The blog of author Dennis Cooper

Pyros

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Julius von Bismarck Fire with Fire, 2018 – 2021
‘The body of work Fire with Fire stems from Julius von Bismarck’s continuous quest to explore the aesthetics of nature’s calamitous force. Fire with Fire exposes unseen images of fire, which von Bismarck captured during various expeditions to forest fire sites in Germany, the Arctic Circle in Sweden, and across California. The year 2018 being determined by the most destructive wildfires since the beginning of records, a typical aesthetic of calamity became ubiquitous in the media. This led Julius von Bismarck to question how to see beyond this simplified, politicised perspective on wildfires and natural catastrophes in general. For his work Fire with Fire von Bismarck collaborated with various fire fighting forces, to be allowed admittance to the restricted areas, and seizure the aesthetic apocalypse of blustering flames. Using image mirroring as a technique to enhance the hypnotic effect of fire, von Bismarck’s Fire with Fire images differ greatly from the brutal reality depicted.’

 

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Harun Farocki Inextinguishable Fire, 1969
‘One of Farocki’s first films, Inextinguishable Fire, from 1969, is a grainy cinematic essay that reflected on the then-still-unfolding catastrophe of the Vietnam War. The oft-cited opening sequence of this early work is vivid and complex in a way that few works of video art achieve. A young Farocki is pictured, sitting at a desk. He reads, in a steady voice, from testimony from a Vietnamese boy who was disfigured by a US napalm attack. And then Farocki takes a lit cigarette and snuffs it out on his own arm. “A cigarette burns at 400 degrees,” a narrator says. “Napalm burns at 3,000 degrees.”’

 

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Jan Dibbets TV as Fireplace, 1969
‘Between December 25 and 31, 1969, public television station WDR III in Cologne rebroadcast Dibbets’s video of a burning fire every night for three minutes. The logs were lit on the first night, and the fire grew in intensity before slowly dying on the last one. Perfectly site specific, Dibbets’s piece turned the home’s cathode-ray tube into a flickering fire for just a few moments at a historical moment when the TV set had gone a long way toward replacing the hearth as the focal point of domestic space. Watching TV as Fireplace on YouTube would of course be completely different. Online video shatters the direct link that Dibbets made between physical viewing environment and moving image. Given that audiences may now watch videos on an iPhone at the beach or a computer at the office, is it still possible for artists to create this kind of dialogue between the physical space of viewing and the space on-screen?’

 

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Mat Collishaw Burning Flowers, 2014
‘I like this because it is irregular. The object that usually destroys things like flowers is actually creating the flowers.’

 

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Martin Honert Feuer/Fire, 1992
‘In Honert’s polyester-and-resin sculpture Feuer [Fire] (1992), the artist was inspired by a dictionary illustration that, as a child, became the very definition of fire in his mind. Honert then translated this symbol into plaster, with a later work evolving into a three-dimensional floor sculpture of painted and illuminated resin.’

 

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Bernard Aubertin Tableau feu, 1961
‘Following a visit to the Paris studio of Yves Klein in 1957, Bernard Aubertin was inspired to follow in Klein’s footsteps and passionately work within the field of monochromy, a style that he adamantly adhered to throughout his career. By the 1960’s, Aubertin had introduced fire into his repertoire, a medium that effectively becomes the physical manifestation of his chosen color. Many of the works consist of abstract compositions using matches that were later burned, creating variations caused by the spontaneous nature of flame. The process by which the works are created is inherent in the final product and the viewer can clearly see the charred transformation that took place.’

 

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Adela Goldbard A World of Laughter, A world of Fears, 2017
A World of Laughter, A World of Fears was a theatrical spectacle combining fireworks, sound, and lighting effects. It unfolded with the Microbus serving as the main element of the reenacted/fictionalized event. The event’s narrative is based on a conflict in the community of Asuncion Nochixtlan in Oaxaca, Mexico. On June 19, 2016, federal policemen tried to remove professors and parents blockading highways to protest education reforms. The protesters defended themselves with stones and DIY bazookas as they blocked the roadway with burning buses. The police responded with tear gas cans, rubber bullets, and automatic rifle fire, which the authorities denied.’

 

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Gal Weinstein Fire Tire, 2010
‘for his installation ‘fire tire’ israeli artist gal weinstein used wax, wool, polyester wool, styrofoam and graphite to replicate burning tires emitting smoke.’

