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The blog of author Dennis Cooper

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Rigby 101 presents … Fat Man On A Beach – BS Johnson Returns to Resubmit his Research & Findings (or Buy Me, Public!) *

* (restored/ Halloween countdown post #15)

The novelist cannot legitimately or successfully embody present day reality in exhausted forms. If he is serious, he will be making a statement which attempts to change society towards a condition he receives to be better, and he will be making at least implicitly a statement of faith in the evolution of the form in which he is working. Both these aspects of making are radical; this is inescapable unless he chooses escapism
(Aren’t You Rather Young To Be Writing Your Memoirs)


our hero was squeezed from his mothers womb on the 5th of february 1933. the only occupant to be so (though whether due to RhN or not, he uncharacteristically never found out), true there was to be another lodger, this being the cancer that would kill her (but that happens much later – an important fact – trust me). bryan samuel was promptly taken to his working class hammersmith home, until the blitz, when he would be farmed out with other school children to the country. he didn’t like that, the separation, the first ‘betrayal’.. in fact he was miserable, mostly. {‘She had no right: but she had the power, ah, the power!’ Trawl} So bouts of depression and paranoia start here.. the fiery elephant (as he would later be called.. well not quite but more on that later).. had developed a very thin skin. {in ’A. A.’ BSJ includes a description of himself by one of his pupils, calling him a ‘firy elephant’. BSJ preferred the understanding fiery, though it was more likely fairy (common london parlance)} (is this important? Ed.) hell yes! BSJ has this reputation as a boisterous overbearing, even arrogant pain in the arse.. and maybe sometimes he could be, BUT there was a reason.. he was extremely sensitive; to personal put-downs and maligns, to professional laziness and above all to the development of the novel. he worked hard {I’MANALLorNOTHINGMAN} he worked 100% for accuracy.. he didn’t want to give ‘them’ a chance to bad mouth him or balls things up for him and the future of THE NOVEL.. he was a perfectionist and that unfortunately gets on peoples tits. especially when they are not.

our nest fleeing hero moves here at the relatively late age of 28. as a square it was only three quarters formed due to blitz damage and overlooks an enclosed reservoir. invited to live there through his mysterious lifelong friend / antagonist (and possibly, a major psychological factor in his death, but more on that later). {LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE} listening to the yeah yeah yeah’s Maps when taking this pic, and a huge guy with a johnsonesque face walked past that could have easily been steven (oh yes, he had children.. but that’s around the corner).. did I mention BSJ was obsessed with superstitions and omens? {REQUIREMENTS FOR SUCCESSFUL WRITING: PENCILS (FROM FULLERS BAKERY), A CANDLE ALWAYS BURNING, EVERY NOVEL TO BE STARTED ON BOXING DAY} freudian technique on an autobiographical passage (more on this later) initially declared that ‘This man was simply depressed and suicidal’, to later add {AFTER BEING COHERCED} ‘Looking again, more closely, the final experience mentioned, of seeing a devil which BSJ concludes was a punishment from his Goddess/Muse, could support a diagnosis of psychotic depression. In this condition there can be delusions of punishment and mood congruent hallucinations (either auditory or visual). Ok – I would accept the POSSIBILITY of that.’ andrew hodgkiss [pg 420 L.A.F.E (mentioned in the links)]. {‘I must be the supreme optimist that I go on living inspite of this’} so reason enough to protect himself from outside forces, as (this experience happened in his twenties, so I think he did rather well, in that) BSJ killed himself at the age of 40. {‘That I teeter between despair and suicide doesn’t mean that I don’t see the good things as well; and that I stay alive is the most amazing thing about me’} what’s the story with the goddess? well early on in our heroes early development, he read The White Goddess by robert graves (1948), which has been described as a ‘mad brilliant historical grammar of poetic myth’. no i haven’t read it, but it certainly effected our young johnson, to the point where he saw a physical manifestation of her (he picked her up hitchhiking). IT’S TRUE! {‘I began to feel disembodied again’} apparently (to graves) she is ‘a lovely, slender woman with a hooked nose, deathly pale face, lips red as rowan-berries, startlingly blue eyes and long fair hair’. furthermore graves assures the reader ‘I cannot think of any true poet from Homer onwards who has not independently recorded his experience of her.’ (we may have a few here that disagree. Ed.). actually it does seem a bit confused: he mentions ‘this island’.. and I don’t think he meant the planet earth, and I’m pretty sure that neither of the homers were born in albion. {‘I want to know why you did it, why you – departed – why did you depart from the literal truth? I want to know this.’ In a recorded discussion with his dear friend ghose} our inquisitive hero was a great nitpicker (again the perfectionist) and wanted to get right down to the heart of the matter, he could kick off about anything.. he was a great catalyst at parti|enough, back to this obsession with the white goddess.. well, later in his life (pages) he would mention that W.G. was a bit silly (i’m paraphrasing.. so that’s not exactly true.. and if our self rubbed out hero is looking down.. sorry mate but i’m rushed for space.. and anyway what are you doing up there? you were an atheist!) but he never abandoned it (he was re-reading it in wales just before his last film). oh yes he made films and television too (but more on that later).

