The blog of author Dennis Cooper

Mine for yours: My favorite fiction, poetry, non-fiction, film, art, and internet of 2018 so far

Fiction
(in no order)

Katie Jean Shinkle RUINATION (Spuyten Duyvil)

New Juche STUPID BABY (Amphetamine Sulphate )

Johanna Hedva ON HELL (Sator Press)

Jennifer Natalya Fink BHOPAL DANCE (FC2)

Harry Mathews THE SOLITARY TWIN (New Directions)

Laura Riding EXPERTS ARE PUZZLED (Ugly Duckling Presse)

Troy James Weaver TEMPORAL (Disorder Press)

Sam Pink THE GARBAGE TIMES / WHITE IBIS (Soft Skull)

Lynne Tillman MEN AND APPARITIONS (Soft Skull)

Fanny Howe THE WAGES (Pressed Wafer)

Grant Maierhofer CLOG (Inside the Castle)

Ann Quin THE UNMAPPED COUNTRY (And Other Stories)

M Kitchell IN THE DESERT OF MUTE SQUARES (Inside the Castle)

Curzio Malaparte THE KREMLIN BALL (NYRB Classics)

 

 

Poetry
(in no order)

Eileen Myles EVOLUTION (Grove Press)

Dorothea Lasky MILK (Wave Books)

Wayne Koestenbaum CAMP MARMALADE (Nightboat Books)

Shy Watson CHEAP YELLOW (Civil Coping Mechanisms)

Francis Ponge NIOQUE OF THE EARLY-SPRING (The Song Cave)

Ariana Reines TELEPHONE (Wonder)

Thomas Moore WHEN PEOPLE DIE (Kiddiepunk Press)

Chiwan Choi ABDUCTIONS (Civil Coping Mechanisms)

Melisa Machado THE RED SONG (Action Books)

Stewart Home SEND CA$H: THE COLLECTED POEMS OF STEWART HOME (Morbid Books)

 

 

Nonfiction
(in no order)

Duncan Hannah 20TH CENTURY BOY: NOTEBOOKS OF THE SEVENTIES (Penguin)

THE YUCK ‘N YUM COMPENDIUM AND INTERREGNUM (Yuck ‘n Yum)

Chris Kohler FINAL FANTASY V (Boss Fight Books)

Antonin Artaud ARTAUD 1937 APOCALYPSE – LETTERS FROM IRELAND (Infinity Land)

Joshua Wheeler ACID WEST (FSG Originals)

Tao Lin TRIP: PSYCHEDELICS, ALIENATION, AND CHANGE (Vintage)

Ishmael Houston-Jones FAT (Yonkers International Press)

 

 

Music
(in no order)

E Ruscha WHO ARE YOU (Beats in Space)

Mind Over Mirrors BELLOWING SUN (Paradise of Bachelors)

Guided by Voices SPACE GUN (GbV)

Ben LaMar Gay DOWNTOWN CASTLES CAN NEVER BLOCK THE SUN (International Anthem)

Grouper GRID OF POINTS (Kranky)

Iceage BEYONDLESS (Matador)

Klein CC (self-released)

Brood Ma THE HANGOVER II (no label)

Dabrye THREE / THREE (Ghostly International)

JPEGMAFIA VETERAN (Deathbomb Arc)

Holger Czukay CINEMA (GRÖNLAND)

The Quick MONDO DECO (Real Gone Music)

 

 

Film
(in no order)

Lucrecia Martel ZAMA

Scott Barley SLEEP HAS HER HOUSE

Wes Anderson ISLE OF DOGS

Abbas Kiarostami 24 FRAMES

Gaspar Noe CLIMAX

Michael Salerno NOTRE MORT

Rouzbeh Rashidi PHANTOM ISLANDS

Peggy Ahwesh THE FALLING SKY

Ryan Coogler BLACK PANTHER

 

 

Art
(in no order)

Adrian Piper A Synthesis of Intuitions, 1965–2016 (MoMA)

Reza Abdoh RETROSPECTIVE (PS 1)

Charles Ray three rooms and the repair annex (Matthew Marks Gallery, NYC)

Oscar Tuazon New Sculptures (Luhring Augustine, NYC)

Jordan Wolfson Riverboat Song (David Zwirner, NYC)

Frances Stark Teen O.P.E.R.A. (Gavin Brown, NYC)

