The blog of author Dennis Cooper

DC’s Scary Candy News Outlet & Sales Emporium *

* (Halloween countdown post #7)

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In 1964, Long Island housewife Helen Pfiel was arrested for handing out goody bags containing dog biscuits, steel wool pads, and arsenic laced ant traps to teenagers who she felt were too old to be trick-or-treating. Concerned parents contacted police and Phiel was arrested, taken in for psychiatric evaluation, and charged with child endangerment.

 

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Gravy Candy is here! Gravy is one of those things that improves just about everything it touches and that includes candy. This brown and white striped candy looks just like candy that grandma would keep in a bowl and tastes just like the herb-infused gravy she’d make for holiday meals. $5.95

 

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Authorities say 9-year-old Savannah Hardin died after being forced to run for three hours as punishment for having lied to her grandmother about eating candy bars. Severely dehydrated, the girl had a seizure and died days later.

 

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Despite their inherent messiness, everyone loves Cheetos. While fake cheesy goodness is something everyone can get behind, the Japanese have apparently taken this game day classic and enhanced it to, well, not make any sense. Introducing strawberry-dipped cheetos. Nothing more than the corn puffs sans the cheese and dipped in what appears to be a gooey strawberry-chocolate mixture, these recently released in Japan only morsels of contradictory goodness are reported to be “very good.”

 

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Teens Find Razor Blades In Halloween Candy

 

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What looks like forensic microscope slides with drops of blood-like specimen, is actually made from sugar, corn syrup and red food dye. It’s cheap and easy to make and will stand out from other ghoulish candies.

 

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Just before 10 p.m. on June 12, Adam Budge, 18, and Elijah Stai, 17, were hanging out at Budge’s East Grand Forks home when they mixed a white power — 2C-I — with melted chocolate and ate the drug-laced candy. They then went to a McDonald’s. An hour later, Stai began “freaking out” and acting as if he were “possessed,” foaming at the mouth, hyperventilating, and smashing his head against the ground. By 1:30 in the morning, Stai was dead.

 

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Bubble Gum Cocktail Wienies $4.95

 

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A woman with special needs who was thought to have died from natural causes was found with candy wrappers stuffed down her throat when her body was being embalmed. When 70-year-old Kathleen Mcewan’s body was found at her apartment in Roxborough, Philadelphia, there were not thought to be any suspicious circumstances surrounding her death. However, when undertakers attempted to embalm her body the next day they discovered up to 10 inches of candy wrappers stuck in her throat.

 

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Polar Poo Bear Candy Dispenser! Pop open it’s head, fill it with candy, such as nerds, jelly beans, or anything small and round, white or brown color candy works best for effect. Then push on it’s legs and it poops it out the back! $4

 

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As much as everyone would love to see a bunch of stoned little kids running around dressed like baby Groot, or whatever, it’s probably a good thing that Colorado police are trying to make sure trick-or-treaters don’t accidentally eat any weed candy this year. The video intends to show parents how to identify an edible. The trouble, though, is that pot-infused candy is often visually indistinguishable from its non-paralysis-inducing counterpart—sometimes it’s literally just ordinary candy that’s been sprayed with cannabis oil—and if you munch on it as you would any other sweets, ignorant of its dark power, you might end up alone and afraid, taking shelter under your bedspread, begging for it to end.

 

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These meatball-shaped and flavored gumballs are super tasty and extra chewy. If you don’t believe us, just look on the back of each package where Manny the Meatball proclaims, “Atsa chewy meatball.” About twenty-one 7/8″ (2.2 cm) gumballs in each 6-1/4″ x 3″ x 1″ (15.9 cm x 7.6 cm x 2.5 cm). $3.95

 

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Four days after Halloween 1970, Kevin Toston, a native of Detroit, died of a drug overdose. A drug analysis initially showed Kevin’s candy to be laced with heroin and quinine in powder form, but investigators later discovered that Kevin had stumbled upon his uncle’s drug stash and had accidentally poisoned himself. The family, fearful of charges of child neglect, sprinkled Kevin’s candy with the drugs in order to protect the uncle. No charges were filed.

