The blog of author Dennis Cooper

Rideas 2

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Bald Mountain, from Fantasia fame, was to have been built in Disney’s Magic Kingdom. The attraction would have taken guests through a hair-raising experience of escaping from some of Disney’s most famous evil characters. As a log flume, guests would have boarded longboat-style rafts modeled after Hades’ boats in Hercules. Guests would have been taken through Chernabog’s mountain, where the villains were meeting to decide who was the most evil, and how to take over the Magic Kingdom. Suddenly, guests would be “attacked” by a combination of Disney villains, saved only by a slide deep down the plunge in the front of the mountain.’

 

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Starr Park – Invest in the Future

 

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‘London’s Battersea Power Station was to be transformed into a museum surrounded by a giant roller coaster in these competition-winning proposals by French studio Atelier Zündel Cristea. A curved scaffolding structure would weave in and around the building, creating a network of pathways between the exhibition spaces and providing the tracks for the roller coaster running along on top.’

 

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The unbuilt Joker’s Madhouse attraction at Universal Studios Hollywood centered on DC’s villainous murder clown satisfies both thrills and scares. You enter the theme park ride via the dark maw of the Joker, make your way through his warehouse, and then hop on the rollercoaster. You then go through “a psychedelic vision of Gotham” and soon find yourself “hurtling towards a dead-end.”’

 

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Batman Vs. The Penguin (Universal Studios Florida): Before entering the queue, guests would choose which side they wanted to represent: either Batman or the Penguin. Each queue would have been completely unique and lead down to one of two separate loading areas far beneath the streets of Gotham. If your choice was to represent the Dark Knight, that queue would open up to the Batcave where riders would board a flying Batmobile or “BatWing.” If guests chose to represent evil, they found themselves in the sewers of Gotham City in the Penguin’s lair. The idea was riders were going to soar through Gotham and literally do battle with one another while perched inside these unique ride vehicles. Once the coasters left the load area they would find themselves both inside and outside of massive show buildings. The tracks would be designed where the coasters would swing right at each other, resulting in several near misses throughout the ride.’

 

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Epcot’s Cancelled Mt Fuji Rollercoaster

 

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‘A Herbie the Love Bug Dark Ride was envisioned for Disneyland Park. The ride featured a unique system where a 4 passenger car could split in half, and also featured a roller coaster portion as Herbie rides the Golden Gate bridge.’

 

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Roller Coaster Roger Rabbit (Disney’s Hollywood Studios)

 

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‘In 2015, 20th Century Fox announced Tuesday that it was teaming up with Al Ahli Holding Group, a conglomerate based in the United Arab Emirates, to build a 75-acre theme park valued at more than $850 million outside Dubai. It was to include a massive Planet of the Apes Land. The park was killed while in development in on 29 April 2018.’

 

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‘The Alice in Wonderland ride in Disneyland’s Fantasyland area was originally planned to be a walkthrough attraction. Here are a series of concept pieces for the original Alice in Wonderland Walkthrough Attraction that was never built. These pieces are called brownlines, and not original drawings but blue-print-like copies, but brown (hence the name).’ — vintage.disneyland

First up is the Forced Perspective Room. This would be just after Alice has landed at the bottom of the rabbit hole. Notice the key on the top of the table. The text reads: “3 Forced perspective room concealed exit at far end other door to no where”.

Next is Over the Wave, featuring Alice in the bottle on the Sea of Tears. You can also see the Dodo floating by on the left.

Next is the Caucus Race, featuring a rotating floor. Very funhouse.

Next is Alice’s encounter with the Tweedles. The figures were supposed to spin about and bump into each other.

Next is the trial scene with a card maze.

Next the White Rabbit’s house. Another funhouse item, you would crawl through the house and come out the top and slide down the outside.

Next is the Garden of Live Flowers. Presumably they’d sing.

Next is the Caterpillar. Apparently he was supposed to rise up like an accordion, and blow smoke rings.

Next is the Tulgey Wood, with the trees bearing the signs pointing this way and that. Looks to me like they were supposed to rotate.

Next is more of the Tulgey Wood with lots of paths and trees. Again, another concept from the funhouse, apparently it was supposed to be like a mirror room.

Next is the Mad Tea Party. The caption says Animated Scenic, so I guess Alice, the Mad Hatter, the March Hare and the Dormouse would move about.

Last is another funhouse item, the counter rotating barrels. This is supposed to represent Alice escaping from Wonderland and returning to the real world.