Kara Walker …calling to me from the angry surface of some grey and threatening sea. I was transported (Hammer Museum, West Los Angeles)

RAMMΣLLZΣΣ Racing for Thunder (Red Bull Arts New York)

 

 

Internet
(in no order)

SCAB
X-R-A-Y
Rhizome
TOWARDS CYCLOBE
Musique Machine
Original Cinemaniac
The Creative Independent
Fanzine
Volume 1 Brooklyn
Entropy
Real Pants
mungojerryfan
Queen Mob’s Teahouse
dark fucking wizard
TL;DR
The Chiseler
espresso bongo
Experimental Cinema
The Wire
SOUL PONIES
{ feuilleton }
The Los Angeles Review of Books
Solar Luxuriance
3:AM Magazine
largehearted boy
Bookforum
pantaloons
Tiny Mix Tapes
UbuWeb
Harriet
Open Culture
Locus Solus: The New York School of Poets
giphy
The Wonderful World of Tam Tam Books
Hobart
TROLL THREAD

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. I’m sure I’ve forgotten or spaced out on some fave things. Please pass along what your 2018-so-far faves are, if you don’t mind, thanks. ** David Ehrenstein, Ditto. I don’t get sweet pickles in general. If a pickle’s effect doesn’t sculpt your mouth into a cave, what’s the point? ** Steve Erickson, Yes, you beat me to serpentwithfeet. Hardly the first time that’s happened. I’m glad some stuff in the gig shared its good shit with you. I don’t dislike ‘OK Computer’ whatsoever. Where did you get that idea? I’m not a big general fan of Radiohead, but that’s a very strong album. Everyone, Steve E. has a pile of opportunities for you to read his thoughts and words on current things today. Your picks: (1) His review of the Zellner brothers’ film DAMSEL. (2) His review of the new album by British pop group Years & Years. (3) His review of electronic music producer Lotic’s POWER. (4) His review of Boots Riley’s film SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. ** Sypha, Hey. It’s cool, I’ve been busy and away from here a lot too. It’s Maine time, eh? Enjoy. Hope you get a ton of breezes. Oh, of course it’s cool if you want to reference Smear/Tinselstool. I’d be nothing but honored. Sweet. ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi. I hadn’t realised that SOPHIE is a viral thing, but it makes sense, obvs. ** Chris Cochrane, Well, hello to you, sir! Oh, Mallorca: Flight cancelled at the last minute (due to an air traffic controller strike in Spain that caused flights to ‘non-essential’ locations such as Palma, Mallorca to hit the chopping block). C’est la. Zac handled everything there with his usual finesse, and his reports on the locale itself were not glowing, and I wasn’t completely sad to just stay home after that overseas red eye flight. Everything on the other front seems like it will be okay, thank you. A film of ‘Them’? I’m certainly 100% into that idea. We’d need to get someone who has ideally seen the piece and who has a good understanding of the difference between the effects of a live performance and of a filmed live performance and who could figure out how to make the piece pop as accurately and strongly as possible when it’s ‘flattened’, but I think in general it’s an extremely good idea. Yeah, let’s talk about it, etc. I’ve heard about your weather horrors. We’re getting what I think are slightly less murderous horrors over here. Big love to you, bud. ** JM, Hi. Well, I have listened to SOPHIE, it’s true. As usual with blockbusters, I just want to see what ‘Jurassic’ does with the cookie cutter structure and speed and swerves and sonic play of such things, and so on. But now I see there’s a new disaster movie, ‘Skyscraper’, and I will literally watch and take  pleasure from any disaster movie no matter how crap, so I might hit that first. Eek, Jesus, about your theatre’s ‘upgrade’ to devouring monopoliser. Do you feel guilty? You’re pretty busy there, bud. Maybe even more than me. Crazy. All not too bad sounding at all, though. ** Misanthrope, ‘The Post’ was solidly made old fashioned, standardised adult entertainment for people who want to feel like they’re serious and thoughtful but aren’t. Or something. France, I think, or somewhere, is developing a new Concorde-like flight option apparently, that’s supposedly not too, too far off, so maybe and whatever. ** Cal Graves. Hi. Are you guys going to see big shows in Vegas? I don’t know what’s there. Is Britney still there? I’d see that. I saw Lance Burton’s show once. It was fun if you like magic tricks. But way too expensive, of course. If you want to get wack, there’s Dig This. If you want to get ‘high brow’, there’s Akhob, a James Turrell work hidden away in a Louis Vuitton store in a mall, but you have to make an appointment. I have a bead on Lukyanenko. Looks interesting. There are films too. Okay, on it. Gotcha, on the tarot book. Cool. Semi-happily workingly, Dennis. ** Bill, Hi. Yeah, Vaino seems to have left a lot of stuff behind, which is strange because Stephen said he was a drugged, depressed, hardly functioning mess towards the end. Yes, high five on the Ashley Paul. Yes, curious about ‘The Endless’. I have to check my local listings. Bon Friday! ** Right. So, … lists of stuff I’ve particularly liked among things released since January, and do hit me up with your faves if the mood strikes because I’m always hungry. See you tomorrow.