if our fledgling director is making tv as well as everything else by now, we can situate him round the corner, {‘a pawnlike move from one square to another’} with wife virginia and steven, overlooking a slightly larger (and fully formed) square which suprisingly contains quite a grand church (the name of which I didn’t bother to get.. tune being the specials Much too Young, at click), did i mention he was commissioned to write ‘experimental’ plays {HOW I HATE THAT WORD} by the RSC around this time, he based one on a severe critique of the church hoping it would be one of the final nails in its coffin (unfortunately, unsuccessful in both mission and deployment). {‘Whose Dog Are You’ WAS NEVER PERFORMED BY THOSE SAD RSC TOFFS BUT WAS USED IN ‘BS Johnson vs God’ A FEW YEARS LATER} (is there any point to this rambling? what did this novelist write and why do you rate him? Ed.). {I AM A POET.. IT SAYS SO IN MY PASSPORT} funny you should say that.. our troubled hero asked himself the same thing, often. ‘Is there any point to any of this’. he was a big fan of beckett (and joyce, who he believed kicked off a new form of novel that was being ignored). {‘joyce is the einstein of the novel’} in a round-a-bout way i found our troubled hero through beckett. in that biography by james knowlson, with the story about SB winning the nobel prize and giving some of the money away to some experimental english writer who bought a sports car with it, i think it mentions that BSJ punched holes through his pages, so i was thinking boyd rice and what he did to his early singles.. anyway turns out the car story was a lie, probably by ‘them’ (the only money beckett gave BSJ was a £100 when our destitute hero was about to sell letters of their correspondence at sotherbys). oh yes, they became friends, drinking talking whenever they were both in paris, though they fell out once when BSJ foolishly put a SB quote on one of his books {CMODE} not impressed was HE, but they seemed to have patched things up in the end as the last number BSJ called before killing himself was beckett’s. {TO NO ANSWER, HE BEING INFAMOUS FOR DISLOCATING THE BLOODY THING} so anyway, duly noted and awhile later i finally found & read Xtie Malry.... instantly realising i was dealing with a massive force, I have been searching out his (until recently rare and expensive) work ever since.. that’s the last i want to talk about me.. can we get back to the hero now? {”.. there are not many who are writing as though it mattered, as though they meant it, as though they meant it to matter.”} so where is the product? well you should have been around when he was. he never really sold that much.. he constantly argued with his publishers about the lack of sales, the connection between sales and writers profit.. actually he wangled being one of the first english authors to be paid a salary (£1200 over 3 years for 2 books.. bit like a footballer really.. did I mention he wrote footy reports for the papers too?). with this payment our explorative hero was told by publisher2 that if his novels didn’t rake in the money he’d have to start writing something less ‘difficult’.. well that’s a long story.. and anyway he sacked them – the first of many – before that happened.. (our pragmatic hero would prove to be rather good at this.. not even sparing himself.. he will sack himself mid trilogy). {‘Life is chaotic, fluid, random; it leaves myriads of ends untied, untidily’} the real problem with this conveyor belt of publishers and agents was their ignorance of his rights as an author and all output: not just the novels but the poetry, theatre, film, radio and tv commissions. to their dismay (or sometimes relief) he’d feel ‘betrayed’ and down would fly the guillotine with never a stay of execution.. and he’d be onto the next. i guess in those days doing multimedia just didn’t wash.. beckett commented something like.. all his outputs probably meant that his poetry wasn’t realised for it’s greatness. {*COUGH* (he has a point, you lazy bastard. Ed.) point taken *shuffles feet*} i think our busy bee hero would have to agree he certainly squeezed a lot in.. did I mention he worked for trade unions / the labour party / various socialist groups? YES! as a propagandist.. here he is on the set of his film Unfair!, target: the ‘1970 industrial relations bill’

{‘Socialism not given a chance [balance sheet is incremented £311,398]’ CMODE} he was even possibly (and unknowingly (of course, of course)) hanging out with the Angry Brigade.. well that’s what MI5 thought.. why else would they tap his phone? why eh why? so paranoia builds on paranoia.. hang on! you’ve alluded to autobiography a couple of times now.. and truth.. what’s that about? did this novelist write one? well no and yes. (now what? Ed.). look this is important.. we have a young lad who very early on realised something wasn’t right.. he had a problem.. he had a problem with his communities problem (during the blitz evacuation he sees the lie of class (system).. the ignorance forced upon him (a gifted child taking exams but not told what for – access to university it turns out – a far fetched idea for someone of his strata at the time, but still), these and other ‘betrayals’ ran deep). so later with inner ambition and while working a clerk type job he went (sorry he does go on.. follow our familiar device to the form of ‘report’ if you really want to know more † Ed.). {ARE YOU TRYING TO PUSH MY BOOKS OR WHAT?} dear misunderstood hero, i just read another bad review about your writing.. I might just give up on you.. on this, and realise I was wrong.. most of your contemporary literary types seem to be quite sure you’re output was just gimmick and trickery (more on this later). I REPEAT (AND QUOTE SARRAUTE).. LITERATURE CAN ONLY BE KEPT ALIVE BY RADICALLY REDEFINING IT.. ‘A RELAY RACE, THE BATON OF INNOVATION PASSING FROM ONE GENERATION TO ANOTHER’, I WAS SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WRITING ESSENTIALLY, THE 19TH C. NARRATIVE NOVEL.