 

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Bill Viola Fire Woman, 2005
‘”Fire Woman is an image that appears in the inner eye of a dying man,” said Bill Viola, author of the video. A vision of a female figure whose dark figure stands in front of a wall of flames unfolds on a large vertical screen. In a very slow progression, the character advances by spreading his arms to finally sink into a pattern of glowing waves.’

 

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Claudio Parmiggiani Untitled, 2008
‘The process the artist uses is “delocazione”, he sets objects on fire and removes them leaving behind smokey silhouettes.’

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Goran Bertok The Visitors, 2004 – 2015
‘The series Visitors depicts the gradual decomposition of the human body, testifying to the ending of the life cycle. Eschewing all sentimentality and moralising, Bertok obsessively documents and displays the mortality of the body, turned by physical death into a mere lump of insentient flesh doomed to decay. The motifs of burning corpses in an abstract non-space are a testament, naturalistic if aestheticised to the extreme, to the now ubiquitous process of cremation of the human body, hidden from the public gaze.’

 

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Louise Despont According to the Universe, 2015

 

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Lois Dodd Burning Houses, 2007
‘Each painting depicts the image of a rural house set fully ablaze. Bright orange, red and yellow flames with billowing smoke engulf a burning house that will soon be decimated. In two of the works a stream of water or a lone fireman seem ineffectual in reversing the devastation of the fire. Dodd’s unsentimental, no-nonsense directness grounded in observation is given an added poignancy with the subject of these paintings.’

 

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Bastiaan Maris Fire Organ, 2015
‘Bastiaan Maris’s “Fire Organ” major installation attraction at DarkMOFO Winter Festival, Hobart, Tasmania June 2015. The Fire Organ has been placed over the site of the former Hobart Locomotive Roundhouse turntable (1915-1984), in the old Hobart Railyards site.’

 

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Liza Lou Fire, 2002
‘Liza Lou is an artist who self-consciously examines and employs notions of seduction to examine American history, daily life, and the hidden values and terrors lurking beneath the glittering surfaces of the products we consume. Using glass beads, Swarovski crystal, and papier mâché forms, Lou probes the varied ways that our culture literally conceals its dullness as well as its dangers with ingenious packaging. Her surfaces dazzle the eye and tease us with familiar brand names and images. During the past 12 years, she has created free-standing sculptures and major installations, including the boldly colorful Kitchen (1991–95) and Back Yard (1995–97). In contrast, the series “Presidents” and the installation Testimony (1999–2002) employ a monochromatic palette. Testimony, exhibited at Deitch Projects in New York in fall 2002, is a narrative with 17 works, including a “falling” Man, a menacing Dog, a blazing fire, a wood grain-patterned Map of the United States, a hunter’s Trailer, and a Relief of a drowned blonde child in her communion dress.’

 

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Tim Parchikov Burning News, 2012
‘As significant social, political and cultural changes are occurring daily around the world photographer Tim Parchikov has portrayed this concept literally in the series Burning News which has recently exhibited at The Hayward Gallery. Burning News depicts ‘hot news’ which develops and changes day to day highlighting the problem of how the human brain reacts to this flow of constant information and updates.’

 

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Katarina Kudelova Sincères régulations, 2020
‘Katarina Kudelova sews, glues, braids, if necessary with barbed wire, draws, disguises herself, prepares to set off firecrackers, including on herself, on her companions or on her doubles: rabbit, bear , ermine, dog, saurian, sheep, cat and chicks. Never safe, never really settled into quiet introspection. Always on the alert for a territory on borrowed time.’

 

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Dennis Oppenheim Digestion, 1989
‘Dennis Oppenheim, who died unexpectedly in January, began his walkabout as an artist in the early 1960s, hanging out on the West Coast exploring the surf life before he arrived in New York City with his Stanford art degree and a vision of wildness in his heart. In a fifty year art career that survived decades in an art world obsessed with the gamesmanship of shifting styles, fixations and flavors of the moment, Oppenheim managed to pursue his own interests, refusing to be pinned like a butterfly into a signature style or affect. The net result is a sprawling, protean oeuvre that occupies museums, collections and public spaces across the globe, from Zurich to Los Angeles to Beijing.’

 

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Christian Houge Residence of Impermanence, 2020
‘A Norwegian artist and nature lover sets old trophy animals on fire and gives them a last breath of life before they are set free.’

