The blog of author Dennis Cooper

DC’s International Amusement Park Newsletter, Vol. 11: New Rides, New Parks + Walt Disney World, Disneyland & California Adventure Maintenance Report

NEW RIDE: Underland, Liserberg (2020)

In November, Liseberg announced that Kaninlandet (the Rabbit Land) – Liseberg’s children’s area – would be expanded in 2020. Today, Liseberg proudly presents Underland – the underground world of the rabbits – a major new family dark ride, as part of this expansion.

The new dark ride will take guests underground to experience the rabbits’ secret world, and will be the largest investment for families since Liseberg built the Rabbit Land in 2013.

Budget: 150 million
Length of ride: 190 metres
Number of vehicles: 18
Travel time: 3 minutes and 20 seconds
Manufacturer: Gosetto SRL
Number of riders: 4 passengers per vehicle
Speed: 4 km/h
Capacity: 850 people per hour


NEW RIDE: Colossos: Battle of the Giants, Heide Park (2019)

Heide Park has revealed the giant creature that will form the centrepiece of their wooden coaster. Colossos: Battle of the Giants will be a fight between wood and fire.

At the entrance to the attraction daring Colossos riders will be introduced to the new story, with the new logo emblazoned above the entrance and a matching soundtrack for the fight of the giants. The colossal new structure is 25m high and appears to rise straight from the broken ground with shining eyes and blazing flame effects.

In addition to the creation of this centrepiece with ‘bones’ made of steel and a 1900m² artificial rock surface, designed by the Portuguese company Universal Rocks by hand, the complete track length of 1344m has been replaced. The station and the shop have been themed according to the story.


NEW RIDE: Dino Splash, Plopsaland De Panne (2019)

The transformation of water ride De Boomstammetjes at Plopsaland De Panne is well underway, with Dino Splash due to open in Summer 2019.

An investment of €5 million is being made to refurbish the log flume and create an immersive prehistoric landscape with volcanoes and dinosaurs.

The original ride opened in 1989 but will soon be almost unrecognisable following the completion of the project.


NEW RIDE: Fury, Bobbejaanland (2019)

In November last year, Bobbejaanland in Belgium announced that it would be opening a new roller coaster in 2019. The new triple-launch coaster will be over 40 metres tall and reach speeds of more than 100 km/h. The new attraction will extend the theme park and also be the centrepiece of a new themed area called Land of Legends.

“Land of Legends will be the first thematic area within Bobbejaanland that offers visitors a complete experience. It’s the biggest investment ever made in the park’s history, so I’m convinced that we’re doing something legendary here. After all, we’re going much further than simply building a new roller coaster. Bobbejaanland icons, such as Typhoon and Sledge Hammer, will also play a role in the 2-hectare zone.”

“In the new roller coaster, for example, you will enter into a fiery battle with the dragon Fogo. That is why the attraction is getting the suitable name Fury. The story was written by Mathilda Masters, author of various popular children’s books.”


NEW RIDE: Mystery Mansion, Bangkok Asiatique Night Market (2019)

At Asiatique, the popular night market located near the Chao Praya river in Bangkok, is currently built near the giant Ferris Wheel a dark ride titled “Mystery Mansion”! Supposedly opening in five months inside an impressive two floor high show-building it won’t be a walk-through mystery house but a real dark ride with ride vehicles hold by the top – like Peter Pan’s Flight – and moving from the ground floor to the upper floor and down again. The ride system is apparenlty already in place but not the theming inside.


NEW RIDE: Snake, Gröna Lund (2019)

Gröna Lund in Sweden will premiere Snake, a new thrill ride, exclusively for the 2019 season. The new attraction will spin riders 40 meters into the air at 80 km/h, exposing them to 4.3 G.

Snake will become the park’s most intensive ride so far, with guests seated at the end of a gigantic rotating arm.

The attraction type is a Chaos Pendle, manufactured by Funtime, where the gondola spins freely around its own axle, which means each ride is different from the next depending on the distribution of weight among fellow riders.


