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Welcome back to DC’s Writers Workshop. This is the seventh in a series of days on the blog where writers who are part of the blog’s community will present work-in-progress in search of the opinions, responses, advice, and critiques of both readers who don’t normally post comments here and local inhabitants of this place. I ask everyone to please read these works with the same attention you give the normal brand of posts here and respond in some way in the comments section below. Obviously, the closer your attention and the more you’re able and willing to say to the writer the better. But any kind of related comment is welcome, even a simple sentence or two indicating you read the piece of writing and felt something or other about it would be helpful. The only guideline I’m going to give out regarding comments is that any response, whether lengthy or brief, praise filled or critical or anywhere inbetween, should be presented in a spirit of helping the writer in question. I’ll be responding to the work too in the Comments section towards the end of the weekend. So I guess all of that is probably clear. Giving support to the artists of different kinds who read and post on the blog has always been a very important aspect of this project, but this workshop series represents one of the first times that aspect has been made formal. Today’s writer is Joseph Goosey aka the blog’s distinguished local ‘Joseph’ who is presenting a section from a longer work-in-progress entitled ‘Chicken Coop’. He asks for any thoughts, support, or criticism you can give him. I thank him greatly for entrusting his work-in-progress to us, and I thank you all in advance for your kind participation. — D.C.
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Heterosexual? Is that the new pope? Krista is concerned with people, not the division thereof.
Donald.
How was I supposed to know they put up fucking cameras in the locker rooms? Man, you don’t really know how fucking boring that job was man. I was a fucking DOORMAN, I stood around all day and occasionally said hi to somebody. So it was Thanksgiving night. What else was I supposed to do? There was nobody around. I was bored as all shit standing around with nobody to even greet. Plus, earlier in the day, my boyfriend Troy started to go down on me, he’s got this mouth you see, that’s like hot as hell. Not like, sexy LOOKING, which is it IS anyways, but like the temperature inside Troy’s mouth is like 103 degrees AT ANY GIVEN TIME. I used to tell him all the time that I thought he was running a fever but he’d say that no, no, he didn’t have a fever, he was doing alright. Sure enough we checked his body temperature one night and I guess he just has one extremely hot orifice, is all. Anyway he started to go down on me, and I’m not very big, so he can take all of me into this steam-room of a mouth…and…have you ever fucked in a sauna? Well, I used to belong to this country club that was pretty much just a bath house, and dudes could bareback all they wanted to in the sauna, no questions asked by management or anything like that, and the heat of the sauna felt so goddamn good but problem was people were always getting way too excited and passing out due to dehydration, but this, with Troy’s mouth, I get that fucking hot as hell burning sensation on my cock, but the rest of me is room temperature. It’s great. Troy is fucking spouse material if there ever was spouse material. And so what happened was that I was half or even three-fourths hard most of my shift at work, and I this cute guy came in, he was there for some wedding or something and he kind of looked like Brody Jenner, you know, that guy from The Hills? That stupid-ass show that they play on MTV all day long? If you don’t know him from that show, he also used to be on that show that was actually surprisingly funny, Prince of Malibu, I think it was called. That show was great. They should really bring that show back for another season. I used to jerk off to that show all the time. I can’t jerk of to The Hills because of that weirdo Spencer, he’ll deflate a hard-on in one second flat if you dare look him in the eyes. Plus he’s got this shabby nappy beard, he’s really just gross I simply can’t understand why the hell Heidi hasn’t dropped his ass, I mean, she’s not the most gorgeous girl on the show, that would have to Audrina, although she just looks ever so slightly like a wet rat, but just a little, she’s still real sexy, if I girl could get me hard, Audrina would totally get me hard as a fucking rock. Yeah, Heidi isn’t perfect, but she can’t still do way better than that Spencer creep. Imagine fucking Spencer, right? Having to look at him while his sweat drips in your mouth? UGH. JUST UGH. Oh, and you know Bruce Jenner? You might know him off that show KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS which is just simply my favorite on right now. I mean, it’s embarrassing that I love it so much but I just can’t get enough of that fucking show. It’s like my CRACK? Ya, and Kim is just absolutely dazzling , her eyelashes alone make me so damn jealous…well, anyway, what I was saying was that Bruce Jenner is now Kim Kardashian’s stepfather, that’s not really that important, I’m not even sure how I got off on that…what I started out saying, man, was that this guy was at the hotel where I work, like in town for some kind of wedding or some kind of mitzvah or something like that, I can’t really remember, but this guy looked soooo much like Brody Jenner…and I just couldn’t help it man, I’ve just been absolutely enamored with Brody ever since he was on Prince of Malibu, man, oh my god I’m usually a man of the law and everything like that but I swear if I ever saw Brody Jenner out in public, like, out at a bar or some place, I swear, I don’t think I would be able to hold back at all. I think I’d probably have to chloroform him, take him home, light some incense or candles and just fuck his sizzling mouth until my cock no longer functioned or until judgment day, which ever one came first, it would probably be the latter ‘cause I think, really, that if I was faced with Brody Jenner’s sugary fucking lips for as long as I wanted, I don’t think I could ever really get limp. Of course, I talk a big game right now, just sitting here with you, but really, if you Brody Jenner were to waltz into this interview room right now, unannounced, and drop his tight yet comfortable D&G; jeans, and let his thick cock just swing in the open air, if he were to come in here right now and do that, and stick three fingers up his pampered asshole to loosen it up just for me, if he were to show me his taught little hole, turn around, lick his lips, and say IT’S ALL YOURS, YOURS TO DESTROY AND ABUSE AS YOU PLEASE, talking of course about his sweet, I assume virgin, asshole, man I swear, I would probably be as limp as your grandmother’s dishrag ‘cause of the most severe case of performance anxiety you’ve ever witnessed in your life. I’m prone to that kind of shit, dude. When I’m totally comfortable, I can be hard all night, plunging deep into the most gorgeous, rank holes on earth, but like I said I have to be totally comfortable or else I just get nervous, I don’t know, something about the way my blood chooses to flow. I guess I’m just blessed and cursed, I’ve got a bi-polar cock I guess. What was I saying? RIGHT. Sorry man, I just get way too excited and can’t help myself sometimes. I guess that’s really why I’m stuck in this place anyway, yeah, that’s exactly it man, that’s my defense man, use that, write that shit down. Are you writing that shit down? I don’t really see you writing anything down. Write down: GETS EXCITED, CANNOT CONTROL HIMSELF. That’s what happened. That’s all that happened and now look at me. Troy had sucked me off a little bit with his burning hot mouth, some guy looked like Brody Jenner, and I just simply couldn’t take anymore. I HAD to go to the bathroom and release or else I was going to EXPLODE, ya know, haven’t you ever just been so goddamn horny you thought you going to just cover the whole of whatever building you were in with one huge load, haven’t you felt that you were going to spontaneously combust if you didn’t get rid of what was building up in your loins? If you haven’t, if you haven’t at least ONCE, whatever relationship you’re in, no matter what how good it seems, if you haven’t felt like that, that relationship is not love, it’s just some bullshit. Of course, some people would say NO. Some people would say what I’m talking about is just unreasonable, out of control lust, but for one, speaking of lust is very out of date, and for two, lust IS a component of love and if you say that’s not true you’re full of shit and should probably jump off the highest pier you can find and then swim your way into a rock so you start bleeding and the sharks come to you for a meal. So anyway I went to the bathroom and the load I released, actually, was surprisingly tame, I mean, it was great and all, but it didn’t have the electricity I thought it was going to have. How was I to know they had installed those stupid little cameras in the bathroom? I can’t believe that the hotel is even pressing charges. I’ve been with them for eight years. I’ve only jerked off in the bathrooms a handful of times, people do a lot worse. Murderers and arsonists and all kinds of sociopaths running around fucking up the works for the rest of us, but OH NO don’t jerk your OWN cock in a bathroom! Ya know, I think I should sue. I think this is a hate crime. I think this is fucking discrimination. I don’ think they would ever prosecute a regular straight dude for jerkin’ off to some old ass issue of Screw magazine, I think they’re pressing charges just ‘cause they saw me stick the handle end of that hairdryer up my asshole. How’s a man supposed to cum without something thick up his asshole? Christ, yeah, this is totally discrimination. Do you know who I talk to about that? You didn’t write down ALL of this did you? Like, that one part about the chloroform and Brody Jenner, is that considered a threat or something? ‘Cause I was only fantasizing, god this country needs to quit prosecuting fantasy. I would never really rape Brody Jenner’s mouth. He and I would never ever, ever cross paths.
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The first boy began to claim love but could not spell. He told Krista that they would live in a very round house and give birth to three, very round children. This would be as acceptable and white as America gets and together they will smile as though there was a knife to their mutual oompas.
