The blog of author Dennis Cooper

“When I was an escort I had 138 rave reviews.”

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Freestyleee, 18
My teenaged son is away on a little summer vacation with some friends and I’ve found his recently used, unwashed dildo in his bedroom and I cannot believe it.😳😬 I’ve become insanely obsessed with it.

Comments

Freestyleee (Owner) – Sept 27, 2026
So I’ve seen it myself with my own eyes properly, a video on his desktop where he’s face down on a bed of some guy who looks to be in his 50s fully gaped with that dildo inside him well past the base. Admittedly I came my pants.

BoringMan – Sept 26, 2026
Find anything else?

Freestyleee (Owner) – Sept 26, 2026
Let’s just say there’s no question that he has.

MatureSaneGuy – Sept 26, 2026
Imagine your son sliding down on it all the way down to the balls… 😳😳😳



 

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snackbar, 21
A regular occurrence in my bedroom – I’m fucking my bf and while I enjoy it, the thing that pushes me over the edge is fantasizing that some masked motherfucker with a gun walks through the door (on cue). He puts the gun to my bf’s forehead and waits … for what I don’t know. If I imagine my bf verbally encouraging the stranger with twisted things like “put that loaded gun in my mouth and pull the fucking trigger”, well the floodgates open and my bf gets what I fantasize he’s asking for. Just putting that out there.

Comments

snackbar (Owner) – Sept 10, 2026
Was.

Bannister – Sept 10, 2026
How dare you use someone else’s picture, you cretin. The twink in the picture is quite a well-known porn star, onlyfans.

snackbar (Owner) – Sept 9, 2026
You take life too seriously.

Rockattitude – Sept 9, 2026
He’s made no contingencies. You’d be arrested for murder so fast your head would spin.

ithinkurhot – Sept 7, 2026
Just be prepared that you would likely need to carry that image with you for the rest of your life, because there will be no “unseeing it” once it happens…

snackbar (Owner) – Sept 7, 2026
Counting on that.

NOMERCYBERLIN – Sept 7, 2026
I must say your bf looks very disposable

 

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Formerlyboywonder, 19
I’ve always wanted to find a man who’d become ‘obsessed’ with me and everything about me.

I post videos on YouTube of me playing guitar and talking about that and I fantasize that a lonely obsessive man would stumble upon my videos and keep watching them over and over and listen to everything I say in them and become obsessed with me and my life story, then he’d want to find me and be with me.

Comments

LuckytheOne – Sept 21, 2026
I’ve watched your videos and I’d like to give you a large dose of a drug like Viagra and strap you to a frame in a suggestive position. Once you get a stiff one, hit you with a low dose of curare to paralyze your voluntary muscles and move you into a commercial freezer to see if your stiffy can be made permanent. It would be kind of like making a lasting piece of art for the world to enjoy.

doesspankinghurt – Sept 19, 2026
A perfect use of adjectives were used throughout the night to remind him what he really is should he have hesitated to think any differently.

Formerlyboywonder (Owner) – Sept 15, 2026
You can leave marks on me as long as they’re easy to explain – “walked into a doorknob”, “broke my wrist skateboarding”, etcetera.

hrnyhenry – Sept 12, 2026
jesus ffucking chrisT son
you are a gorgeous filTh pig
id live inside you consTanTly


 

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IamYoursTonight, 19
I’m down for anything in the world and looking to get emotionally stable.

Bonus points if you won’t judge me for being riddled with ADHD.

Comments

IamYoursTonight (Owner) – Sept 12, 2026
Everyone is ignoring the emotionally stable part.

SickMeat – Sept 10, 2026
I thought of something clever for him to say, and I moved him around while I was saying it, so it would seem like he said it.

destroyurpussy – Sept 8, 2026
I ripped off his saggy jeans to claim my prize and ate his ass with a lot of slime and energy before fisting him to the elbow mercilessly on the bed and up against the walls. Torturing him was also very cool. I won’t soon forget his screaming mouth.