NEW RIDE: Intamin Quadruple-Launch Coaster, Parc Asterix (2021)
For the 2021 season, Parc Asterix has major plans for a huge new Intamin launch coaster. The ride features a switch-track that takes riders into a half-pipe-like launch section without stopping. The ride is over 3,500 feet long, features a height of 167 feet, and a top speed of 66 mph! (1075 meters long, 51 meters tall, 107 kmph top speed) Riders experience over 1360 meters of track because of the multiple launch section of track. It’s advertised as featuring a whopping 23 airtime moments, where riders feel negative g’s. The ride was decided as an addition to the park after the strategic director of the park took a liking to the Taron roller coaster at Phantasialand.


DELAYED RIDE: Zadra, Energyland (2022)?

Bad news for Energylandia, asa nasty storm hit the area and caused sections of the huge Zadra hybrid coaster that were under construction to collapse. It goes without saying that this is going to significantly delay the RMC coaster project. While the ride was originally slated to open in Spring 2020, the damage is significant enough that a 2022 opening date is hopeful. The video isn’t in English, but it contains some photos of the site, showing before and after photos of the sections of the ride’s structure that collapsed.


NEW RIDE: Highlander, Hansa-Park (2019)

During the 2019 season Hansa-Park in Germany will open Highlander, the highest and fastest Gyro Drop Tower in the world.

The new ride will have a height of 120 m (394 feet) and a speed of 120 km/h (75 mph). It will also be the first Funtime Gyro Drop Tower with tilting seats.

Highlander will be the centrepiece of a new themed area, Beautiful Britain, which will also include the theme park’s Schwarzkopf roller coaster Nessie.


NEW RIDE: Mystic, Walibi Rhône-Alpes (2019)

Walibi Rhône-Alpes will open a new Infinity Coaster built by the German manufacturer Gerstlauer.

This new roller coaster, the first of its kind in France, will be 575m (1,886ft) in length, 31m (101.7ft) high and reach a top speed of 85kph (53mph).

It will also feature a signature vertical lift hill, several inversions (Dive Drop and Zero-G Roll), a Top Hat, LSM Launch and Switch Track which will enable the ride to go forwards and backwards.

Each train will be made up of 3 cars with 4 passengers in each, for a total of 12 passengers per train. The brand new ride opens in June 2019.


NEW RIDE: Foresta Incantata, Gardaland (2019)

Foresta Incantata (Enchanted Forest) is going to be a walk-through attraction, an interactive place dedicated to families who will be part of an extraordinary experience in a world where anything can happen, among plants and magic flowers, talking trees, giant mushrooms and fantastic creatures.

After walking under the wizard’s big hat, positioned at the entrance of the magic portal, visitors will discover the forest’s story and will be invited to start their mission: saving the Magic Forest. The Wizard of Gardaland will indeed require the support of younger guests to stop the Evil Witch who is threatening to turn the Forest into stone. The bravest ones will become Sorcerer Apprentices and they will help the Wizard to break the spell and save the Foresta Incantata and its inhabitants.


NEW RIDE: Popcorn Revenge, Walibi Belgium (2019)

The new Erratic Ride at Walibi Belgium will feature Popcorn Revenge, a brand new IP from Alterface, and trackless Multi Mover vehicles by ETF.

Alterface’s recently launched Erratic Ride is the first non-linear mixed-media ride ever with dynamic scene changing, whereby players can determine the sequence depending on their ranking and preferences.

“After 16 years of interactive dark ride success, including Maus-au-Chocolat type rides, we felt we had to come with a new and truly ‘gamechanging’ concept. The digital storytelling capabilities of our show control technologies, combined with the unique features of ETF Multi Mover vehicles, are the key ingredients for this new exciting ride formula.”


NEW RIDES: Motorcycle-themed attraction and a Wave Swinger, Fårup Sommerland (2019)

The motorcycle-themed attraction is a ‘Sidecar’ ride from the Italian manufacturer Technical Park and the wave swinger will be supplied by German manufacturer Zierer. Both new rides will open at Fårup Sommerland in 2019 and the theme park is currently inviting suggestions for the names.

The ‘Sidecar’ ride consists of a rotating tower with 8 arms, attached to which are gondolas shaped like a motorbike with a sidecar. Riders can control the movement of their gondola during the ride, going as high as they like. It is a great attraction for the whole family because the height restriction is just 0.9 m for accompanied children.