 

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Have you visited IKEA lately? I could not believe yesterday in their food hall they have packets of marshmallow sheep with the title of GODIS SKUM. I have written a complaint and advised it should be rebranded. 99 kr

 

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Spirits were high for Rakesh alias Guddu and his three cronies. They were attending a marriage party on the lawns of the Jehangirabad Palace, which adjoins the district magistrate’s residence in Hazratganj. A video clip (now with the police) clearly shows Guddu dancing away on the lawns, whipping out his gun occasionally and firing in the air. It was perhaps for a break or on an impulse that he left for the candy store located on the same premises, some 50 yards away from the lawn. The youth came in the store around 11.30 pm. The candy store had already put up a closed sign outside its door as it usually does at 10.30 pm, though it does entertain families who might drop by after that hour. When they asked for a cassata candy attandant informed them it wasn’t available. At which, Rakesh stepped ahead, took out his pistol, placed it on the 20-year-old Raghuraj’s temple and shot him dead.

 

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The Barfo Family Candy was unleashed by the Topps bubblegum company in 1990. The armless & legless torsos featuring an unhappy, nauseated, white bread family, with their heads mounted on accordion-like shaped bodies containing a delightful glop- like gel/”candy” (ingredients: sugar, water, glycerin, gelatin, citric acid, potassium sorbate, artificial flavors, artificial colors). $99.00

 

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Weird Japanese candy

 

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A Denver man accused of shooting his wife while she was on the phone with 911 dispatchers had eaten marijuana-infused candy before the incident, authorities say. Investigators reportedly found receipts for “Karma Kandy Orange Ginger” and said he appeared under the influence of drugs during an interview. Kristine Kirk, 44, was shot in the head Monday almost 13 minutes into her call with 911 dispatchers. Police had not yet arrived at the time of her shooting. Throughout the call, the AP reports, Kirk said her husband, who was reportedly hallucinating and asking her to shoot him, had frightened her and her children.

 

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I was expecting to dislike this flavor, but I was pleasantly surprised. It tastes shockingly like wine to me and my wife. It’s a super-creamy, slightly strawberry-ish flavored wine that tastes really good. The description of it says it has a distinct wine aftertaste, but I tasted it for hours. $1.25

 

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In 1974, 8-year-old Timothy O’Bryan died as a result of eating cyanide-laced Pixy Stix given to him by his own father, who likely wanted to collect on a large insurance policy. The dad had poisoned 4 other children’s Pixy Stix as well to make the act appear “random,” but none of the other children ate the poisoned candy.

 

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Taste testing odd Halloween candy. I forgot to rate the last candy, but you could easily tell what the rating was.

 

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Peppermint Broken Glass Candy: When my dad got home, he actually thought I had bought some weird glass sculpture and freaked out. Then, to make it even better, I smashed the whole ‘glass sculpture’ with the rolling pin right in front of him. Recipe

 

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One of the killers of a father-of-three has boasted about the cowardly murder on Facebook from prison – saying ‘I kill people for candy’. Curtis Delima, 22, was convicted of murdering 47-year-old Mark Witherall in April 2008, along with his smirking and sniggering teenage accomplices Mark Elliott and Gerry Cusden. The trio who were accused of behaving like a pack of hyenas as they kicked the builder to death after he refused to give them Halloween candy at his home in Whitstable, Kent, in October 2007.

 

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The Candy Bar is an item used for the Homeless sidequest in Silent Hill: Downpour. It can be found in three different locations depending on the puzzle difficulty. The candy bar must be given to Homer, the homeless man in the Pearl Creek underground entrance, to complete the sidequest.

 

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John P Roberts, 55, a thief out on bail, strangled girl, six, to death and hid her body under his bed after luring her to his motel room with Halloween candy.

 

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After many long years, the hugely popular candy ramen set has returned and it’s much improved! Form the candy dough into the dumpling press, add the stuffing and squeeze! Next come the ramen noodles that magically solidify as they hit the soup! $2.99

 

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On Tuesday, WSB-TV in Atlanta reported that the Waka Flocka Flame affiliate and Brick Squad Monopoly member Slim Dunkin was shot in an altercation that began over a stolen piece of candy. “The information we’re getting, it’s unconfirmed, but witnesses are saying this whole thing started over a piece of candy,” homicide detective David Quinn told “Action News” on camera. According to witnesses, Dunkin, born Mario Hamilton, grabbed a piece of candy from another man while inside an Atlanta recording studio, which led to an argument and then a fistfight. The scuffle ended with Slim being shot once in the chest. He was then transported to Grady Hospital, where he was pronounced dead.