 

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‘As far back as the 1970s, tentative plans were in place to add a bullet train ride to the Japan Pavilion at Epcot. Guests would have stood on a ride vehicle and looked out windows at screens simulating a journey through the Japanese countryside. At one point Godzilla would rise from the ocean and attack the train on its journey through Tokyo Harbor. Supposedly, the Godzilla Bullet Train never went beyond preliminary conversations with Toho, the studio that owns Godzilla, before the company decided a giant, world-destroying lizard didn’t really jive with the sedate, naturalistic atmosphere at Epcot.’ — collaged

 

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The Eiffel Tower Bullet was a fun ride proposed in 1891 in which people would sit inside a giant bullet and freefall from the top of the Eiffel Tower into a pool of water. M.Carron’s bullet capsule would be released from the top of the interior of the Tower, about 1000 feet high, and released to fall into an excavated pool 150’ across and 200’ deep. The idea was that in addition to the springs inside the capsule, the water would act as a “shock absorber”, and so “the shock felt by the occupants on landing will be in no way unpleasant”. The thing would have hit at 178mph or so, and, assuming that the whole thing didn’t get completely crushed on impact, I’m not so sure that 200’ of depth is very much wiggle room for the thing to come to a halt (if it didn’t deform). Also it would have to not have any wind deflection so as to not veer off its perfect entry into the water. And so on. Calculating the force of impact is difficult without knowing how far down the bullet would go, but hitting the water at 80 m/s and stopping at 30 meters would yield something like 28,600,000 KE and 1,274,000 N. There are lots of problems. The thing that made this so appealing is that for the 20-francs that got a person a seat in the bullet, they would each have gotten to go twice as fast as any human had ever traveled before ( 65 miles per hour was about the speed of the fastest train constructed).’ — collaged

 

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‘During the early 1980’s, Bally was developing an interactive Ghostbusters-themed ride called The Hauntington Hotel, for Six Flags theme parks. The modern movie-branded take on Disney’s classic Haunted Mansion attraction would have been the first interactive video game/theme park ride. Six Flags guests would climb into a “Ghostmobile”, a track-set ride vehicle with a drop down lap bar with ghost-busting guns mounted on it. Recruited by the Ghostbusters Agency, park guests would be sent on their first job, to take care of the ghosts in a creepy hotel called The Hauntington Hotel. The ride was expected to last two and a half minutes and would feature a variety of high-tech and low-tech gags for the scenes. Every target would react to being hit, and guests would get to find out their score when exiting the attraction. The whole thing was created, designed, engineered, and prototyped at Sente, and the ride system was in the hands of a prominent roller coaster engineering company, Intamin. But before it could be rolled out in the Six Flags parks (1st one was slated for Six Flags Magic Mountain in Southern California), Bally sold the Six Flags division in 1987, and the project fell into a corporate black hole, never to be seen again, which is too bad, as it was really pretty cool, even by today’s standards.’ — Slash Film

 

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‘The Orlando, Florida project Hurricane World was supposed to be both a serious hurricane research center, and a tourist attraction featuring giant simulated storms complete with 100 mph winds. The developers wanted to build this $5 million tourist attraction on U.S. Highway 192 in Osceola County next door to Walt Disney World.’ — collaged

 

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‘In the early 90s, a theme park that would have resembled a historically accurate replica of Old London Bridge was planned to be build over and across the Las Vegas Strip. It would have included a number of dark rides, an indoor roller coaster, water slides, and other attractions. It was to be located just north of the New York New York Hotel. When the initial cost estimate ballooned to half a billion dollars, the project was scuttled.’ — collaged

 

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Geyser Mountain was an attraction developed for Disneyland Paris to be on the Tower of Terror ride system, but it was run in reverse … descending deep into the ground, then exploded upward, riding atop a powerful thermal geyser. After entering the mine building guests would queue through exhibits and displays that set up our elevator journey deep into the tunnels and caverns below. ( Such an elevator exists at Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico ). The elevators would first descend into the mine tunnels where various mining operations would be observed as the elevator doors open onto different levels. Then the car descends deeper into the fabled “Rainbow Caverns” where the doors reveal a breathtaking sight. The elevator operator is then given “safety clearance” to continue down to the deepest caverns where “thermal activity” sometimes makes visits impossible … but today of course we are “lucky” … we get to go!” As we descend, ominous rumblings increase and guests are able to briefly see the glowing heat-fed fissures before massive thermal eruptions force the cabin back upward and all the way to the top of the mine shaft tower. The elevator cab thrusts upward and slips back downward…the ever increasing thermal geyser belching out steam beneath the cab (like the 1959 version of Journey to the Center of the Earth). We break free of the earth and bob precariously at the top of the tower…steam escaping from all around below the cabin. Then like a cartoon … the geyser stops with the cab motionless for an instant. Then we fall back downward landing deep in the earth on a pillowy cushion of receding steam. The operator is able to regain control of the cab, and brings the elevator back up to the entry level on the side of the mountain. The reason it was never built was largely technical: much of the attraction was housed underground as it would be impossible to disguise a 13 story tower in the existing Paris Disneyland Frontierland. Thus all the mine scenes and caverns were created in basement structure, leaving the ultimate height only about 70 feet (20 feet lower than the nearby Big Thunder Roller Coaster). The problem ended up being that of capacity. Tower of Terror has 4 to 6 elevator entries and it would have been very difficult to create a scene that looked believable and made room for all those mine elements.’ — Disneyandmore