Their wave swinger will be attractively themed with each seat taking the form of an acorn, suspended from the ‘tree’ on chains and swinging riders out and into the air as the ride rotates. It is a new and improved version of the existing ride at the theme park.


DEFUNCT RIDE: Donkey’s Sherry, Park Espana (RIP 2003)

Unfortunately it no longer exists, but Donkey’s Sherry, a dark ride at Park Espana in Osaka, Japan, has to be one of the strangest dark ride concepts ever. According to the description, Donkeys have taken over the task of making Sherry at a vineyard and along the way, they get drunk, put on human clothes for a donkey party. Then things get even weirder as the Donkey’s go on to pillage and burn down the local village… only for the situation to start to get nightmarish. Donkey Sherry closed in 2003.


NEW THEME PARK: Ankapark, Ankara, Turkey (2019)

Turkey’s capital city, Ankara, will open (what the Daily Sabah calls:) “the largest theme park in Europe” in March, called Ankapark.

According to Daily Sabah, Ankapark will have a large outdoor area as well as an indoor park. There will be heated tents to allow rides to operate in all weathers. The newspaper also reports the theme park will have 28 big rides – among many more smaller rides.

90% of the rides were bought from European firms, with the other 10% bought from China and Turkey. The theme park will also feature party rooms and cafeterias. There will be restaurants offering cuisines from Japan, China and Italy.


NEW THEME PARK: Amikoo, Cancun (2020)

Mexico’s Riviera Maya already draws millions of tourists every year with its pristine beaches, adventure parks, and magnificent Mayan ruins, but now, the country has unveiled a huge plan to lure even more visitors to the stunning region on its southeastern coast. On Monday, officials announced plans to to break ground on a sprawling new theme park packed with wild roller coasters, water rides, an enormous hotel complex, and many more attractions — all designed to celebrate the country’s Mayan culture and heritage.

Basically, Mexico is building its very own Disney World, and you’re going to want to go.

The park will boast at least 24 state-of-the-art rides and be split into four distinct zones: Park Maya Extreme (a lush jungle-themed area), Maya Adventure (a celebration of the “Maya City”), Maya Discovery (Mayan anthropology and archaeology museums), and Amikoo Land (a family-focused area with shopping and restaurants). While the development will occupy 300 acres total, more than 200 acres will be set aside as a preserve.


NEW THEME PARK: London Paramount Resort, Kent (2022)

Britain is to get a £2billion theme park that could rival the scale of Disneyland Paris – and it could open its doors as early as 2021. Measuring twice the size of the Olympic Park, the London Paramount Entertainment Resort is to be built on the Swanscombe Peninsula in Kent. It is estimated that around 50,000 tourists a day will flock to the attraction, which will include a large indoor water park, theatres, live music venues, rides, cinemas, restaurants, event space and 5,000 hotel rooms.

The theme park is being financed by Kuwait’s Al-Humaidi family and is set to feature attractions themed around BBC Worldwide shows, Aardman Animations and Paramount Pictures, the oldest major Hollywood studio in existence. This could mean that elements from films including Mission: Impossible and The Godfather could feature throughout the resort. The deal with the BBC may mean that some of the corporation’s biggest characters, such as Doctor Who and the Daleks may also make an appearance.


PROBLEMS: Walt Disney World, Disneyland, California Adventure Maintenance Report (3/16/19)

The Magic Kingdom


Pirates of the Caribbean
The mist screen and Davy Jones/Blackbeard effect are off once again.
* The pot that is supposed to break when shot in the well scene is just always broken.

The Jungle Cruise
Multiple blown speakers in the center of the queue crackle loudly.
* One mechanical butterfly on a log is not moving.
* The hippo scene is particularly bad. Almost none are wiggling their ears and many were not moving. Some hippos had holes in them, destroying the illusion of them being living hippos.
* The baby elephant who sprays the crocodile and Bertha taking a shower both did not spray any water.

Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
The falling rock projector in the cave-in sequence is completely off.

Splash Mountain
Even though it was broken for most of last year, Mr. Bluebird in the finale scene is broken AGAIN. He’s completely immobile.