*
p.s. Hey. So, there’s your assignment, optional but encouraged, for the weekend. Please help a d.l. out by having a close look and sharing your thoughts with Joseph. I’m sure you know that putting one’s work on the spot is a delicate and tender and nerve wracking thing, and that, even if you don’t feel you have a huge amount to say, the simplest response and reaction would mean a lot. Thanks very much, Joseph and all of you. My life remains less than newsworthy, and no alerts spring to mind this morning, so I’ll just wade in. ** _Black_Acrylic, Ouch, on the tea spilling. My laptop usually has a cup of something or other by its side, and I live in mild terror of accidentally spazzing out. I thought that was a fine, very clear and telling review. That first commenter just seemed like a bundle of arrogance and bitterness of some sort to me. Everyone, Read _Black_Acrylic’s read on the 2010 Dundee degree show. It’s in The Skinny, which means here, and it’s quite interesting. Man, I hope the Apple Store does its self-styled genius act and saves your laptop. I’m going to Paris AS today to see what an iPad looks like. ** Waiting for John, Ah, yes, of course, it’s John who has worm written all over him, not you. That would certainly take care of the ‘waiting’, or at least give your name a parenthetical add-on, a la Waiting For John (To Move A Few Inches). Take care this weekend, sir. ** Empty Frame, Hey. Thanks for stopping in while on the run. Yeah, I think my ineptitude as a shoplifter extended to my choices as a shoplifter. Still, as least their silliness kept me out of juvenile hall or whatever. Safe packing and, of course, safe trip if that comes off before I see you next. ** Chris (British), Don’t push your luck on the disappearing act, buddy, ha ha. ** David Ehrenstein, I think I can safely say I am not this blog’s Switzerland. ** Bollo, The Bugs Bunny one was great, yeah. The serenity and anti-drama was beautiful. Oh, awesome news about the group show. Is it the kind of gallery that might, should things go well, take you on as regular? Is that something you’d want? ** Sypha, That’s totally exciting, yeah. And they want to keep the same cover. That’s interesting, kind of surprising, but it’s a good cover so why mess with it, obviously. Well, whenever this new project of yours is ready to be talked about, ears or, rather, eyes are perked. ** Dandysweets, Hey, pal! Thank you so much for yesterday. It was great, and I think you got that Jay fella some new followers. Hopefully not so many that you’ll see him next time as a tiny dot far across a stadium. I’ve driven through the Mojave in early July more than once. It’ll be hot, definitely, but LA summers tend to be late bloomers, so it shouldn’t be peak summer heat. You might end up wanting to turn on the car’s air conditioning. And it’s almost for sure going to be very dry heat, the great kind of heat. You just need to make sure your car is in working order and won’t overheat, basically. The desert looks amazing when it’s hot. Driving through it then isn’t dangerous at all. It should be a terrific trip. Don’t worry at all. ** Slatted Light, Hey! Glad you’re feeling better, man. Thanks a lot for the vote of confidence on my insertions of trouble and emotion into our piece. Finding the balance is proving very tricky, and I’m not yet certain that what I’m being allowed to do is enough. Theoretically, it should be, but the spectacle in this piece is very dense and accrues there from many fronts, and my interventions are being more restricted than before. They’re more like little squeaks from a machine that is intent on seeming very well-oiled. They’re remnants of a more emotive piece that we originally intended to build but didn’t end up building. Ideally, they play that hidden piece inside the more abstract piece that it mostly is now, and their glimmers create an overall work that is powerfully in between. I hope that once we finish the last week of work on the piece next month, I’ll find the confidence I really want to feel. Amazing stuff about the amazing B-B post. ** Alec Niedenthal, Hi, Alec. ** JW Veldhoen, I do see, yes. ** Christopher/ Mark, RIP: Jack Birkett, indeed. I only really knew his work with Jarman and that he was in Lindsay Kemp’s company, whom I never had the chance to see. Fascinating life, fine remembrance. ** Koes, This place has a strange, magical resilience, yeah. I’m okay, just a little busy between working on a novel and finishing a giant new theater piece with my pal Gisele and others. Of course you can do a Cocorosie Day sometime! I beg you to, even. I guess you probably know that … shit, I’m forgetting her name, sorry .. closed her terrific gallery and art space here. That was sad. Don’t be scared, not that I’ve ever met Jamie Stewart or seen him live, very weirdly. I’m sure he’s scary in the good way. Are you going to go up and say hi, I hope? ** Jax, Hey, pal. Your post has launched a lot of really interesting ship-like comments. Sign of one of the truly great ones, need I say. Thank you again. So, just being on the shortlist in and of itself will probably be a real boon for you in terms of getting gigs from now on, won’t it? ** Ken Baumann, Do upload your Italian doppleganger, please. No, the show isn’t on one of the five main TV channels here in France, and the TV situation in the Recollets is so primitive and my TV consequently so hampered that it actually needs one of those rabbit ear antennas to get any signal at all. I have a Parisian acquaintance who loves the show, and I’ll try to either invite myself over or get her to tape an episode. Finest weekend available to you, man. ** Math, Oh, yes, you’re coming to Europe, of course. Are you still planning a Recollets stint as part of your European introduction? I didn’t know of Sacha Dumain before, so I asked Yury, and of course they’re acquaintances, and I’ll spare you the invictive that followed. It gets all West Story in our room whenever the topic of Gharles Guslain and his crowd breach a conversation. ** Bill, Hey, Good luck with the last bits of Amsterdam. I forget, are you going to end up in Paris at all? That Illuseum is totally interesting. I’d never heard of it before. I might even venture a post about it if I can find enough related stuff. Fantastic tip off, Bill. Thanks a ton. Where is next for you? ** Steevee, See what you think of the new Emeralds. I really like it. It’s different-ish, but I like the move. When Stephen O and I were talking about Xasthur the other day, he spoke very, very highly about him, thinks he’s got a lot up his sleeve, think he’s a very intelligent guy whose work is going to really show itself over time. ** Misanthrope, Well, yeah, about Spielberg and Lucas. Personally, I have almost no use for Lucas. The Star Wars movies are okay in a couple of instances at best to me. Spielberg’s first handful of films had a wonder and wondering that made them kind of beautiful in a way. Since then, his movies just seem sturdy and diverting or not. ‘AI’ is the only recentish film of his that seemed actually pretty interesting, at least that I can remember. Glad you’re up for the workshop. I await your thinking. ** The Dreadful Flying Glove, What a fantastic Branca clip! When he’s on the money, damn, he’s great. That was just the sound and even sight of heaven to my ears/eyes. I’m going to download the ‘Lesson No. 3’ album today. Interested to hear your take on ‘Head’. Pretty wildly charming, if I remember correctly. ** Creative Massacre, Hey. Oh, well, maybe post-school depression is part of it? Not having those goals and deadlines? That seems like a natural possibility. Too bad the 24th is a ways off, and I hope your mood lifts long before then, but at least that should be a really nice wake up call. Try to have an awesome weekend if you can, pal. ** David ‘Year of 13 Moons’ is my favorite Fassbinder. ** Will Decker, Hey, Will. I’m angling for a good Saturday, but I’m not sure by what means yet. But this is Paris, so I’ll figure something out. Isn’t it Memorial Day weekend over there in the States? I forget what one does on MD. Maybe just enjoy the free time? A bbq? Hm. Whatever lays just ahead in your neck of the woods, I hope it’s wildly enjoyable. ** Frank Jaffe, Hey. An 80s party … hm, I guess the hair style is key. Is your hair long enough at the moment to fool around with? A vintage Duran Duran or whoever t-shirt? Boombox? Cocaine spoon around your neck? Not much help, I’m afraid. 790 pages, yikes. ** Justin, I’m going to find me a ballet company and drop off my resume, that’s all there is to it. Yeah, I’m game if any ballet companies are reading this. I tried that Walmart site, and it did look very dangerous. Is it possible to create a bookmark and flag it at the same time? ** Inthemostpeculiarway, I’m glad you told me about your SitC2 experience. Your sparkling prose was the spoonful of sugar that helped the medicine go down. I love rain in LA. It’s a special effect there. Here it’s second nature. But, yes, yesterday was better for it, not that I got out into the cleansed day hardly at all. I used to rent escorts a lot. Up until the early 90s even. That was how I did a lot of my research for my novels. I hired them for fun, but I mainly hired them to study being with them, the dynamic and how that relationship worked, and to try out particular sexual experiences so I could understand them. So, yeah. If you hire escorts only for the sex, it’s pretty hit or miss. Your last Bendy report was so sad, beautiful but really sad. I don’t know if saying I’m sorry is the right thing to say because I don’t know how sorrowful you feel about it. The scene you described is so universal in way. I thought about my own partings that have been like that, and it made me sad, I guess. Love live Bendy wherever he goes! The Gary Coleman death was weird. I never watched that TV show, so he was just a bizarre celebrity to me. I think changing eye color is a contac lens thing only, but I’m not totally sure. I’m sorry you had such a hard day, but you weren’t too wordy in the slightest. My day was almost a big fat nothing. Wrote, yeah, whatever, the usual. Kiddiepunk and Oscar and I met with Chrystel who runs this place and we set our gallery show/event for the middle of June. That’s done, that’s good. Now we have figure out what to put in the show and what to do at the event. I’m easy because all I can really do is read some of my work. Anyway, other than that meeting, it was a day that just slid by, eaten by writing and working on stuff and buying some food. First it was day, and then it was night. Really, I can’t think of another thing from yesterday that could hold your attention. I think I’ll get out and about today or tomorrow, though. And your weekend? Does it being Memorial Day make a difference? Tell me, please. ** Alan, That is a nice shot. It looks like it pre-dates the makeover-in-progress going on by … Christian Lacroix or someone like that who bought the castle and surrounding town and is trying to turn the castle and its village into a tourist destination. You probably knew that. Great weekend to you, Alan. ** Tender Prey, Hi, Marc! I apologize once again for begging off on your questions last week. My brain was in the theater and barely on loan when I wasn’t. I’m of course really happy that the talk went well. I’m honored, man, truly, thank you. I’ll bet you’re looking forward to more concentrated time in the studio now, yes? Ha ha, interesting about my answer in the interview. It’s really true, although sometimes if I can sit and look at the passage and the context it’s in and stuff, I’ll remember some basic things I was doing. The problem is that the extremely labor-intensive editing and rewriting my work needs can kind of erase my original thoughts and plans unless I’ve written them down. I just make sure they’re there, and then all my concentration goes into how to make those things work, and sometimes I remember why and how I edited something better than I remember coming up with its point. You up to any good or any delicious no-good this weekend? ** Bayxman, Shit, you’re spam. You totally got me. Nice sneaky move. And you’re hemorrhoid spam to boot. Wtf and what are the odds. ** Please turn your attention now to Joseph’s fiction piece, if you haven’t already, and then enunciate to Joseph what that attention has created. Thanks a lot! See you in the comments section later in the weekend and then back here on Monday.
