The blog of author Dennis Cooper

Spotlight on … Urs Allemann Babyfucker (1991) *

* (restored)

 

‘When I interviewed Urs Allemann about his book Babyfucker in the spring of 2010, my family was outraged, and understandably so. Less than a month had passed since my mother divorced her husband, my stepfather of twenty years, after discovering that he had lived a secret life for almost the entire extent of the marriage, including sexually abusing my older sister throughout her childhood. It was not that my family opposed the idea of a book like Babyfucker so much as they could not understand why I would ever willingly associate myself with the words “baby” and “fucker,” especially only eleven months after learning about my sister’s abuse. Their approach was to get over “it” as quickly as possible. However, I was not so sure that this was something I wanted to move beyond; I didn’t want “it” to lose its shock value.

‘Excessive books like Babyfucker elicit excessive reactions. Excess, here, can be defined as that which is more than necessary, or desirable. Not only is the act of “babyfucking” an extremely rare occurrence in the realm of sexual abuse, the setting of the book is also excessive. In fact, it is all but impossible to imagine, except, perhaps, as a bad acid trip. The book opens: “I fuck babies. Around my bed there are creels. They’re swarming with babies. They’re all here. Always have been. Always will be.” As Allemann noted in our interview, “These sentences have no place in a realistic story [and] definitively exceed every notion of reality that claims to be adequate to reality.” More specifically, the last two “create a context that corresponds perfectly to the timeless present of the sentence ‘I fuck babies.’” As I was all too aware, nothing can be as it has “always been, always will be.”

‘Excessive responses to the book typically range from horror, disgust, and outrage to that other extreme, extreme insouciance, or denial, embodied by those who shrug off the very idea that they could be shocked by a book, no matter its content. A popular reaction to Babyfucker: “The author is merely trying to shock. So what?” However, if shocking behavior, i.e., writing something shocking, is nothing more than a shameless attempt to get attention, it is also an individual’s desperate attempt to be recognized, to be seen or heard. Allemann has suggested that the narrator of Babyfucker has lost the “certainty that he exists” and attempts “to catapult himself back into existence with an extreme sentence.” In this sense, I imagine the narrator as a kind of fanatic, stammering to himself in the desolate abyss of a dank attic, driven not by any specific appetite or longing, but by the absolute conviction that if he ceases, even for a second, to utter his sentence (“I fuck babies”), the very narrative of his life with dissolve, and he will be left only with the excessive frustration and confusion of his suffering.

‘The Babyfucker is helpless. His “extreme sentence,” and his belief in the power of it, is a kind of cure for his excessive vulnerability. That is, the vulnerability we all experience as animals who cannot easily identify what we want, and even if we can identify it, may not be able to get it, much less keep it. Worse: we may discover that desire, and its twin suffering, no matter how excessive, may lead us nowhere. “I fuck babies” is the narrator’s conviction, his fact, safe haven, which is to say, also a fantasy. One he must return to again and again, not because it gives him any identifiable pleasure, but because it keeps him hopeful in his very uncertain and meaningless world.

‘When I found Babyfucker—or rather when it found me—I was still actively grappling with the significance, perhaps even “meaning,” of the wild, roving ache I felt on a daily basis as a result of the dissolution of my family. Of course, during these months, I wrote next to nothing. (It was unfortunate that I was enrolled in an MFA program for creative writing.) As an avid reader, I was also horrified to discover that no book could hold my attention: they all felt so trivial. Every book, except Babyfucker. Since my pain was still too ripe, I could not dismiss it as “just a book” or “some pervert’s riff.” I was immediately intrigued by the beauty, the hypnotic elegance, of Allemann’s prose. It’s true: the thing I found most interesting, initially, was not that Babyfucker served as a potent reminder of the “power of literature,” but rather, that “monstrosity can’t be beautified away by skillful prose pirouettes” (Allemann). That is—no amount of gloss or spin can sublate the horror of a monstrous act.’ — Elizabeth Hall

 

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Further

Urs Allemann @ Wikipedia
Babyfucker @ goodreads
Three Books Blurring the Borders of Memory and Reality
Babyfucker Blog Project: Jessalyn Wakefield
Babyfucker Blog Project: J.A. Tyler
Babyfucker Blog Project: Lily Hoang
Babyfucker Blog Project: M. Kitchell
Babyfucker Blog Project: Jon R.
The Old Man and the Bench – Urs Allemann
Urs Allemann’s Beginnings
Wüst gedacht, brav gemacht
Buy ‘Babyfucker’

 

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A FURTHER READING OF URS ALLEMANN’S BABYFUCKER (WITH DRIPPING FAUCET) Concerto No3 for 2-7 Voices

Created by Daniele Pantano & David Kelly/Erkembode for Enemies of the North

First public screening: 30 March 2013, The Cornerhouse, Manchester, UK

Words/Sounds: Daniele Pantano
Visuals: David Kelly/Erkembode

 

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Extras


Urs Allemann bei Sprachsalz 2011


Urs Allemann zu Gast bei Züri Littéraire im Kaufleuten


Freemix la segunda (Urs Allemann, Suiza)

 

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Interview
from Tarpaulin Sky

 

What prompted you to write Babyfucker? Did it start as an idea, a sentence, question, challenge?