 

 

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‘Herbert H. Pattee had been a Broadway actor who abruptly changed the course of his career and decided to become an inventor. At first he designed furniture, patenting hinges and the like. But he started designing amusement park rides. One of them was a “Ball Coaster”, in which the passengers would be strapped to the sides of a steel ball and rolled down a roller coaster-like track. Fortunately, this was never built. It would probably have result in serious injuries or death.’

 

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The Harry Potter Quidditch Match Coaster was conceived and seriously considered in the early stages of development for Universal Orlando’s Harry Potter park. It was to be a part coaster part shoot-em up thrill ride. As you rode what seemed like a coaster, you entered a quidditch match only to end up in a interactive ride play through of a quidditch match.’ — Season Pass

 

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‘Here, this project imagines a vertically stacked theme park in the middle of the city. With the minimum footprint on the ground, this Vertical Theme Park will itself become skyscraper. Theme park is the place where somebody can experience extraordinary altitude, speed and unexpected events. When people are tired of conventional suburban setting of the theme park, we may have to place our theme park in the urban setting.-for example, in the middle of Manhattan. “Density” of the existing urban conditions will make theme park more exciting place. At the same time, “Height” of the vertically stacked theme park will also help to enhance theme park experiences to the visitors. The classic rides, such as the Ferris Wheel, rollercoaster, and carousel are all re-imagined for a vertical experience. The park is distinguished into five major areas that comprises Vertigo World (carousel and observation deck), Fast Land (flume ride, rollercoaster), 360 World (Ferris Wheel, sky promenade), Abyss City (deep city diver), and the Elsewhere Universe (space exploration, science center). As the Vertical Theme Park will be open 24 hours, many businessmen can come join, after office hours, the Urban Bungee Jumping with their suits and ties to relieve the stressful workdays. Deep in the night, the scattered lights from the other tall buildings will shine like the stars.’ — Ju-Hyun Kim

 

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‘Before he was a Disney Legend, Tony Baxter was a Disney fan. He was just a teen when he landed a job at Disneyland selling ice cream, and later, when he needed a senior project in college, he decided to submit a ride concept for one of his favorite Disney movies: 1964 film Mary Poppins. The result was a ride-through attraction he called Jolly Holiday. To start, guests would board horses on mini-carousels reminiscent of the scene inside the chalk drawing. As the ride got underway, the horses would “jump” from the carousel into the rest of the chalk picture, out into the countryside and through the fox hunt. This would all be accomplished by a revolving theater mechanism, similar to the Carousel of Progress. After meeting the famous penguin waiters, a toe-tapping, supercalifragilistic sing-a-long would ensue. Then, a flash of lightning would signal a rainstorm that would “wash” guests out of the painting. After the chalk melted away, guests would find themselves on London rooftops with the dancing chimney sweeps. Baxter took the concept book to one of his connections at Disneyland, who presented it to his superiors. Shortly thereafter, the hopeful student got a call to meet with Disney producer Bill Anderson. Though Baxter was convinced they were going to offer to build his ride, instead, Anderson offered advice on how to get the proper training to move forward with a career at Disney.’ — micetrap

 

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Pandoras Box is a never before seen ride concept from Vekoma, which was developed by the German Mr. Mordelt around 2005-2006. It combines drop or free fall tower like vehicles, which move (!) around a building and tilt and rotate the riders according to the storyline. Sadly this complex ride was never built or sold.’

