DC’s ostensibly favorite North American haunted house attractions of Halloween season 2020 *

* (Halloween countdown post #4)

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The Dent Schoolhouse Cincinnati, OH
‘The story of Charlie McFee is familiar to those well-versed in urban legends and American horror folklore: In Dent, Ohio (near Cincinnati) in 1942, children attending the local schoolhouse begin to go missing. They keep disappearing over the next decade, and in 1955, an angry mob discovers that Charlie, the school janitor, has been keeping the rotting bodies of murdered students in gruesome states of disarray in the basement. Charlie escapes and is never heard from again, while the ghosts of murdered kids roam the hallways, seeking revenge and release from their violent passing…but is Charlie really gone? “We set Dent Schoolhouse up to be like a movie,” Bud Stross says. “You, the audience member, relive the horror of the schoolhouse and what Charlie McFee did to the students. From start to finish, our customers are engulfed by the building and its history. Before you even buy a ticket, guests are met by actors playing locals who are crazed by the grisly landmark in their town.”’

 

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Haunted Hoochie Pataskala, OH
‘Entering Haunted Hoochie entails known and unanticipated risks that could result in physical or emotional injury. Risks may include among other things, slipping, falling, collision with fixed objects or other participants, bruises, twists, sprains, breaks, seizures and/or death. Understand that such risks simply cannot be eliminated without jeopardizing the essential qualities of this activity. By purchasing a ticket to Haunted Hoochie it is expressly understood that you have been made aware of the risks and you agree to assume all the risks existing in this activity. Your participation is purely voluntary and you elect to participate in spite of the risks. By purchasing a ticket you acknowledge that if anyone is hurt or property is damaged you may be found by a court of law to have waived your right to maintain a lawsuit against Haunted Hoochie.’

 

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Night at the Die-In Kissimmee, FL
‘Drive your car into a horror movie and witness it come to life all around your vehicle. Sets, props, fog, lighting, audio, and live performers will bring this approximately 25-minute experience to life. You will slowly drive your car along a 1.25 mile long, “Drive-Thru haunted house” and stop at show scenes. The experience is entirely socially-distanced… perfect for enjoying Halloween frights in 2020. “Night at the Die-In” also features original music by Andy Garfield, composer of the Marathon of Mayhem soundtrack at Halloween Horror Nights. Drive safe and steady and maybe you’ll all make it to the end credits…’

 

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Madworld Piedmont, SC
‘Madworld is ranked as one of America’s scariest haunted houses by the haunted house industry and top haunt enthusiasts, as well as ranked the Best Haunted House in South Carolina! With the industries best monsters, costumes, animatronics, pyrotechnics, and special FX, Madworld delivers the scare factor and entertainment like no one else. Purchase a No-Scare medallion at the ticket booth before you enter, and you or your loved one will be given “superhero” powers. In fact, Madworld’s monsters will be so afraid of your new mojo, they’ll literally run AWAY from you.’

 

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The Legendary Dungeon of Doom Zion, IL
‘Located at the old Briquette Factory in Zion, DOD has has engraved its name in the Hall of Shame because year after year, the sickest minds in the industry take the chill to new heights. While heart-pounding boundaries are pushed to the limit, The Dungeon of Dooms freak show shatters expectations with unmatched attractions, such as the one-of-a-kind Buried Dead or Alive, where everyone in your group will be physically buried. The DOD continues to reach the boundaries with the best Killer Crew including the lurking ghouls, deranged clowns and shambling undead. They are sure to scare you right out of your skin! Chicago and Milwaukee’s premier haunted house experience, the Dungeon has been rated THE Top Haunted House by reviewers year after year since the attraction opened in 1997. Yet they don’t stop there.’

 

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nocent Los Angeles, CA
‘nocent is an exclusive society for the guilty. It offers a family in which you can remove your societal masks and have the darkness inside you welcomed. Their Instagram does not follow anyone, reinforcing that they want the decision to join to be your own. If there’s any hesitation, they suggest this experience is not for you. They frame their experiences as opportunities to relive memories of other nocent members’ guilt, pain, or trauma. Despite the dark and often horrific nature of these memories, they are consistently rooted in a humanistic narrative, with contact always serving to expand and further the plot. A second set of experiences invite guests to meet members of nocent, offering insight into the organization itself. These stories focus on the indoctrination into the cult-like mentality of this religion and allow for bonds that can extend beyond the experience itself via phone calls, emails, and online chats. nocent also offers layered remote experiences that allow audiences from across the world to relive the memories and hear the stories of its members. These remote memories are much deeper and powerful than a simple call; they often extend across multiple days, allowing for connection and emotional bonds to be created between audience and storyteller. In such, the emotions felt rival and sometimes exceed that of in person events, due to the unique nature of long-form storytelling. While often formatted as audio adventures, some of these experiences also include physical objects mailed to your home, phone calls from characters, emails and texts, and community engagement, all focused to enhance the narrative.’