It wasn’t an idea. It was an image. An image in my head. A vexing image. An image that was just suddenly there. Without reminding me of anyone or anything. Without eliciting any feeling in me. That’s what was vexing. A challenge. And then suddenly the sentence was there. As a response to the image? As an escape? As self-defense? I don’t know. “I fuck babies.” And then there was the decision to attempt to extract something like a story from this terrible sentence.

Your prose is often hypnotic. Babyfucker evokes its own associative logic by which words generate further words, creating a dazzling rhythmic trip. Yet the beauty of your prose is offset by the disturbing nature of the text. Everything hinges on the monstrous “I fuck babies.” Why did you choose that sentence specifically?

I’m very happy to hear you use the word “beauty” to describe my prose. Because, as strange as it may seem, it was in fact my intention to make something beautiful out of this monstrous material. To write a beautiful story. In this anything but obvious intention a certain idea played a role: the idea that beauty as an aesthetic category can only have relevance today if it passes the endurance test represented by the most un-beautiful, revolting material thinkable. I had the somewhat megalomaniacal idea that I could transform shit into gold by writing. And there was the quite crazy corollary idea: only gold made from shit is true gold.

Ten years after Babyfucker I wrote an ode titled “Censure.” It opens with the verse “The black bar in front of the sex organ.” And the first verse of the second strophe reads: “The axe that – chop now! – that shatters beautifully in your hand.” There’s a similar crazy notion at work here: the notion that a murder weapon is transformed into its opposite in the last second, before the deadly blow, right when the axe holder is ordered to act. The axe, it is claimed, doesn’t just shatter, no, it even shatters “beautifully.” Hard to believe, isn’t it?

Few concrete details are given about the narrator or his surroundings. The reader must navigate the narrator’s grunts, groans, stutters, and mumbles. He repeats “O I am babbling.” It’s unclear whether his activities are a fantasy, dream, real-life telling, or all three, all at once. The instability of the narrator’s mental world mimics the physical world he perceives. Was the structure of the text set from the first draft or did it come to you through the writing process itself?

The character, the first person narrator only has one thing: his sentence. The problem with the sentence – beside the fact that it’s monstrous – is that it has no context. The only thing that the narrator does, and he does it incessantly, is this: he attempts to invent something like a context for this context-less sentence. Not to remember, but to invent. Babbling away, he produces and discards his “reality.” It’s meaningless to decide in this context whether something is a dream, a fantasy, or reality. Reality is simply what is narrated. And what’s narrated is only what could correspond to the sole certainty that is alleged to exist: “I fuck babies.” The “few concrete details” that the narrator tosses us are, at closer examination, just as fantastic as his grotesque hallucinations.

Take the very first sentences in the narrative. Sentence one: “I fuck babies.” The foundational sentence. The theme. The challenge. A sentence that isn’t just monstrous, but also fantastic. A sentence that no living person could ever say. The verb’s timeless present and the noun’s plural make the sentence one of trans-real monstrosity.

Sentence two: “Around my bed there are creels.” An attempt to invent a place for the first sentence where either A) the sentence is spoken; B) the narrated event occurs ; or C) the sentence is spoken AND the narrated event occurs. This sentence, read by itself, in version A, might be a “true story.” A realistic story could begin in this way: a real man lies on a real bed surrounded by real creels. For reasons that we expect to learn in the course of the story, the man utters THE monstrous sentence: “I fuck babies.”

Sentence three: “They’re crawling with babies.” This sentence has no place in a realistic story. A situation in which four creels surround a bed and in which each of these creels “crawls with babies” cannot occur in reality. CANNOT occur. A baby in each creel, ok. Two babies? Maybe, whatever. Three babies? Oh come on, stop already. Four babies? Shut up, you idiot. What does exist is: cans that crawl with worms (on fishing boats). But creels that crawl with babies? Definitely not.

But what if they were there, these babies? Dozens of them? Twelve in every creel? Ok, we are prepared to picture the impossible and against our better judgment accept the assurance offered by sentence four: “They’re all there.” But sentences five and six finally, definitively exceed every notion of reality that claims to be adequate to reality. “Always have been. Always will be.” These sentences create a context that corresponds perfectly to the timeless present of the sentence “I fuck babies.” In reality however NOTHING always has been and NOTHING is for always.

I don’t know if that’s an answer to your question. Hopefully it is. Reality is annulled after six sentences. At that point one can no longer distinguish “from the first draft” and “through the writing process itself.”

The narrator is someone who has lost his identity, is unsure if he even exists. There is the hint of a Linda and a Paul, but their reality is tenuous: “Linda. What if she asked me to substitute a stuffed dog for the dog. If she asked me something. Anything. Could I then claim she exists.” Throughout the text, the narrator struggles to regain his existence through his sentence: “I fuck babies. Therefore I am, maybe.” Repetition-as-comfort. He relies on his sentence to save him, yet by the end, he is unsure whether “I fuck babies” was ever “his” to begin with: “And what if its a mistake. A mix-up. What if I’ve been saying that Paul’s sentence the whole time. Because someone somewhere put in the wrong tape for me.” Can you talk a little about your intentions here?

That’s correct: the narrator has been afflicted with a feeling of total derealization. The world’s presentness, the existence of others, his own existence: nothing is guaranteed for him. Only one terrifying sentence – “I fuck babies” – is vested beyond any doubt for him with the reality index that the cogito had for Descartes. That’s why it’s “his” sentence. That’s why he clings to it as if it could save him and catapult him into existence. AS IF – that is the decisive point. It’s IMPOSSIBLE that a sentence like “I fuck babies” can help bring a human being into existence. Because it is necessarily an UNTRUE sentence. The person for whom it would be a true sentence – if we want to admit for a moment that such a creature exists – someone who would actually “fuck babies” serially, on a conveyor belt, many of them one after the other, many times a day: such a person would NEVER SAY this sentence.