 

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‘In 1960, Jack Haley, the actor who played the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz and a devout Christian, teamed with Donald Duncan of Duncan Yo-Yo’s. Together they planned to build a new theme park in Cucamonga, one that would rival Disney in its ambition. They even hired two former Disneyland designers, Nat Winecoff and Bruce Bushman. Bible Storyland was their dream. “They wanted to create it in a heart shape,” says Jordan, “which supposedly represents God’s love of humanity. And the park was going to be divided into 6 different lands. You’d be in the Garden of Eden, then Rome, then Egypt, then Israel, and Babylon. And each place would have rides relating to the Bible. “Take Noah’s Ark, a double carousel. It would be a typical carousel, but built inside a large ark and filled with zebras and camels going around the carousel. That’s a very biblical theme, of course. But to the left of it is the Carousel of Mythical Beasts. You see this girl riding on a half horse, half mermaid, with dragon feet. The mythical beasts! I never found that in the bible myself.” And neither did the local clergy. Todd Pierce, a Cal Poly San Luis Obispo professor who’s currently working on a book about early theme parks, says the designers didn’t really put much thought into what their audience would think. “They hired people with minimal contact with religious communities,” says Pierce, “to create a theme park for Protestants and Catholics. Nat Winecoff talked about the trip to hell, and he would get so animated and excited about seeing Satan and the sulfur baths and fire fountains. And then you could go to Circus Maximus and see a recreation of the lions and the Christians played out on stage, and then afterwards you could eat lion burgers. So there was this type of cavalier attitude, this junkiness to it, that smacked of religious profiteering.” There was the the Garden of Eden Boat Ride, which looks a lot like Disneyland’s jungle cruise, with scenes of Adam and Eve standing side by side with cavemen and dinosaurs. And there was a ride into King Tut’s Tomb, which has nothing to do with the Bible at all. “It was supposed to open on Easter 1961,” says Pierce. “In the summer of 1960, the Catholic clergy were organizing to picket the construction of Bible Storyland while earth movers were out there grading the land and getting ready to build.” The project was called off.’ — scpr.org

 

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‘The layout of the never-built Beatles Magical Mystery Tour ride at Hard Rock Park.’

 

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‘An addition to the Casey Jr. Train Ride in Fantasyland, Candy Mountain was supposed to be a mountain, that looked like it was made out of rock candy (and other various types of candy, such as licorice, lollipops, and candy canes), with a glossy, translucent appearance. Planned for the 1957 season, Candy Mountain would have been the first mountain attraction in Disneyland, years before the Matterhorn had been dreamed up. The planned Rainbow Road To Oz attraction, was supposed to go underneath the mountain, and the ride would be inside it. It was cancelled due to Walt Disney being concerned about how they would be able to maintain and clean the mountain “because of all the smog” that came from around Anaheim, California.’– collaged

 

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‘Featuring scenes from several of Stephen King’s stories, including The Shining and It, this never officially titled but planned dark ride for Universal Studios theme park in Florida would have featured a false ending. Riders would approach an unload platform and hear a spiel, then the lights would flicker, and a river of blood would pour from the doors at “unload” platform (a la The Shining). Pennywise the Dancing Clown would then emerge from the control booth to attack the riders, who would narrowly escape as their vehicle lunged forward.’ — Theme Park Insider

 

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‘Universal Studios Florida originally planned to build an elaborate dark ride themed to the works of Stephen King. The only detail known about the attraction is its signature scene. Part-way through, riders would pull into the unload station and hear the usual instructions on how to exit without extensive bodily injury. But the restraints wouldn’t lift and the ride wasn’t over. A Shining-sized deluge of blood would flood out of the exit doors, Pennywise Itself would spring from the control room and riders would hurtle deeper into the nightmare/toward the gift shop. The powers that be decided that an attraction requiring a devoted plumbing system for fake blood might not have the wide appeal they wanted.’

 

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‘The original plan for the DinoLand U.S.A. area of Disney’s Animal Kingdom included a major thrill ride themed around a former sand and gravel pit. The site would feature an enormous piece of leftover machinery: The Excavator. This ore car circuit was to form the basis for a huge, heavily-themed, mine cart-style roller coaster that would be one of Disney’s Animal Kingdom’s headline thrill rides. The storyline would be that paleontology students had once again restarted the Excavator, using it to transport dinosaur fossils. The Excavator was dropped from Animal Kingdom’s opening day line-up due to the spiralling costs of building the park’s zoo attractions.’ — Theme Park Tourist

 

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‘There were originally to be three rides in the Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge Land at Disney parks. The cancelled ride plans involved a concept where you get to ride a Bantha through the land. The rumored attraction has been described as a Peoplemover style conveyance ride. This slow-moving attraction might have not only provided unique views of Galaxy’s Edge, but could’ve added some much-needed kinetic energy to the area.

‘Thanks to some behind-the-scenes Imagineering footage we can see how the ride mechanics were being designed, to make it feel like you’re really riding on a 4-legged creature. The attraction would utilize a trackless ride path, so it would really seem like you were riding an alien creature, and not just some ride vehicle.

‘This attraction might’ve been located along the land’s main pathway, leading from a loading zone across from the Market to the Resistance base and back. No one is quite sure why this attraction never made it off the ground. Guesses range from a poor estimated hourly capacity, to budget cuts—or, maybe it just plain made people sick. We may never know.’

