXOXO.
(in my opinion, _black_acrylic, everything haribo has ever made is fake food lmao. i’m still not convinced their gummy bears aren’t plastic…)
years ago, it was really popular to crochet food and put plastic eyes and felt mouths on them. i always liked them and their uncomfortable sentience. i still have a little s’more i bought at a craft fair years and years ago.
it was haunted houses! that’s one of those books that’s frustratingly hard to find in the states for whatever reason. actually, most of lynne tillman’s books are frustratingly hard to track down, for whatever reason, but there’s a great indie bookstore, i think based out of seattle, that carries them. asterim books? i buy a lot of my indie press books from there.
heard about the closer audiobook! and i hope your bank account is bruised for… good reasons? your thoughts on vaping dating a book or story are interesting… it’s so interesting to see what ends up dating a book and what doesn’t. i feel like we’re just now moving past the idea that including cell phones and social media into a novel instantly damns it to unreadability in 5-10 years- and both have been around for, what, 20 years now? on a pure aesthetic level, though, i don’t like vaping or the visual of vaping, so. i am lame as fuck though. i just drink black tea all day and then wonder why my head feels like it’s going to pound out of my skull if i don’t make a fresh cup every two hours.
not another heatwave! hopefully you can hermit inside for a while…
I just spaced out thinking about someone making a fake house where everything in it has to be fake. That’s easy when it comes to food and stuff, but how does one make a fake staircase? Does fake mean you can’t use it? Maybe the fake part is that it looks like wood but is just styrofoam that’s been painted.
That is true that vapes may cease to exist and will one day be as dated as a character using a fax machine. I honestly think that we’re in a post-ironic vape moment right now where no one who does it cares how they look. Half the people I know vape, and half of those people smoke cigarettes as well but vaping often doesn’t set off smoke alarms so it’s for convenience.
I still think there’s something about the silliness of vaping that will make it work in the right context, but in the wrong thing it’ll definitely be out of place. Vaping is kind of like farting maybe.
I’m continuing to have this weird emotional thing with my novel. I’m getting wrapped up in the impossibility again. I’m slowly re-reading Blanchot’s ‘The Writing of the Disaster’ and it’s very helpful to turn over some of these questions. I can only write in short bursts because I just fall into a fugue state before long. I just have to let go of these worries I have, because they’ll always be at the back of my mind anyway. If I can’t get rid of them I can at least try to make them useful.
Fake food day. I remember reading a chapter in some econ book somewhere about how the Japanese fake food industry shot themselves in the foot when they made their fake food so durable because restaurants would make the (expensive) one-time purchases and then not come back for years. Fascinating stuff. They then started doing rentals instead of selling, I believe. It’s been a while. Crazy that Darbz was also going to the same Bob Dylan show that one of my best friends was going to, before it was cancelled by lightning. Big snake day today, hopefully.
i started keeping a list of fake food items i loved especially in this post, but i was writing too much down… anything where a flloating cup or something is “pouring” a liquid into something is great. the spilled coffee and wendys sauce were great. raw meat. i LOVE fake food, idk why. ive worked at a thrift store for years and ive seen lots of fake food toys. very fruequently wooden. lotsa plastic with velcro too. something about the trickery sculpture does with textures works with food in such a funny and fascinating way…
anyway, thanks about zine stuff. even just from an editing/curating/helping-people-out standpoint i am very psyched to print and share peoples stuff. i deff wanna do some solo zines of short story stuff, always thinking of fun structural things to try…
RE: the mechanics thing and people noticing…
felt really validating reading a Pinget quote in the intro to “That Voice” where he outlines this whole symmetrical structure where themes are intercut in sequence until the halfway point, then they are reversed etc, but he acknowleges that people may not fully get it but he hopes the “voice” still comes thru… something like that anyway, but i totally agree that people can totally get what the mechanics are hinting at or stemming from in a subconcious way, or at least i optimistically also hope that…
ANYWAY this week on my end has had the tone set by Lenora Carrington short stories and Incredible String Band… so a warped whimsy? hope the heat isnt too bad over there… ByE^.^