Now available in North America 
Hey Dennis, I won't be stopping in Paris before I go back to SF, sorry; my last two weeks here in Holland are completely committed to projects. But Avignon in July still looks very possible, though I understand that's not the best time to hang out with you.
I have to run to a meeting, only read some bits of Joseph's piece. Looks very interesting so far.
Bill
I'm not sure I understood -or was meant to understand at this point – the connection between Krista and Donald (if there is one) but after reading your excerpt through once I get a similar kind of vibe/atmosphere as when I first read The Informers by Bret Easton Ellis (this is a good thing btw) only much more sexualised than The Informers, which in a way makes it more raw and, should I say..full on!
I really like the lines:
'Krista is concerned with people, not the division thereof.'
and
'I can’t jerk of to The Hills because of that weirdo Spencer, he’ll deflate a hard-on in one second flat if you dare look him in the eyes.'
The last one made me laugh, though I must admit I've never watched The Hills.
Anyway, I want to make clear I don't mean to compare you or your piece to Easton Ellis, it just put me in a similar kind of mood when reading it. It's interesting so far but I would need to read more (PLEASE!) to give more feedback.
JOSEPH –
Forgot to put your name in my post above, but it was feedback meant for you 🙂
Thanks for letting us read it and hopefully we'll get to read more of Chicken Coop soon.
DENNIS –
Thanks for the tip on driving through Mojave 🙂
Don't remember if I asked you before or if this has been talked about on the blog, but are you aware of WWASP? I'd never heard about it before but saw the film Boot Camp and read a bit about it afterwards. That's some creepy shit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8VLEHQm9is
hey joseph, i've only read through the piece once so far, and i'm horrible at critiquing, and i know nothing about writing, but i think it's a really great piece. kind of unravelling as one reads, funny too, and the snippets of whatever else at the start and beginning are exciting or intriguing or something, makes you want more, but are (maybe even more so) effecting just on their own like that.
that brody jenner is a total boner-killer for me though. but yeah, i really would love to read more of what this text is from. thanks for sharing the work here too, i think that's pretty brave.
i've been thinking a lot about how critiquing has a place in the world of writing fictional litterature versus in the world of making art. critique is done so much less in art, and i guess less specifically as well. i guess i'm wondering why that is and if it should be like that or not. the thought of having my art critiqued at length and very directly/specifically completely terrifies me though. it was definitely done in art shool, but yeah, very differently.
Excellent work, Joseph. There's a genuine sweetness to blow-jobs that's often difficult to convey. You do so handily.
JG -Wow. You had me with the first line. My immediate impressions are in yr e mail box. ( my pc doesn't always wabt to venture into the comments section)
This is a terrific story / excerpt. If you can make me laugh first thing in the AM, well, you can do no wrong. have a great mday weekend
wv hothun today's wv is from Baltimore
Joseph, This is a showcase piece, not a workshop piece. The only thing I can think of that you might want to think more about is that some of the emphasis you use seemed to me to be placed on words I would stress anyway, which could be counterproductive. The voice is strong enough that those added visual cues struck me as superfluous. It’s a small thing, but it’s all I had to say beyond just saying how great this is.
The memoirs of James Lord (quite the hottie in his day) have just been published.
Hi Dennis – hope to ring you Sunday and looking forward to seeing you real soon
David
Dennis Hopper R.I.P.
Bless another great Dennis 🙂
Dennis Hopper Rest in Peace… or knowing his wild ways, PARTY in Peace…either way…
hey joseph. very cool piece or excerpt. does it have a title?
i really like the voice, the content, and how it circles back on itself.
my suggestions:
*play around with having less swearing especially in the beginning. like reconsider the choice of using 'fucking' in the 1st 2nd and 3rd sentences, i wasnt so into the repetition.
*the part about The Hills, while central, funny, and awesome, goes on too long if you ask me.
*i agree w Alan re emphasis and wouldnt bother to caps lock / italics / etc most of the emphasised passages; they mostly already have natural stress.
great work dude!
dennis, yep, coming to europe. recollets maybe, i tend to do best with roommates and im not bringing anybody. the dorm style thing might be good for me or not, not sure. i think my first choice is to just sublet some room but we shall see. the recollets is obviously very alluring and storied.
dandysweets, sorry if my comment was confusing. i was born where i am now, san francisco. and im moving to europe in like late winter / early spring. so i wouldnt really be 'moving to sf' just hanging out here a few months. in the meantime though i have to go back to Nyc for june and probly july. yea, ive heard the same things about berlin, i want to check it out. barcelona also. paris first though.
happy weekend all
xxm+
I agree that Xasthur is brilliant. My only qualms are that his album and song titles give the impression he's trying desperately to be "dark" and shoving aside the more complex, if mostly depressive, emotions his music contains.
Dennis! Hey, from that last p.s.: 'Certain Buddy' is coded reference (C. B.) to your friend/actor in LA who, umm, isn't mentioned on the blog. Right? I'm getting the level of secrecy maybe mixed up. Anyway. Sorry for all the fog. Was wandering if you've seen any of his stuff on French TV, heard his weird dubbed voice.
I'd be curious to hear French me, too, though! Thanks for the offer. Hope your weekend is perfect.
Joseph! Hey, man. I really, really enjoyed reading this. It's funny as hell. I would be curious to see an alteration in the text in length: either stretch it out, make the narrator dig the ditch even more severely, or shorten it up, and keep whatever weird bits embedded that you like the most. I owe the text a more intensive reading, but I can't make that today. Anyway: really enjoyed reading this, but I do think it would be a bit more powerful as a tightened up, even truncated form (tightening up the cadence but keeping the roaming, if that makes any sense; just covering ground a bit faster), or as a longer more painfully digressive version. Again: sorry if this is vague or kind of sweeping. Very excited to see any further texts in the same vein, or further iterations of this.
ken, if it's any comfort, i got your foggy clue immediately. maybe you caught dennis before his third cup of coffee.
kier, oh good! Comforted. Thanks. 🙂
I feel like I've been "waiting" to hear that Dennis Hopper had died for about thirty ot do I mean forty years. He had a lot of fun as well as being a total pain in the ass for so many people presumably including himself. But boy he was a sweetheart when he wanted to be,and sexy as all get out when he wasn't fucked over. I miss him but I've been missing him for a long time 🙂
Hey folks,
Joseph, thanks for sharing your work with us and the invitation to comment. I enjoyed reading your piece, which I've done several times now. I think you've done a great job of getting toward a particular voice in your monologue. I identify the voice as: ramped-up, insecure, privately afraid, digressive. Adrenalin-crashing in the wake of a sensational exposure. Been there, somewhat. For the most part it feels very right to me.
There are very good, very vivid images in this monologue that don't feel as if they've been carefully placed there (that's a good thing – instead, they're tripped over by the speaker and the reader). I particularly felt illuminated by Troy's mouth, and Donald's sudden admission of performance anxiety, welcome counter to all that bragging.
There are a couple of points where I reckon the momentum of the voice is not as well-carried as it is elsewhere in the piece. One of these is the start of the monologue. The close repetition of 'fucking' times is a red flag. Structurally, the direct transition from a single rhetorical question to defensive statement in the first two sentences feels odd, abrupt, not quite true of speech patterns that I recognise. Obviously, since I'm British, I may not be recognising something perfectly valid…
Being British, the digression into the relative fuckability of various American TV stars doesn't mean an awful lot to me – but that's actually fine! Allusions concerning people that aren't obvious are not bad things in their own right, but I think when your characters detour on rambles like this, you-the-writer will need to work hard and inventively not to lose the reader in verisimilitude of a gabbling horny dork who's been found with a hairdryer up his ass and is now being prosecuted for it. If I was pressed, I'd say that presently the actual events being discussed are a little obscured by Donald's carpet-chewing. A little structural landscaping ought to fix this whichever way suits you best. One might have to ask, exactly which sensation(s) do I intend to convey to the reader? The sensation of running one's mouth at 80mph, shrivel-dicked with fear, or the sensation of suffocating in the voluminous spiel of a scared fantasist, or something else entirely?