 

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Nightmare on Edgewood Indianapolis, IN
‘Nightmare on Edgewood is a ‘full contact’ haunted house, meaning not only will you be touched, but also likely be pushed, pulled, grabbed and otherwise manipulated however these monsters and minions see fit. If you don’t like the actors getting a little grabby, then Nightmare on Edgewood may not be the place for you. At one point, one of the guys in our group had 3 pretty big actors on him trying to intubate him (yes, with the medical tube thing that they stick down your throat for surgery). Another actor bear-hugged him and pulled him backwards onto a hospital bed.’

 

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The Darkness Fenton, MS
‘Are you ready to experience the best haunted house in America? How deep into the depths of The Darkness can you plunge before your next breath is your last? The all new Darkness Haunted House, located in Soulard, off South Broadway in downtown St. Louis, Missouri, has been rated as America’s BEST haunted house. The Darkness celebrates its 27th Year of Fear with a total renovation to make The Darkness longer and scarier than ever before.’

 

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The Haunting Experience on Highway 61 Cottage Grove, MN
‘What are YOU Afraid of? The only thing to fear is fear itself. Or is it? Whatever it is you fear the most, chances are it is lurking around somewhere– in your mind. We’ve been operating out here for over 34 years, so all we can say is, if you dare to come, you’d better not come alone. When you visit the Haunting Experience, you will experience the legacy of terror that has made us the premier haunted attraction in MN. Find out why when you enter our terrifying haunted house and ride on the longest haunted hayride in the state.’

 

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RISE Haunted House Tickfaw, LA
‘In an experiment that went terribly wrong or amazingly right, depending on your point of view, the dead have been awakened. With the loss of his family, Henry Risewell, a wealthy entrepreneur, turned to his long-time friend, Bartholomew Stinger, for help in resurrecting his wife and son. Bartholomew, a fringe scientist in the field of cryonics, assisted Henry in setting up a hidden laboratory where the two men pushed the boundaries of science in an effort to unlock the mysteries of life and death. Experimenting on dogs, cats and other cast away animals soon gave way to corpses salvaged from the local cemetery. At first, harvesting bodies from the fresh graves provided ample supply for their experiments, but as they closed in on their goals and the research spiraled deeper into the depth of dark science, the small supply of bodies was not enough. New methods of harvesting had to be found. Hitchhikers and the homeless provided live bodies for experimentation and frequent unexplained accidents provided dead ones. Henry opened his home as a Bed and Breakfast to lure travelers and rogue wanderers to their final resting place.’

 

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La Casa de Satanas Chicago, IL
‘The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) classifies some sovereign citizens as domestic terrorists. In 2010 the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) estimated that approximately 100,000 Americans were “hard-core sovereign believers”, with another 200,000 “just starting out by testing sovereign techniques for resisting everything from speeding tickets to drug charges”. With government leaders and authorities world wide setting atrocious examples and commiting blatant acts against humanity and the environment, we at La Casa de Satanas invite you to our house, to experience our Sovereign State, where real life horrors the supernatural, and physical world collide. You must have a valid passport to enter as a tourist or you must undergo our naturalization process to attend.

‘WARNING: NO TRIGGER WARNINGS, THIS IS NOT A “SAFE SPACE”, YOU MAY BE TOUCHED, BOUND, BLIND FOLDED OR HANDLED. YOU WILL GET SOME DIRT ON YOU. YOU MUST SIGN A WAIVER, THERE IS A SAFE WORD. PLEASE WEAR COMFORTABLE CLOTHING AND SHOES. YOU MUST FOLLOW ALL INSTRUCTIONS GIVEN TO YOU TO PARTICIPATE. IF YOU SHOW UP WASTED YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED IN. THERE ARE NO REFUNDS IF YOU ARE EJECTED FOR UNRULY BEHAVIOR OR CALLING SAFETY.’