20 Comments

  1. Will Northerner

    Vast

  2. Ishmael

    Hey Dennis. Thanks for the FAT shout out. Too bad about Mallorca. I like all the McNatt portraits except mine, of course. Been busy protesting. Will meet with Vallejo on Monday re possible futures for THEM

  3. David Ehrenstein

    Nothing in the way of new music or art or literature As for film Andrew Haigh’s” Lean on Pete” and Paul Schrader’s “First Reformed” are superb. I also love Rob Reiner’s Gulf War expose “Shock and Awe” about how the reporters for Knight-Ridder were the only ones with the guts to tell the truth *Saddam had no “weapons o mass destruction” and the film about Kubrick’s right-hand man, Leon Vitali, ” Filmworker.”

  4. Tosh Berman

    Curzio Malaparte! Now, he’s an interesting writer/figure. I’m going to check that out right away. Once again, your best of the list is always fascinating. I use it for future shopping, especially the literature. Even writers I do know (like Malaparte for example) didn’t know that they have a new release, or a new title published.

    My fave films:

    First Reformed
    Isle of Dogs
    You Were Never Really Here
    Young Karl Marx
    Phantom Thread (saw it twice)

    As one can gather I don’t go to the movies a lot.

    Books:

    “City Lights” & “Streets Ahead” by Keith Waterhouse
    “Ivory Pearl” by Jean-Patrick Manchette
    “Coal Black Mornings” by Brett Anderson
    “You Were Never Here” by Jonathan Ames
    “20 Century Boy” by Duncan Hannah
    “Late Fame” by Arthur Schnitzler
    “A Tokyo Romance” by Ian Buruma
    “High Buildings, Low Morals” by Rob Baker
    “Swinging on a Star” by David Trinidad
    “Sundog” by Scott Walker
    “The Despair of Monkeys” by Françoise Hardy
    “To Throw Away Unopened” by Viv Albertine

    My list is kind of limited, sorry.

  5. Bill

    Thanks for the treasure trove, Dennis. This and yesterday’s blog will keep me pretty busy all weekend.

    Favorite books/graphic novels:
    Jonathan Hickman, The Black Monday Murders Vol. 2
    Denis Johnson, The Largesse of the Sea Maiden
    Colin Winnette, The Job of the Wasp
    Jeff Lemire, Black Hammer Vol. 2
    M. Kitchell, In the Desert of Mute Squares

    Favorite music (with some 2017 releases):
    Escargot, Dart Love
    Cecilia, Adoration
    Ab Baars/Ig Henneman, Canzoni di Primavera
    Mazen Kerbaj/Toshi Nakamura, East of Where
    Trough, Human-Human
    Bhob Rainey, From Null Lands
    Ab Baars/Ig Henneman/Dave Burrell, Trandans
    Nicolas Wiese, Unrelated
    International Nothing, In Doubt We Trust
    Ashley Paul, Lost in Shadows
    Martin Blume/Wilbert de Joode/John Butcher, Low Yellow
    Butcher/Lash/Russell/Solberg, Stray into Darkness
    Martin Kuchen, Lieber Heiland…
    Roscoe Mitchell/Matthew Shipp, Accelerated Projection

    Favorite movies (I haven’t been seeing many this year):
    Isle of Dogs
    Complete History of Seattle
    The Endless
    Mapplethorpe

    Yeah, Alex Rose’s Towards Cyclobe site is just a continuing source of delight and inspiration.