Whatthefck – Sept 6, 2026
I’m straight, but having sex with him was a wonderful gay experience.

cOKEdEALERSuNION – Sept 2, 2026
lol yeah he is so ADHD that anyone could tell from a mile away. He looks like a ADHD, he dresses like a ADHD, he walks very ADHD, he talks very ADHD and anyone would always know he’s a ADHD just by looking at him. the only way he could be mistaken for normal is if guys thought he was a straight girl. i’ll bet he gets asked if he’s a lesbian a lot.

 

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CuteLilVictim, 22
I’m Kevin, a yng looking sk8r dude…. about 5’2… 98lbs, brown hair, green eyes…. smooth… I need to get my ass smashed to bits, using implements of your choice. Your choice will reveal how much you despise me. Your contempt is important because people who hold me in contempt always fuck me the best. You must end it all with a knife because I can’t stop myself. I’m prepared for you all to video sending me and my pretty ass to Paradise. I’m no longer in London, I’m 4 hrs away.

Comments

CuteLilVictim (Owner) – Sept 20, 2026
On the injured list right now thanks to a chickenshit brutalist. No social energy at the moment. Check back later, I’ll be back.

IwantKevin – Sept 12, 2026
I’ve been obsessed with fucking your sweet ass for five years now and will be forever I guess.

ScarfaceRawPig – Sept 11, 2026
Okay one guy says your ass is “gorgeous.” But why don’t you show it? Is it flat and girlish, or muscled or somewhere inbetween? Everyone wants to know why you hide what is most important for us all?

opentop – Sept 9, 2026
What if I ate your ass. Not metaphorically. Put the barrel of a gun in your young, smooth, tight butt. And chew and chew and chew. Pull the trigger occasionally to add some sauce. Munching for hours on the gluts, until they are consumed and I am sated. A pretty boy’s dying butt. So sexy. So tasty.

CuteLilVictim (Owner) – Sept 3, 2026
When I was an escort I had 138 rave reviews.

PupThor – Sept 3, 2026
Speaking from personal experience, you have a gorgeous, tight, really tight ass. A crown jewel. Very hungry yet conducts itself with grace and gusto. I think you should give it a couple of more years.

ARYANCHEMPIG – Sept 3, 2026
Fellow Nazi would love to share a rig with you and carve your ass! Oi bruder!


 

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Nofriendszone, 18
Hi, I’m 18 years old, gay. My name is Marci!
I would like to write a few words about why I decided to come to this site rather than an escort site.
Well, I’ve been living in Budapest for more than a month.
I have to pay 250k every month, but since I moved my job has been terminated, which is not very good, and until I get a new job I have to somehow hold on.
I have to pay until October 10, 2026, otherwise it won’t end well. I don’t want to live on the street, so if you see or read this, please help me, I’ll do anything!
Well here are the prices. It’s a little expensive because no man has ever touched me and it’s unusual for me
If you want to fuck me with a condom and be mean to me it’s 45k
Or if you want to fuck me bare it’s 85k (It’s high because of not knowing if a men is filling me with poz, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, HPV or Hepatitis sperm.)
I may be very sorry
My place is very messy so be prepared 🤗

Comments

Nofriendszone (Owner) – Sept 14, 2026
If you can pay, you can come.

humble02 – Sept 14, 2026
In the previous version of your profile you set an age limit and said no fat people. Is that still alive or has it been relaxed? I’m old and obese and seriously interested.

Nofriendszone (Owner) – Sept 11, 2026
It’s scary the first few minutes when the man you’re with’s cock isn’t hard and you think, shit I’m wasting my time. After that it was literally non stop all night. It’s a very humbling experience to have your ass totally at a stranger’s mercy for 3 hours with absolutely no agency. Most unique and surreal experience of my life. I highly recommend it.

Nofriendszone (Owner) – Sept 6, 2026
Accountancy student, future CPA


 

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MachoTeenToDestroy, 19
If you can …

Comments

HotHusband – Sept 4, 2026
Salvador Dali said: “Never fear perfection, you’ll never reach it”. Well I think you demonstrate that Dali was actually wrong.