 

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‘The early concept of Disneyland’s Pirates of the Caribbean attraction had it designed as a walk-through instead of a flume-ride.’ — Disneyandmore

 

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‘In the late ’90s, the theme park attraction design company Sally Corporation produced a dark ride concept based on the original Ghostbusters animated series, billing it as the “greatest dark ride never built.” The vehicles would’ve turned to allow for riders to shoot at the many ghosts that were attacking New York City. There was a themed pre-show room. There would have been huge New York sets filled with shootable targets. The ride’s story appeared to have spanned much of the affected New York City including Central Park. Riders even would have had a close encounter with multiple slimers!’ — Theme Park Review

 

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In the late 1960s, the Knotts Berry Farm amusement park in Southern California briefly toyed with competing with nearby Disneyland by offering even more innovative attractions. One attraction on the drawing board was a very early simulator attraction that would take guests into a swirling hurricane. A model was built for testing, during which the capsule in which riders would sit was continually destroyed, and the ride was abandoned for being technically impossible to realize.’ — Progress City

 

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‘Some of the most memorable scenes in Pixar’s The Incredibles involve the spherical forcefields that the family’s daughter, Violet, is able to generate. These can be pushed and rolled along, in much the same style as the Atlaspheres that used to features in the Gladiators TV shows. Could they have been inspiration for this mythical Disneyland attraction? According to those familiar with the plans, the Gyroball PeopleMover was to replace the defunct Rocket Rods at Disneyland, which closed just two-and-a-half years after taking over the former PeopleMover circuit above Tomorrowland. The fast-paced Rocket Rods were simply not reliable enough, and the attempt to bolt the new attraction onto the existing PeopleMover infrastructure proved to be catastrophic.’ — collaged

 

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‘An intense ride planned by DisneyWorld to fight Universal Studios was Bald Mountain. Based on the segment in Fantasia riders would be taken up inside the mountain in a log flume or a roller coaster and then chased to the top by Disney villains. When they reached the top, Chernabog, the crazy dragon monster Satan look-a-like from Fantasia, would then chase the riders down the steep mountainside. While the goal was to make a more intense ride, Bald Mountain was deemed too intense and never got the green light.’ — collaged

 

 

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‘Amusement park rides from the early 20th century weren’t exactly known for their safety. But if this terrifying attraction from 1919 had ever been built, it probably would’ve been the most dangerous ride ever constructed. Dreamt up by two New York inventors, thrill seekers would be strapped into pivoting chairs inside a capsule that looked like a gigantic bullet. Then that capsule would be shot out of an enormous cannon — an “electric gun” as they called it — only to land in what’s basically a 100-foot tall martini glass. The capsule would splash down into the huge structure and zip through an enormous water flume, landing in a lake below. Guide rails and a conveyor belt would send the capsules back around to where they started, where riders could do the whole nauseating trick all over again — provided they had another quarter.’

 

 

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Five Nights At Freddy’s – The Ride was intended to be a real-time, multi-player version of the popular video game, “Five Nights at Freddy’s”. This dark ride would have mixed gaming, animatronics, large scale video projection, special effects, and immersive sets and scenery. Fans will have felt as if they had stepped inside a life-size version of their favorite video game as custom ride vehicles take them through a variety of scenes, both virtual and practical.

‘Like the game, this interactive dark ride was centered on a fictional pizza restaurant called “Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza”, where the riders acted as night security guards. Their mission was to defend themselves from the malfunctioning animatronic animal characters that roam the restaurant at night and try to stay alive until 6am. Their only weapons would have been flashlights, which scared the robots away, and the ability to shut doors. Sometimes the team survived ‘till morning, sometimes they didn’t (there were multiple endings to this frightfully fun dark ride).’