To whom for heaven’s sake would he say it? On what occasion? For what reason? When the narrator says, “And what if it’s a mistake,” he begins to realize that “his” sentence, despite the index of reality it bears for him, might be the wrong sentence. He begins to realize this. He has already begun to realize this when he arrives at this “maybe” conclusion: “I fuck babies. Therefore I am maybe.” But it’s no more than the beginning of a realization. The narrator doesn’t get any further. It’s not even possible for him to pose a question about what problems the phenomenon of the “untrue sentence with reality index” might cause for understanding. WE, you and I, can of course come up with some thoughts about it. An idea might be: the sentence is not the thing that is vested with the reality index. Instead, it adheres to the sentence’s components, the individual words. To the fact that they come together in a constellation. It’s enough that a sentence occurs to the narrator (that a sentence is foisted on him) that brings together “I,” “fuck,” and “babies” – and that’s enough for the feeling of security – secure because it promises something like reality – to come about for him. But it’s also imaginable that the sentence “I fuck babies” connects the CORRECT words in a grammatically INCORRECT way. False presence. False plural. False voice (active instead of passive). And who would be responsible for the narrator’s blunder or parapraxis? Well, me of course, the author. Maybe I put the wrong tape in for him. Maybe on purpose.

Can you discuss the influence of Beckett on Babyfucker, and your writing as a whole?

I read Beckett intensively ten or twelve years before I wrote Babyfucker. But Beckett’s prose – the novels more than anything, and The Unnameable more than any other – has remained the non plus ultra of modern narration for me. Modern in an emphatic sense. Narrating as not narrating. No narrative as narrating in quotation marks. No “I,” no place, no time. Only this tentative speaking and writing movement that hints at a speaker, a place, a time only to immediately revoke them, hint again, and again revoke them. This tracing out of a trail left behind by a successive writing down and crossing out, by a crossed out writing down and a writing down crossed out. This textual tracing that is NOTHING (thus: “Texts for Nothing”), and, yet, no, absolutely NOT NOTHING. The incomparable, inimitable about Beckettian blackness is: this black is not just the blackness of a message, as black as it may be. It’s more that this black meaning turns into a black syntax. Into a meandering of sentences knotted together. Into a flowing, branching out, uprooted, blocked rush of black sentences. Phew. Such abominably imprecise metaphors! Sorry, Ms. Hall.

When Babyfucker won the second prize in the 1991 Ingborg Bachmann Competition, the book became one of the biggest literary scandals in recent years. Specifically, Jörg Haider claimed that the text was “inexcusable” and a “sexual perversion.” Were you surprised that many misinterpreted the book, focusing on the title rather than the subject matter? Has your view shifted over the years?

Here we are again with the contradiction of “beauty” and “monstrosity.” I really thought that everyone would clap and say: this author does such a wonderful job of making us forget how dreadful his topic really is. The aforementioned shit-gold-thing. That was A) naïve of me; B) but also a misjudgment of the text. Perhaps I even underestimated the “Babyfucker” by minimizing for myself the antagonism between beauty and monstrosity. Monstrosity can’t be beautified away by skillful prose pirouettes. Beauty doesn’t sublate monstrosity. And today I understand much better those people who find that there’s nothing beautiful there, nothing at all, just a triumph of monstrosity. However: the fact that there were people who read the text in all seriousness as “Confessions from the Life of a Pedophile” – that baffles me to this day.

How did you get involved in writing? As a young writer what books were especially influential? What texts do you continue to revisit?

I’ve always written. But intermittently, with long breaks. At first, poems and plays (when I was eight or nine). Then poems again (at sixteen, seventeen: Celan imitations, with poorly measured doses of obscenity). Then once an isolated prose text, under the influence of Proust: “An Attempt by Martin T. to Remember.” Then poems again (at twenty-five, twenty-six: undoubtedly imitations, I just don’t know anymore what of). Then during a long stay in Tuscany in 1978-1979 once again an isolated prose text: “The Condition of Mö or What and how a Story” (now, instead of Proust, Finnegan’s Wake, a book that, unlike the Recherche, I never read). I’ve only written regularly (more or less) since 1983. 1983-1988: poems. 1988-1995: prose. 1999-2010: poems.

I read most enthusiastically (idiotic superlative!) Dostoyevsky, Kafka, Beckett. And as far as poets go: Benn, Rilke (despite everything), and, more than anything, Hölderlin. And not to forget the “experimentalists”: Ernst Jandl, Oskar Pastior. Right now I’m reading Kleist.

What projects are you currently working on?

I’d like to return to prose after a fifteen-year hiatus. An epistolary novella maybe. A man went into the mountains fifteen years ago to write the following letter to a woman: “Dear B., I’d like to strike you down with an iron rod. Maybe I love you. If you feel the same way and your wishes conform to mine, then please please get in touch with me posthaste. We’ll discuss this matter together and make the necessary arrangements if everything works out. With warm wishes, Your Bernd.” The letter is, however, never mailed and never written. In further letters to B. from Bernd, he pursues, among other things, the question: why? The last letter could be the one in which Bernd lets B. know that the matter has been settled since he has just been struck down by a group of women with iron rods.