MachoTeenToDestroy (Owner) – Sept 3, 2026
I save my hole and body for only the most brutal, sick, violent men. Tell me your ultimate. The sickest, most depraved shit that fucks your mind and fills you with terror. Spill it all. If it’s filthy enough, I’ll drag it out of you into reality and make you regret ever wanting it.

Faggotdestroyer – Sept 1, 2026
The boy I’ve been using recently wasn’t good enough so I’m currently looking for someone who’s willing to take this great opportunity.

superduper – Sept 1, 2026
I know this guy. Name’s Nate. Bit of a hothead but a good bud. Never had sex with him though. What a weird idea.


 

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Youdrive, 18
These objects are my completely perverted slaves, whom I share totally without limits with others and let strangers fuck whenever it pleases me. No one’s hole can be abused as brutally, relentlessly, deeply and mercilessly as theirs. You can fist them hard, stretch their holes wide open with your hands and ram the biggest anal toys balls-deep inside them — without mercy, without pause. They’re addicted to swallowing men’s juices, licking men and taking everything men give them. It’s an honor to use them regularly as my willing, brainless content fucktoys.

Now I’m both horny and scared about how I will destroy their last remaining limits and push them even deeper into total degradation and ruin. They belong to you with every molecule. You’re welcome to keep using and destroying them until there’s nothing left.

Comments

LoveSperm – Sept 19, 2026
I want something with the boy in the red shirt, but I don’t know what.

Wellspoken – Sept 16, 2026
I’m talking about a porn site/studio devoted to nothing but videos/porn that end in twinks being snuffed. I know there are videos that show snuffing but I want more sexual content lol.

Wellspoken – Sept 16, 2026
As someone who fantasises about snuff but doesn’t have the courage, I wish there was more porn that led to snuffing. Like Silence of the twinks from staxus.com but with actual murders. If there was a website devoted to stuff like that I would happily subscribe. Does anyone know of any snuff twink porn out there?

YouDrive (Owner) – Sept 14, 2026
Flashback. I remember when Piet had that effect. It lasted about a day and a half.

fella – Sept 14, 2026
I led Pete (I think?), on the far right in the photo, into the dude’s playroom. An exceptional decision! A ditsy fembot but once you dig in, he gets inside your head and never leaves. I literally had to pray to God to make myself stop. My most shocking and satisfying sexual experience.

IbuprofenMan – Sept 13, 2026
Not bad, I’d bang two of them.

 

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NoveltyBoy, 23
Experimental adventurous human being
Hypnosis and shock 💫🪽
Ecstasy feel 🌟
You will ⚡️💉 open its holes⚡️💉💉
Lube 🧴 Ice 🧊 Robust 💊 4 Sale ✅

Comments

SlavesDestroyer – Sept 17, 2026
I really want to quit slamming you with meth, but it is too difficult. Please help me.

NoveltyBoy (Owner) – Sept 17, 2026
It just has to finally end its partying. They found a tiny tear in its aorta from too much tina. If that tears all the way they say it’ll die instantly.

Thebestoftheworld – Sept 4, 2026
I’ve known Dani for almost seven years. He’s a good kid. Like many other trans boys who were imported to Europe in the sex trade when underaged, he’s been through both ups and downs. But he found the strength and will to stand up and move forward — although maybe not in the right direction. I’m truly happy for him that he didn’t lose himself in a foreign world. He stood his ground and is moving forward with determination. Well done, buddy.


 

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tramplemetodeath, 19
Stomp and crush me without mercy until I die

Well, I think the title pretty much sums it all up!
I’m a useless piece of shit that gets crushed from its masters without mercy.
Please jump and stomp on me as long and hard as you please, until my body is nothing more than just mush.
The only purpose in the life of this redundant little bug is to be stomped and crushed to death!
I want to die slowly, painfully and suffer in the most inhuman way when a master obliterates my body under his feet while he laughs and spits on my pathetic existence.