A few points in this piece appear to need proofreading. Phrases like "and I this cute guy came in", "really, if you Brody Jenner were to", "jerk of to The Hills", which don't compute as sentences or as [sic] representations of verbal tics to me. Careful readthroughs identify structural problems, which is why they're intimidating and why I hate doing them on my own work, but it's also why they're vital.
I think you need to pick one method of representing verbal emphasis and stick to it. Personally, I don't care for all-caps.
In the closing paragraph after Donald's monologue, I enjoyed the 'oompas' neologism. In that context, in the brevity of that section, it came as a peculiar surprise that seemed to validate the scene. Something recognisably bitchy about suburban homemaking reveals a potential for something odder and says no more. Appealing.
(Haha, holy shit. My word verification captcha for this comment reads: 'experson'.)
Hey Joesph, funny stuff man. I really liked the rhythm in your piece, very natural. I felt like I was hearing from someone I know, is that character suppose to be from the east coast?
I agree with Math on tightening up the 'Hills' stuff and maybe add an explanation about the Brody Jenner 'type', he is a type.
I was confused by the switch over from locker room to bathroom. I could comprehend a business putting cameras in a locker room (a place for employes to lock up their pocket books, coats, back packs, Ipods…), but a bathroom has other kinda perverse Chuck Berry implications.
Very cool and hilarious. Thanks.
(continued) …but all that said, your piece is: Funny. Rewarding. Vocal. I enjoyed it a lot. Thank you, again.
Dennis, I'm really looking forward to seeing Head. I haven't seen any other of Bob Rafelson's films, but I have this dark idea in my head that in between getting puppeteered by the TV show and the record company and the film, there's something properly tragic-heroic about the Monkees. Every song on the soundtrack album is amazing, at very least. I have some excessively strange ideas about those guys.
DFGlove – Rafelson directed Five Easy Oieces and King of Marvin Gardens, two films starring the fine young Jack Nicholson. They're among the best of the 70s imho. I'm compiling a 70s favorites list but it's hard to leave any film out.
Joe/ Flit – The lockerroom/ bathroom disparity threw me too. But it could easily be the kind of verbal stumble any talkative, near hysterical person might make.
Dude, I know. Fuck. Whatever. Ok, maybe my saintliness isn't all that is at stake for me, but I'm tired of the Times Square jerk-off booth. Sliding glass comes down too soon. One day KAI and I… This afternoon I had to show individual post cards, one by one, to a crippled retard who felt I was invading on him, and who was, it was agreed by all, an asshole, not to mention a daffy motherfucker for thinking I hate mutants in particular, when like, fuck, dude, to work where I do, I AM EQUALLY RUDE TO EVERYONE (that is to say, not very rude… but enough). I need my job like everyone needs a job, buddy. I'm polite to a point, then I don't play (or I guess I do, and think of Himmler, but again, this is with EVERYONE). And I was as polite as I could be~! Reading "The Assistant" by Walser again is more important then gramps, sorry (even after 2 hours of him spitting "What card is that?" and "I SEEN THAT ONE ALREADY…" at me cos I felt bad/like setting him on fire.) There, that mirror is me, my museum and memory. No shit, patiently doting. I felt like I was on an aircraft carrier for a minute, it was weird. Is it my fault they don't lock the keys to his thing? BP protest last night I fucking made a video instead of throwing a coffee cup, but damn, those zip ties and the lack of back-up makes it tough. Not to mention jail here compared to back home, and the opportunity to inflict damage… What to do? Made kissy with the head cop though. Bitch. See (see?), because I'm a giant and not (yet) in a wheelchair, and because truth be told I don't give a fuck and I'm down for whatever, I am a valuable dude at sporting events, if you get me. Simple question right? "Wanna start a pit?" How's that for a whore ad? Serious inquiries only. Mosh in the store for two minutes then disband, punch Apoo, and like, you know, go shopping.
JOSEPH, I AM RUDE TO EVERYONE. I'll read later, OK? I send notes when I can…
Joseph, I really enjoyed your piece, really funny and it flows very well, only I agree with Math on the fact that perhaps the part oh The Hills, while funny, could be cut a little bit.
Dennis, howdy? I was a bit sick yesterday and am still kinda uhm, meh today, but a lot better than yesterday.Still a bit of headache and general tiredness.
It's funny, I was reading De Sade's 'Justine' and noticed that at some point she gets involved with these really depraved monks who say they are of the order of the Recollets. Hehe, more mysteries down the basement for us?
Joseph, I really enjoyed the piece. I didn't mind the swearing at the beginning, since you keep up the intensity so well. There are a few little typos; I'm guessing someone else has pointed them out already.
Bill
Joseph,
I enjoyed the piece very much. I'm not good at critique, i just know what I like. If your story was printed, I'd totally buy it, that's all i'm saying.
Is there a blog or site where i can find more of your work maybe?
Take care!
Dennis,
this is a great day. It's always so interesting to explore people's art, getting it out there, have new voices heard. So great of you!
I wanted to ask a question but i'll do it next time since i have to run and i don't know how to phrase it effectively.
Chhers for now!
Joseph – i agree with nerstes. There oughta be a law er blog where a reader can find more of your prose and pomes. Sorry about the archaic spelling but I prefer it to poems. I write pomes once in a while but I've never written a poem.
Joseph: I really enjoyed this – more Donald’s voice than anything else, to be honest. I could see that voice handling any subject-matter. Loads of energy. I did wonder who Donald’s telling all this to: it’s obviously not anyone ‘official’, despite the inferred fall-out from having been caught doing what he’s been doing. His therapist, maybe? A writer friend? There’s an assumed shared knowledge, with the Troy stuff and the TV show stuff. Interesting idea, to have something that obviously is written down (the piece) being told to someone who’s urged to write it down. I love how Donald’s ego is so fucking huge there’s more about him than anything else and you have to really dig to follow the story. Someone else said it felt like Brett Easton Ellis? Yeah, it kind of does, if it’s ‘Glamorama’ – my fav Ellis, coincidentally. Again, it’s that voice thing, he sustains that over the whole novel and, like with your piece, Joseph, the actual story has to be excavated from within the voice. Thanks for letting us see it.
Kier: sorry, I owe you a reply from last week. DVDs of the dancing boys surely are available online, I found a couple of sites but everything was in either Urdu or Pashto so I’m not sure how easy ordering would be. Interestingly, I see that several of the clips used in the post have now been ‘removed by owner’, not sure what that’s all about:) Maybe Google bacha bazi and see what comes up?
Dennis: being on the shortlist has already borne fruit in several small ways, yes. The guy I made the stand-up comedy doc with ages ago got back in touch to option the feature film script about the diamond-heisting old ladies (albeit for a nominal amount), so he’s off to try to get me development money for that; the radio drama guy I’m trying to coax a commission from asked to see the Nick Drake submission, and I got another script from the local funding body to do a report on. This all came about of course cos, for the first time, I did one of those cringey mass-email things. Since I don’t have an agent I need to start doing that kind of thing myself. Maybe it’s Scottish self-effacement but it always feels so awkward. But I need to be pragmatic about this stuff, see it for what it is: a tool to be used. Still feels weird.
How’s the novel coming on? Did you get time at it this weekend?
For your entertainment, below is the latest product from BBC Scotland: a 4 part doc about families in a housing scheme / project south of Glasgow – and at last they’ve managed to get decent viewing figures! The audience for this is wiping the floor with the drama audience. Four one-hour eps have been made, two broadcast and the last 2 are being held back for legal reasons, since one of the participants has been arrested for something. Hope you can manage without the subtitles:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSQvIvfeQ3A
Mills, are you a fan?
hey joseph, nice piece. the voice resonates in your ears. it definitely has a real life timbre to it and an intriguing confessional context around it.
i want to third math and oscar b with the Hills stuff. not knowing the show at all that conversation went on a bit too long and my interest waned.
other than that it's a great piece. the opening draws you in and the hints to who the confession is being made and what other thoughts he has kep you reading on.
nice work. keep it up.
dennis, hope you're enjoying your last spring weekend and looking forward to the coming summer days. the only time i've been to paris is summer and i remember the light being great.
ATTENTION JOSEPH!
(take it away, Wystan.)
"It was a spring day, a day, a day for a lay when the air Smelled like a
locker-room, a day to blow or get blown. Returning from lunch I turned
my corner and there On a near-by stoop I saw him standing alone. I
glanced as I advanced. The clean white T-shirt outlined A forceful
torso, the light-blue denims divulged Much. I observed the snug curves
where they hugged the behind, I watched the crotch where the cloth
intriguingly bulged.
Our eyes met, I felt sick. My knees turned weak. I couldn't move. I
didn't know what to say. In a blur I heard words myself like a stranger
speak. "Will you come to my room?" Then a husky voice, "O.K."
I produced some beer and we talked. Like a little boy He told me his
story. Present address next door. Half Polish half Irish The youngest.
From Illinois. Profession mechanic. Name Bud. Age twenty-four.
He put down his glass and stretched his bare arms along The back of my
sofa. The afternoon sunlight struck The blond hairs on the wrist near my
head. His chin was strong, His mouth sucky. I could hardly believe my
luck. And here he was sitting beside me, legs apart.