 

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Book

Urs Allemann Babyfucker
les figues

‘A Beckettian character, who may or may not be trapped in a room with four baskets full of infants, focuses obsessively on a single sentence—“I fuck babies.” This virtuoso text by Swiss experimental writer Urs Allemann won the prestigious Ingeborg Bachmann Preis des Landes Kärnten in 1991 and caused one of the biggest literary scandals in the post-1945 German-speaking world. Translated now for the first time in a new-bilingual edition, Babyfucker will change your idea of what literature can be and do. Babyfucker belongs in the canon of twentieth-century provocations that includes Bataille’s The Story of the Eye, Delany’s Hogg, and Cooper’s Frisk.’ — les figues

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Excerpt

I fuck babies. Around my bed there are creels. They’re swarming with babies. They’re all here. Always have been. Always will be. Like me. I’m here too. For others it would probably be different. Others would leave. Would have come. Would go somewhere. Have come from somewhere. Not us. We’re here. The babies in their creels. Me in my bed. With closed eyes. Reach into the swarm. Fish one out. Fuck it. Throw it back to the others. All of them naked. All of them here. No names. At night everyone sleeps. Me. The babies. Linda. All is calm. During the day the babies get fucked. Always been that way. By me. Before going to sleep. After waking up. The babies here. Me here. Linda not here. All the lightless day long.

Sometimes I catch a male. Sometimes a female. O it doesn’t matter. Ring finger and pinkie span the flesh notch. The flap of skin can be hidden between my thumb and pointer. It’s all very chaste in my garret. Scraping. Rubbing. I want to write a chaste story. Middle finger. Bumhole. Fontanels. Their toothless, salivating mouths. Where do I penetrate. Where do I slide right in. Their pores flung open to me. My chaste ambition. With closed eyes. Feeling my way. Conquering. Every baby pore a hole for life. I want to write a story about holes for life. The babies sleep. Not only at night. During the day too. When I fuck them. They used to always scream. Now they’re always sleeping. Some other time. It just doesn’t work without any time. I mix a little morphine into their milk. Males. I’m a man. The babies get the bottle from me. Females. It just doesn’t work without any difference. The babies would be breastfed by a woman. From one of two breasts. From both. From neither. O I take that back. But how would the woman mix the morphine into the milk. Maybe it would be injected into her swollen breasts. Into both of them. Into neither. Into one. O I take that back. But where do I get the milk. There appears to be a milk spigot in my garret. It just doesn’t work without any cause without any reason. My head. I could hold my head under the milk spigot. Until. But where do I get the morphine. There appears to be a vat of morphine in my garret. A barrel of morphine. With morphine powder. With morphine brew. My torso. I could roll around in the morphine powder. I could dip my morphine-tossed body in the morphine brew. Until the day. Instead I soak babies. Drug them. Fuck them. Sleeping babies. Haven’t been screaming babies for a long time.

Just as long as none of them die on me. Just as long as Linda doesn’t die on me. Just as long as I don’t die on myself.

All is bright. Once a day the babies are cleaned. Before the fucking that follows the cleaning. After the fucking that precedes the cleaning. By me. Always been that way. I spray them down creel by creel. With lukewarm water. The hose is permanently attached to the water spigot. It would not be advantageous to attach it to the milk spigot. It would not be advantageous to hose down the babies with milk. The milk might go bad. The babies might start to stink. I might possibly be forced by the stink to puke. O it wouldn’t help at all to fling open the windows. How often do I fling open the windows. Without any success. Fresh air refuses to rush into my garret. Stuffy air refuses to rush out of my garret. The cinema outside. The fresh breeze of the movie. Reality inside. Life’s old chamber farts. The babies are drugged with milk. Sprayed clean with water. I drink water. Bathe in the morphine vat. Linda. A word that calls to mind wells trees songs graves. Makes me want to puke. To puke in the well. To puke on the grave. O I won’t puke though. Will eat something though. But what. Maybe some frogs. From where. From the bucket. How did they get in there. They didn’t. They are there. Flourishing. Ribbiting. They would have to be drugged with morphine brew morphine powder. Ribbiting. Jumping into my mouth. Ribbiting. Ribbiting. Can’t be swallowed. Secreting my saliva. Sitting in my saliva. Wallowing in it. They’re inedible. Immortal. Ribbiting.

I fuck babies. Therefore, maybe, I am.