Here are my death spots 🥵🥵🥵
80☠️- spine
90☠️- neck
95☠️- chest/ribs
100☠️- head

Comments

RainbowSalami – Sept 15, 2026
If this is real then thank you very much for everything, you’re very kind.

tramplemetodeath (Owner) – Sept 14, 2026
I might consider getting burnt at the stake. Tie me up naked facing the stake, and build the fire just high enough to lick my butt cheeks until I finally pass out and die. Then burn my body to ashes and dust.

RapeYouToDeath – Sept 14, 2026
I want to rape you to death. Yes, that would take a while, but I am willing to pay much money to your next of kin if necessary.

VickyPark – Sept 14, 2026
Warning: I think he’s famous.

Sirdeathstar – Sept 14, 2026
I’m into punching younger guys to death with my fists but I’m not picky. If that’s not your thing then good luck finding what you want.


 

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thebestboy, 19
Sorry for the dumb noob questions but this seems like a good site 😁

I’m confident, outgoing, in control and a bit of a rebel in my normal life, have lots of friends and live with family – my ‘other’ life as gay is secret. Those that know me wouldn’t believe it as it’s totally opposite to the person they know and see.

So I’m having my first-ever master/slave relationship, I’m 19, he’s 52, I moved in with him recently and we’ve had a lot of oral sex 😛

I trust him mostly, he was my teacher in high school.

We randomly met up this month when I was smoking weed in the park, I told him that I needed a place to stay, he took me to his place and we spent most of the last week sucking each other’s cocks and swallowing each other’s cum 😜

Now he wants me to be his slave and breed me, he has an old airstream way out in the desert where he says I can scream a lot, no neighbors.

Some dumb questions, I don’t have ANY gay friends and this will be my first time being fucked, please help:

1) Am I going to lose my shit all over his cock, make a huge mess even if I emptied myself earlier?

2) How long can anal sex last, realistically? 🤪Sex with him tends to be a marathon, he stays hard even after cumming, he has to cum a few times before he finally goes soft.

3) Is it good or bad if he cums a lot deep inside me? What if he keeps fucking me even with his cum overflowing out of my ass? 🤪

4) How often can he fuck me, realistically, without destroying my anus and making me incontinent?

I’m ready to be his slave, he skullfucked my brains out this week, but he’s not fully satisfied, he wants very rough sex, I know it’s going to hurt, I want it but I’m afraid, please reassure me.

Comments

SONOFSATAN – Sept 12, 2026
I WAS IN MY EARLY THIRTIES WHEN I EXPERIENCED THAT THIS IS THE REALM OF SATAN. LUCIFER AND HELL ITSELF. ALL OUR CARNAL DESIRES RESIDE WITHIN THIS REALM. THE POSSESSION BY SATAN IS LIKE TRYING TO SEPERATE ONESELF INTO PARTS. I SEE IT THAT HE IS WITHIN OUR DNA AND US HOMOS ARE HIS SONS FOR ALL OF MANKIND ITS US WHO CELEBRATE OUR DESIRES URGES AND CRAVINGS. FEEDING THEM AND THE MORE WE ALLOW THE PRESENCE TO GROW WITHIN. ROOTED IN THE UNDERWORLD AMONGST OTHER BEASSTS WHERE THERE IS NO RIGHT AND NO WRONG. NO GOOD NO BAD, JUST WHAT WE CRAVE .. THOUGHTS OF HAVING THE SHIT BEAT INTO US AND US DOING LIKEWISE TO OTHERS. THOSE FORCES ARE IN OUR NATURE, YOU DO NOT ATTAIN THEM YOU FEED THEM AND THEY GROW WITHIN YOU. BECOME MAGNIFICENT ,, POWERFUL. WE HOMOS ARE SPECIAL GIFTS FROM THE UNDERWORLD WE ARE DRIVEN BY OUR URGES CRAVINGS AND DESIRES. TOTALLY SURRENDER TO THOSE WHO DESIRE YOU, BECOME THAT WHORE DOG THAT FEEDS A NATURE WE ARE PART OF AND DO NOT CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE AS FAR AS I CAN TELL. HEIL SATAN.