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. I’m feeling a little under the weather today, so the p.s. will probably feel under the weather too, apologies. ** Dominik, Hi!!! An embarrassment of riches then. Favorite? I don’t know, maybe ImNotJordan in a pinch. Nah, I’ve heard nothing good about ‘Tarot’, so I skipped it. Love plucked my favorite line there. I saw a video with an older gentleman in his 70s fucking love in every position possible while managing to hold and drink a cup of coffee the whole time, G. ** Michael F, Hi, Michael. Welcome. Oh, hm, I think what they’re referring to is an illustrated ‘guide’-like thing I put together for a magazine, maybe Dazed & Confused (?), at the time of ‘Period’s’ publication? I don’t think I have a copy of it, and I don’t remember what I did, but my guess is that’s what they mean? I forgot all about that. Sorry, but thanks for asking. Nice you’re reading that book. It seems to be really hard to find these days. How are you? ** _Black_Acrylic, Would seem so. No Olympics tickets yet. They’re quite expensive, so I’m kind of waiting to see if my interest in attending wanes or not. I might wait and attend some Paralympics events. They’re cheaper, and that might be more interesting. ** Bill, Guests weren’t bad this time, yeah. Like a Bruce Nauman retrospective kind of thing? Nice, if so. Nothing exciting here. But I’m feeling like shit, so at least the timing seems right. ** Tosh Berman, Yes, I knew about the Price museum, but I think it post-dates my move over here? Check it out, and let me know. ** Lucas, Hi Lucas! I’ve only just glanced at the zine, and my head is clogged with phlegm, but it looks really great (!), and I’ll read it carefully later once I’ve popped a decongestant. Hooray! Everyone, the mighty and talent-packed Lucas has made a zine called ‘traditional doom’, and it’s of course wonderful, and you should head over here without further ado and cast your eyes upon it. Happy to see the good response from the locals. Really exciting, pal! Thank you so much! ** David Ehrenstein, You’ve intrigued me enough about Mr. Brazelle that I’m going to see what I can find about him. Maybe he’s even got a blog post in him. Thank you, sir. I do remember that you knew Bacon at a degree, and that still blows my mind. ** Deisel Clementine, Hi. I’m happy my poems had a three-way with you and your ex even if it sounds like they didn’t exactly help in the long run. Sexy … I presume so? My writer-radar detected sexiness there in or its makings. Fun, for sure, I think? Thank you kindly. The shit is flowing into my week, but nothing to be done about that but shower off accordingly. ** Joseph, Not this month, but the ticklees do seem to tend to be slaves rather than escorts. Trying to charge people to tickle you seems like it might be a bit niche if you’re honestly trying to use your body to make buck. But what do I know. ‘Casey Anthony’, that’s the title? Nice. Obviously heads up when it’s imminent please. I’m no doctor, but I think you’re right! ** Steve, I’m more than half-wishing that there was an app that could block all news coming out of the US. It’s like an insane asylum over there. No, breeding is a perennial and only a more popular/standard desire/request now post-Prep. It’s de rigeur. Thanks about my week. It looks like a grim one, but we’ll see. ** Harper, Hi. Yeah, I relate to your process. I do pretty much the exact same thing, I think. I have a friend, a kind of well known novelist, who’s writing a novel that’s three separate novels that he wants to be published individually. It does seem like a tough sell, but I can see what luck he’s had with that. Weird about the anti-tourist thing. They don’t do that here. There’d be a full-on war going on right now if they did given the gradual filling of Paris with the Olympics invaders. Ha, the escort/slave posts work as a clock for me too, but it’s more about, ugh, rent is coming due. ** Justin D, Hi, Justin. Awesome. Flavorsome list. MaxyYoYo would have definitely won some kind of strange prize if I awarded them. Maybe I should. Hm. Hope you’re good How are you? ** Darby🎱, Hey. My head is a sickness-infused cloud, so my communication right now is the real suspect one. A real 8-ball! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a real one. I wonder if real ones actually tell the truth. Yay on the drive. Did you feel powerful? Or was it, like, what do they say, putting on your socks or something? ** Okay. I’m indulging my amusement park fetish today by presenting a sequel post wherein you can read about sometimes amazing concepts for rides and parks that never came to be due to reality’s sad inabilities. I hope there’s something there that speaks to more than me. See you tomorrow.

22 Comments

  1. Dominik

    Hi!!

    Some of these ideas are really inspired (the Vertical Theme Park and the one with the huge bullet and “martini glass” especially!). What a pity about The Hauntington Hotel. It sounded amazing.

    That gentleman had some serious self-control! Love making whatever is making you feel under the weather disappear immediately, Od.

  2. Lucas

    hi dennis!

    today seems the right time to mention that I’ve recently gone down a rabbit hole of youtube videos about failed amusement park rides. maybe it’ll be of interest to you! https://youtube.com/@defunctland?si=34eVRWVarlyIOwEW

    thank you for sharing the zine! I’m so glad that you & others like it!! this is really the first time I share my writing with anyone that’s not like, just my two friends, so it’s really great to get any kind of feedback. I’d be curious if you have any more specific thoughts or something after reading it more thoroughly. and I’m sorry to hear that you’re sick, get well very very soon! xo

  3. jay

    hey, sorry to hear you’re feeling a little ill, lots of love from the UK. yeah, i was going to link you to defunctland, but it looks like i wouldn’t be the first.

    really interesting stuff actually, i hadn’t really thought about roller coasters for ages, im not sure ive actually even been on one. that “Shining” one sounds incredible though, even if the fake blood would rack up costs.

    p.s., that just reminded me – those new planet of the apes movies were actually excellent, thanks for the recommendation!