 

“Shall we for ever make new books, as apothecaries make new mixtures, by pouring only out of one vessel into another? Are we for ever to be twisting, and untwisting the same rope? For ever in the same track-for ever at the same pace?” Sterne


Travelling People
(1963 / 64 / 67)

each chapter is written in a different mode (third person, epistolary, stream of consciousness &c.). concerns henry henry, who goes to work in a north wales resort and his love and hatred for those there. BSJ came to be ashamed of this as he felt it mingled fiction with autobiography in a dishonest way.

“Original … in the way that Tristram Shandy and Ulysses are original.” – Anthony Burgess, Yorkshire Post

 


Albert Angelo
(1964 / 67 / 87 /*)

fragmentary and episodic narrative (featuring the infamous hole cut outs on pages 147 and 149). concerns a frustrated architect surviving as a supply teacher. he wanders the night streets and daily deals with a growing aggression in the classroom. darkly funny and the beginning of BSJ’s ethic.

‘..one of the best writers we’ve got.’ – Adrian Mitchell, The Sunday Times

 


Trawl
(1966 / 68 /*)

no plot or invented characters (though name changes), internal monologue of a trip BSJ took on a deep sea fishing boat. usually held up by fans to critics that say he was all about ‘trickery’. in a way his most poetic and conventional novel.

‘to shoot the narrow trawl of my mind into the vasty sea of my past. BSJ’

‘vividly described in semi-blank verse’ – Evening Standard

 


The Unfortunates
(1969 / 99)

interior dialogue that combines realtime with memories of a friend. 27 unbound sections to be shuffled and read randomly. contained within a box (influenced by saporta’s Composition #1, though BSJ would say he believed his control over the form was superior).

involves heartbreaking memories of his friend tony tillinghast (who died of cancer in his late twenties) while reporting at a familiar, to both, football ground.

 


House Mother Normal
(1971 / 73 / 86 /*)

ten different points of view on a single event.. each more fragmented and extreme (in both description and words placed on the page).

wickedly funny and a seeming move away from writing ‘nothing else but what happens to me’

 


Christie Malry’s Own Double-Entry
(1973 / 74 / 84 / 85 / 01)

author / main character interaction. use of diagrams to convey important information.

a fast paced dark comedy where the anti-hero* clerk invents a technique to counter his hatred for the world. (*surely not by the end. Ed.).

 


See the Old Lady Decently
(1975)

first part of the trilogy based on his mother (to be completed with ‘Buried Altogether’ & ‘Amongst Those Left Are You’). diverse and fragmentary involving imagined scenes, taped transcripts, poems, real-time writing descriptions

 

“Something for everybody! If you do not like this part, or that part, or the other, then skip ahead or back to a part you did enjoy. It is no part of my intention to provide a continuous narrative, no, that you can get from television at the turn of a switch, who can compete with that? No, my purpose is to reflect with humility the reality of the chaos, what life really seems to be like.” – BSJ

*BSJ Omnibus (2004)

Hafod a Hendref
08/71, unpublished

Once at Gregynog, not long after
arriving, we walked across a field
maculate with snow lambing blood

and amongst the scattered animals
came upon a lamb so newly born
it had not yet laid eyes on its dam:

some instinct set it steadily
towards us as though we must have caused
the monstrous expulse it had suffered
were the womb to which it could return –

I should not stretch the image too far
for my purposes; but certainly
it parallels the raw helplessness

I fell in moving towards your so
much benigner and more properly
valued older civilisation:

a feeling I have hardly had since
bribing glass in hand outside a pub
I was a child, waiting for parents