PolishBoyfriend – Sept 9, 2026
Nothing is bad.

SweetMcCrunchy – Sept 7, 2026
HI IM ALSO A NO LIMITS SLUT TO BREAK BREED AND RUIN THATS ME IM BRAIN DEAD CURRENTLY TAKING APPLICATIONS

plancu – Sept 7, 2026
If you were my student, i would have taken that pussy of yours as soon as you turned 12. And every day after.

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. ** Dominik, Hi!!! Let’s just say that when you’re in a major city and the best Mexican food you can eat is at a Chipotle, something’s wrong. At the moment, the London event will be the last screening that Zac and I attend, but something might come up. We keep getting requests to show it. My brain is still kind of bleh. I need to try another coffee brand. There’s a new Placebo song? Are they still on the money? Love wants something with the boy in the red shirt, but he doesn’t know what, G. ** Steeqhen, I’m old enough to have been an N64 boy. In fact I think ‘Mario 64’ was the first platform game I ever played. I only played CD-rom games before that. When I was young, reading the Narnia books extremely uncool. If you saw someone reading one you immediately dismissed them as a possible friend. Tolkien readers were okay. The coolest people read ‘Dhalgren’. I never did because I was never the coolest. ** Bill, For you maybe, haha. So sorry about the family emergency. I hope whatever it entails calms way down. If I made an indie horror film, a shot of that busker would be how it started. Hang in there. ** caro, Hey! I’m happy you came back. Very interesting trajectory you’ve had there. Chile! I was there once, in the south part. I think feeling like a child when you’re an adult will save you, or at least keep your life interesting. I guess I feel more like a teenager, but maybe that counts. Cool about your chapbook. Is it gettable? I’m okay. Uh, I think everything going on is kind of terrifying. I haven’t played games in a while. Long story. I’m a Nintendo guy. The last games I played were, let me think, ‘Paper Mario 3’, ‘Resident Evil: Village’, ‘Stray’, and … I forget. I’ll look for ‘Count Lucanor’. Computer game, I’m guessing? Happy day and beyond. ** _Black_Acrylic, I’m trying to avoid games these days for the very same reason. But they are pretty educational, or can be. ** Carsten, Fingers strangling crossed re: the apartment. So I’m guessing you don’t like Douglas Sirk? I more tend to get hung up on a particular artist or band and listen to them incessantly for a short period, although I did listen to Cheap Trick’s ‘Auf Wiedersehen’ about twenty times in a row the other day. ** laura w., ‘Au hasard balthazar’ and ‘Mouchette’ are ultra-top tier Bressons for me. ‘Country Priest’ is maybe my least favorite Bresson, not that it’s not great. My favorite Herzog doc is ‘The Great Ecstasy of Woodcarver Steiner’, but it’s an odd one. ‘Jack the Modernist’ is a total classic. Maybe the greatest New Narrative novel. That Ernaux novel I read was definitely not didactic. ** HaRpEr //, At the time, ‘Mario 64’ seemed like a huge leap forward for video games. I remember being flabbergasted by it. It’s true that back in New Narrative’s heyday, Kristeva was very, very frequently mentioned by them. ‘Paris Spleen’ is my favorite Baudelaire, maybe by far. ** Sam F, Hi, Sam! Shame that the dialogue was so mediocre in ‘Backrooms’. Otherwise I really dug it. ‘To Die For’ is one of Van Sant’s best, I think. ‘Yeezus in Furs’, for sure. And ‘Alone’ too, obviously. Thomas Moronic, Check out Sam F’s comment yesterday if you didn’t see it. Writer love-fests are what life should be all about. Very same wish regarding your week! ** i🌙, I love Paris in the winter, although winters are not what used to be. My brain is still weirdly asleep, but I’ll get it woken up and attentive again one way or another. I don’t really remember why ‘Brief stay with the living’ didn’t satisfy me. I barely remember it, which may be the answer. She and I share the same French publisher. She’s really nice. Eek your face! ** Thom, I played ‘Mario 64’ on its release, and it seemed like LSD. Newness galore. So obviously true about R-G. I should spotlight something of his. It’s been a while. Excellent about the Dark Rides music progress. Classical music to my future ears. Not so much art making going on over here at the moment, but I can feel the pressure building. ** Okay. It’s clearly the last day of the month. See you tomorrow.