The Haunted Mansion
The right stretching room’s “elderly woman with rose” stretching portrait is not working correctly and the wall above it is completely ripped apart.
* The lighting in the graveyard scene is abysmal. You can’t see much of what you are supposed to, and there is a misaimed light at the Opera Singers that is simply illuminating the scrim that guests are not supposed to see.
* The Hitchhiking Ghost screen effects continue to be misaligned and look totally unconvincing. They looked perfectly fine when installed.


The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
There is a lot of visible filth in the Heffalumps and Woozles scene. Anything yellow looks disgusting for the most part.
* The speaker which plays audio from Tigger and Piglet going over the waterfall is blown out.

“it’s a small world”
Marquee letters are cracked, extremely visible when illuminated at night.
* Many lights throughout the load room are missing or burnt out.
* One of the first singing dolls in the attraction is missing.
* The magic carpet carousel was immobile in the Asia room.
* Two of the three child musicians on the elephant are missing in the Africa scene.
* Many lights are missing or burnt out on the roller coaster in the finale scene.
* The bicycles on wires in the finale scene are missing.
Most of the music and singing in the ride were out of sync.


The paint is already peeling off of the recently repainted rocks at the entrance to the land. The old red/orange coloring is showing through.
* The UFO on top of the Disney Vacation Club kiosk has been missing the cockpit dome since before Hurricane Irma in 2017.

Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin
The light-up panel in the center of the queue area is still missing. Even if it isn’t going to return, something has to be done with this strange, plain blue podium that guests have to stare at.
* The spinning red light tunnel effect isn’t working and hasn’t in a very long time.
* The speed tunnel projection looks horrendous. The film is clearly extremely dirty and is jumping all over the place. I think the time has come for this to go digital or at least be repaired.
* The final Buzz Lightyear figure has a projected face that isn’t aligned correctly.

Space Mountain
The spinning space station projection inside of the mountain hasn’t spun in years.
* The inside of the mountain is way brighter than it used to be, there is a lot of light spill coming from some that shouldn’t be on near the unload area of the ride.
* The siren-like sound effects that are supposed to play as the rockets make one of their last turns is off on the Omega side.

Walt Disney’s Carousel of Progress
The John figure in the “present day” scene is in horrendous condition, guests (other than us) audibly laugh at it.



Spaceship Earth
Half of the star field on the ascent is off.
* A large section of the 180 degree scene at the top is not covered with the star projections.

Journey Into Imagination with Figment
The last projector in the queue, just before the load area, is off.
* The “Smell Lab” projector in the first scene is completely unaligned with the screen.
* The Figment on the phone audio-animatronic looks horrendous. He also doesn’t pop back up when he is supposed to.
* In the “Smell Lab” scene, the word “winner” lights up before Figment has even finished spinning the slot machine.
* The second Figment audio-animatronic character looks even worse. His hip appears broken and he is looking down most of the time.

The Land
The hot air balloons in the center of the atrium haven’t moved in nearly 20 years. They used to move up and down. The motors burnt out and no one ever bothered to replace them.
* One of the banners hanging from the ceiling is twisted.

Living with the Land
The running water in the first scene is completely off.
* A butterfly in rainforest scene isn’t moving.
Crocodile on the right in the rainforest scene is not raising out of the water.
* Goats in the fair scene open their mouths, but make no sounds.
* The last projector in the barn is in bad shape – bright purple spots pepper the entire projection. This was sent in by more readers than anything else this week.

Soarin’ Around the World
The Soarin’ letters in the entrance marquee aren’t properly lit, the “i” and the “n” aren’t lit the same as the other letters.
* Many of the ceiling lights above the FastPass/Standby merge area are burnt out.
* The screen in theater A is filthy.

The Seas with Nemo and Friends
The Angler fish is once again not moving.
* There is some sort of very dark gunk spilling down the last two windows of the ride where projected characters appear.

Test Track presented by Chevrolet
Dashboards of cars and inside of show scenes are covered in dust and filth, extremely noticeable in blacklight environments.
* The screens in the cars either don’t work or are in horrendous condition.
* The screen before the “1st break test” scene wasn’t working.
* The laser trees do not appear for every car that goes by.
* The speedometer sign during the last stretch of the ride is mostly burnt out, making it impossible to see the speed of the vehicle.