 

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Eat Shit Cola and !?!$?!-Flavored Candy $2.00

 

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Murder, Inc. as they were dubbed by the sensationalist press of the day were a loose coalition of gangsters based out of Brownsville, Brooklyn in the 1930s and early 1940s. Though its members were involved in a variety of illicit activities including loan sharking, prostitution, gambling, bootlegging and labor racketeering, they became infamous for their role as the New York syndicate’s so-called “execution squad.” However, their reach extended far beyond the East Coast, they were implicated or suspected in numerous killings across the United States, as far away as Florida, Los Angeles and Detroit. Based out of a 24 hour candy store called Midnight Roses at Saratoga and Livonia Ave in Brownsville, its members were always on call at a moment’s notice to go to an assignment once the directive was handed down. The candy store was located under the elevated train that brought many people too and from Manhattan.

 

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The Red Tent Coffee Shop in the Aomori Prefecture of Japan offers anatomically correct gummy candies in the shape of insect larvae. The candies are filled with a blueberry-flavored jam to stand in for the larval guts. 1,000円

 

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Happy Halloween+ My Halloween Candy! YUM!

 

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In 2000 James Joseph Smith, 49, of Minneapolis had handed out candy bars that he had put needles in. He was later charged with one count of adulterating a substance with intent to cause death, harm, or illness.

 

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Presently the kiddies can get in on all the CSI fun with their consumable Crime Scene Candy Tube. Each one tube is loaded with drinkable goodness in three flavors: Blood, Urine and Saliva. Yes, that is Blood, Urine and Saliva. $5.00

 

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A man who killed his daughter by attacking her with a baseball bat as she was eating her Halloween candy pleaded guilty to second-degree murder on Wednesday. Robert Kelly, who told police he was “a little too in the Halloween spirit”, went into the bedroom of his 20-year-old daughter Megan at their home in Oxford, Michigan and beat her to death in May last year. A police dispatcher testified: ‘I asked him if he knew who did it. And he stated, “Yes, I did.”

 

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Pimp your teeth with the off the hook Grillz Candy. Most people can’t afford a diamond-encrusted platinum grill. We know we can’t. Fortunately, most people can afford this tasty candy one. Simply place the lollypop like end into your mouth and suck away (it works like a pacifier). The flavor of the Grillz you receive will be a surprise as they come in sour apple, peach, watermelon and strawberry. $2.99

 

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Heaven Sutton murder 6/27/2012 Chicago, IL: Shot to death while selling candy in front of her house.

 

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Chocolate Scrabble: 32 individually wrapped chocolates, a candy “paper” playing board and a gold caramel trophy. Exclusive licensee for Candyland in a chocolate edition. Kosher certified. $29.50

 

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Prosecutors believe they have a CRUCIAL piece of evidence that proves Aaron Hernandez murdered Odin Lloyd. Prosecutors say they can prove Hernandez stopped at a gas station hours before the murder and purchased gas, cigarettes and BLUE COTTON CANDY FLAVORED BUBBLICIOUS BUBBLE GUM. After Odin was murdered, investigators say they found a shell casing in his rental car that matched the caliber of the bullet used to kill the 27-year-old … and next to the casing — A CHEWED PIECE OF BLUE COTTON CANDY FLAVORED BUBBLICIOUS BUBBLE GUM.

 

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DIY set for making Sushi candy, with candy rice, egg, tuna, salmon roe and seaweed, flavour: grape & soda Popin’ Cookin’ is a series of edible DIY candy in funny shapes, that you can easily make yourself by adding water to the ingredients of the package content: 6x bags of powder with different candy ingredients, 1x spoon, 1x pipette, 1x candy material for seaweed 1x mold, size of the box: width: 14.5cm (5.7″), height: 13cm (5.1″), depth: 4.5cm (1.7″), incl. instructions with pictures. $2.43

 

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Robert Durst, the real-estate heir accused of urinating on a Texas CVS cash register and candy rack when he was picking up a prescription, is one of the strangest cases of a rich man gone off the rails. On Tuesday, after arranging for Durst to turn himself in to authorities in connection with the alleged incident at the drug store, Lewis once again defended his client, whom he said suffers from a form of autism known as Asperger’s syndrome. “He wasn’t arguing with anybody and he didn’t seem agitated,” Houston police spokeswoman Jodi Silva told The New York Post, adding that she did not know what the prescription was for. “He just peed on the candy. Skittles, I think.”