 

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The Edson Incident Bay City, MI
‘The Edson Incident is a premier haunted attraction aboard the mighty USS Edson in Bay City, Michigan. Those brave enough to enter will twist and climb their way through 5 hellish decks of the Vietnam era U.S. Navy Destroyer! Each turn and stairway leads you Into the Darkness!!’

 

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Cutting Edge Haunted House Fort Worth, TX
‘Located in a 100-year-old abandoned meat packing plant in a section of Fort Worth historically dubbed as “Hell’s Half Acre,” the Cutting Edge Haunted House is built upon a foundation of fear. The meat packing equipment from the Old West is still in use, but now it is a two-story human processing area. Realistic looking human mannequins are hoisted up to the second level and brought through the entire meat packing process until the conveyor system brings the butchered corpses back to the first level. The old meat-packing plant in downtown Fort Worth is a great home for the fantastic special effects that our loyal customers have come to expect. It takes visitors an average 55 minutes to explore Cutting Edge Haunted House. This walk-through haunted house is frighteningly realistic. Cutting Edge Haunted House has established a reputation for being one of the best haunted houses in the country. Cutting Edge Haunted House, a Guinness World Record holder, is one of the America’s best and largest haunted houses.’

 

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Carpenter’s Mortuary Spook House Gentry, AK
‘Yes, every haunted house has a story. And if you ask the phantoms who hang out in Gentry’s old mortuary, they might tell you theirs. It’s true that most encounters with them have been described as little more than HELLISH SCREAMING followed by the sensation of having flesh pealed from bone. But on rare, quiet nights, they’ve been known to flit around the place, gibbering about the past, about the Carpenter Building . . . and what happened there.’

 

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STAG: An Immersive Horror Experiment Saginaw, MI
‘STAG is a 30 minute, fully immersive, walk through experience which you participate at times in the company of others, but mostly by yourself. STAG uses real life horror narratives to physically and psychologically stimulate their victims. Lying somewhere in-between art installation and a haunted house, STAG is only for people who are 18 years of age or older. You must sign a waiver to participate.’

 

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Kersey Valley Spookywoods Archdale, NC
‘Smack dab in the middle of North Carolina is the small town of Archdale, pop. 11,000. Just outside is a sprawling 60-acre plot of land that houses some of the best themed attractions this side of Dollywood—if Dolly Parton wanted to scare the hell out of you. Welcome to Kersey Valley Attractions, home of Kersey Valley Spookywoods. Voted one of the scariest scream parks in America by Hauntworld.com and rated the number-one haunted attraction by HauntedHouseRatings.com in 2012, Spookywoods claims to be one of the largest, most terrifying sites in the country. It is run by Tony and Donna Wohlgemuth, who employ a year-round staff (with over 300 people currently working at the farm) and are constantly changing with the times.’

 

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Haunted Overload Lee, NH
‘Haunted Overload is simply one of the most creative and unique haunted attractions in New England. Now located on the DeMeritt Hill Farm on Route 155 in Lee NH. The show has twice been voted one of the top 13 haunted attractions in the country. Haunted Overload is the award-winning horror show where we pull out all the stops. Twisted creatures wait around every turn in the most frightening patch of forest in New England. Our haunted trail is a one-of-a-kind, fully immersive Halloween experience that features our stunning sets, handmade props, and spectacular costumes in their most terrifying element.’

 

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Netherworld Stone Mountain, GA
‘Netherworld quite simply has some of the best scenic to be found anywhere, even competing with the large, annual theme park haunt events. While experiencing this attraction, you essentially need to have your head on a swivel, because there are so many extraordinary things to look at and encounter. We have found that if you don’t want to miss anything, you have to be looking both above and below at all times. Creatures fly overhead, while monsters and special effects surprise you from every direction. Netherworld Haunted House has always been a fan of the huge animatronics, and they have included a few even bigger ones in their new location, building massive monsters who interact and enthrall guests inside their new, seemingly unlimited overhead space. A plethora of other giant, creatures with salivating mouths and sharp teeth nip at you from their hiding places and block your path, threatening to snatch you from the line and have you as a meal.’