 

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Alberto Burri Morra, The Combustion (4), 1977
‘The plastic combustion pieces are suggestive of skin that has been cut or peeled back. These abstractions turn the body inside out, as if probing beneath the skin and into the tissues and membranes. When overlaid with clear plastic, they look as if they are excreting mucus. Burri not only was trained as a doctor, but also had an operation on his intestines just before he made these pictures.’

 

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Antony Gormley Waste Man, 2006
‘WASTE MAN was made over a six-week period at the end of summer 2006 out of about 30 tonnes of waste materials that had been gathered by the Thanet waste disposal services and by local people, and deposited in Dreamland, the area of Margate next to the sea and close to the station that had traditionally been the site of a vast funfair. Some works are made in wax to be cast in bronze; this was made in domestic waste to be cast in fire. The piece burnt in 32 minutes, sending showers of sparks over the crowd of spectators.’

 

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Peter Sutherland Kingsford Bench, 2016
‘Mr. Sutherland’s benches smolder with flames, fireworks, and sunsets (or are they sunrises?) as subjects. The colors are fiery reds and oranges, presented through screens that give them the optical quality of road signs. The town they reference in California is known primarily as the setting for the 1987 movie “The Lost Boys,” about a beach town beset by violence and vampires.’

 

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Maurizio Cattelan Last Act, 2011

 

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Forensic Architecture seek footage for Grenfell Tower fire investigation, 2018
‘Over the last few months, the team at Forensic Architecture, housed at London’s Goldsmiths University in Lewisham, has been working to piece together data and footage from the Grenfell Tower fire using a mixture of video and imagery from Youtube, Periscope and other forms of social media, as well as footage from Sky News, which is a partner on the project.

‘Stitching all the information together, and mapping it onto a model of the building, it is at the beginning of a process of building a navigable 12-hour video of what took place at Grenfell. “We have prototyped and are in the process of developing our own tool for visualising the projected videos,” Masterton says. Its working title is the Grenfell Media Archive – but it is currently only being used by the team internally. The long-term hope – in the wake of the call for footage – is to have a database substantial enough to begin sharing it externally as an interactive archive.’

 

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Carolee Schneemann Flange 6 rpm, 2013
‘Carolee Schneemann’s Flange 6 rpm consists of seven motorized steel fixtures protruding from perpendicular walls. Atop each fixture, three cast-aluminum arms wave and rotate. (One fixture has only two.) Cast using a lost-wax process and left unpolished, these arms look like seaweed or badly burnt flippers. They suck at the air like whirlpools and waver like flames made solid. They throw shadows onto the walls, interrupting an otherwise floor-to-ceiling, slightly pixelated orange projection of actual flames shot in the foundry where the arms were cast. All of this makes for a weird kind of transparency, a revelation of process so total that the revelation itself comes to seem like the goal. But then, what is it revealing?’

 

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Cai Guo-Qiang Mystery Circle, 2012
‘Art Type: Explosion Event. Medium: Gunpowder fuse, 40,000 mini rockets, 100 girandolas, 62 Tourbillon Mines. Duration: Approximately 2 minutes.’

 

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Anthony McCall Landscape for Fire, 1972
‘For Landscape for Fire, Anthony McCall and members of the British artist collaborative Exit followed McCall’s pre-determined score to torch containers of flammable material across a field. McCall describes it: “Over a three-year period, I did a number of these sculptural performances in landscape. Fire was the medium. The performances were based on a square grid defined by 36 small fires (6 x 6). The pieces, which usually took place at dusk, had a systematic, slowly changing structure.” The work brought the grid — a conceptual focus for many artists in the 1970s and after — into a natural landscape, merging it with the vagaries of outdoor space and fire.’

 

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Claire Fontaine America (Burnt/Unburnt), 2013
‘I arrived just as the first matches were being lit. There was a hose ready in the gallery and fire extinguishers around in case things got out of control– I remember feeling relieved to see that. Everyone had their iPhones and camcorders out to document the slow burn of the piece. At first, when the map was lit on fire (intentionally), it burnt slowly and was rather gorgeous.

‘However, within about 15 seconds of burning, something went wrong and the flame began to surge out of control. We were not sure if it was part of the art piece… however, soon the smoke was billowing over the entire crowd and the sulphur was so hot and thick that it hurt the lungs.