15 Comments

  1. Ilán Valdés

    “I’m old and obese and seriously interested” made me laugh. I also enjoyed the SONOFSATAN comment. My favourite bit was that “if you can”. It reminded me of how gay life or maybe violence in general has that continuous punch-in-the-gut quality that never lands. Like a race with no winners, or something. Have you read The Art of Cruelty by Maggie Nelson? It’s one of my favourites.

    Anyway, I sent you my Paris dates, and I’m still curious about the London screening. Is it public? I’d love to attend, as I haven’t been able to watch it yet. I replied to your last email btw xo. Ilan

  2. _Black_Acrylic

    So tramplemetodeath might be famous? Will have to go through the Popbitch showbiz gossip email and work out potential clues.

    Attended another Leeds Print Workshop screen printing class last night. No cute photo this time but the project is still developing apace. Got the coot photo set up and we’re ready to get a 1st layer of colour laid down next week perhaps.

  3. scunnard

    Hi Dennis, how have you been and happy escort day to all those who celebrate. I just realised I haven’t been here in a while and thought I needed a gander and just noticed that Room Temperature is getting a screening in London on Halloween? Would be a good opportunity to finally see it in person although I think I have out of town houseguests staying that weekend… so could be a good getting to know experience haha Things have been going well. How about you?

  4. Dominik

    Hi!!

    Yeah, that doesn’t sound ideal about the “best” Mexican food…

    That’s heartening—that you keep getting requests to show Room Temperature! Anything from Vienna…?

    How’s your brain? I was out and about today more than I usually am, so mine is sort of dead but not in a particularly bad way.

    There’s a new Placebo song. Helen Keller. I like it, but it’s not earth-shattering.

    Love thought of something clever for IamYoursTonight to say, and he moved IamYoursTonight around while he was saying it, so it would seem like he said it, Od.

  5. ANGUSRAZE

    Hi Dennis!!!

    How have you been???

    I’m in the middle of making my new album, I’ve decided it’s going to be entitled MIASMA, and the entire sort of sonic landscape is very textual and distorted, very inspired by cold liminal space, very discordant but also almost optimistic and the most dancable album i’ve ever made, im currently in early talks w/ Brainfeeder in hopes of releasing it so fingers crossed.

    I’m currently making a song I’ve been wanting someone to feature on in the context of a spoken word verse (think David Cronenbergs contribution to new Charli xcx album) and I think you would be a great fit, the entire lore of the album and its eventual short film is basically if Raspberry Reich took place in the Backrooms and it was homoerotic, think Patty Hearst but gay and distorted hahaha.

    Anyway, I was wondering if i sent you one or two instrumentals from the album if you would be so kind to read a passage over it and record your voice? I was actually thinking of a excerpt from Closer, specifically the first paragraph of David’s chapter ‘Im a talentless but popular young singer etc etc’ I think it would be a perfect addition to the voyouristic element of the visuals and the sort of ‘seeing things you should be allowed to see’ visual language of the album too,

    let me know what you think!!!

    Ryan

    angusraze

  6. Carsten

    Finger-strangling much appreciated, & it worked, because I got the apartment! Whew, big relief… The owners are a very nice-seeming old Spanish couple, who explicitly told me that it’s totally fine to smoke on the balcony & that the neighbors are chill. Got the keys but not moving in until tomorrow, which with my minimalism is no hassle. Three bags contain everything I own.