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. ** jay, Hey. I debated giving Bargain Bin Blasphemy its own post, so tempting. I did find that excerpt from that manga very interesting. I’ll put the totality on my wish list and will keep my eyes peeled. Thanks much for that, pal. ** Adem Berbic, I knew Peter Christopherson and, cover your eyes, he really did believe in that stuff. But one invents what sublimity is and then reaches for it, no? I don’t think of sublimity as pre-existing and solid. That probably comes from my younger drug use too, but for me it was the great demystifier LSD. Again, barriers are one’s own invention and what constitutes breaking through as well. I don’t know. I guess my suspicion is re: roundly agreed upon definitions. That’s a helluva great sentence indeed. ** Laura, Hi. Jesse actually showed up here yesterday. Yeah, I know zero about the Islamic occult arts or pretty much every occult art. Interesting to read about, thank you, although it’s a world that my mind usually tends to bounce off like a red rubber ball. I saw your eyes from a distance in that photo but they were in competition with the rest of you. Well, blasphemy posits disbelief as a template for belief? I’d need to think about the Hegel filterers as it’s still morning with mid-level concentration. Uh, I guess I must like when that happens, right? That’s logical. ** _Black_Acrylic, You were in fact being fully clever in my book, sir. ** Carsten, The doctor’s reasoning makes sense, and he’s a doctor, and it’s one of those situations where you have to believe that means something. Luck, man. Oh, granted I’m a lifelong atheist with no pony in the game, but I like how death metal excoriates religion. I assume if you grow up with that stuff hanging over your head it does become a kind of fascism that naturally inspires hostility. Plus I like the theater and ferocity. I like how it empurples the prose. I like it in Bunuel and Sade for the same reason, I guess. But I’m a window shopper re: all that stuff. ** fish, Hi. I too have no religion in me at all and never have. Churches just seemed like assisted living facilities to me as a kid. But I guess I find it interesting in art in the sense that it’s one of the big buttons you can push and drive people crazy. I’m sort of interested in seeing how artists push that button. ** julian, Good question. Maybe they don’t like the idea that Jesus would taste good if you ate him? I haven’t actually heard of ‘Him’. I’ll see what I can find. I am interested in ambitious 70s porn. Yes, ‘Guide’ the novel is, among other things, a sigil that has a specific goal/wish, which of course I can’t reveal because that would be the sigil’s killer. I guess I can say that it didn’t work, or at least not yet. I’ll see if I have an image or so of ‘Chris’ in my ‘TMS’ files. It seems like I must. ** Steeqhen, It seems like you’re saying the colostomy itself went okay, so that’s good. I always believe that if you start believe that you have that much impact on other people the only result is personal misery. Other people are too complex and private to read. I’m not religious at all, like I’ve said, but becoming religious seems like accepting a generality as a truth, and I can’t buy that. Thanks for the clarity on steroids. Ixnay on the anabolic. ** HaRpEr //, No, I mean Artaud is a very brilliant writer. It’s just a taste thing. He’s too exclamatory for me. Yes, I do agree about the My New Band Believe record. It’s quite something and quite unexpected based on his part in black midi. ** Jesse Bransford, Dude, how great to see you! That post is most certainly still alive and kicking based on the output it inspires and the traffic it accrued. That’s so wild that ‘Guide’ was a directive for you in your work. That’s a serious honor for it and me. Wow. We have to find a way to have a real lengthy sit down and catch up one of the near days. I miss you. That would be so awesome. You ever come over to Paris? Love, me. ** Steve, True, but religious people with their hair triggers are such tempting sitting ducks, I guess. I hope the community radio station recognises a gift horse when they’re offered one. I just read somewhere yesterday that Camron Picton likes my work. That completely blows my mind as you can imagine. ** kenley, Yay, the post has found its true blue fan. Now it can skulk off into the past knowing it made a mark. Understood about the envy of the comforted religious people, but they’re such limited people to talk to in most cases, in my experience, and I guess I prefer my confusion to being so easily compartmentalised or something. And I think I’d probably still be confused if I believed anyway. Who knows though. That album does sound very intriguing. Thanks! I’ll go listen to it in a bit. Seems like a total find. Montreal does sound pretty interesting on balance. It sounds a little like Paris but without the welcome ‘live and let live’ vibe over here. I hope the noise in that backyard was sufficiently harsh. ** Hugo, Sneezing blood gets you a hall pass for sure. I’ve never read The Bible. It’s like Proust. I totally get why that tension re: MJ interests you. I mean it is inherently very interesting. I guess for me there are too many people out there interested in him and that stuff, and I trust them to pass along their findings and speculations to a degree that satisfies whatever interest I have. ** Uday, Hi! That’s okay, wholly understood. And I’ve gotten to deal with you a bit outside the blog. But welcome back, and I’ll see if I can get this place to rivet you. xo. ** rewritedept, Hi. The artist doing the graphic novel is Sylvain Bordesoules. He’s had a few graphic novels published in France. He’s very good. My New Band Believe is very different than black midi. I remember thinking ‘Get Out’ was really good until the disappointing last quarter or third. I liked ‘EEAAO’. Maybe a little overrated, but pretty interesting that it was such a success. ** Right. I’ve (re)turned on the blog’s spotlight that once fell on Urs Allemann’s notorious and quite excellent novella. Know it? If not, you can. See you tomorrow.

13 Comments

  1. jay

    Hey Dennis! Wow, I absolutely need to check this out, it seems very interesting. I’ve always been put off by the title, but I’ve never actually really heard much about it beyond that. Very funny opening, the interview with him was really enjoyable. It’s always funny when you can tell a writer has had to defend their work so many times against the same questions that they start to almost automatically reel off set repeated phrases that they use in other interviews, it’s always interesting.

    Glad you enjoyed the manga, it’s really amazing I thought. It’s sort of impossible to recommend to people, because it’s got something like 400 pages of graphic sexual violence against a child, which understandably puts most people off. It’s set basically exclusively in London too, so I’m probably going to try and see a few of the key locations this weekend, given that work’s pretty light at the moment. Hope you’re well, lots of love from here.