‘Someone yelled “EVERYONE OUT!!!” and the small crowd stumbled out the front door on Mission Street. The smoke was so thick and yellow that one couldn’t see.’

 

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Ian Strange Suburban, 2013
‘In Suburban, the Australian-born artist Ian Strange teams up with a film crew (and presumably several local fire departments) to subvert and in some cases burn the common image of the American suburb. The project involves eight site-specific constructions in Ohio, Michigan, Alabama, New Jersey, New York, and New Hampshire.’

 

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Hongtao Zhou Burniture (2010)
‘Burniture from Hongtao Zhou are a pair of wax chairs from the melting-obsessed designer. These two chairs are made out of 15 pounds of wax and are designed to be burnt to the ground.’

 

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Jeppe Hein Water Flame, 2006
‘Water Flame is an installation that combines two opposing elements in a spectacular yet minimalist design: a small vertical jet of water with a flame burning from the highest point.’

 

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Nathan Coley Tate Modern on Fire (2017)
‘We were in Paris, and had just finished lunch when my brother messaged me to ask if I had heard the news, about the fire. I got back to him saying that wasn’t something to joke about. He sent me a link to it on BBC news, and the terrible images were in my hand. I sat in shock, with tears in my eyes, at the sight of the flames ripping through the roof, and thick black smoke engulfing that so familiar building. How could this be happening? We couldn’t stop looking. It was irresistible, compulsive. Perhaps the most shocking thing about the image was its inevitability —unbearable and unbelievable but also as if foretold.’

 

 

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Michelangelo Pistoletto Venus of the Rags, 2023
‘An outdoor installation of the “Venus of the Rags” artwork by Italian contemporary artist Michelangelo Pistoletto has been destroyed in a suspected arson attack in the center of Naples, authorities said Wednesday. A police investigation is underway to ascertain the cause of the fire, which broke out at dawn, the local government said in a press release. Once the flames were tamed by firefighters, the area was cordoned off.’

 

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Dalibor Martinis Eternal Flame of Rage, 2013
‘The project generates procedures of those acts of rebellion that take place irregularly but frequently at the periphery of big cities, and as a rule, are embodied by a burning car. It seems that this fragmented, pre-political, and unconnected expression of rage needs a burning car as a common sign. By performing the “artistic” action of burning a car, we intend to appropriate all such acts of dissatisfaction, rebellion, and rage that have already happened or will happen in different circumstances and different places. By placing this action in the context of art, we will maybe understand all the future car-burnings as parts of some more clearly structured conceptual framework. At the same time, we return back to the public space and social memory all those burning cars which burned, or will burn in Paris, Kairo, Baghdad, Berlin or Rio de Janeiro.’