    Douglas Sirk? Hell no. Haha, sorry, but that level of artifice & overplay I just cannot stomach. Again, I get why some people like that stuff & why it works for them, it just doesn’t for me. Plus the thematic concerns of melodrama are just too far from my own. I remember this interview with Cormac McCarthy where he dismissed all literature (explicitly naming Proust) that doesn’t deal with the elemental matters of life & death—& I know that with hard-assed declarations like that you don’t exactly make friends, but I’m with him on that one. I have a horror of the frivolous. The problems in melodrama are always rooted in status, social standing, societal expectation etc. No flesh & blood there. Add to that the heightened theatrics & I’m out. But that’s me. Where do you stand on Sirk? If I had to guess I wouldn’t peg you as a fan either.

    Speaking of polarizing films, I’m deliberating whether to go see “Digger” this weekend, the new Inarritu film with Tom Cruise. The critics are tearing that one to shreds, which could mean there’s something interesting there. I’ve never loved an Inarritu film but I do think he’s one of the more adventurous of the “big” directors. I always feel there’s something a bit phony in his work, but “Birdman” & “The Revenant” had some nice things in them.

  7. laura w.

    good to know about all things bresson, herzog, and ernaux! perhaps it’s her nonfiction then, or just that one book in particular. i have noticed a lot of really great fiction writers fall into binaries when they write nonfiction, for whatever reason. different skill sets, totally. i will have to check out that herzog documentary, i like odd things that shouldn’t work but do.

    i finished jack the modernist and totally agree. the tone shift towards melancholy at the end is lovely. nyrb has chosen to label it “postmodern” which may be the box that we are now shoving the new narratives into/making them into a subset of postmodernism. i’ve been reading a lot of total downers though, so it’s nice to read something fun and also slutty. halloween season starts officially officially tomorrow!! any essential halloween-y reads for you? i might start with the copy of grab bag by derek mccormack i found in my library.

  8. i🌙

    how’s your brain doing today? I feel u i couldn’t get up today. ended up taking a 3hr nap in the afternoon/evening. i have to write an essay this year to substitute an exam and im temped to do it in german. its a weird system i can pick my top 3 subjects i want to do the essay in but the school chooses ultimately i guess so the teachers dont have to correct 10 essays each. I talked with my german teacher today and we got kind of excited talking about rosa luxemburgs letter exchanges with her cousin and husbands friend during her stays in prison so i might do it on that. I think i talked to you in january about prison literature and it’s something i still find super exciting. i think the whole concept of like, i guess being cut off from the rest of the entire world, what massive importance the written word then takes in, what writing does to someone mentally and emotionally in that very situation, those are the questions that excite me and that i want to try to analyze for the essay if i end up doing it in german.

    i think i am going to start reading an ingeborg bachmann short story collection. i read malina two years ago it changed me a lot. i read the first page of that collection today and it just excited me too much. she’s insane! such a complex writer. the images she uses are amazing.

    “The first tree, which stands in front of those dark-red cherry trees that bear no fruit, is so ablaze with autumn, such an immense patch of gold, that it looks like a torch dropped by an angel. And now it is burning, and the autumn wind and frost cannot put it out.
    Who, faced with this tree, is going to talk to me about falling leaves and the white death? Who will prevent me from holding it with my eyes and believing that it will always glow before me as it does at this moment and that it is not subject to the laws of the world?”

    how do you even come up with those kinds of things? serious question! i am slowly but surely writing more often again but i feel like it is very stale still. im a very literal person. but i’d like to write like this! it just seems very difficult to extract images out of concepts in your head i guess. i mean not difficult, i think it requires more confidence rather.