more BSJ poetry

†
to night school and gained qualifications to get into Kings (not bad for a ‘street kid’ and better still he ended up being the editor of the institutes artistic rag Lucifer – not only radicalising it artistically but also overseeing accounts and expenses and successfully gaining more grants for the loss making institutes banner of creative output. during this time he went out with a muriel starkey (see ’Trawl’) which wasn’t so successful.. infact it became the ULTIMATE ‘betrayal’. {‘.. that it was the loss I wanted, the self-suffering, not her, or I would have surely gone out and found her again and made it work.” The Unfortunates} oh did I mention he went on to become the poetry editor for Translantic Review during the 60’s-70’s.. the largest european english circulation quarterly.. in fact when he died they folded as they thought no-one else could take his place, such was the regard our dynamo hero was held. (we still have some loose threads here. Ed.). It seems we do, and as i fear the reader of this blog report maybe getting bored, i’ll address these lapses here and now, and as efficiently as possible: {THERE’S A GOOD CHAP} ‘trust me’ – his final novel was intended to be the beginning of a trilogy, an effort to commemorate his beloved mother, who he’d watched slowly die of cancer and built upon his fears of carnal decay and loss. the effort of accruing the material, the planning and remembering is thought to have been one of the factors in his suicide. {ROT DAY BY DAY, HOUR BY HOUR} ‘more on that later 1’ – michael bannard was the last person BSJ visited the night before his death. MB had many years early prophesised that our sensitive hero would fail in all relationships with woman as the WG wouldn’t allow them, and that he would die at the young age of 29 (admittedly this was after a failed come-on by MB, still, the ‘curse’ heavily effected BSJ). {‘It was as though god had made another ballsup and had made Samuel’s other half almost a man instead wholly a woman’} ‘motl 2’ – BSJ believed that if a novelist really had something to say then it should come from an internal place that could not be fictionalised. he took beckett’s ideas on creating fictional characters as ‘wasted […] when I have me, on the premises, within easy reach.’ and concluded and enforced a self restrictive policy of writing ‘nothing else but what happens to me’ {of A.A he critically wrote that his hero ‘defecates only once during the whole book: what sort of paradigm of the truth is that?’} ‘motl 3’ – here again BSJ would prove to be ahead of his time using avant guarde techniques for television programs and inventing his own techniques for film (though more often than not, would be dropped when the power of invention changed hands – some of these techniques would later be used by luminaries such as woody allen and lindsay anderson. Fat Man On A Beach was his final film and is a brilliant anarchic mix of anecdote, philosophical musings, silly jokes and surrealist site gags (the ICA occasionally show it and I believe surviving copies of all his films are available for loan at the bfi). {THANKYOU FOR NOT MENTIONING THAT ABORTIVE RECENT TAKE ON CMODE} ‘motl 4’ – BSJ would (have to) constantly defend his inventiveness and varied use of form, he stubbornly believed he always used the best suited techniques to overcome the problem of conveyance.. in a letter to gordon williams explaining the use of black pages in TP: ‘The section in question is taking place in interior monologue, in the man’s mind, right? So how in words can you convey he’s dead? He can’t say after the event I’m dead, now can he? How would you have dealt with this problem? Is not this simple device the best solution to the problem?’ {”Form is not the aim, but the result. If form were the aim then one would have formalism; and I reject formalism.”} biography (and generally the best repository) / brief overview (with extracts) / brief overview (with quotes) / biography Like a Fiery Elephant book review / BBC4 audio review of Like a Fiery Elephant / library searches / BSJ flickr images / buy U.K / buy U.S

biography (and generally the best repository)

brief overview (with extracts)

brief overview (with quotes)

Biography Like a Fiery Elephant book review

BBC4 audio review of Like a Fiery Elephant

library searches

BSJ flickr images

buy U.K

buy U.S

 

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. Caution: This post is haunted. Any ghost you encounter should be immediately materialised for your own safety and enjoyment. ** David, Ah, I see. Hope you’re upswinging wildly. My friends seemed functional to semi-functional yesterday, so fingers crossed. I’ll go through my email tomorrow. I’m way behind. I’m a stressfully otherwise engaged dude until tomorrow. Bon, feel-good Wednesday! ** Dominik, Hi!!!! I’m slightly less stressed as things seem to be going okay, but we won’t have the final version of the Haunt game until just before the event starts, so why I’m less stressed is a mystery. Anyway, I’ll give you whatever scoop there is tomorrow. Oh, that’s true, the haunt town’s urban sprawl is making your mayorship is trickier by the day. Probably worth it? Thank you for the guardian love. I will lean on it the entire day and night. Your love today is a glimpse/screenshot of our Haunt’s backyard featuring the evil teenager character before his goth clothes were rendered onto his primitive but menacing body, G. ** Misanthrope, Hi. Yeah, you should stop giving him money for sure. One of the awful things about heroin is it makes its users lie through their teeth without the slightest qualm, even if they were Honest Abe types before. I don’t know, man. That’s scary and painful to even read about. Big love. ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi, B. No, I haven’t seen ‘Deerskin’, and I really should for no doubt many reasons but also because my collaborator/friend Adele is in it. Huh. Thanks for the tip. ** Jamie, Hi, Jamie! I’m kind of nervous, naturally, but I’m okay. Hopefully the event will be the fun thing we intend. I feel pretty sure we’re going to do this thing again in some form, so you’ll probably see it one way or another. No way we put so much work and effort into something that only lives once. I did know that about John/Castle. And I can tell you, as a friend of John’s, that it thrilled him to bits. Yes, please, not another ‘House of Leaves’, ha ha. Thanks for the wishes. You have a great, non-hampered day up there. Love, me. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. Yes, that was Castle’s class act. ** Okay. Years and years ago the great friend of this blog Rigby101 made this post about BS Johnson, and its strange if inadvertent appropriateness to Halloween is only one of the reasons I’ve brought it back. See you tomorrow.

DC’s ostensibly favorite haunted house attractions of Halloween 2021 (North America edition) *

* (Halloween countdown post #13)

_______________

Arx Mortis (Killen, AL)
‘Covington Clinic is the haunted house. It is a 40-50,000 square foot building. It is so scary they have built in 23 escape exits for those who can not complete the tour. The fright is based on darkness, claustrophobia, gore and horror. The theme is a clinic that has created zombies. The locals are tricked and experimented on while fighting a bio-hazard. The building has a funeral parlor, coffins, embalming area, morgue, experimentation labs and some of the best animatronics and movie quality sound and light experience you will find anywhere in the country. Expect long wait lines.’