  2. Adem Berbic

    I suspect that we have essentially the same position (sublimity is in the eye of the… sublimer?) and that it’s just a glass half-full versus glass half-empty thing – or, actually, I don’t think it makes sense to call your read on this optimistic, but I’m definitely most drawn to the gap between a given individual’s invented barrier and the hypothetical, inviolable, externally-real version of it. I think I see psychology and interpersonal reality as something like a series of Russian dolls, if that makes any sense – point being that I always feel drawn to hard limits and boundaries and barriers.

    @Carsten, are there any good intro resources to either of those topics? I’ll very freely admit that there’s a lot of experiences I haven’t explored, personally or otherwise, which might end up blowing my viewpoint out of the water. I do at least meditate and I’m constantly meaning to firm up my practice, so maybe that’ll be my Lynchian golden ticket.

    I had a fruitful relationship with LSD but semi-regret not having gotten more out of mushrooms while I still could. I hope this isn’t gratuitous, but I tanked my relationship with psychedelics at one point by injecting 2CB (purely out of boredom, which sums up where I was at back then). It felt like having it all switch on instantaneously with zero build-up cheapened the psychedelic headspace and decomposed it into its constituent effects, like it went from a gorgeous cake to just some flour and some egg yolks and so on, the latter being a lot less appetising. Not that I think that invalidates anyone else’s experience, or my prior ones (acid did basically keep me alive for a couple of years, which isn’t nothing, plus a load more besides), but in retrospect it was pretty bizarre and probably influenced some of the beliefs I was describing before.

    Weird coincidence, also, because I just ploughed through Babyfucker a couple of nights ago. I’d been sitting on it for months. Annoyingly, I spent most of it involuntarily picking out loads of little tropes I thought I recognised from The Unnameable. That’s really not the kind of way I like to engage with books, nor a very fair reflection on this one in particular, so I’ll give it another go at some point.

  3. Laura

    hi Dennis!

    man, one of my fav ever books! totally radiantly beautiful <3

    hm idk if we can actually sublate morality, tho imo we should try a little, not too much, if we want to like, survive. but unless we’re huge pearl-clutchers or idk wokescoldy tattoo-clutchers? we’re p apt to sublate aesthetics, which obvi is interestingly morality-impregnating, and so this book is so beautiful. simple too, which i love. i mean… life, death, the dreamy architectural fate of words or whatever, the need for a complicit (even godly, what with the all-love) audience to the self-fulfilling possibility of the self lol, which is so beckettish and delicate but so dogged in the dark. p much all of the rad points w nothing else in the way, perfect.

    bit amusing how circumspect the interview above was tho! like sure it makes sense not to edgelord out after writing that stuff, but omg ‘should we even allow an agonised glimpse at the monstrous idea that such a horror might exist’, you know like… the world’s always been full of fucked babies, alas. hang loose, Urs. and still they went out to cancel the man… sigh, would have made more sense to actually try and make it harder to rape babies or whatever, but eh.

    oi lol was he taking the piss or did he end up writing the novella about longing to batter someone w an iron bar out of romance only to end up…? i’d read that in developed form i think.

    … pls remember to hook me up w my desired Hegel funnels soonish tho? *bats lashes* i can roll w like Borges and Dostoyevsky lol but i want more and less obvious ^_^

    def thought you’d enjoy your logics getting St Sebastianed by all the other stuff! like uh yea it’s logical, but it’s also the arrows =)

    … and so my eyes were in competition w the rest of me? huh Dennis that might be one of the most interesting things a guy has ever told me apropos of. =D

    anyway if you want the eyes you can always pop by here, i do feature more up close here and there lol

    https://www.instagram.com/_find_lora_m_

    now off to see if one of my character’s polymorphous thing about dreams has enough internal coherence by now to reluctantly serve the story and stuff. if i’ve done ok it’s like a main theme and all.

    <3

  4. ⋆˚꩜。darbbzz⋆˚꩜。

    W yes, I love cannibals! Yumm. Reminding me that im hungry right now, huh.
    This was referring to an older post, haha. Hint: The cannibal one

    Oh so regarding the screening in Charlotte on the 29th….maybe? Fingers crossed.
    Update: probably not 🙁 Sorry. Ahhh wish I had like another month or so but im so bad at planning when things are literally so close, haha. Especially since I have no car rn. I hope to see it soon though when its out :D.