 

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Have you ever wanted to try haggis, but you just can’t seem to make it to Scotland for some of that entrails-y goodness? Archie McPhee has the answer! For a scant $4.95 a piece, you can treat yourself to these gastronomical delights. While in Scotland, I managed to avoid sampling this traditional Scottish dish of sheep’s entrails and spices, boiled inside a sheep’s stomach. McPhee’s Angry Scotsman’s version is made of butterscotch gummy and crafted to look like actual haggis. $4.95

 

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Eric Morse, who was 5 in 1994, was asked by some older boys in his Chicago neighborhood to steal candy for them. He said no. He didn’t want to steal. The older boys, who were 10 and 11 at the time, determined that Eric, who was growing up in a home marked by frequent parental absence, must be punished for his honesty. The older boys led Eric to an abandoned apartment on the 14th floor of the Ida B. Wells housing project, a high-rise building that had the reputation of being a home base for drug dealers. They led Eric
into the empty apartment. It is where they would execute Eric. The older boys then picked the 5-year-old up and threw him out a window. Eric’s body dropped 14 stories.

 

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*

p.s. Hey. ** David, Hi, David. Welcome back! Cool that you had a blast. Wow, a hotel that provides 3 meals a day, fucking luxurious. I’m good, super busy, which is the equivalent of good for me. Have a big day. ** Shane Christmass, Hey. I loved it, man. So good. Thanks about ‘I Wished’. That’s wonderful to hear, of course. Huh, I’m about to turn my attention to the new Nate Lippens too. What were the odds. Take care, sir. ** Dominik, HI, D!!! Oh, you’re most welcome. I should have mentioned that in yesterday’s love one of the bedroom walls suddenly breaks off its foundations and starts to crush the ‘person’ standing in the room ‘cos that just makes the love more passionate, right? Thank you for your yesterday love, even though my love makes that impossible, ha ha. Love taking photos and videos of everything he does and not uploading them to social media, G. ** Tosh Berman, Hi, Tosh. Thanks. I think I saw evidence of you at the Zoom event last night in the sidebar, and, if so, I hope you thought it was okay, and, more importantly, that your plumbing is externally dry as a bone. Ready to share the 2024 Palme d’Or with you, you bet! ** Cal, Hi, Cal. Very good to see you. ‘Satantago’ is such a great novel, nice. Oh, wow, your editing question is a huge one since editing is the vast majority of writing for me. I don’t know where to start. Basically, on the simplest level, it’s really about finding as close to an objective viewpoint on the work as possible. It’s impossible to totally do that, so you needn’t worry about being so distanced that you’ll lose sight of the work’s essence. And less is more. That’s too simple a bit of advice, but, yeah, I would need to say a ton, and the p.s. and my p.s. brain isn’t equipped for that. If you want to Skype or Zoom or something, we could talk about it. Just let me know, if so. ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi, Ben. I briefly saw you there last night type hi from Leeds. Thanks a lot for being there. Yay about the ticking! ** Armando, Hi, man. I figured that the Armando-named questioner was you. Thanks. And thank you a lot about ‘I Wished’. Yeah, it’s a toughie. Philippe Besson’s ‘Lie With Me’: No, I don’t know it. I’ll find it. Thank you for that. You good? I hope so. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. That bee is really in your bonnet. ** Florian-AF, Hi, Florian! I think Puce Mary is really enjoying the residency. I know she’s trying to extend it so she can stay here until next year. We’re going to figure out a way to get the Haunt project seeable by people elsewhere, we’re just not sure how yet. Well, I’m going to big Haunted House extravaganza event and the Halloween makeover of Parc Asterix and doing our ‘Haunt’ event, all prior to the actual day of Halloween. On Halloween itself, … probably nothing much. How about you and Halloween? ** G, Oh, thank you, thank you. It was nice for me too. I actually enjoyed it. I’ve always had great conversations with Rachel, and it was awesome to get to talk with her again. She’s fantastic. Very cool about the hugeness of your event, complete with Hollinghurst in attendance. Whoa. That’s so nice. I’m so happy for you. An emotional slump after something that is really natural, I think. It’ll probably pass quickly. But, yeah, of course I know what you mean. Just try to concentrate on the great interest and response and then turn your concentration to blowing everyone even more away with your writing next time. Love, me. ** Misanthrope, Uh, the secret is … I don’t know… staying hungry for exciting new writing, I guess. Wow, great for David. Man, could this be the long awaited turnaround? Life is definitely an accomplishment. And you know what ‘Annie’ says. ** Kyler, Hi! Oops, don’t fuck your insomnia, man. Thanks for being at the event, and I’m glad you liked it. It was nice, I think. All credit to Rachel. She was great. Thank you so much about ‘I Wished’. And congrats on the dedication! Sweet! All good with you? Is the park and its denizens treating you well? ** Jeffrey Coleman, Hi, Jeff. Ditto. I’ll check out the Alain-Paul Mallard book. I don’t know it. And ‘Snuff Memories’, which I’ve meaning to read. I liked Maggie Siebert’s book a lot. I definitely recommend it. Good reading there, man. Bonnest day to you! ** Bill, Hi, Bill. Thanks for being at the Maryse event. My sigil making skills are in bad shape. It’s been too long. I cocked it up. So … caution on ‘Antlers’ then. How’s your gig configuring? ** Corey Heiferman, Hey, Corey. Huh, that’s a good idea: your idea about the presses post. Yeah, I’ll look into doing that. Nice one, thank you. That thing you went to last night sounds really promising and fun. I hope you got in. What was it like, if you did? Well, the designers of the Haunt thing do all of that stuff, so I’m not sure. We just sent them almost all of the material yesterday, and they’re getting into the final designing stage, and we’ll get a look at where they’re at tomorrow via Zoom (they’re in the UK). So far, they seem to be able to build things very quickly, and they know there’ll be a lot of tweaking, so I guess it must be pretty easy to make slight changes and shifts. I’ll know better later this week. You have a most fabulous day too! ** Right. Halloween returns to the blog full force again today. Yum, no? See you tomorrow.