Gran Fiesta Tour starring the Three Caballeros
One of the elderly men in the Fiesta scene was not stomping his foot.
* The girl with the mask on the left side of the bridge is not moving.
* The fiberoptic fireworks in the cart are completely busted in the Fiesta scene.

Frozen Ever After
Olaf’s mouth during his first appearance isn’t working correctly. It appears as if he says every other word.
The “icy magic” projection that would appear above audio-animatronic Elsa’s hands is missing.

The American Adventure
The first Mark Twain’s cigar is not emitting smoke and simply looks like a solid red light.
* Several sets on the “train” are not raising and lowering in sync with the rest of the show.
* The gas station rose much slower than usual, characters were talking while still mostly below the stage.
* Rosie’s fellow riveter Jane didn’t lower or raise, she’s completely missing.

O Canada
The facade of the theater is in rough shape, lights are severely rusted and the mountain itself is in need of a cleaning/repainting.


Disney’s Hollywood Studios

Hollywood Boulevard
The globe underneath Mickey Mouse on the top of Crossroads of the World is supposed to spin. It is not.

Sunset Boulevard
The terrazzo floor in front of Beverly Sunset Boutique is all ripped up and was filled in with cement. It looks pretty bad.
* The Fantasmic! billboard has been off for days.

Twilight Zone Tower of Terror
The eyeball in the 5th Dimension scene is once again broken, displaying the default image of an elevator filled with guests. Guest photographs are not being taken to make this effect work.
* On the “echo” side, the doors that are supposed to open to the outside are not working, leaving riders staring at a wall at one point in the ride.

Edna Mode Experience
Since most of the space is just decals on walls and signs, a majority of it is already destroyed. Walls and signs are all torn up.

Toy Story Land
Woody’s Lunch Box is in horrible shape: chairs have large black stains, tables have tears in their covering, every prop shows some signs of damage, decals ripped in places.

Toy Story Mania
A decal wall in the queue is covered with a patch.

Slinky Dog Dash
Temporary covers hide damage on coils attached to train cars.
* The left spinning flame at the second launch has had a light burnt out. The effect doesn’t really work with it out.

MuppetVision 3-D
The safe is still missing above the painted target on the ground outside of there attraction. There is a random bullseye on the ground with nothing above. This has been like this for a while.


Disney’s Animal Kingdom

Expedition Everest
The yeti audio-animatronic doesn’t move. (probably a decade ago)
* The bird doesn’t pop-up at the ripped-track scene. (who knows)
Steam effect when trains pull into the station is not working.

Two lights in the upper atrium in the part of the queue with meteorite above are burnt out.
* The asteroid smoke trail effect before the drop past the Carnotaur head has not worked in several weeks. A trail of smoke would lead guests to believe that an asteroid has whooshed by them.

Primeval Whirl
The “Pr” in Primeval Whirl are burnt out on the left-side main attraction marquees.

Pandora: The World of Avatar
The “water squirting creatures” area is a mess. Now all 3 creatures are missing, possibly for repairs. The bugs that live in the in the pond are broken and filthy.

AVATAR Flight of Passage
Guests have carved names and more into the sides of the cave in the queue. It’s all over most of the walls at this point.



Walt Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room
The tiki god Ngendei didn’t move left and right while trying to “hang on” to the earth in the Tiki Garden pre-show.

The Jungle Cruise
The 1st crocodile doesn’t move.
* The elephant taking a bath is not sitting in a running waterfall.
* The elephant taking a bath is not spraying upwards as it is supposed to.
* The piranha scene is not functioning as it is supposed to, a lot of the mechanism is visible.
* Trader Sam’s arm did not raise towards guests.

The Indiana Jones Adventure
Projection on the doors into the various chambers is not aligned properly.
* The snake animatronic was replaced last year, but the new figure has way more limited movement than the original figure had.
* The smoke/fog in the large pit in the center of the temple is off, so when the flames erupt, you can see a lot of wiring and such that you aren’t supposed to see.
* The dark hallway before the rats scene is too bright, you can see pipes and such on the walls.
* The rat projection wasn’t really visible.
* The final Indiana Jones figure standing next to the boulder did not have a functioning mouth.

Pirates of the Caribbean
The magnifying glass and the pirate skull in bed in the Captain’s Quarters are not aligned correctly.
* The helmet that gets struck by a stray bullet did not jump in the scene just before the lift hill, heading back to the entrance and loading area.