  4. _Black_Acrylic

    As A teenage fan, I paid a visit to the Beatles Museum on Albert Docks in Liverpool. No rides to be found but they did have a bunch of interesting memorabilia if you’re into that sort of thing.

    Last night on Mubi I watched the 2020 film Surge about a young airport security guard who has a nervous breakdown on the job and embarks on a crazy odyssey across the streets of London. Ben Whishaw’s character robs a few banks, has sex with a former work colleague and crashes a few cars too. Really enjoyed it and would recommend!

  5. Misanthrope

    Big D! Hey. About time I checked in. I won’t be away this long again. This is my place. And of course, I’ve been peeking in. Just been hella busy with work and with Alex. And with crazy family.

    I don’t know if I told you but David decided a while ago to start doing fentanyl. I know, I know. And it’s been a nightmare. He even got some Narcan for us to use on him if he should OD. It’s not good. We’re trying to figure out what to do.

    Otherwise, things are okay and going well.

    I hope you’re well.

    I got Flunker but haven’t read it yet. Will probably finish this Belchamber first and then get to it. I know James really liked it. I don’t think Armando’s gotten his copy yet.

    Onward and upward. Much love to you.

  6. Pascal

    Hey Dennis, hope you’re feeling better. Thanks for the Lorrie Moore suggestion – Iooking at/playing around with/folding into her effects. I’ll report back. But yeah I do think it’s usually about commitment and confidence for me. I don’t like that about myself but I understand why at least. Also I’m just now thinking that films are often good even great ways for me to get into writing. Might be time for some Antonioni. Have a good rest of yr day. Pascal

  7. David Ehrenstein

    Todya reminds me of the World’s Fair in Flusing in the arly sixties. As I lived only a few blocks away I was there all the time. Among other things one afternoon I picked up Wendel Burton — the Neil Patrick Harris of his day. And speaking of NPHSikking played a hit man with a high powered telescopic rifle in “Point Blank.” Timely, n’est ce pas ? https://www.msn.com/en-us/movies/news/james-b-sikking-dies-at-90-neil-patrick-harris-honors-doogie-howser-actor/ar-BB1q1LAg?ocid=widgetonlockscreen&cvid=73ce24cfb1dd4b50b54cb550ad9dc2b4&ei=37

  8. David Ehrenstein

    Now Read This !

    https://www.salon.com/2024/07/16/bye-bye-aileen-cannons-dismissed/

    Lucian is an old friend, Nice to see him giving this Trump doormat the schlecking she deserves.

  9. Uday

    Hi!! Do you subscribe to the sexy head cold voice theory or the troll-under-the-bridge head cold voice theory? Met with some friends and it was so so nice; I care for them a lot and haven’t seen them in a year and I’d forgotten just the glow of being around them. More of this. Adding cough syrup and decongestant to my wish of coffee and tea for you this week.

  10. Malik

    Hey, DC! I’m sorry to hear you’re not feeling too hot. Hope it clears up sooner rather than later, just like the heatwave over here on the East Coast.

    I finally finished Flunker, and it’s truly one of my new favorite books I’ve read this year! I expected to really get into it, but “From Here On,” “Corpse and Hand Puppet,” and “Gold” are definitely going to end up among my favorite stories of the year (which I might replace fave books with, I’ve read way less new full books lol).

    Fascinating list of rides here. The leap of faith in the Herbie ride would terrify and excite me at the same time. Bald Mountain and Joker’s Madhouse would’ve been a dreamride. Can’t say I expected to see Five Nights at Freddy’s get mentioned on your page, but in retrospect, the concept of weird happenings at a pizza parlor with animatronics is a very possible setting in a story of yours.

  11. Don Waters

    Hey Dennis, Get well soon, man. As a dad of young kiddos, I’ve had a head cold for, oh, about eight years straight now, so I feel your postnasal pain. But at least we’ve got the joy of almost amusement park installations! That Stephen King idea sounds bananas. Trying to get off the ride with blood rushing at you. There’s a very small, old-timey amusement park in Portland called Oaks Bottom, and one of their rides recently malfunctioned and left everyone hanging upside down for… a half hour? That experience seems like it would fit nicely into the Stephen King horror ride.

    Btw, I finished ‘Flunker’ last week and loved reading your new stories. Again, congrats. Right now I finally found some open time to read and write…ah, summer. I’m a quarter way through the latest gargantuan BE Ellis (‘The Shards’) and, since I’ve been re-reading your books, I’m just so struck by your similarities, not so much in style and vision, but in content: LA, youth culture, prep school kids, preoccupation with horror, with music, etc. Seems at one time there was some friendly rivalry there but now are the two of you friends? I saw you were on his podcast, but it’s behind a paywall. Anyway, just some thoughts I had while reading last night… Hope you feel better. Take care, Don

  12. Steve

    Feel better soon! Can you take this week off and try to rest? (Lying in bed and listening to 6 Guided By Voices albums in a row will guide you back to health!)