    Tried a new pack of spirits today. The yellow pack instead of light blue. They are the mellow ones apparently.
    My boss/coworkers says I get the most epxensive cigarettes which is funny becuase most the people I know/ or some I guess, smoke spirits. Spirits were also the first pack I legally bought on my birthday.
    Working on my first music mix, get this, WITH Dark Crystal VISUALS. Will hopefully have it uploaded by today, If I can figure out how to get rid of the awful watermark without having to pay for the service. The mix is themed aaround folk singers from the 70s and 60s with a fantasy element to the sound. Nothing too complex, for now.
    Again very unfortunate im unable to make that viewing, sorry 🙂
    Oh how easy I wish it was to pass. Or if I were just born in the right body and didnt have to worry about my flmaboyance, sensitive and feminine side “betraying” how I identify. Maybe i’d be prone to rare cases of verbal hate speech (or maybe it would be more common since this is the south) and called homophobic things aswell as get judged for being too sensitive for a dude. Maybe this is a bit too much to say, but I think i’d rather experience that then to feel so distant and detached from the people around me when I hear “She” and the worst part is even when its unintentional. But to me I think “Whats the point in telling them now? I wont see them again, besides I feel like they would just be “entertaining the notion” which its a very serious thing to me and I mean it. Like how that one straight guy friend who I was close to ended up saying he liked me and I just lose trust in other peoples trust because im obviously very serious about these things I feeel and im not just going to change my identity in a split second for someone.
    So this coworker who keeps calling me “beautiful” thru text, and said he wasnt trying to get serious even though he obviously was, mannn. I mean, “We dont gotta tell our coworkers” regarding inviting me to his Florida trip + other stuff.
    I can be stupid, but im not that stupid, or so, Ive learned not to be so gullible. Anyways, the other day he was talking about some transgender worker who was apart of the little cesears department since they dont work with us. He said the most dumb shit, like “IF you dont got a ___(I cant remember the word exactly) then its a she” and he kept talking about how “he couldnt see it” regarding them identifying as a guy—anyways the point is it was all bullshit transphobia and it pissed me off and I was like, “can you not talk about that right now, dude?” And he said sorry but Whatever. Annoyed at him again because despite the seeming workplace friendship working, he asked me out to dinner at kickbacks on Friday. LMAO. Not a “friendly” gesture, I dont think?
    Havent told anyone how I identified at work, but I cant wait to see their reaction when I start T. I dont even think i’ll be scared. Like fuck them, it’ll help my dysphoria. And besides that dude just got out of jail a couple months ago so I heard, nothing agianst people whove been jailed, but he has his own shit to sort out outside transphobia.
    Even when I go out, depending on the crowd, I just have to accept that they dont view me how I prefer just so I can have a good time, but after, I feel numb, and although ti can be fun to crossdress and play the innate female in the stage of life on ocassion, but sometimes it can break your down inside and just amplify the dysphoria.
    I took my ADHD meds an hour ago, so this might be verbose, but at the very least, cohesive, haha. Thats a win though that they finally listened to me when I said im better medicated.
    Have a good one, friend

    • ⋆˚꩜。darbbzz⋆˚꩜。

      I think being hispanic will definitely help in my identity as a guy, just because its not rare for hispanic men to be very short. The book im writing definitely helps. The main character is a hispanic, biological male who ceased to grow past 5’4. He also tends to be very sensitive to things.
      Its funny how before I realized I was trans I was always like , “I wonder why all the people I write about are very short and emotionally vulnerable characters?”
      To clarify, I do like being short outside the limited diet aspect, whereas then, I miss going to the gym so I could eat more, haha.

  5. _Black_Acrylic

    Mr Allemann is a new name to me, but I was aware of this book previously. How could anyone ever forget such a title?

    On a similar tip, have been watching a YouTube channel called Behind Bars TV that provides updates on the UK prison system. Any Babyfucker-type inmate would be described as being a “bacon” which is rhyming slang for bacon bonce = nonce = sex offender. Always useful to know this kind of terminology!

  6. Steve

    I filled out most of the radio station’s submission form for pitching a program when I reached the part where it says DJs are required to pay $35/month for airtime. That killed off my interest, but I hope I can find another station somewhere.

    If you still wrote about musicians, I’d love to read a conservation between yourself and Picton.

    Are you doing a Gig Day later this month?

    Any plans for the weekend? It will be cold and rainy here, but I want to see Guilio Questi’s ARCANA, starring Tina Aumont.

  7. julian

    I heard about this book years ago and obviously the title stuck in my mind ever since. I think heard about it under the pretense that it wasn’t really about fucking babies, which seems to be partially true from the excerpt and synopsis here. The excerpt is definitely impactful and makes me want to read more. I guess Jesus can only taste like bland crackers and red wine. When I first heard about Him, I assumed that it was a gay porno about the life of Jesus, but apparently it’s about a man with an erotic fixation on the titular Him. I can’t tell if that’s more or less interesting to me. It was directed by a guy named Ed Lui (credited as Ed D. Louie) and stars a muralist named Gustav “Tava” Von Will as Jesus. I’ve been experimenting lately with making my own work into sigils, but I get worried that my own preoccupation with grotesque and unsavory subject matter could muddle the intention. Not that I have any plans to change that aspect in my work. I guess Kenneth Anger included all that stuff in his films and he still claimed that they worked as magical rituals/incantations. Let me know if you find an image of Chris.

  8. Carsten

    Two more swab-tests done today, then we’ll see if the lab work yields any new insights. In the meantime I’m on the mend, gradually getting back to feeling somewhat normal.

    I hear you, on your reasons for liking blasphemous art. It’s all a matter of temperament, but isn’t everything? The hostility to religion’s fascism I totally get as well. I was raised by Polish Catholics, a very rigid fundamentalist bunch. From as far back as I can remember I felt sickened by the whole thing, like a natural gut reaction to something fake & untrue. As I got older I actually engaged with it, through study, dialogue etc. I read most of the bible too (80% or so), & appreciate some of the poetry in it. But all that study only deepened my disdain, & to this day christianity especially kind of stands for everything I most hate: intolerance, monoculturalism, ignorance of nature & reality, mental inflexibility.
    I think where I differ from those who go on the attack is that I feel christianity has done enough damage & sucked up enough oxygen, so the best stance to take is complete indifference & disregard. Leave it in the dust where it belongs. This isn’t some consciously thought out philosophy I’ve adopted, just the natural evolution in my case. And by the way (death metalheads take note!), most hardcore believers actually find my attitude a lot more upsetting.

    Anything good planned for the weekend? I’m hoping I can get a little more active again, but I’ll take it easy. Been sick long enough.