I could bear it no longer. I touched the inside of his thigh. His reply
was to move closer. I trembled. My heart Thumped and jumped as my
fingers went to his fly. I opened a gap in the flap. I went in there. I
sought for a slit in the gripper shorts that had charge Of the basket I
asked for.
I came to warm flesh then to hair, I went on. I found what I hoped. I
groped. It was large. He responded to my fondling in a charming,
disarming way: Without a word he unbuckled his belt while I felt And
lolled back, stretching his legs. His pants fell away. Carefully drawing
it out, I beheld what I held.
The circumcised head was a work of mastercraft, With perfectly beveled
rim of unusual weight And the friendliest red. Even relaxed, the shaft
Was of noble dimensions with the wrinkles that indicate Singular powers
of extension.
For a second or two, It lay there inert then suddenly stirred in my
hand, Then paused as if frightened or doubtful of what to do, And then
with a violent jerk began to expand. By soundless bounds it extended and
distended, by quick Great leaps it rose, it flushed, it rushed to its
full size.
Nearly nine inches long and three inches thick, A royal column ineffably
solemn and wise. I tested its length and strength with a manual squeeze,
I bunched my fingers and twirled them about the knob, I stroked it from
top to bottom. I got on my knees. I lowered my head. I opened my mouth
for the job.
But he pushed me gently away. He bent down. He unlaced His shoes. He
removed his socks. Stood up. Shed His pants altogether. Muscles in arms
and waist Rippled as he whipped his T-shirt over his head. I scanned his
tan, enjoyed the contrast of brown Trunk against white shorts taut
around small Hips. With a dig and a wriggle he peeled them down. I tore
off my clothes. He faced me smiling. I saw all.
The gorgeous organ stood stiffly and straightly out With a slight flare
upwards. At each beat of his heart it threw An odd little nod my way.
From the slot of the spout Exuded a drop of transparent viscous goo.
The lair of hair was fair, the grove of a young man, A tangle of curls
and whorls, luxuriant but couth. Except for a spur of golden hairs that
fan To the neat navel, the rest of the belly was smooth.
Well hung, slung from the fork of the muscular legs, The firm vase of
his sperm, like a bulging pear, Cradling its handsome glands, two
herculean eggs, Swung as he came towards me, shameless, bare.
We aligned mouths. We entwined. All act was clutch, All fact contact,
the attack and the interlock Of tongues, the charms of arms. I shook at
the touch Of his fresh flesh, I rocked at the shock of his cock.
Straddling my legs a little I inserted his divine Person between and
closed on it tight as I could. The upright warmth of his belly lay all
along mine. Nude, glued together for a minute, we stood. I stroked the
lobes of his ears, the back of his head And the broad shoulders.
I took bold hold of the compact Globes of his bottom. We tottered. He
fell on the bed. Lips parted, eyes closed, he lay there, ripe for the
act. Mad to be had, to be felt and smelled.
My lips Explored the adorable masculine tits. My eyes Assessed the
chest. I caressed the athletic hips And the slim limbs. I approved the
grooves of the thighs. I hugged, I snuggled into an armpit.
I sniffed the subtle whiff of its tuft. I lapped up the taste Of its hot
hollow. My fingers began to drift On a trek of inspection, a leisurely
tour of the waist. Downward in narrowing circles they playfully strayed.
Encroached on his privates like poachers, approached the prick.
But teasingly swerved, retreated from meeting. It betrayed Its pleading
need by a pretty imploring kick. "Shall I rim you?" I whispered. He
shifted his limbs in assent, Turned on his side and opened his legs, let
me pass To the dark parts behind.
I kissed as I went The great thick cord that ran back from his balls to
his arse. Prying the buttocks aside, I nosed my way in Down the shaggy
slopes. I came to the puckered goal. It was quick to my licking. He
pressed his crotch to my chin. His thighs squirmed as my tongue wormed
in his hole.
His sensations yearned for consummation. He untucked His legs and lay
panting, hot as a teen-age boy. Naked, enlarged, charged, aching to get
sucked, Clawing the sheet, all his pores open to joy.
I inspected his erection. I surveyed his parts with a stare From scrotum
level. Sighting along the underside Of his cock, I looked through the
forest of pubic hair To the range of the chest beyond rising lofty and
wide. I admired the texture, the delicate wrinkles and the neat Sutures
of the capacious bag.
I adored the grace Of the male genitalia. I raised the delicious meat Up
to my mouth, brought the face of its hard-on to my face. Slipping my
lips round the Byzantine dome of the head, With the tip of my tongue I
caressed the sensitive groove. He thrilled to the trill. "That's
lovely!" he hoarsely said.
"Go on! Go on!" Very slowly I started to move. Gently, intently, I slid
to the massive base Of his tower of power, paused there a moment down In
the warm moist thicket, then began to retrace Inch by inch the smooth
way to the throbbing crown.
Indwelling excitements swelled at delights to come As I descended and
ascended those thick distended walls. I grasped his root between left
forefinger and thumb
And with my right hand tickled his heavy voluminous balls. I plunged
with a rhythmical lunge steady and slow, And at every stroke made a
corkscrew roll with my tongue.
His soul reeled in the feeling. He whimpered, "Oh!" As I tongued and
squeezed and rolled and tickled and swung. Then I pressed on the spot
where the groin is joined to the cock, Slipped a finger into his arse
and massaged him from inside. The secret sluices of his juices began to
unlock.
He melted into what he felt. "O Jesus!" he cried. Waves of immeasurable
pleasures mounted his member in quick Spasms. I lay still in the notch
of his crotch inhaling his sweat His ring convulsed round my finger.
Into me, rich and thick, His hot spunk spouted in gouts, spurted in jet
after jet."
Joseph, I really enjoyed that, thank you. Loved the bit on Spencer, it's really true.
the rest was a turn on 😉
dennis, ah ah ah I emailed you a secret after seeing those photos of the rehearsals you posted earlier. But I could well say it out loud I suppose.. I have a gigantic crush on Jonathan Schatz haha. Like seriously.
Also, sad indeed that the cocorosie/bianca artspace is gone. Still amazed how they get all this stuff done though. I will work on a cocorosie day and let you know when I'm happy enough to post/host <3
I'm really scared still about Jamie. I will go up and say hi I think, I'm not sure. I kinda have been emailing him on and off… usually after having sexual dreams about him. awkward.
Lagerfeld Confidential is playing on the Sundance Channel right now. Karl sez "It's easy to act out grand emotions. It's much harder to give a good blow-job."
SO true.
hi guys, my zine Flesh World (#5) has sold out, and i'm thinking of reprinting it. so if anyone here's interested in getting a copy, let me know! that way i can figure out how many copies to print.
it's cheap! (and nice), and has work by these brilliant distinguished locals:
Paul Curran
Thomas Moore
Oscar B. De Allessi
Saint Flit/Flit
Nick Brooke/Stoopidslappedpuppies
Jonny Liron
Marc Hulson/Tender Prey
Mieze
here's more about it: LINK.
hey dennis, when i have more copies i'm resending your and oscar's. i think there's a good chance the ones i sent are on their way back, for whatever reason, but that always takes very long. whichever happens first is coming your way. my weekend's been horrible. i hope yours was the opposite.
I got later to this than I normally do the Worshop things, so most of my thoughts have already been expressed.
Really liked the whole mad I've just got to come this second aspect of it.
I think I know 'who' the narrator is talking to. Didn't Joseph work in prisons as a guy who takes down statements from folk who've been arrested? Well I think that's who he talking too – saying his courtroom statement in jail.
Also that might be why the CAPS – maybe that has to be done to signify shouting.
Oh and having googled Brody Jenner it added a whole lot more to the erotics.
Though the name makes it sound like he should be on the cover of one of Lisa Simpsons' Non Threataning Boys magazines.
Jax I didn't watch that Scottish Scum program – well its real title The Scheme just turned me off. I can't bear to see those people in real life let alone on TV.
It's great that things are happening for you.
I remember the diamond-heisting old ladies! Thought that was great. Don't know why that wasn't snapped up. Until now…
What does a pulsing ear mean? I looked it up on the net and it was 'tumour'. Though 'usually benign'.It's like when you run and you get the blood pulsing, though I haven't run since about 1975.
kier, My copy arrived in an envelope that had come completely unsealed. I remember thinking it was lucky the contents hadn't slipped out in transit. Could that have been the problem? Sorry about your weekend but hope it's turning better.
Joseph,
First, I kind of wish I’d remembered to ask you if you wanted to write a prefatory few sentences or paragraph noting what in particular it was about the piece that concerned you or that you were especially hoping to get feedback on in the workshop context. It’s late now, but I’m curious: is there something in or about the piece that you felt might not be working to your satisfaction? If so, do you feel the issues were addressed in the feedback?
I thought the piece was terrific. I was grabbed straight off and just flew through it, impressed and really amused all the way. There wasn’t anything that struck me as an obvious problem, in fact. Between the streaking, pell mell energy and the consistently well-chiseled prose, I was sold, and I didn’t find that my close attention and basic delight flagged at all.