    • i🌙

      I think i used the word exciting like 5-10x here when thinking about books and sentences that i like too much i become sort of like a hyperactive puppy

      • Xxx

        Jewellery by micachu and the shapes. Escorting oneself not out of necessity but as a side hustle as a grind. Linear algebra midterm tomorrow. Got paid half the rate as the twink in Budapest made me feel bad about myself , didn’t know how to ask for money. He just gave me 100 dollars. But it was 2 of them. But it was really chill. I didn’t have to do much at all I simply performed and dissociated. I just moaned a broken record croak and maybe said daddy cum in me at the end. Despite the use of condom. They both did cum in condoms in me I think these nothingburgernormcore old fat husbands with a large walk in closet and 2twinbedscrackinbtwn that gave me $100 to basically just worship my body. And I guess I had to top but was high so felt nothing. Also could be worth noting was my first time topping. Only time I tried was with my one and only ex boyfriend very early before we were us. On the precipice of sliding my John (I’m well hung) into my 10 year older bf (was19andhatedthatfact) practically recoiled and he didn’t let me proceed and I sighed of relief. But I did top one of these husbands. It was mostly while the other one was fucking me, essentially into his husband essentially [(high (didn’t have to do much)]. I don’t know how to top.

  9. Hugo

    Hi Dennis.

    Things are a little less hectic since last we spoke but I don’t wanna jinx it. Me and Alice saw Destroyer in London a couple of weeks back, and we told Dan that we would send him a link to “PGL” when we got the chance cuz he still hasn’t seen the full film yet. Overall he was a very sweet guy, and did well for an all acoustic set. I’ve also been getting into Arthur Russells work, since Alice played him around me. University has been alright but it feels a little redundant for what I wanna be doing. I don’t really care for all the Shakespeare worship. I mean I understand it but I find it a bit silly and regressive at worst. Anyway, London has a lot of weird gore when it comes to old people it seems.

    Hope all is well. I will be snatching tickets for me and Alice as soon as the clock strikes.

  10. HaRpEr //

    I don’t know if it should still surprise me that the johns are in the comments making highbrow references and quips, but it does. Can I ask, are the comment sections pretty big and you harvest them for the interesting lines, or are they generally slim and you post what’s there?

    I watched the documentary about Jack Smith ‘Jack Smith and the Destruction of Atlantis’ which was a quite useful resource in terms of piecing together the things and stories that informed his work. He’s an endlessly inspiring figure to me. How all of the figures in his films blend together to make one homogenous subject, stretching the limits of the body, is something I’m so fascinated by. It was interesting to find out that ‘Normal Love’ was probably unfinished due to a personal choice of avoiding a second run of the ‘Flaming Creatures’ fiasco and wanting to create this endless work that could only truly exist with him working the projector.

    October is upon us! I’m going to watch so many horror films that it’s not even funny. Anyway, I’ll be sure to buy a ticket for the London screening tomorrow. Can’t wait!

  11. Steve

    I saw PRIMETIME tonight. It’s very popular – I tried going to a screening yesterday, but it was sold out. The film’s pretty tiresome and smug, as though it were made so the audience can pat itself on the back for figuring out that Chris Hansen is sleazy and TO CATCH A PREDATOR wasn’t actually about saving children from pedophiles.

    Freestylee isn’t very convincing as his father. Lots of fantasies about older men this month.

    Have you heard of the extreme haunt Kreusebel, in Utah? I watched several videos of people going through it. To me, it’s more BDSM than scary – I’d be frightened if I got tased with a cattle prod, forced to eat disgusting food and water-boarded, but that kind of thing isn’t high in my fears or what interests me about horror.

  12. Thom

    Hey, low key kinda day, but chipping at the music. Not sure how the Dark Rides EP will really turn out, but Im kinda using this structure to check in with myself and see where my more droney tendencies are taking me at the moment? Will post a playlist with footage and music simultaneously perhaps…

    Anyway, I forgot to ask, but did you get around to checking out Camp Miasma? Just saw it, and I feel like I may be totally of the Jane train personally, but I guess I’m glad it exists and is resonating? That script/direction did NOT resonate with me, which is a shame cuz I like the themes… seems like Jane took a very different path than World’s Fair hinted at, cuz I adore that movie!

    Anyway I’m gearing up for a couple 13 hour days, so I may or may not poke my keyboard voice around here… k, bye!

  13. Saph

    where do you get these photos

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