    Bill

  6. Sypha

    Well, as is usually the case with me I think I’ll wait until the end of the year before I post mine… as it is so far this year I’ve only purchased 2 new albums (the new Kylie and the new NIN, neither of which were anything to write home about), seen only 2 new films in theaters (Call me By Your Name and the Star Wars: Solo film: wanted to see Isle of Dogs but it was only in theaters around here for a “blink and you miss it” period)… though I have read a fair amount of new books.

    I figured you wouldn’t mind the references… of course I have to actually write the damn book first (I believe that’s what they call “the hard part”). It’s been in pre-production for over a month now but I’ve still yet to come up with a title, which irks me (Alfred Hitchcock always liked to have a firm title before he started filming, because he believed a project with a title was a sign of aimlessness). But maybe something will come to me in Maine. Anyway, I’ll be back on July 15th, see you soon…

  7. Steve Erickson

    I haven’t read nearly enough books published this year to make a list, although I will say that Ian Buruma and Tao Lin’s memoirs were highlights.

    Since I already posted my top 10 singles and albums a little before the exact half year mark, here’s a combination of runners-up from my shortlist and favorites that have been released since I made those lists:

    ALBUMS:
    Let’s Eat Grandma-I’M ALL EARS
    Nik Bartsch’s Ronin-AWASE
    Drinks-HIPPO LITE
    Sons of Kemet-YOUR QUEEN IS A REPTILE
    Sleep-THE SCIENCES
    Kacey Musgraves-GOLDEN HOUR
    Meshell Ndgeceocello-VENTRILOQUISM
    Tracey Thorn-RECORD
    Various Artists-BLACK PANTHER: THE ALBUM
    Loma-s/t

    SINGLES:
    Ariana Grande featuring Nicki Minaj-“The Light Is Coming”
    Priests-“Suck (U.S. Girls remix)”
    Derez De’Shon-“Hardaway”
    Lucy Dacus-“Addictions”
    David Byrne-“Everyone’s Coming To My House”
    Code Orange-“The Truth Will Hurt You (Shade remix)”
    Demi Lovato-“Sober”
    Jhené Aiko featuring Rae Sremmurd-“Sativa (remix)”
    Shifting Sands-“Run”
    Tyler, the Creator-“Okra”

    As for films, I’ll give my picks for the 10 best films made within the past 18 months I’ve seen so far this year that deserve theatrical distribution in the U.S. but have none lined up:
    THE SCYTHIAN LAMB (Daihachi Yoshida, Japan)
    FATAL PULSE (Damon Packard, USA)
    ALI AQA (Kamran Heidari, Iran)
    THE DEAD NATION (Radu Jude, Romania)
    I REMEMBER THE CROWS (Gustavo Vinagre, Brazil)
    THE LITTLE MATCH GIRL (Alejo Moguillansky, Argentina)
    REDHEAD (Karim Lakzadeh, Iran)
    3/4 (Ilian Metev, Bulgaria)
    TOMORROW AND THEREAFTER (Noemie Lvovsky, France)
    THE PRINCE AND THE DYBBUK (Piotr Rosolowski & Elwira Niewiera, Poland)

  8. Mark Gluth

    Hey Dennis, thanks for including Note Mort!

  9. Dóra Grőber

    Hi!

    First and foremost, thank you so, so much for including SCAB as one of your 2018-faves!! It means incredibly much to me! (I also can’t wait to give part of my weekend to this post and go after every single item on it.)

    I went to my first acting lesson today. I have some pretty solid and/or rapidly forming ideas about what I want to do and where I want to go with what I call “acting”, and I think I’ll need to find my own group of like-minded creeps for that BUT first I need to learn some basic things. I went to this tutor because I want to learn how to act naturally while reciting a text (free-style is wholly improvisational, that’s a huge difference!) and how to act with my body and not just with my voice and face, etc. (once again, while we free-style, we usually just sit around, we don’t actually “play” the scenes). The tutor is kind of a “traditional” actor (at least a lot more traditional than my own ideas) and he’s got both theater and movie projects. He’s also very nice and supportive which helps a lot with my anxiety. All in all, I feel like there is a lot to learn from him on this “basic skills” level and then (or in the meanwhile) I’ll just pursue my own ideas. Even though I couldn’t completely give myself over to the experience, I enjoyed today so that’s a nice first step, I guess!