I haven’t watched any of those reality shows/stars you mention, and I only vaguely know what they look like and what they represent, but it didn’t really matter to me since it seemed like the narrator’s interest in them was the defining point, and the jokes and references weren’t so specific that I felt like I was missing inferences or anything. Still, a few people here seemed to think the ‘Hills’ sequence could be trimmed, and I’m a great believer in removing anything in a piece that doesn’t absolutely need to be there, so, even though I think it’s a totally optional choice, I guess you could think about thinning that portion out.
Similarly, while the repeated ‘fucking’ in the first few sentences didn’t bother me like it did others, you could easily lose one of them and not miss a thing. I personally really liked the sporadic but glaring use of ALL CAPS, and I think the main reason is because I thought it broke up the long paragraph visually and rhythmically. Long, unbroken paragraphs can sometimes look too solid and intimidating, and they can ward impatient readers off at a glance, obviously. I generally like long unbroken paragraphs and shortish unbroken novels. Still, I did find the fact that the piece was prominently studded with words and phrases IN ALL CAPS to be exciting on the eyes. It was sort of like, I don’t know … like those brightly colored holds you'll sometimes see in a climbing wall or something. I like the way they look, and, while reading, whenever I hit one of the CAPPED words or phrases, it would cause this kind of brief stall-out in the piece’s speedy rhythm or something, and I liked being a little jarred at those points too. (Warning: this observation could easily be totally idiosyncratic and kind of insane, ha ha).
Basically, I thoroughly and unendingly enjoyed myself right through the fantastic last two sentences. I thought the way that final sentence couplet suddenly and yet gracefully brought the rant to a satisfying conclusion was especially impressive. I wouldn’t have thought the fierce energy of the piece could abate so completely in so few words. That ending is kind of a total knock out. I wish I had some quibbles for you because that’s always more interesting, but I was taken, basically. If you want to know anything specific, just ask.
The main thing is, now I want to know what the rest of the long piece is like? How does this section fit in formally, structurally, and in terms of the narrative? Are the short, separate squibs of prose that you place at the top and bottom of the piece transitions in some way? If you don’t mind explaining the larger context, I’d be very interested to know. If not, cool too, of course. Respect, Joseph. You’re just a very and awfully good writer, and this piece was a real pleasure.
alan, really? wow, that just sucks, they were well sealed up when they left me, but i'll definitely be taping all envelopes excessively from now on. if that is what happened, i hope some french postal worker enjoys them, personal notes to strangers included.
did this happen to anyone else? i'm pretty sure dennis and oscar are the only ones who haven't received theirs yet. if not, let me know!
larry, has yours gotten to you yet?
wv: cryptic
kier, Yeah, I meant to tell you. It looked like a weird glue failure. I mean, it had obviously be sealed at one time. Love the zine, btw.
Hey Joseph – Wonderful stuff. I love digressions. Very funny. It makes me even want to check out the Hills sometime. There is a real swagger to this too that I really find appealing.
Hey Dennis,
So I had a thought. Tell me if it's to nerdy. So I'm reading Burroughs' The Soft Machine for the first time (!) and of course I love it but, this being Burroughs, I don't really understand it yet and I'd love to talk to people about it. So, I had an idea: A DCs book club. Somebody suggests a book, people on the blog have some time to read it, and then there is a day where everybody comments on the book, and then comments on the comments, in the Comments. And course the book could be something cool and maybe obscure or maybe a lost classic. I don't know about that. Maybe it could get real democratic and we could vote on the book. You could become the gay transgressive Oprah*. This is my idea.
b
*Unless of course Oprah is already the gay transgressive Oprah.
Latest FaBlog: And Now A Message From The Secretary of Defense
Re. Joseph Goosey: What Dennis said. It gave me a hard-on. There is no higher honor.
Re "The Soft Machine" — ot was originally part of the manuscript that became "Naked Lunch." But Allen Ginsberg wisely suggested it be a book unto itself.
Joseph, loved the rhythm of this piece. The main section was amusing, I read it in one slippery slide, I read it only once, was happy and floaty at the end.
Then, the last section (four sentences?), really got me. That last line is fantastic. It sent me right back to the top, and then, of course, I wanted to read more of the piece. It made the whole thing change from fun/good to something seriously intriguing, challenging even.
Felt it could be proofed a bit more, tho perhaps there was a reason for that, I copied this while I was reading as I tripped over the sense here:
if I girl could get me hard, Audrina would totally get me hard as a fucking rock. Yeah, Heidi isn’t perfect, but she can’t still do way better than that Spencer creep
Anyway, thanks and good luck with this.
Kier hey, I've just this weekend done some neccessary shuffling of my paypal details so that I can order FLESHWORLD, so, please, count me in.
Dennis Hey there, how goes? I'd been meaning to ask you a couple of things but haven't got around to it, and then, tragically, one of the questions was re. your thoughts on Leslie Scalapino. I discovered her work in the last couple of weeks and have been reading and re-reading this things she wrote called 'Considering how exaggerated music is'. It completely blew/blows me away. I'm new to her but her voice feels familiar in some weird way that actually makes me feel quite emotional (writing this now)
as she died today or yesterday, don't know which, can't really believe it, feel sad.
Second question feels a bit less emotional, but, yeah, here goes, what are your thoughts on Synecdoche, New York?
I hadn't got Being J Malkovich or Eternal Sunshine the way some people I know had so wasn't really expecting much and I completely loved it!!!
Anyway, that's all. Have a great day.
Joseph, There's not much I'd change. I really liked how it was build around digression, loved that obvious putting off, and wanted that to keep going, didn't mind not coming back to the point, but when it came I thought you handled it very well. So yeah, didn't mine the over-emphasis, seemed to fit, but I guess you could pull it back a bit, but not too much, regardless of the references. It's a lovely piece, thanks for sharing.
Dennis, I hope the text/visuals for 'This Is How You Will Disappear' gets sorted out. Still, very interesting to read and think about your thoughts on the ins and out of that process.
Kier, I love that 'cheap and nice'. I got 'There's Something Down There' in the post too! Josh sent it again. Really beautiful! Alan, that's not the glue, it's the flesh.
Mills, how long has the ear been pulsing? And is it just one ear? One of my ears used to get really hot for no apparent reason, like it would go totally scarlet and feel on fire…then it would all stop.
If you are worried maybe call NHS 24?
And the reaosn you gave for not watching 'The Scheme' i.e I can't bear to see 'those people' etc etc is the very reason you should watch it. It's just really engrossing, part horrifying part touching. Maybe give it a chance?
Every time I scroll down to click on here I am dazzled by Jay Brannan's beauty.
hey dennis
I GOT A NEW COMPUTER! it's a toshiba laptop, omfg you should experience this thing! it's ready to use in, like, twenty seconds! it doesn't freeze! there aren't any viruses! it's got windows 7! i can do computer stuff in my bedroom! i feel relaxed and i've got privacy and IT'S NEW AND PRETTY AND I WANNA CUDDLE IT UNTIL i dunno stuff happens or whatever? like until i exude, i wanna say EXUDE pastel liquid or a kind of fullness
UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH
that is me humping my new computer. it's the best way i know to convey love.
i feel scared that i need to tell my parents about me moving to england. i feel limited. like i don't have the capacity to talk with them about it. i get embarrassed every time i daydream it. fuck.
hey justin
awww, gio black peter is dreamy! i wanna get me some leggings. i pulled a bunch of stuff down from the attic a couple days ago, clothes i believed i didn't wanna wear anymore but i missed them. it's weird, using such words in relation to clothes, but it's kind of not weird too, cuz wearing something and existing in the world with it adorning one's body creates many severe and powerful emotions. when i put on a vest with skinny cords and there's a little paunch i like that i'm like a girl. living through the operation of one's feelings, their enormity and physical effects, like when i wrote what i just did and i knew i could cry. i dunno.
hey sypha
i've not experienced much of jewel's music, but i bet she's fun and better than coldplay. i've got two of their albums, i don't really know why.
hey joseph
i'm terrible at critiquing writing, and art in general, but i really, really, really liked this. re. the brody jenner stuff: like dennis, i've not got much knowledge of the hills etc, and like dennis, it didn't bother me. the length and everything of that part felt totally cool to me. anyway, yeah, i just think it's great and i'd love to read more of your writing. thank you for sharing it with us, kier's right, it's a really brave thing to do.
hey kier
i'd love to purchase a copy of FLESH WORLD. i'm really sorry your weekend's been crappy *hugs*
darren
xoxo
Dennis, everyone: Here is me magically speaking Italian on Italian television.
Jax it's just the right ear. Not really pounding hard – if I put my finger in it stops it.
I forgot about NHS 24. I'll try that or the docs.
OK I'll watch the next ep of Dole Class Scumville! But if it's the usual Neighbours From Hell (who make the majority of the working class's lives horrible) being excused their moronic behaviour by middle class wankers who've never had to have anything to do with them – well, I shall be most jolly annoyed.
Dennis,
Memorial Day = Charcoal, Beef, Beer, Green Grass and bunches of little kids running around the back yard being squirted with garden hoses not knowing they live in a dysfunctional life distorting ZOO they cannot possibly thrive in. Memorial Day is a combination of Happy and Sad.
If only they could go to the basement of Recollets with Oscar B.