 

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The Dark House (Garrison, NY)
‘In the Dark House haunted attraction You will be enveloped in darkness right from the beginning and will have to depend on your other 4 senses as well as your own horrifying imagination to get you to the end. As the story goes, you and a team of your “friends” aim to disprove emphatically that there is no such thing as ghosts by spending the night in a long rumoured haunted house. The story is told to you through your audio headset as you navigate the space by following the “umbillicals.” You will hear, taste, smell and touch the world around you as your “guides” activate tactile elements at key inflection points in the audio to make it all come to horrifying life.’

 

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The Slaughterhouse (Tuscon, AZ)
‘Are haunted houses real, or are they just meant to scare the living There’s one haunted house in Tucson that begs the question, and it’s the subject of this week’s Paranormal Pueblo — The Slaughterhouse. The Slaughterhouse is filled with murderous clowns, cannibal butchers and other creatures that go bump in the night — but they’re only actors in costumes. The real haunts begins when the lights go out. KGUN 9 went on a paranormal investigation with two members of The Tucson Ghost Company, using tools to hear and see what lurks in the dark. Becky and Will Gydesen have been to the Slaughterhouse a few times to hunt for ghosts, and they say they’ve had experiences every time. During business hours, several employees told us about their own experiences with the paranormal, including doors slamming, rotten smells and sounds of footsteps — something we experienced for ourselves. So is the Slaughterhouse the only truly haunted house in Tucson? Becky and the employees say yes.’

 

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Nightterrors Haunted House (Little Rock, AK)
‘Take a journey through the dark, twisted, and demented mind of an insane funeral home owner who murders at night to bring more and more business to his family owned funeral parlor. Barely keeping the doors open he enlists the help of his psychotic family to help him. When you start your tour into the all new 2017

‘Night Terrors 13 Haunted Attractions, you will be engulfed in special Fx and props and sets never seen before . You will start down the long dark corridor of the funeral home and be trusted into an actual funeral that will leave you wondering is this real or just my imagination.

‘We will take you from the front of the funeral home and reception area to back into the embalming room. Then the morgue. Then the Mausoleum where maddening and evil spirits of the night will Torment your every turn. Embrace your loved one, You may never see them again if you are separated from your group. EXFearience the madness and macabre of this Extreme Haunted house that will challenge your senses and your bravery and be careful because YOUR SANITY MAY NOT SURVIVE!!!!’

 

________________

Darkrose Manor (Aurora, CO)
‘For the fourth year in a row, Rose and her family have transformed their home for the Halloween holiday, turning their yard and house into a free haunted house for trick or treaters of any age. The Darkrose Manor is an eerie tableau that includes a meticulously constructed witch’s shack, a gallery of nightmarish creatures and a towering fence that surrounds the entire property.’

 

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Haunted Hoochie (Pataskala, OH)
‘Haunted Hoochie is one of the world’s most controversial haunts. People come far and wide to experience its unique brand of extreme scares. It truly has a cult following and some of the largest lines of any haunt you’ll tour. Flames can be seen on top of silos as a demon guards the haunt.

‘Haunted Hoochie is a sensory overload taken to the next level. It’s a horror movie that develops right in front of your eyes. Watch a lunatic stick a shotgun in his mouth and then pull the trigger. Blood runs down the wall behind him as the crowd cheers for more. Haunted Hoochie is well known for its horrific scenes that are grotesque in nature and quite original.

‘Some haunts have tried to replicate these scenes, but Haunted Hoochie does them best. They’re the innovators of these graphic skits and they’re a big part of what makes Haunted Hoochie so badass. No subject matter is off limits. One scene features a mad doctor who hits the stomach of a pregnant woman with a sledgehammer to help free a demon baby. Watch the baby go air born as the crowd reacts in horror. The cursed church is full of scantily clad nuns with their breasts hanging out and there’s an evil priest with a handful of snakes. A pentagram bursts into flames as all hell breaks loose.

‘This is a highly detailed haunt with high startle props everywhere you turn. Some serious money has been invested into this place. I was amazed by the amount of animatronics in some of the rooms. You’ll see a Headless Horseman, 13 foot Impaler Monster, a roaring T-Rex, killer spiders and so much more. No corner is cut when it comes to scenes.’

 

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Trail of Terror (Wallingford, CT)
‘Hiding in the woods at the end of a lonesome road is a world of fright and fantasy that will test one’s mettle, temper one’s cavalier courage, torment one’s sanity, and taint one’s soul. This vortex of dark entertainment is the Trail of Terror. The Trail resides on four appalling acres of forsaken forest. The haunt scenes take up fully half of that area. . After entering the front gate, guests walk along the outdoor trail through 30 different scenes. Unsuspecting patrons must venture through crawl spaces, squeeze walls, across a rope bridge, aboard a boat, under a spinning carousel, and through a vortex tunnel on their march of mayhem. Over the summer, the staff changes approximately 75% of the Trail’s scenes so customers are confronted with novel new frights each season.’