9 Comments

  1. Dominik

    Hi!!

    Oh, wow! Even though the addition to your yesterday’s love makes mine pretty impossible indeed, it also makes it even more thrilling! It’s such a fantastic idea – this project. I can’t wait to see how it turns out!

    I’m sure your love has to explain his (in)actions again and again, but I appreciate that I don’t have to see his breakfast on Facebook every day, haha. Thank you! Love politely knocking on your door, introducing himself as The Sub-Zero Poopin’ Hero, and offering you one of his Crime Scene Candy Tubes, Od. (This post was so rich, Dennis, haha. The meatball bubblegum looks extremely disgusting, and it’s crazy how many people die/kill because of candy bars, Jesus!)

  2. David

    thanks Dennis… wonder where you get all the obscure bits and pieces from? your posts are always 99.9 percent stuff I haven’t seen before…. My delivery of Tim McVeigh on the front of Time magazine didn’t come yesterday… they sent me a photo of the door downstairs and said they tried… the buzzer don’t fucking work… I spontaneously yelled Very loudly as I was in waiting… also showed my teeth a little… a Halloween tie-in… wrote this some time back… theme is similar to you ‘loosely… debasing the handsome guitarist….’ mine is British tv personality ‘Janet Street Porter’ ‘V’ ‘Jimmy Saville…’ here it is>>> An anarchic face of the redundant screen, playfully chasing through the darkness where other imbalanced motivators had previously been, a colossal hand stopped her dead in her tracks near breaking her tantalizing long-term back, improper muscles draped in rank feline skins, a man mile unfolded and successfully broke in, arms and legs in a line, the slow hands of time, played synthpop on her fidgeting spine, as then, and again, oh daddy, Big Ben, rejected parts somehow tried to fit, paper-mache head, ’emit, emit..’ Carrying the weight of a thousand teeth, revulsion, horror, disbelief, I sat and watched next to blunt, left, right, back to front, confused I stood up and offered a helping hand but nobody in the auditorium seemed to understand, so I sat back down and continued to watch cheerily fingering my soda and scotch, taken in, wet dry alliance gasping at her conformity and compliance, off beam a wall of blood, ruined furs thwarted the impending flood, attacking like a badger gannet from some distant menacing planet, over and over again and again, animalistically maintaining the inhuman vain, violently breaking all barriers, a livid mouthful of antique carriers, as his violent jowls shrieked the stage shook and a sea of troubled eyes tried hard not to look, then the beast left her frame, shattered and lame, she still had some life but we the audience could clearly see she would never be the same again, a slow clap ensued as he left the stage, like a fictional character severing the final page, clambering up we all formed a heart-rendering queue, and one by one we placed golden stickers amongst the cruel wounds and the pitiful residue…