    Living inside the insane asylum is even worse. I understand your desire to block all the news from here out very well.

  13. Harper

    Hey Dennis. Hope you’re feeling okay. I don’t feel that great at the moment, a weird mix of hay fever and general tiredness. It hasn’t effected my ability to write luckily. I’m heading to Barcelona tomorrow, and luckily I booked the blood test I was telling you about for when I get back. I really hate the day before travelling to places and all the packing etc.

    Hopefully I’m in Barcelona at a good time considering all the tourists flocking to Paris, that’s gotta suck. I’m going to test a theory I have about my own bodies relationship to different climates. Every time I travel somewhere hot after leaving England (rainy and all that), the first few days my body is kind of unwell and confused and I have stomach aches and stuff. So I’m going to see what happens.

    Interesting about your friend splitting a book into three. It was only an idea I was considering because of my reluctance to cut things, but it’s definitely an interesting concept.

  14. David Ehrenstein

    Uday or Udo ?

  15. David Ehrenstein

    “That’s me in the corner”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxudei3zqBA

  16. David Ehrenstein

    “That’s me in the corner”

  17. David Ehrenstein

    I’m trying to remember someone I sort of loved forty years ago. Don’t you just hate when that happens?

  18. James Bennett

    Hey Dennis,

    How are you feeling today? At least a little better I hope.

    I’ve been reading a bit about Steve Roden this evening. Since I discovered his album “Stars of Ice” a few months ago, I’ve been intrigued. Given that he was an LA guy, maybe you knew him?

    Writing’s weird at the moment. Feel like I need to do something unexpected to jolt myself out of a lull. Throw myself a curveball if you will. Do you ever think some seasons are better than other for writing? I’m not so sure about summer…

    I tried to read a pulpy crime novel yesterday because I thought the novelty of it would be stimulating. It wasn’t! Oh well..

    Tomorrow I aim to write something surprising. Maybe that should always be the goal. Surprising first and good later…

    Wishing you health and a good day!

    Hug,
    J x

  19. Charalampos

    Hello Dennis, I am hoping you feeling already better and back on your feet / beat

    I am planning to get Flunker and Candy Darling bio for my bday well a little later because they are going to be late arrivals. And want to have cake and have barbecue with my mom and go out to eat too

    Can you explain the Lorrie Moore technique to someone who does not know her until now?

    I am trying to meditate hard at the moment at how am I going to approach the painting style for the next book which is going to be again a drawing writing style combo. Needs care and thought and I am giving it both so things come out of me

    Love and get back on your beat feet vibes from Chania

  20. Justin D

    Hey, Dennis! It’s a shame that Stephen King inspired attraction was never realized. The blood elevator alone would’ve been worth the admission. So many abandoned projects. Sort of sad, really. But cool to see the designers’ ambitious visions. I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Hopefully when you read these comments tomorrow you will already be feeling much better, if not the picture of health. I started watching this documentary about ‘The Z Channel’ earlier. Pretty interesting backstory. Did you ever catch any films on that channel? I’m doing alright, thanks for asking. 🫠

  21. Oscar 🌀

    Rideas! Rideas! You missed one of my favourites 🙁 It’s this crazy, intricate system of loops and twisty bits that somehow, when viewed from a really, really, really specific angle, spells out ‘hi, Dennis!’ It’s real tricky to get the angle right though, the ideal viewing spot is sadly right in the middle of a busy crossing.

    But, for real, rides! The Hauntington Hotel one sort of reminds me of the Men in Black ride in Universal Orlando — which is neat! And the Godzilla ride? Man, I’ll be distraught over it forever; I really, really love that big funky lizard. Did you ever see the new ‘Godzilla X Kong’ film? It was a hoot. Not, like, critically brilliant or anything, but two massive monsters battering lumps out of each other is enough for me.

    I finally finished up with all the moving stuff! I didn’t randomly come across any forgotten money (unfortunately), but I did come across a fish chopping board (pretty much exactly like this: https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/kfUAAOSwQh5kLzR9/s-l1600.png) which I don’t remember ever actually acquiring but am definitely not complaining about. How’re you doing, big guy? Had a little read through the p.s. and saw you were pretty phlegmed up. Hope it’s rapidly decongesting as we speak/type, and if not, well, I hope Wednesday’s vibes are good enough to get you through it :3

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