 

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Murder House (Tampa, FL)
‘Murder House is located in the heart of “Thrill Kill” Tampa, FL. “Thrill Kill’s” streets are populated by criminals, killers, psychopaths, and the corrupted. This area of Tampa is isolated from the rest of the city and is known to be dangerous and uninhabitable. People unfortunate enough to cross into this wasteland end up mangled in one of the various killing grounds. There are no rules in this sector; it is total anarchy. In the center of the chaos, a vacant house boarded up and condemned, spawns pure evil. This evil dwelling has become known as: “Murder House“.

‘The “Thrill Kill“ zone is lost to the influence of criminal manslaughter. All authority has lost control and the killers have enslaved this world. The corrupted leaders have torched the constitution in flames instead favoring power, money, and sex. This is a perversion of society, where taboo and criminal justice has infested into all the establishments in the area. “America’s Greatest Killers“ stalk these killing fields in personal quests of villainous behavior. They are drenched with the blood of the “Helpless Victims” that were not able to get out before this area of the city fell under the murderous hand of the “Thrill Kill.”’

 

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Paranoia (Canton, GA)
‘Quantum cryonics, or “Facility Q” as it’s employees referred to it, was a state of the art research facility which specialized in preserving human life. Under the guise of an abandoned supermarket in canton Georgia, it was a place one could have their body cryogenically frozen upon death to be reanimated in the future when technology allowed. It was also staffed with the most skilled scientists and researchers available, until it was discovered that one of their scientists, Dr. Tobias Warner was stealing medical supplies and organs from cadavers and secretly performing unspeakable experiments on them. One of his most damning creations was two human torsos sewn together inside of a makeshift incubator suspended between life and death. Dr. Warner was promptly fired and arrested. Five months later Dr. Warner supposedly died in prison; however, there was no corpse and no death certificate. It was almost as if he had just vanished. All those who dared to look further into the case either disappeared under mysterious circumstances or were found dead. As Facility Q resumed operations, more supplies, biological samples, and employees began to go missing. The company tried to cover it up as best they could, but what they couldn’t cover up was the smell. One day during some “routine maintenance” they found the truth. Deep below the building was a makeshift series of laboratories and tunnels using the facility’s vast sewer and septic systems. They found the missing employees. Some dead, some… not. The ones they found alive were highly volatile and extremely sensitive to light. They would try to bite and scratch with what little teeth and fingernails remained. Normal sedatives wouldn’t work, and only one was successfully apprehended. What they didn’t find was Dr. Warner, but they did find his notebook describing a “project Seraphim” with detailed drawings and diagrams of sewn together creatures similar to the ones found prior to his arrest, along with photographs from Evan Travers’ infamous “body farm” case from 2013. They also found stolen cryogenic pods. Some of them had human samples and some had what appeared to be extra terrestrial samples. Some of them, however, were broken as if something had escaped. The facility has been abandoned for several years now, but many claim to still hear noises coming from it. You and your team will crouch through a secret access door and descend into the bowels of the facility. Discover Dr. Warner’s handiwork as you trudge through human filth and remains. Take a shortcut through the rundown maintenance area and uncover the disgusting truth. Will you come out with your life and limbs intact? Or will the good doctor and his team of followers find better use for them? Find out this October as you descend into THE VOID.’

 

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Haunted Plantation (Waipahu, HI)
‘For a couple of nights every year for Halloween, the Hawai‘i Plantation Village becomes a haunted house attraction called the Haunted Plantation. It’s not a typical haunted house. “I didn’t want to build sets to make it look scary,” says Noa Laporga, the Haunted Plantation creator. Instead, Laporga relies on the village’s creepiness at night. Throw in some fog, spooky music and at least 50 costumed actors hiding in the dark corners of the houses—BOOM—you’ve got yourself one of the scariest haunted houses in town.’

 

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A Haunting in Hollis (Hollis, NY)
‘The ONLY official In-Home Haunt with (2) 40 ft exterior double mazes & live actors. A three level in-home walk through with two 40 foot pitch black outdoor mazes Scary scary scary! Real haunted house. The other places aren’t houses they are warehouses. This one gives you the creepiest feeling while walking thru it. They have 3 mazes and u even go in their basementttt! Creepy! And it’s unbelievably cheap.’

 

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The Dent Schoolhouse (Cincinnati, OH)
‘The Dent Schoolhouse takes place in a schoolhouse that was built back in 1896 and contains a gruesome legend… The Janitor of the school, Charlie McFree is said to have killed a large number of the student body over a period of 10-20 years. Hiding their bodies within the basement, the smell became to much and alerted the town of Dent… discovery of the hellish scene has made a permanent residence in the basement.’

 

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The Basement (Pittsburgh, PA)
‘Since 2013 The Basement has featured a series of intense, intimate and R-rated horrors that challenge the limits of fear for anyone 18 years or older and willing to sign our waiver. While we encourage Pittsburgh fright fans to visit ScareHouse this year, The Basement will not return until 2022. Those of you who have experienced The Basement in previous seasons know that it is a highly tactile and intimate experience involving close physical encounters with intense performers and situations – none of which is advisable during this unprecedented and still ongoing pandemic.’