  3. _Black_Acrylic

    The mere sight of Archie McPhee’s Gummy Haggis makes me homesick for Scotland. If he were ever to import the stuff over there, I’m certain it would go down a storm.

  4. David Ehrenstein

    The Smell of Penny Candy

  5. T

    Hey Dennis

    Today’s post has confirmed two of my longstanding hunches – (1) underestimate the seriousness of candy at your peril, and (2) Japanese candy manufacturers are leaving their rivals scrambling in the bizarro sector of the market. Whilst I’ve never had the strawberry-flavoured cheetos, whilst out there I did try some mature cheddar-flavoured white chocolate, which tasted a little like licking someone’s unwashed feet aka not my thing but maybe someone else’s.

    Could have gladly purchased all the books profiled yesterday, I just wish more small presses would release ebook as well as physical versions, because otherwise it’s nigh-on impossible to keep up with new stuff if you’re abroad and/or change addresses a lot, if you don’t want to rely on Amazon that is. But maybe doing that they’d lose out on the economic side, I dunno. Or maybe I just have to get wise to any cool English language bookstores in Paris yet, another dunno. Either way, I’m currently ploughing my way through 2666 by Roberto Bolano, and I’ve still got considerable (but thus far, highly enjoyable) mileage left to cover in that, so I’m more than sorted for reading material. Wishing you a Wednesday that explains to an inquiring cop that you murdered your daughter due to ‘a little too much halloween spirit’. xT

  6. Corey Heiferman

    In NYC in the 90s my folks took the poison/razorblade candy threat very seriously. Anything unwrapped or strange-looking from a stranger went to the trash. I guess they had very good reason for caution.

    I did get in to the building filled with art installations. It had its nice points (nothing spooky) but was pretty much a bland stunt put on by a real estate developer in kahoots with the city government.

    So you and Zac are the designers of your virtual house and other people are the builders?

  7. Steve Erickson

    I recently read WE ARE THE CLASH, a history of the period leading to CUT THE CRAP after Mick Jones was fired. I bought that album back in 1985, and apart from “This Is England” it seemed like a mediocre Joe Strummer project using the Clash’s name a la Doug Yule’s “Velvet Underground” album. I’ve listened to it again today, and I still think it’s pretty bad (the mixture of Oi! football terrace choruses with AOR-ready synthesizers and programmed drums is particularly grating), but the book explains the crisis Strummer went through when the Clash became huge stars with COMBAT ROCK and his desperation to fight Thatcher and Reagan with music. It makes a good case for this period of the band as a valiant failure, at least.

    I’ve been dealing with health insurance issues all day, and it’s made me feel much worse. I will have to stick with the crappy plan I’m on now because absolutely everything else is wildly unaffordable. I think I’m middle-class, but I need the state of NY’s help to pay for health insurance at all.

    With the rise of marijuana legalization in the U.S., there are all sorts of urban legends about malevolent stoners giving out edibles to children for Halloween. This has probably happened once or twice, but they’re expensive enough to discourage this.

  8. Cal

    Hey Dennis,

    i would go to town on those larvae treats

    i found that advice helpful for sure, trying to reach an objectivity would help a lot with clarity (something im always worried about). i would love to do a zoom or skype with you to get into the nitty gritty of it. your email still denniscooper72@outlook.com? we can hammer out details and i could send you the text if you like.

  9. Florian AF

    Hey again Dennis, that’s great news with the residency, good to hear. I really have no Halloween plans tbh, though I’m trying to get stuff together to release an album online before then. It’s all on the Korg MS20, which I know Puce Mary and Pharmakon use for their synth.

    Any idea when the NY theater piece Crowd starts happening? I definitely want to plan for it haha. Hope you enjoy all things Halloween this month.

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