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. ** Tosh Berman, Hi, Tosh. Thanks. ‘Là-Bas’ is worth you time, as you undoubtedly already know. ** ollie🐋🐋🎂, And as it is morning here as well, I wish you a good morning that you can use now or save until your next morning. I go to bed at 10:15 pm whenever I have the chance, which is mostly. So I feel you. Everybody loves Berlin. I’m a rare person who’s sort of only okay with it. It does seem like it would be a good place to live. Everyone I know who’s lived there sings its relative praises. It’s true LA gets hot, and I suppose it’ll only get hotter as time goes on. Oh, sure, I went to the Vrolick. I lived in Amsterdam for 2 1/2 years, and there’s not that much to do there, truth be told, so I saw everything there, I think. I remember it was cool, yes. A baby bird music box obviously sounds like a dream situation. How was your weekend? ** Cody Goodnight, Hi. I’m overly busy, but good. I wish Rob Zombie hadn’t tried to go Hollywood/ semi-mainstream. I really like his first two movies. High five on cheese fries. Me, I’ve just been film film film. Making one, not seeing any. What’s new since you last graced here? ** Nick., Ephemeral works around here, so no problem. Oh, I’m just working on the film. That’s literally all that’s up and will be until this weekend at least. I swear I’ll try to be interesting (again?) ASAP. Do fill me in. ** Mark, Thanks! Thanks for giving Gregg the zine. I haven’t seen him in ages. I haven’t seen Cat Power live since the days when she had nervous breakdowns onstage because she was so shy. Fun show, I’m sure? You going to se the John Waters retrospective? I’m hoping to get to LA in time. ** _Black_Acrylic, Thank you, Ben. Oh, man, I hope you’re feeling stronger by now. Maybe the DVD helped? ** Misanthrope, Hi, G. Yes, we finished the sound work yesterday. Now we have to finish the color correction by Thursday. I actually really enjoyed the sound work. It’s great watching the film become what’s meant to be. There’s one scene in our new film that makes me cry a little, even after having watched it, like, a hundred times. You in the office again today? ** Steve Erickson, Mm, I’m pretty easy when it comes to haunted house docs, but, honestly, none I’ve seen are remarkable or do what I think they should do. As I was saying to George, we finished the sound work, and now it’s color correction work until our deadline on Thursday. We have to ‘turn the film in’ on Friday. You have to like that sort of relentless repetitive thing, but the work is enjoyable for all of its urgency. Thanks, Steve. ** John Newton, I’m well, and I hope you are as well. Two uses of ‘well’ in one sentence, not bad. I like the books too, and I think I was dragged to church two times as a kid, and that was the entirety of my religious upbringing. A lot of the experimental or independent fiction I like and read has pretty good goodreads score, but I don’t think that’s enough for the bosses. I did not know most of my books are on archive.org. Huh. Interesting. Thank you for the tip. I did know James Robert Baker, yes. If he read at Beyond Baroque, it would have been long after my tenure there. He was a complicated fella. I do, of course, accept guest blog posts happily. They would probably need to be more than just an article, or an enhanced article or something. Something blog-like. Sure, you can email it to me. Thanks. NYC hustler bars: My favorite was The Ninth Circle. My friends I hung out there all the time. Otherwise, The Phoenix, Rounds sometimes (good for spotting famous hustler buyers — Tennessee Williams, Truman Capote, Ray Bolger, and on and on), a few in Times Square whose names are escaping me. Haymarket might have been one of them. I wasn’t a big gay bar goer otherwise, just to meet up with friends. Cliquey? Mm, I don’t remember that seeming like an issue? But, like I said, I just popped in and out. Never was a big alcohol drinker. I guess I did hang out a fair amount at this East Village bar called Boy Bar. It was where my friends were. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. I’ll try to figure out who or what Donyale Luna is. ** Sypha, My pleasure, James. It’s a great-y. Congrats on your uncledom! Start getting ready to corrupt her. ** Corey Heiferman, Hey. Wow, I think I can honestly say I’ve never contemplated sex with celestial beings. I guess I think of them as non-corporeal. The sound editing is finished (for now). It went very well. Now color correction editing. I’ll see how that’s going today. I’ve heavily contemplated going to Temenos. It’s just that going south in the summer is not something I find appealing in theory, being a heat hater, But yes, I would like to, for sure. What’s new with you? ** Okay. Fires galore for you today. See you tomorrow.

11 Comments

  1. Mark

    Yay piros! Oh man, I love to burn things. Thanks Prometheus! I think the Waters show at the Academy Museum is up until August 2024. Another parallel exhibit, ‘Outside the Mainstream,’ is also up until August 2024 https://www.academymuseum.org/en/exhibitions/outside-the-mainstream
    When you make it to LA you must book some tix to see screenings in the Geffen theater at the Museum. It’s a fantastic theater. Gregg’s restored films looked and sounded amazing. Cat Power was okay – the set was very short. Modest Mouse had a very strong set. The Pixes (minus Kim Deal) was fine – they touched on many deep cuts and some classics. Over all it was a fun night but came on the heals of many consecutive evenings of social events so I think we were a little fried. We’ve started a zine collective called Mattazine Society (IG @mattazine_society) and will be selling our DC zine and two forthcoming zines on Cookie Mueller and Kristian Hoffman. And zines by a variety of international and local queer artists at the Tom of Finland Arts and Culture Festival October 7-8 here in LA.

  2. Charalampos

    Some of these fire are interesting. I saw a snake the other day on the pavement in this general area and I think about it all the time :/ Do you hate snakes? or like them but with no contact rule?

    Nice to know you guys do so much with the film
    A really good line came to me when I woke up yesterday and I try to extend it in something good

    I decided to celebrate my having ten writing credits out by doing a live reading prob on cam so I am looking about it
    I did a reading for a film recently and I felt so good about my self and like I have so so much within me. I feel so bad about Greek culture that instills fear in you and learns you to lower your spirit, I will overturn all that tho

    It is so nice for me to have a place to share what I do and feel free and not confined

    Love from Crete

  3. Misanthrope

    Dennis, Oooooh, that’s cool about the sound editing. I like that. And you’re not much of a crier, are you? Me neither. So that says something.