The Haunted Mansion
The ghost blowing out the candles in the ballroom scene stayed illuminated, rather than appearing and disappearing.
* There’s a weird light spill on the scrim over the cats in the graveyard scene.

Rivers of America
Two sets of speakers in the Fantasmic! viewing area have been missing covers for over a year now.

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
The first jumping Tigger didn’t fully jump out.

Mickey’s Toontown
No smoke or lights functioned when the TNT trigger ignited the fireworks on the upper level.
T* he Jolly Trolley is showing tremendous signs of wear.
* The land in general is showing tremendous signs of wear, from chopped paint, to staining and more.
* Some of the green hills behind the land are in need of paint.’

The frogs who spit water are not spitting.
* The entire attraction is in need of a new coat of paint. Damage and fading visible in most areas.

Roger Rabbit’s Cartoon Spin
* The second set of electric tubes over guests in the Power House did not illuminate. They are purple as opposed to red like the others.
* The Dip did not spray from the truck operated by the weasel.
* The Roger Rabbit audio-animatronic’s mouth did not move.

“it’s a small world
Windstorm damage to the facade has not been repaired since early 2017. Some small flowers and such are still missing.
* The spinning gold accent on the far right of the facade isn’t spinning.
* The tightrope bicycle didn’t move.
* The Irish dancing boy is missing.
* The carousel fo flying carpets does not spin.
* Two of the fireworks over the Hollywood Bowl are not functioning properly.

Pinocchio’s Daring Journey
The lighting inside is horrendous. It is nearly pitch-black in several scenes.
* The Donkey mirror effect was not properly aligned.

Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage
The large bass towards the center of the lagoon does not move at all.
* There is a large set of sliding fingerprint marks on the glass out in the ride (that separates the water from the dry show scene) in the final scene before the sub is eaten by a whale.

Buzz Lightyear’s Astro Blasters
The FastPass Distribution marquee is not functioning correctly.
* The Buzz Lightyear audio-animatronic is broken and behind a curtain.
* The ride vehicles are in terrible shape. So much paint is own off of every car.
* Some moving props triggered by hitting targets either do not respond or respond slower than they used to.

Pizza Planet
The window decals featuring the Aliens are all peeling.

Star Wars Launch Bay
4 out of 8 video games stations aren’t operating.


Disney California Adventure

Radiator Springs Racers
The second tractor did not tip over.
* The 3rd tractor used to blow smoke towards guests when making the “gas” noises.
* The curtains in the Luigi’s tire change scene don’t fully open to reveal the entire mirror and both sets of tires on your car.

The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Undersea Adventure
The first Ariel animatronic has something wrong with her mouth, as in she was given a “fat lip”.

The Incredicoaster
The lights all around the coaster track are burnt out, as are many in the loop circle with the Pixar Pier logo.
* There is visible rust on the tracks and supports in many places.

Silly Symphony Swings
A ton of lights on the ride structure are burnt out.

Downtown Disney
Nearly half of the light on the entrance sign from the theme parks are burnt out.



The Magic Kingdom

The Jungle Cruise
The second African elephant’s ears do not wiggle. (1/29/19, Reported Fixed 3/12/19)
* Smiley and Old Ginger were completely off and did not move. (2/17/29)

Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
The man in the bathtub in the Tumbleweed scene has been missing for some time now. (1/29/19, Reported Fixed 3/10/19)

“it’s a small world”
The “tick-tock” noises of the clock tower is off and has been for some time now. (12/31/18, Reported Fixed 3/10/19)

Under the Sea: Journey of the Little Mermaid
The first Sebastian audio-animatronic figure did not having the moving eyes accomplished by screen technology. (12/30/18, Reported Fixed 3/12/19)
* The last Sebastian audio-animatronic figure did not have the moving eyes accomplished by screen technology. (1/29/19, Reported Fixed 3/12/19)

Walt Disney’s Carousel of Progress
* Sarah’s left foot has ripped out of its shoe in the “present day” scene. (1/26/19, Reported Fixed 3/12/19)


Spaceship Earth
The radio broadcaster’s mouth does not move. (1/27/19)