 

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Dead Man’s Farm (Philadelphia, TN)
‘Experience a haunted attraction that has it all! Do you dare try our haunted house with the murderous Bludgeon Family, the haunted corn maze where you can actually get lost, a horror escape room for you and your friends to die in, a 2-person coffin simulation to get buried alive in, or a virtual reality world to face your deepest fears in! Experience the event that THOUSANDS have been SCREAMING about for 13 YEARS!’

 

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Castle of Chaos (Midvale, UT)
‘This is the most extreme experience in Utah. Can you survive the night without chickening out or using the safe word? The Ghosts in the building will try their best to make you run away screaming. This is a very intense experience which will include portions of the haunt, “special” rooms, and is definitely an extreme horror experience. Must sign the Waiver and be 18 or older.’

 

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Cutting Edge Haunted House (Fort Worth, TX)
‘Located in a 100-year-old abandoned meat packing plant in a section of Fort Worth historically dubbed as “Hell’s Half Acre,” the Cutting Edge Haunted House is built upon a foundation of fear. The meat packing equipment from the Old West is still in use, but now it is a two-story human processing area. Realistic looking human mannequins are hoisted up to the second level and brought through the entire meat packing process until the conveyor system brings the butchered corpses back to the first level. The old meat-packing plant in downtown Fort Worth is a great home for the fantastic special effects that our loyal customers have come to expect. It takes visitors an average 55 minutes to explore Cutting Edge Haunted House. This walk-through haunted house is frighteningly realistic.’

 

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Terror Vault (San Francisco, CA)
‘A dark and stormy figure looms from the shadows — San Francisco drag queen Peaches Christ, dressed to kill with a raven-black wig tall enough to rival the Millennium Tower, but clearly built on a more solid foundation. We’re in a room full of medical mechanisms and rusty prison-cell doors, ancient and decaying, with a foreboding darkness pushing through the corroded bars. Someone’s pounding on a rear wall. What the devil did I just bump into, a body bag? OK, I’m officially creeped out, even with the house lights on, and I really want my mama.

‘This is Terror Vault, a new and delightfully haunted experience to spook the city this Halloween season, opening Wednesday and running through Nov. 3. We got a preview earlier this week, and while there are plenty of scares, spooks and startles, this is not your run-of-the-shopping-mall haunted-house maze with ghouls around every corner. No, this is a show. A 45-minute show to be exact, that gives you your 60 bucks worth. It’s immersive theater, performance art gone to the dark side, with local actors of evil, who had to pass scream tryouts to get the job.’

 

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The 13th Gate (Baton Rouge, LA)
‘The 13th Gate, located in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, is the Ultimate Haunted House! Journey through 13 very frightening themed indoor and outdoor areas where your worst nightmares come true and anything can happen. From crawling though a crematory oven and an old hearse to being lost in dark underground tunnels or even finding yourself standing on a rickety bridge overlooking hundreds of live snakes, this 40,000 square foot haunted house is definitely not recommended for the faint of heart (nor is it recommended for anyone who is pregnant, has a pre-existing heart condition, is very young, or has a weak bladder)!’

 

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The Freakling Bros: The Return (Las Vegas, NV)
‘Unveiled in 2011, the Gates of Hell is one of the most provocative, boundary-pushing, adult-oriented haunted attractions in the United States. The first and only R-rated haunted attraction in Nevada, the eternally-wicked Gates of Hell is an experiment in serious, unrelenting, interactive horror. Freakling Bros. Horror Shows will be even scarier for the 2021 Halloween season, with the addition of a haunting new experience inside the award-winning Gates of Hell, Nevada’s first and only R-rated haunt. The Men’s Room, a provocative, grotesque, and immersive new experience, will make its haunting debut Friday, Oct. 1, 2021. Located in the IKEA parking lot at 6555 S. Riley St. in Southwest Las Vegas, Freakling Bros. Horror Shows’ dates of operation will be Oct. 1 – 3, Oct. 7 – 10, and Oct. 14 – 31.’

 

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Johnnie’s Car Wash: Tunnel of Terror (Long Island, NY)
‘Johnnie’s Car Wash on Oak is reprising its haunted car washes from last year, so get ready for a Nightmare on Oak Street!’

 

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The Haunting Experience (Cottage Grove, MN)
‘I am new to haunted houses and I along with my girlfriend visited this place. As beginners, we were full of anxiety and very nervous. But, staff was very friendly and told us everything and clarified all our queries. It lasted for 45 minutes and it was full of terrors and threating acts performed by actors and actress. My girlfriend never stopped screaming.’