    I’m back at home today. I’ll go back in on Monday, October 2, to do my one day a month requirement. I like to do the first Monday of each month. It didn’t work out this month because of Labor Day on the 4th and the late Cowboys game the night before the 11th. Eek.

    FIRE! I’m wondering if fire isn’t more of a guy thing. I can’t think of too many female arsonists. Though I did see where two 14-year-old girls got arrested recently for starting a huge wildfire somewhere. But yeah, I feel like it’s maybe more of a guy thing. I remember being really taken with fire and its power when I was a kid. I used to light shit on fire in the bathroom sink all the time. I’d never burn something down, of course. Well, unless it’s some sort of -archy! 😉

  4. _Black_Acrylic

    Back in 2004 over 100 artworks, including The Chapman brothers’ Hell, were destroyed when fire swept through a warehouse full of Charles Saatchi’s YBA collection. I seem to remember that most of the Great British public found this most amusing but hey, it must’ve been them that voted for Brexit all those years later, right? There’s a Venn diagram I’d like to see.

    The good news is that I’m feeling quite a bit better today. The DVD of And Soon the Darkness was not as good as its title, though. I did finish Kathryn Scanlan – Kick the Latch and can report that I enjoyed it a whole lot.

  5. 2Moody

    Dennis! I finished my Almodóvar marathon (save for the cowboy one), finished reading Quarry (eerie and fantastic, though I was kinda hoping it’d take an occult turn), and tied up some loose ends that were only loosening more and more each second. A perfect picture of aptitude.

    Truth be told I still haven’t seen PGL, for shame!! But now that I’ve crawled out of my Almodóvar hole, it’s kinda perfect timing isn’t it? Do you recommend any films to precede my PGL viewing to immerse me fully into the world’s ambience, or are you normal and recommend simply just watching it? (Side note, reading and typing it as PGL tricks me into seeing PSL, like pumpkin spice latte. For shame again!)

    It seems I spoke too soon about the heat letting up, quite apropos to today’s blog post. I had one glorious morning of getting rained on while walking to the post office, happily sneaker-squeaking my way inside looking like a wet dog, but it’s since jumped back to a steady mid-90s. I should’ve known I’d be tricked like this, having experienced at least 5 Texan summers at this point.

    I stalked through your blog for a 2019 post about your 40 all-time favorite amusement park rides and saw a Tivoli mention, which I visited a couple winters ago! Do you remember a ride called Tik Tak? I dig a jerky/revolving ride (Wipeout at the Santa Cruz beach boardwalk comes to mind, a total blast), but witnessing Tik Tak in motion made my stomach do flips. I totally guessed that Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride was going to be part of your list for some reason. I rode that for the first time on a high school class trip and it fucking terrified me! Have children’s dark rides always been that… dark?! The drop in Splash Mountain is also too intense for me (have you picked up that I’m a baby?) but I was mesmerized by the journey leading up to it, racist origins aside. If the ride had just been a log ride through various scenes, I could get down with it. There’s something really zen about being plopped into the vast interior world of a dark ride with no way out except through, something very “God’s plan” about it, so I think it’s super rational to bliss out regardless of quality. xoxo

  6. _ollie_ :))

    HELLO FRIEND LISTEN FRIEND DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION *HYPNOTIC SNAP*HELLO???
    Great! Now that your listening:
    *deep gasp*
    SPIRIT HALLOWEEN HAS OPENED THIS IS NOT A DRILL WE HAVE OPENED WE ARE SELLING HALLOWEEN THINGS-what is that? The building says its a Bed Bath And Beyond? NO we are in a new building now!! THIS IS SPIRIT!! And to you! If you happen to stop by (which I doubt so because who tf wants to come to the south?) come by Spirit and see our faces and the Italian manager who’s calling quit most likely after this year because Jesus he’s getting too old ya know?