    You heard back from ARTE!! (Sorry for catching up so late!) What did they say?
    And what else is happening around there? How are you? How are things? Have a wonderful weekend, Dennis!!

  10. Jeff J

    Hey Dennis – Been AWOL from here for a while, mostly due to insane amount of freelance work. The blog often won’t let me see the day’s post and the comments until the following day so I’m perpetually behind that way, too.

    Anyhow, hope you’re doing well. THEM looked like a smash success — and guessing you checked out those art shows while you were in NYC. Any other highlights being there? New news to share around PGL?

    I had a nice conversation with Michael Silverblatt recently — he said to say hello and that he misses you.

    I always love these lists and this one is no exception. Interested to see the Malaparte book on here. I love his quasi-novel “The Skin,” though someone was telling me this NYRB release is unfinished. Does it read that way? Or it doesn’t matter?

    Is that Quick album a compilation? Been enjoying the new GBV album. Where do you rate it among their recent output?

    For me, been digging the new Iceage and Czukay comp — plus new Superchunk, The Ex, Henry Threadgill two-fer, Breeders, Gary War, Drinks “Hippo Lite,” Rolling Blackouts CF, Sudan Archives ep, Deerhunter cassette.

    Filmwise, ‘Zama’ and ‘You Were Never Really Here’ are the things that standout so far, but not much of interest is making the theaters here.

    Hope all is well your way

  11. Steve Erickson

    Re: my impressions of your Radiohead disdain, it seemed to me that you use them and Moby as your go-to picks for overrated music. But I realize that “overrated” doesn’t necessarily mean that you dislike their entire body of work or didn’t find any strengths in it. I’d say that FIRST REFORMED is the most overrated film of 2018, but it has plenty of merit, especially in Ethan Hawke’s performance and the very powerful final 10 minutes; I just don’t think it’s anywhere close to being a masterpiece or the year’s best film.

  12. _Black_Acrylic

    Thank you so much for including Yuck ‘n Yum in such distinguished company! It really means a whole lot. Here’s a list of my own favourites….

    Film:
    Hereditary
    Fiction:
    Barney Farmer – Drunken Baker
    Non fiction:
    Tao Lin – Trip
    Poetry:
    Thomas Moore – When People Die
    Music:
    Galaxian – Paradise Engineering
    Art:
    Eve Fowler – what a slight. what a sound. what a universal shudder.

  13. Troy

    Thanks, Dennis!

    So nice of you, I’m very grateful.

  14. Misanthrope

    Dennis, Great list. Hmm, I haven’t read or seen or listened to too much new stuff. I’ll do what I can here.

    Music:
    “Destroyers of the Soft Light,” J. Roddy Walston and the Business

    Films:

    Black Panther
    Avengers: Infinity War

    Books:

    “The Sparsholt Affair,” Alan Hollinghurst
    “Moonglow,” Michael Chabon

    Those are really the only new things that I read, saw, listened to in the past 6 months. I liked them all. Chabon’s “Moonglow” was probably the best of the lot. It was finally good Chabon after that last awful novel of his.

    I recently finally got around to reading Martin Amis’ first novel, “The Rachel Papers.” It was the only one of his I hadn’t read. It’s fucking hilarious. Written in 1973 but it could easily apply today, just with some technology updates.

    No whatever about some supersonic options out there! Though it’ll be expensive as hell, I think. I hope Elon Musk gets that tunnel bored under the Atlantic soon!

    Speaking of whom, he’s sending engineers to get those boys out of that cave in Thailand. I don’t know, but…how is it so fucking hard? They got in there somehow. Now get them the fuck out.

    Somebody was explaining to me today why it’s so difficult, and I’m just like, blah blah blah, excuses excuses.

    I do like me some Meryl Streep, so maybe I’ll catch “The Post” on TV some day.

  15. Ken Baumann

    DC!

    I’m so glad ON HELL is a favorite. I’m sure this’ll make Johanna so happy.

    2018, woah, this is hard.