 

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Chambers Of Hell Hauppauge, NY
‘From humble beginnings, Chamber of Horrors NY has risen to not just be the talk of Long Island, but one of the top haunted tourism destinations in the tri-state area. Gradually, the pieces of the puzzle came together and the current staff took shape. The process began with the addition of general manager Robert Frankenberg, whose early musical career introduced him to the horror business in 2007, and he has been neck deep in it ever since. Another key addition was Oscar Gonzalez. He was an amateur set designer for Halloween parties at his own house for years, getting more and more intense and elaborate with the props and decor as time went on. His designs got so much buzz that he started getting offers from community events. After a few very successful solo shows he came on board in 2015 to design the ultimate sets and terrifying scares at Chamber of Horrors NY.’

 

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Joe Allocco’s The Franklin Square Horror Franklin Square, NY
‘See What Thousands of People Witness Every Halloween – Selected As One Of The Scariest Home Haunts In America By Fearnet.com and Shown In New York Newsday, The Franklin Square Herald, News 12 Long Island, CBS 2 News, Fox 5 News, TV 10/55 News, Fios 1- Heroes of our Island and Sponsored By The Long Island Press, Joe Allocco’s Award Winning Home Haunt, The Franklin Square Horror, Continued with All New Scares For 2018. Chosen as the 1st Place – Best Haunted House on Long Island by Bethpage Federal Credit Union – Best of Long Island Contest for 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019 and for the 6th year in a row 2020! And Shown on the Rachel Ray Show in 2019! The Franklin Square Horror is One of the Biggest and Scariest Home Haunt Walk-Throughs on Long Island! Once you enter Norbay Street you will see Hundreds of feet of pure Terror! Visitor have Witnessed all the Terrifying fun! Come and See if you DARE!’

 

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Jason’s Woods Lancaster, PA
‘IMT will ABSOLUTELY change how you experience the haunted hayride! Pushing the very limits, exceeding expectations, blurring the line between hayride and thrill-ride! 2020 unleashes the most bizarre, breath-taking IMT EVER!!! Witness the all new, bone shattering GRINDER! Find your trembling soul lost within the very depths of a vicious, heart wrenching EARTHQUAKE! And as if… that wasn’t enough this season Jason’s Woods puts an entirely new spin on last year’s SMASH hit WRECKING MACHINE!!! Make no mistake, IMT will BLOW… YOU… AWAY!!!!’

 

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The Haunted Chicken House Heflin, AL
‘Storyline focuses on Chicken Dan, the mutant chickens he raised and the gruesome war that ensued. “You will experience intense audio, lighting, extreme low visibility, strobe lights, fog, damp or wet conditions, moving floors, special effects, sudden actions and an overall physically demanding environment,” the website says.’

 

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The SlaughterHouse Tucson, AZ
‘It was very difficult to develop and meet COVID requirements, but we made things happen to bring Tucson’s favorite Haunt back for the 2020 season! The thing that makes us different, especially this year, is that we are a Linear attraction. When crowds need to gather in groups or wait in many different lines, it is near impossible to meet COVID Social Distancing requirements. So this season will be one of the longest, continuous Haunted Houses in the world. We have reconfigured all of your favorite haunted houses into 1 gigantic haunted house. We will be using timed ticketing and limiting the amount of walk-up traffic. It is VITAL to get your tickets in advance to make sure you can visit us on the night that you prefer. Some nights will absolutely be SOLD OUT, so plan ahead. Apocalypse will still be an available upgrade to your ticket and we have lowered all prices across the board for the 2020 season so everyone can attend!’

 

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Castle of Chaos Salt Lake City, UT
‘Castle of Chaos offers an overnight extreme haunt named Krusebel in the Salt Lake City area. Krusebel tests the endurance of their participants both psychologically and physically, pushing participants to the boundaries of their limits. Full contact, restraints, temperature changes, suffocation, electricity, forced feeding, etc Customizable intensity. Safeword provided, though it may be waived.’