 

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Psycho Path Dark Ride (Sperry, OK)
‘This homemade Dark Ride is a combination of elements of a theme park ride where you ride from scene to scene with the high-intensity scares of the more traditional haunted houses brought together to created a totally new outdoor haunted experience. Being outside gives us the advantage of real fog, real sounds, real smells, real moonlight, and real creatures lurking just out of range of the lights. We regularly hear coyotes and owls howling just over the fence. Knowing those sounds are real only enhances the experience and besides, who isn’t afraid of being in the woods at night? Those brave enough to venture into the Dark Ride will climb into their own Scareage, a custom vehicle, Owner, Victor Marquez designed specifically for Psycho Path. While most outdoor haunts rely on noisy tractors to pull a wagon, the Psycho Path Scareages are so quiet riders will hear leaves rustling or twigs snapping in the darkness. Some of the sounds are man-made, and some are not, but they all combine to enhance the 20 minute journey through the heavily-wooded land. Along the way, you will pass through scenes filled with custom props, buildings, and oh yeah, creatures that spring out when you least suspect it. We offer this final warning: “Once you climb aboard, there’s no turning back”. Riders are not permitted to leave the vehicle after the ride starts, so you’ve got to be up to the challenge of the Psycho Path. We like to say “it may be your only way home.”’

 

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Haunt Overload (Lee, NH)
‘Haunted Overload is simply one of the most creative and unique haunted attractions in the world. Now located on the DeMeritt Hill Farm on Route 155 in Lee NH, the show has been voted one of the top 13 haunted attractions in the country multiple times. Focusing on quality, we are committed to giving the customer the ultimate Halloween experience at an affordable price. Nowhere else can you see huge monsters looming over the crowd, some as tall as 50 feet. The authentic farm location provides the perfect backdrop for the hundreds of lighted pumpkins and movie quality sets. Most of the one of a kind props are designed and created by founder Eric Lowther. The attention to detail has led to being ranked the #1 Scariest Haunted Attraction in America in 2015 by Hauntworld.com. Additionally Haunted Overload is and has been consistently ranked as one of the top haunted attractions in the world. Haunted Overload was also voted #18 of the Top 20 Most Influential Haunted Attractions of ALL TIME by HauntWorld.com.’

 

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The Tent of Terror (Valle Vista, CA)
‘Took my son to his first haunted house here. He was terrified! Once they realized how sacred he was, they completely backed off and stood off to the side so we could walk through. The rest of our family enjoyed being sacred and walked through first. Overall, was a great haunted house with great staff. They waited at the end to high five my son for making it through. Thank you for a great night out!’

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. ** David, Hi. You travel heavy. You win the secret crying boy painting anecdote contest. Your prize is secret too. I don’t know who Jon Venables is unless he’s that guy in ‘Game of Thrones’ (?), but I laughed at what I imagined anyway. Your week ahead sounds like mine except without the dieting part. ** Dominik, Hi, D!!! I feel like I should see what Budapest is at least once. Hungary and that area of Europe is a total blank to me as I’ve never been that far east, which is weird really. Thanks, yeah, I’m pretty much a stress bunny and will be until Wednesday is history. Particular worries? That the haunt game will either (1) crash, (2) bewilder/bore the audience, (3) all that public speaking we have to do, (4) that some film people who might invest in Zac’s and my new film will be there judging us presumably, … I could go on and on. The mosquito was a nasty, evasive little monster of a thing whose death was warranted, I hate today it. I’m totally down with your sneaky, crying boy installing love. I can feel it. Love looking at himself in a mirror and thinking, ‘Seriously?’, G. ** Misanthrope, Do people still say, to people who are funny, ‘You’re a card.’? And why did they ever say that in the first place? I am definitely not the world expert on knowing the line between tough love and enabling. It’s one of those situations where you can’t even trust your gut. It’s tough. Oh, so, I guess you saw ‘Dune’? Verdict? ** Rafe, Hi, Rafe. Welcome! Thanks, and also for the cool words about my work. What’s going with you? Who are you? Please come back if you feel like it. ** Bernard, Hi, Bernard. You didn’t say hi to me, but I’ll say hi to you anyway. Hi. ** _Black_Acrylic, I really, really don’t think the curse is real, so no worries, but then … what do I know? Nah, your stuff is fine. ** David Ehrenstein, The new Wes Anderson opens here on Wednesday. Very psyched. ** Steve Erickson, I’m so sorry, Steve. That’s very shocking. Warmest hugs from me. ** T, I know, right? Awesome that you caught that. Totally understood about not being able to be there. Unless the project/event is a fiasco, we’ll do it again. My week is unfortunately stress central no matter what, but I hope that means I have successfully sucked out all the stress in Paris leaving your week dreamy. xo. ** Jeff J, Hey, Jeff. Thanks, man. Cool about the Zoom link. I forget the exact time, but you’ll tell me in the email. Zac and I will doing the Zoom from our respective pads, so he’ll need an invite too. If you don’t have his email, I’ll jet it back to you when I hear from you. No, I haven’t finished the Williams. Life is too Haunt-centric and frantic at the moment. The Wes Anderson opens here on Wednesday. Very excited. I saw ‘Memoria’ last night. I found it very disappointing. I appreciated that he was trying to do something slightly different, but I don’t think works, and Tilda Swinton is just an affect-enacting bore in it, and it feels endless. The VU doc is on my agenda. Pretty into everything I hear. Take care, pal. ** It’s Halloween week. It’s going to get very Halloween-y around here, starting with this survey of US haunted attractions. If anyone reading this is in proximity to any of the featured haunts, I strongly urge you to visit it both for your personal delectation and because I would love a review. See you tomorrow.

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