  9. fish

    “As an avid reader, I was also horrified to discover that no book could hold my attention: they all felt so trivial. Every book, except Babyfucker. Since my pain was still too ripe, I could not dismiss it as “just a book” or “some pervert’s riff.””

    There was a period of some years where, on and off, I would find that all I could read was the most horrifying stuff I could get my hands on. Accounts of real life abuse of all types, horror, imprisonment, etc. It corresponded to a very bad time in my life and in some ways those felt like the only things that could reach me (I believe it was at this time that I first read some of your work, though I don’t totally remember). It feels both very easy and nearly impossible to occupy that mindspace now. I don’t think I would have turned to this book specifically, had I known about it, but I relate a lot to being unable to dismiss things like this and even feel a need to surround yourself with them. Currently I relate to books and other content I consume as things separate from myself but at the time I could only read them as replacements for my internal soundtrack and monologue and needed them to match. Sometimes I wish I had not done that so much, as in my current state I don’t always want to have vivid descriptions of all the worst things that can happen to someone come so vividly to mind; then again, it’s what I felt I needed at the time, and I try not to assign too much magical, contaminating power to simply having read about those things.

    Separately: I was reminded recently of how I enjoy Justine Kurland’s photography. Are you familiar with it? Girl Pictures is my favorite series of hers. I wish I knew an equivalent photographer that centered more around masculinity. I find stuff that focuses on youth culture like that really interesting.

  10. HaRpEr //

    Hello. I actually read up on this book a while ago and how a phrase like ‘I fuck babies’ is broken apart and worn out until it is just ‘any other sentence’. I’ve wanted to read it for a while, but it’s very out of print. I’ll probably read a digital copy at some point if I have to.
    Today I am at long last reading William Gass’ ‘The Tunnel’ after acquiring the new Dalkey Archive Essentials edition. I am only a little of the way through and I already see what people mean by the ‘horror’ of it. I really like that thus far, there is far less plot than there is in, say, Pynchon, Barth, Gaddis, etc. and it instead uses a kind of essay-like structure. There’s a real claustrophobia in that. Only time will tell if it eventually grates on me.

    Yeah, I have a hard time with exclamatory writing, too. Unless it’s ‘A Season in Hell’, but the exclamations there are pretty blunt in my mind. I’m a little afraid of using exclamation marks in writing in general, it takes a real master to pull them off. I sort of like using them in moments of idiot bliss where you submit to their ridiculousness. But exclamatory writing is okay with me if it’s not overly grandiose or ecstatic or something.
    With my novel I’m in an extremely slow stage where I’m really trying to chisel the sentences. I read ‘The Visiting Privilege’ by Joy Williams the other day and ‘Mice 1961’ by Stacey Levine and am always drawn to those kinds of sentences where it’s like distance/abjection/alienation are baked into them, to wildly over-generalize. But they’ve been helpful, as is that Garielle Lutz essay, ‘The Sentence is a Lonely Place’. I purposely avoid thinking about my influences when I’m writing, but it’s obviously great to come across something that you feel you need to read before going into a particular lane.

    I didn’t realize at all that ‘Lecture ‘25’ by MNBB uses elements of your ‘Lecture, 1970’. I feel like an idiot for not recognising that. I think I have a weird way of engaging with lyrics.

  11. sal

    i was looking for an email… but it looks like it’s ok to just talk about whatever in the comments.

    i was wondering if you had heard of a poet Dennis Kelly (a fellow Dennis!). i found a scan of his book Size Queen, which i can send to you if you’d like. i think you’d be very interested in it. the text on the back cover:

    “SIZE QUEEN is a boylove travelogue via such writers as William Carlos Williams, Pound, Crane, Spicer, Vallejo and Rilke. it is an attempt to ground gay belles-lettres in contemporary poetics. Seattle writer Dennis Kelly explores his own life in the Pacific Northwest in such poems as “Slave Boys of Sheba, “Baryshnikov Is Coming” and “Punks of the Quotidian.” Illustrated by the author with erotic collages.”

    gay sunshine press 1981

    cheers

  12. Nicholas.

    Opp missed some days or a day probs the first lol! I was writing tho here ya go Its been like 3 or more years since I’ve done k or been emotionally abused by a man severely so yay me! I’ll quit weed by my birthday what are you getting me I hate surprises! heres my story Its actually scary haha my tone is well…(I remember the only time I actually thought id die from drugs. It’s nothing like you expect you think you have a tolerance but time changes things. I felt like a professional at first making myself a fat free line perfectly cut dunkin straw primed sharp inhale swipe head right begin treatment. Only something’s different nothings dripping into my mind something’s slowing down my heart rapidly. The visual distortion is nothing compared to the feeling of entering earth’s orbit infinite and small swirling up absolutely no one to reach for let alone help you motor functions failing I have to make it outside. Gripping to something you call a life collapsed in a doorframe thankfully it’s raining and dark outside you really have to choose to stay at this point you can’t see you but you can see the world from orbit and your falling up fast alice find am artificial light and think about how pissed your mom will be to find out you died on drugs and you killed the vibe haha I wanted to save myself from pain and well here’s the thing about that wishes come true painfully first sometimes.) thats all proof of homework and ill be reworking my vloging more authentic and just raw I think my first new one so first will be I wanna be porn haha! Have you read city of night and numbers? I know its not happy well let me see first ill be back ttylxoxo and I mean it.

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