Will
Hey everybody. First, a massive, sweeping thank you to all for the read, time, input, compliments, critiques, and everything/anything else.
Bill- Thanks man!
Dandysweets- I would never have any problem with being compared to BEE, that's of course a ridiculous sort of honor. Thanks for your input.
Kier- yeah, critiquing is pretty difficult in general. Brody Jenner, for me, is a simultaneous bone killer, bringer. i guess that shows though, huh.
DavidEhrenstein- I did my best to capture the essence of the blow-job. Thank you. Ha! And that story! yes!
David- got your other email. will holler back soon. thanks!
Alan- thanks for the compliment alan. I've got to admit I didn't really get what you were saying about emphasis until Math seconded it. But then I got ya. thanks for the input. that was something i was not worried about exactly but still def playing around with.
Math- damn, thanks for the thorough input Math. I'll mess around first in my head, maybe on paper, with your suggestions.
Ken Baumann- Hey Ken! Glad you enjoyed the piece. I like what you're saying about the longer/shorter either or but either way go all out.
The Dreadful Flying Glove- I think you've def. pinned the voice down. The repetition of fucking at the beginning is something i am on the fence about. I think I once deleted a lot only to put back in even more. I'll consider the relative fuckability. Thank you!
Flit- thanks Flit. I suppose this character is from the East Coast. I think for some reason i made everybody in the whole be from the east coast but not necessarily from anywhere exactly. I didn't even know that switchover was in there, so yeah, thanks for pointing that out. But now that I know it's there, maybe I like it somehow as adding to the slim reliability of Donald? Hm…
JWveldhoen- ha, don't worry.
Oscar B- thanks Oscar B!
Bill- hey thanks Bill. Yeah, the typos i really need to go through with a very tiny read pen ( most of them, i might leave a little bit of the grammatical ones) I wrote this thing with the intense carelessness of the narrator here, so naturally those typos got in. i found a lot as opposed to the first time around, but there's still so many probably.
Nerstes, thanks Nerstes! I don't have a blog, but I do have a bunch of shit floating around out there. some terrible, some ok, some i like. thanks for your interest
Jax, hey Jax, i kinda want who the characters in this thing on the whole are talking to to be pretty vague, 'cause mainly i guess, i want them to be talking to YOU but also i don't want it to be too out there. but yeah, this guy is giving a kind of statement in prison. holy shit, thanks for the glamorama likening, that's my favorite BEE too.
Paradigm, thanks for thirding. if something gets thirded it definitely should be looked at. thanks for the kind words.
Koes, yeah, Spencer's such a shit! glad it was a turn on. that's part of it's job.
JoeM, Hey JoeM, thanks for the kind words. But yeah, you nailed it, that's what this dude (and everybody else in this whole work, aside of course from those two pieces at the beginning and end of the monologue) is doing. I'm trying to have it be like half obvious half not.
Dennis! Hey Dennis. Thanks an absurd amount for the opportunity and your time and words on this. Something I was specifically looking to get feedback on was the repetition of "fuck/fucking" that's an issue throughout several voices in the manuscript and i've been toying around with it a lot. i wasn't sure if it just seemed like filler by an author who liked the word fuck or was being juvenile. the caps too, I've had a love hate relationship with and really like what you say about breaking up long paragraph. I may end up trimming this "hills sequence" (esp. cause it actually pops up again elsewhere and we can only take so much) i like insane observations. they make perfect feedback. The structure of the excerpt here is indicative of the structure of the whole manuscript like short seemingly unrelated/lyric/monologue/short seemingly unrelated lyric ish thing. each of those short parts in some way kind of hints toward the monologue to follow and then the ones afterward somehow comment upon the monologue which just happened. serving as transitions and also have their own thing forming within them. Thank you so much Dennis, for you kind words, they mean a whole fucking lot.
Brendan- You should check out the hills. I've never heard anything referred to as swagger (literary wise) and I like that.
Pascal- thanks!!!
Paul Curran, i'll try to pull the reins on the emphasis/see what i can do. thanks for your words man.
Molto Bene Ken!
This is for you.
Dennis: Oh, I won't push my luck. But I am going to change things up a bit, with my new work permit – did I mention I had a new work permit? I'm legal again – and the rest of it. And we signed a new contract yesterday, for a place in the bush, at the end of the bus line.
I always feel on the verge of something, lately. Not sure what it is, though.
Joseph: Very interesting piece, and a very strong voice – it's really clear what the method of narration is from the start. I instantly started thinking of Burroughs – I don't know if you think that's good or not, but I didn't think in the derivative sense, but rather in the stream of consciousness, perpetual, uncorrectable narrative. What's said can't be unsaid, what's written can't be unwritten.
Far too early for me to think coherently, though: I have to go to the gym. I might come back later and add more.
The thing about the story that I enjoy the most is it really feels like you're in someones head hearing their thoughs. It's just one long train of thought. The coolest thing is someone else noticed Spencers creepy flesh colored beard, I've never set through an episode of the Hills but he's a running gag on The Soup.
Are there Wal-Marts in Paris, if not then I assume you're safe. What about the Michael Clarke Dance Company? They do some pretty transgressive dances pieces.
Little Foal, yes Gio Black Peter is amazing, and he has a cover of Adam Ants "Goody Two Shoes". Well, with something like dull everyday clothes there's really no attachment for me, unless it's a designer label then it's like a work of art.
Hey Dennis,
It's been a while since I messaged you as 'nooneisfun'
I have to tell you something. I recently completed a film, one which I'll be screening at Echo Park Film Center this coming Tuesday. It's a video game adventure on sex and porn, aaaand two of the characters are inspired by your work, namely "Calhoun" & "Ziggy." Everything else is my own creation, but the names I owe to you.
In an unfortunate turn of events and interesting circumstances, the model that plays 'Calhoun' in the film committed suicide two weeks ago in Seattle. He was a dear friend and it gives me an eerie feeling about this film now. One, which I don't know how to market for myself since I have no intention of vying for the attention of Hollywood industry people. I want to do my own thing.
You can check out the trailer here: http://www.vimeo.com./tactandcrime
hope you're well man.
Oscar
Joseph – fun piece, i've not much very compelling to say, though the coda is pretty incredible.
RIP Dennis Hopper, indeed.
Joseph: I was most taken with the comedy of your piece. There seems to be a shift right around the 'bi-polar cock' line. Upon re-reading, I didn't detect the same shift. That could be because I was already grinning from the first read. When I mention another author that someone's work reminds me of, I can never fully explain why my brain connects whatever dots. With you, my brain said, 'Henry Miller.' Then it questioned itself. Then it stayed there. I don't know why. Very nice work. I'm interested in the narrative structure of the whole that this is part of.
Dandysweets: Jay Brannan seems a nice, plucky guy. I'm smitten. His voice is gorgeous. His demeanor is that innocent-but-come-hither-and-see-if-I-lie deal. He hit most of the sexy buttons on my map. The only thing I could wish for was that he'd be a little bitter. Ha.
Dennis: With little blurbs about Adam and the Ants going by these last few days, I gotta join in and say I fucking love them. When I ran across their vinyl stuff in my toppling library a few months ago, I thought, shit, not junior high again. I was going to put them in the same 'redirect' pile as Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Cher, and Van Halen, but I ended up listening to them and bouncing all over the apt. in a really good way.
Gonna go out on the balcony and smoke a joint and watch the suburbanites trickle north from their tweekend at DEMF. These kids are particularly high-pitched. Doesn't really sound like the D. tonight.
Out.
N.
Joseph, I really liked your piece. I didn't get the beginning and ending parts, though, but I'm not that smart. Is there more to it? Loved the bit about the guy's mouth being constantly hot and pop culture fascinates me, even when it's iredeemable, so I really liked the bits about Brody Jenner. And yeah, Spencer Pratt can definitely kill a boner. The only thing is, it reminded me of those valley girls (whom I also love) like Cher from Clueless! and Allison Poole from Story of My Life (your story is way better than that book too, in my opinion) so I sort of forget he was a guy at times, until there'd be mentions of him being hard. I think that's just me, though.
Hey Dennis,
I've thought about hiring escorts, but never have the money and I'd probably be one of those ones that end up talking the whole time so always went against it.
I'm sorrowful about Bendy. I realized today how sorrowful so thank for you the sorry, I guess. I mean, it'll be okay, eventually, but thank you anyway.
I'm glad setting the date was so easy. For some reason I had assumed it would be dragged out for a long time.
I didn't even remember about Memorial Day. Oops.
Well I just slept a lot this weekend. Every single thing I did exhausted me, so I just ended up watching movies the whole time. Movie, sleep, movie, sleep, movie, sleep. I had one strange dream where I drank perfume from a wine glass, so that seems unpleasant. Movies:
Mountain of the Cannibal God – not the best, not the worst. Actual decent acting (I think, the dubbing wasn't fantastic) and not that many animal killings for this type of movie, so that's good. Typical plot but the cannibals looked intimidating, so that was refreshing.
Stage Fright – one of the best Italian slashers ever made. Not a giallo, though, which I thought it would be. The owl mask was creepy and some suspenseful moments, my favorite involving a key in the floorboards.