    MOVIE: First Reformed dir. by Paul Schrader

    BOOKS: On Hell by Johanna Hedva
    Detective Story by Imre Kertész
    Chess Story by Stefan Zweig
    Some of The Dead Are Still Breathing by Charles Bowden (reread)
    A Confession by Tolstoy (reread)
    Hadji Murat by Tolstoy
    Tolstoy by A.N. Wilson

    MUSIC: DAMN by Kendrick Lamar (relisten x10 or so)
    Good Kid, M.A.A.D City by Kendrick Lamar
    Veteran by JPEGMAFIA
    Stranger by Yung Lean
    This Is America by Childish Gambino
    The Fragile by Nine Inch Nails

    MUSIC VIDEOS & TV: This Is America by Childish Gambino
    Like Sugar by Chaka Khan
    Atlanta by Donald Glover, Hiro Murai, et. al
    Mad Men by Matthew Weiner et. al, season 5 (rewatch)

    Love,
    me

  16. JM

    This is the PERFECT post for me to get today, yay!! I’m a little bit surprised that you liked Isle of Dogs, which felt so much like a non-movie to me, care to share? Thomas Moore’s collection looks great great great. I am VERY VERY VERY down for Skyscraper, Dwayne Johnson seems destined to a career of bargain bin successes and it’s kind of amazing. After that Jurassic slander from me, it turns out I’m, um, seeing it tonight???

    ’18 favs:
    poetry – i have a couple of friends doing interesting work that’s currently going unpublished. otherwise, most poetry i’ve been reading this year is older stuff.

    books – stupid baby, new juche //

    movies – hereditary
    and unsane
    are the crown jewels of the year. by far. i also really liked
    ready player one,
    the commuter, and the 15:17 to paris.

    all five films are totally bizarre cinema objects, and barely feel like traditional movies structurally or elementally to me, except maybe bits of hereditary.

    i’m gonna throw in the added category of : comedy specials – only because this year has been really overwhelmingly positive for me, explicitly,
    Hannah Gadsby’s NANETTE
    and
    james acaster’s REPERTOIRE.

    music – kanye west / ye, one of the best albums i’ve EVER heard
    teyana taylor / KTSE (keep that same energy)
    death grips / year of the snitch
    pusha t / daytona
    marlon williams / make way for love

    and finally a little something of mine from recently

    ;IKN&OWWH4ATY%OUWANT
    06.07.18
    I wish I was yellow.
    I cried on my birthday.
    I knew I was six.
    I said to my tree.
    I wish I was you.
    I wished I was a tree.
    I licked my two palms.
    I locked my white eyes.
    I shut up the bright sky.
    I could jump up and down.
    I wish I was seven.
    I cried to my father.
    I knew I was happy.
    I said “I don’t like it.”
    I wish I was dull.
    I wished I was the ocean.
    I licked naughty books.
    I locked away a man’s foot.
    I shut up my mouth.
    I could do what I want.
    I wish I was stolen.
    I cried without crying.
    I knew she was mine.
    I said to my mine.
    I wish you were him.
    I wished I was a her.
    I licked orange ice cream.
    I was locking my wall.
    I shuttered my windows.
    I could live by myself.
    I wish I was my father.
    I cried to my father.
    I knew of my father.
    I said I am happy.
    I wish I was dull.
    I wished I was deep yellow.
    I licked twice his lips.
    I locked out his stomach.
    I shut down his body.
    I could go where I want.
    I wish to be murdered.
    I cried in my sleep.
    I knew not what I want.
    I said to my wish.
    I wish I was mine.
    I wished only to wake.
    I licked up my virtue.
    I locked up her space.
    I shut off the power.
    I could hurt what I please.
    I wish to be yellow.
    I cried to her yellow.
    I knew of the sun.
    I said I am yellow.
    I knew of her sun.
    I wish I am yellow.
    I wished to the sun.
    I licked many bananas.
    I locked up the paint.
    I shut away my green toothbrush.
    I could be yellow.
    I know that’s what he wants.

  17. JM

    😮

  18. Dylan

    Cool list Dennis.

    I just got my story published on X-R-A-Y Lit
    Check it out
    http://x-r-a-y.com/raw-liver-by-dylan-gray/fiction/

  19. Dylan

    🙂

  20. Johanna Hedva

    this is late (was at paf, an old convent in france w/o wifi) but fuck me thank you for including on hell here. i crowed about it on my twitter with a chalamet gif 🙂
    https://twitter.com/bighedva/status/1017736084309061632
    but please do know that this means the world and all of hell to me. u r one of my heroes. xJH

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