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. ** Armando, I wrote to you privately. ** Dominick, Hi! Oh, I don’t know ‘The Impossible’, and I’m kind of a disaster movie fanatic of sorts. In other words, thanks for the new itch. Yes, the potential film script is an adaptation of the failed TV series project, basically trying to turn three 50-minute TV episodes into a tighter, more cinematic feature film. And whether it happens or not, I have to say the script is infinitely better now. The Cindy Sherman show was incredible. She’s such a great artist. Yes, the new restrictions aren’t too bad. Bars closed, supposedly cafes closed (but I saw several ones yesterday that were open), personal gatherings no bigger than 5 people, all live events cancelled, new restaurant restrictions but no closures, basically, For two weeks to start. I think it’ll get worse, but it’s okay for now. I had one of those loves too. Did not end well, unsurprisingly, ha ha. Love writing even creepier notes about the creepy neighbors who are writing notes about him, Dennis. ** Misanthrope, Hi, G, thanks. Okay, well, I’m happy to read that after that fucking mess of an attempt you have a couple of solid appointments. And, yes, big up about the diagnosis double-checking. Okay, so … what did the first doc say? Man, such suckage that you’re in this predicament. Big love, me. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. Yeah, the infection rates have risen dramatically here. I’m fine, as is everyone I know. We’re all sticking to the protocols carefully. It’s the rebels who are getting it and fucking things up for everyone. Same as over there, I guess, but with seemingly sane, solid guidance from the powers that be in our case. ** Ian, Hi! Oh, good, I’m glad my thoughts helped out. If you can get into the fetish-y pleasure of chipping away at and polishing the prose, I think you’re likely find the right way to go. But, as I said, if I can throw any thoughts or tips your way, just say the word. And enjoy. Later gator. ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi, Ben. I remember seeing pix of that Yinka Shonibare piece. It looks lovely. Nice adds to the fray, man. Thank you, buddy. ** wolf, Aw, thanks a lot, pal. Yeah, the floods around Nice were insane. Zac’s mom lives around there, but her place is spared, but he knows that river and those affected spots, and he was mindblown by the footage. Good, then please tell me how great and in what way the Michael Clarke retrospective is. Ah, you get to see the Bruce Nauman retro! I so regret not getting over to the States to see it. That should be insanely great. I haven’t seen signs of it coming here, but it does seem like it would. I’ll check again. I had dinner with him once in the early 80s. He’s such a male dude, in a very charming way. At least we have the Cindy Sherman retro up at the Vuitton Foundation, which is just fantastic. Well, do milk London try before you head off to a blissful ‘nowhere’ if you do. Love, me. ** Steve Erickson, Hi. I did fool around with an aquarium simulator game — can’t remember which one, could have been Creatura, which does look like the biggie — a bit when I discovered they existed by doing that post. It was very nice, lovely tempo, weird enough, very peaceful. ** Brian O’Connell, Hi, Brian. Happy to have indirectly given you a little peace. Staying invested in work of great interest seems like the way to go. Or that’s my angle, and I seem to be a little less dour than a lot of people I know. Ah, gotcha, about the new-fangled horrors being your entree. That’s interesting. That’s an interesting entrance to horror, I mean. I’ve heard such mixed things about the ‘Suspiria’ remake, and yet I am very into seeing it, which I need to do. You’re not the first wise person I know to like it. Hm, maybe the best way to recommend is to hook you up with some Days I did about earlier horror films? I’ll try. (Some of the links or embeds therein might be dead by now) Jack Arnold Day, Boris Karloff Day, Vincent Price Day, Herschell Gordon Lewis Day, Lucio Fulci Day, Mario Bava Day, Gordon Hessler Day, Terrence Fisher Day, Jean Rollin Day. That’s probably a lot more input than you need or want, but there you go, if that’s useful. My day was solid. I hope yours causes your stress to vacate like startled pigeons. ** Damien Ark, Hi, D! Thanks for the youtube link. I love that shit, as you probably know. All is well, and with you too, I hope. ** Bill, Hi, B. Yeah, every once in a while Guo-Qiang does something that seems completely out of the blue. Or used to. I get the feeling he’s pretty locked into the fireworks thing now. I obviously suggest a southward thumb on ‘The Lighthouse’, but … ** Okay. Today I put together a post for you lucky, grrrr, US folks who might want to find a haunted house attraction this year. (An international edition is forthcoming.) They are happening in a decent number, despite it all. If it needs to be said, the vast majority of the illustrative photos and most of the videos date to earlier pre-Covid incarnations of the haunts. Almost all of those haunts are implementing safety measures of some sort that you can read about if you click through to their sites. Anyway, you Americans, if I were you, I would use this post as a map for a big road trip starting ASAP, but I am not you very clearly. See you tomorrow.