    Yes this is serious we have officially opened!. I started the register and the first three customers made me want to kill myself because I was so stupid and so bad at money that I just wanted to break down and disappear but then after that I think it got better. Its kind of funny actually, all the things I was conjuring in my head in that moment. I will throw my head in a kitxen sink and turn the disposer on every time I hear a customer use the word “miss” with me. I dont even look like a girl thats the thing. I never hated being short , but I think if it wasnt for my height people would take me seriously, and i’d appear more guy-like.
    Maybe its good you dont necessarily know me in person because I doubt you would take how I look seriously, most people probably wont.
    BUT LISTEN I HAVE THIS IDEA!!
    I could be the first trans kid to perform masculinizing chest surgery on myself. It doesn’t sound too bad. I know everything about anatomy and yada yada which is why im good at keeping myself alive unless my goal is to not be kept alive but im not suicidal atm just kind of pissed.
    This is all theoretical. Ive been clean actually, weirdly, though the scars are still there and I just want to not feel like I have to hide my skin with sweaters and jackets at work. I tried taking it off but I got this weird stare or it was paranoia.

    ANYWAYS, whew. That was my day! How was yours?
    What was your favorite think about the Vrolik museum? I’m jealous of you. You said you probably been to most places in Amsterdam. Hm. Ok. Have you been to the Peppa Pig Playhouse? It’s real. Honest.

    • _ollie_ :))

      ok uh I texted one of my friends about the self-performing surgery thing and they freaked out. I didn’t expect that but sorry if you freaked out too. It wasn’t my intention and, once again, sorry if that was an inconvenience to ur day. I’m going to go eat some pineapple now. Goodnight.

  7. John Newton

    Thanks Dennis, I liked the pictures of the rarely seen forest fires or controlled burns. What was it like with the Santa Ana winds blowing wildfire smoke in Southern California? Difficult to breathe? I did not like the Canadian wildfire smoke here in the Northeast but I just dealt with it, wore masks outside, limited my time outside, etc. I was burned the other night when cooking gnocchi for dinner, it was only a 1st degree burn and it healed up fast.

    I never saw any famous people in gay/LGB bars, except for some gay basketball player from some utah team, but I didn’t know who he was as I don’t watch sports, he was out with his friends and I was with mine. I only learned about it as people kept going up asking for his autograph and my friend said something to me later about it. I would drink lots of alcohol in bars, and at parties the longer I stayed, and the more relaxed I became-I don’t like how alcohol makes me feel sluggish, but usually not at home unless I had friends visiting, or if I had driven to the bar I would limit it to 1-2 only if I drank anything at all.

    Who else went to the hustler bars that was famous? Did Andy Warhol buy hustlers or was he more private? Did Ray Bolger die from HIV/AIDS? Which other deaths of famous people with HIV/AIDS were hidden? When you lived in NYC did you ever meet a Jewish queen from Philadelphia named Hyman? He was my parents’ friend, my dad’s co-worker, and moved to NYC in the late 1970s and then just vanished in the early 1980s. I hope it was not HIV/AIDS or suicide but I am realistic. I contacted some gay/LGBT Jewish group in Manhattan and the woman was helpful and forwarded my email to people but I don’t know how religious he was. There are no obituraries for him and he was from my grandparents’ generation and would not be alive.

    Good luck with the film editing it is tedious work.

    Take care,
    John

    • John Newton

      Also how was James Robert Baker complicated? It is sad he killed himself. How did you meet him? I know he loved films. Did he take crank or crystal meth or was he just writing about how popular it was and still is? I never took it and do not want to. My friend did and she stayed awake for 3-4 days, no thanks. I have bad enough insomnia as it is.

      I grew up with people whose parents worked in the TV industry: soap operas and talk/entertainment shows. I would sometimes skim over parts of the scripts just being nosy as they left them sitting out. I never edited any or did the pre-social media version of plot spoilers as only my paternal grandmother would sometimes watch general hospital and my friend’s dad didn’t work for that soap. I usually just played videogames, computer games, or watched films on VHS my friend had or we rented Clerks dozens of times. I only watched the talk/entertainment shows when a band or musicians I liked were on, for film previees/interviews, or if I was talking to my parents and they were watching it.

  8. Kyler

    Hi Dennis – love the fire. The Ninth Circle was my favorite too. We must have been there at the same time, but we didn’t know each other then. Congrats on finishing the film stuff soon!

  9. Tim Miller

    How come the amazing photos of Bernard Faucon did not cross your mind. ? especially the ones with fire? So many good ones.

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