The Sect/La Setta – another Soavi and I think I love him. He seems to like soft white floating things (the feathers at the end of Stage Fright, those flame things (I think they were souls?) in Dellamorte Dellamore) and it's used quite a bit here. Along with a lot of rabbits and one very cool scene of water rushing through the pipes. Probably one of my favorite 'Devil's Spawn' movies. Here's a dream: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdfYeTLWlzY
Vampyres – really really liked this one. They aren't really 'vampires', though: two lovers who pick up strangers on the road and then take them back to their castle and fuck them and rip their throats out. But they don't have fangs, can tolerate the sun and seem to have emotions, but not the whiny kind that vampires are so often handed these days. Some beautiful scenes in this one, too.
I tried to write, because I really, really wanted to, but whenever I sat down it just went blank, and it really pissed me off, so I threw the notebook across the room and then realized how much I miss/am going to miss Bendy, and then felt incredibly stupid, because I don't think I have a right to feel that way.
I know that sucked, but I'm seriously so incredibly tired. I'll try to be more alive tomorrow and if you want I'll give you better reviews, if I can. How was your weekend, Dennis?
hey joseph..
I like the capitols cus after you read the piece, the capitols make their own tone poem. should be more. But people reading have odd associations with capitols, thinking it means "shouting" but that is not what you meant I am thinking. Punctuation, capitols, italics are things that need to be abused more and more to jar a reading mind out of what they assume words should be or should look like. I like your dashes and text changes. I say turn that up a notch cus writing is as visual as it is imagined and the pull you have started between the two- I mean a very contemporary voice with weird text – is cool. Reminds me of Stein (her play with language, but not the blowjob part, obv.)…
Ah the poetics of a blowjob –
the Penis. Fancy male chicken with fine plumage, Le Coq.
what is the etymology of "blowjob" anyway? "Once there was a wind god…who stumbled upon an obelisk…" as the Greek myth goes…or "…on the 8th day, God invented the vacuum".
dennis,
nice band i like now: The Fuck Buttons. nice. you like.
Karl Lagerfeld has a penis?
Joseph, I really like your piece. I think some of its strengths are: 1. the way the writing and flow mirror the narrator's psychopathy or at least jumbled way of thinking about/seeing things; 2. the slow release of details about what he did; 3. the ambiguity about where he is exactly; and 4. his deflection of the 'seriousness' of what he did with his tangential thoughts about TV shows and characters.
I also like the bit at the end where he becomes the victim in an over-the-top pc sort of way – great satire there. Especially as current popular culture is satirized throughout with the TV references, the gay cliches, etc.
The only thing I had a problem with – or not a problem, really, but just didn't get or whatever – was the intro and the outro parts concerning Krista. I just couldn't figure out how she fit in. Or not. Which was maybe the point? It could be reader error, too; it wouldn't be the first time for me, hehe.
Joseph, sorry I didn't comment on your piece this weekend, it's just healthwise I wasn't feeling up to it and I didn't want to give half-assed advice. I will read it over the next few days though and get back to you. Well, you're on here all the time anyway.
Dennis, I guess I'll always have a soft spot for Lucas because of the first three Star Wars movies in the 70s-early 80s. Though he totally bit balls by putting those fucking ewoks in Return of the Jedi. Take those fuckers out and it would've been as good as the first two. He really jumped the shark there for me. And what the fuck is up with his scripts? He should let Kevin Smith write his scripts while he just supplies the effects.
Fuck, I've been having you in a lot of dreams recently. Last night was a weird one. You were giving up the blog – and handing it over to my friend who is in prison for 15 years. You met up with all of us to go over our projects and make sure we're all on course. My prison friend was there with his ex-wife, whose hair was shaggy twink boy short and she had facial hair.
Then I find myself asleep and dreaming that I'm in this underground library of sorts, but the shelves are full of murdered children preserved in their final bodily positions, all cut up and bruised and whatnot. There's this scientist there and he's studying Adam Walsh's body; he shows me where he was raped.
Then he takes me around the far side of shelves to show me out. As we're walking down the aisle, he's closing a door on every row so Adam can't see or hear us and he keeps repeating, "You must kill the story. Kill the story."
As I leave, Adam's caught up to him and is talking to him, nude, cut up, etc.
I wake up in my dream and see you and say, "How much stake do you put in dreams?" Then I woke up for real.
the last WWi vet in America, 109, signed up for service at 16, lying about his age. He now wants a WWI memorial in Washington (there actually isn't one).
I want to play a video game.
Let's play how to plug the oil spew in the gulf. First level, You have to clean off all these animals: birds, turtles, manatees, see grass in order to build strength to go to the next level. Next level is burying dead dolphins, manatees, endangered Ridley's sea turtles and whales that wash up on the shore.
Third level is penetrating corporate headquarters, slaughtering said white collar workers and attempting to plug the spew with their "top kill" made out of corporate greed and body fat.
Then hack the BP corporate brain, infiltrate and destroy…and then save the fuckin princess.
BP's twitter was hacked. haha.
Joseph: I can really only reiterate what the others have said. This was superb, superlative, super. I agree with the others here – it reminded me of Bret Ellis, although The Rules of Attraction actually, but lightyears more wry and involuted and deftly alight. More deeply, however, it brought Benjamin Weissman's stories to my mind. Have you read him? This reminded me of his stuff in many excellent ways.
I love that it manages to strike all these arousing formulations in seemingly confessing its own actions/reactions that are, in a sense, efforts to entice, secure charisma, approval, and its frenzied pell-mell momentum is driven by its desire to not allow it to lose its face for a moment. I actually found this a turn-on, rare for any piece of writing, and I loved that something so – well – candidly superficial could do that to me: it both excites and rubs out sexual meaning at the same time. That ability to write pornographically and discursively without one undoing the other is really virtuosic: it shows a remarkable performative ability on your part and a massive mastery of voice and effect.
At first, I actually wasn't hugely fussed on the first coda element – people, not divisions thereof etc. – until the rest followed and I think it's amazing that you manage to totally problematize that very precious sentiment we have about looking past the divisions in people to the 'real' them, when the 'real' them is almost definitionally not a pleasing sight.
To some of the suggestions made here: whatever you do, DO NOT lose the caps. That is so critical to the gossipy swirliness of the voice: removing them would lower the octave of the thing into a seriousness that would defeat the conceptual enjambment that the over-the-topness brings out. I'd also add that I don't think this section – going by its merits alone – needs to be shortened. I think the loquaciousness is again integral to the piece and too minimalist a voice would make this thing anemic.
I really think that any possible advice I could have for this would have to take into account its placement in the wider work that you're writing, because as a modulated piece from a larger effort, it only makes me curious to know more. Possibly this kind of ranging chattiness could become tiresome in very large quantities but I also picture, based on the relative shortness of this excerpt, that it's only one voice amongst others?
I'd really love to see more of this, at some point, if you're ever looking for a reader. It's amazing.
Coop: Hey man. Still not so slick over here, this flu wont quite let its grip on me go. Don't have much to say or report today I'm afraid. Have been reading Emile Zola's Therese Raquin, which is the quite excellent novel about an adulterous-murder affair in Paris. It's really lushly descriptive of the city – in a sort of ashenly oppressive way, but Paris has grandeur even when in its pits, of course. Makes me want to visit big time.
Alan: Out of curiosity, are you a fan of Zola? I'm reading Terese Raquin, I've never read anything of his before now, and for some reason its quite disciplined and procedural but highly eloquent and allegorical sentences – plus its interest in the propulsions of desire and murder – reminded me of your writing.
JoeM: no, The Scheme is just finding the drama in ordnary lives is all – and you'll have to watch the first 2 eps on YouTube cos the last two are being held back from broadcast cos someone in it is part of an ongoing police investigation, apparently.
You wait: you;ll be drawn in:)
Your ear just sounds like a blood-pressure related thing ratehr than a tumour. What you're hearing is literally just your blood pulsing?
But yeah, NHS 24 are all right, despite their bad press. If you;re worried, they should reassure you.
Hi Dennis
yeah i like the gallery and it would be great. but im not getting my hopes up. its more great to have work in a show, as its been a while. reread most of Daniel Brinbaum's Chronology this weekend, its one of my favourite books on video art/extended cinema.
hope your weekend was great! mine was meh but a good meh.
*Joseph
i liked what i see so far! the stuff about the hills made me lol im looking forward to more and cant wait. (sorry for the lack of in depth response but brain-coffee=no worky yet)
*kier
my flesh world came all nice and dandy not open at all.
Wow I just noticed that I am coming up as 'Brendan' now and not 'blendin' – I'm not sure why this is. Hmmm
Well, I finally saw that film they made based on 'The Informers'. I have to agree with everyone, it really, really sucks. Boring, melodramatic in the wrong way, too conventional, too obvious, etcetera, etcetera. Awful.
R.I.P. Dennis Hopper.
I can't wait to see Gus Van Sant's new film, 'Restless', where Hopper's son plays the main character.
How do I DM this motherfucker? Comment on something from 13 years ago? It’s like a mobius strip of frustration going on around here! Contact? Go to web log. Web log? Comment so the whole world can see.
Is nothing private anymore? Is this an IQ test? 3.14159………or something. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a start!
Dennis??? You out there??? I have some questions!!!