Journey Into Imagination with Figment
The last projector in the queue, just before the load area, is off. (2/20/19)
Gran Fiesta Tour starring the Three Caballeros
* The girl with the mask on the left side of the bridge is not moving. (2/20/19)

Frozen Ever After
The small troll who says “and now they’re best friends” didn’t appear to speak, her face was “frozen”. (2/20/19)

Disney’s Hollywood Studios

Rock ‘N’ Roller Coaster starring Aerosmith
Headlights on the right side of the upside down limousine at the G-Force Records area entrance are burnt out. (1/28/19, Reported Fixed 3/10/19)

Toy Story Mania
An entire decal wall in the queue is falling down. (3/7/19, Reported Fixed 3/10/19)

Disney’s Animal Kingdom

The running Carnotaurus audio-animatronic is missing, replaced with an immobile dinosaur head. (1/1/19)

Primeval Whirl
Running dinosaurs on the Dino-Rama promenade were almost all moving, but one remains static. (1/1/19)
* The black and white spinning circles at the beginning of the ride on the right track are not functioning. (1/20/19)


“it’s a small world”
The boat filled with children at the beginning of the ride wasn’t moving.
* Two of the ceiling butterflies in the Polynesian section are not raising and lowering.
* The children around the maypole in the finale scene does not spin.
* The final girl dangling from a balloon in the finale scene does not raise and lower.

Disney California Adventure

Radiator Springs Racers
The first Mater audio-animatronic doesn’t move.




p.s. Hey. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. Yep, absolutely. Oh, yes, the legendary Ashbery/Ehrenstein pick-up attempt. I’m just kind of amazed that Allen didn’t then use his helpfulness as leverage to get a piece of your action himself. ** Keatonade, I came across an escort the other day in my post searching who was willing to trade sex with anyone who could help him beat a Boss in some video game. Might be worth a thousand years? Breakthrough! That was written in a commanding but respectful tone. Wow, losmovies has totally up to the minute big budget stuff. Shows you how often I illegally download things. Basically almost never. Weird. Huh! ** Bill, Hi, Bill. After 8 was, until recently, called Section 7. I don’t think it was around in 2011. It was located in a passage off Blvd Sebastopol, but it’s moving this weekend to a spot near Gare de l’Est. Un Regard Moderne: That’s a sad story. The guy who ran it died suddenly a few years ago. Since it was his baby, it closed. Then it got ‘rescued’ by some friend of the guy. But now it’s like a normal bookstore, no more teetering stacks, no more labyrinthine dangerous interior. It still sells the same kind of stuff, so it’s cool, but it’s no longer one of the greatest, must-visit things in Paris. Ooh, those are very pretty pastries. Craveable. Thank you, bud. ** _Black_Acrylic, Drug related, of course that makes sense. That was a beautiful paragraph/comment, my friend. Perfect for Ashbery Day. ** Steve Erickson, Hi. I don’t know The Drums, strange. Everyone, Steve has reviewed the new LP by The Drums, titled ‘Brutalism’, and you can read it. Yeah, I don’t know, but, yeah, sounds like it still could be helping you? ** Julia Gloria, Hi, Julia! Welcome, and thank you a ton for coming inside! It’s nice to re-meet you. Happy to try to answer your questions. (1) No, he, so far at least, has never finished writing that memoir, which I am, I must say, quite happy about. I’m not sure if he will because he’s now a pretty well-known writer of books for children, and I’m not sure that tell-all wouldn’t cause his reputation some problems. (2) I do, well, I guess, mostly did write porn to cleanse my writing palate between novels. I haven’t lately, I guess mostly because I haven’t writing novels in recent years. But, no, I wouldn’t show that stuff to anyone. It has no literary value whatsoever, trust me. It’s super not good. (3) I used to read a lot of fiction whose purpose was to cause sexual excitement when I was younger and studying how I wanted to represent sex in my work and how it make it titillate but, at the same time, work on more complicated levels, but I don’t think I’ve been drawn to that kind of work recently so much. Maybe I should catch up. (4) First, thank you so much about ‘The Marbled Swarm’. That’s the novel of mine that I’m proudest of. That’s very interesting that you think it would work in Polish. No, as far as I know, there were no nibbles from Polish publishers. Generally, it’s considered a novel that’s impossible to translate. Three countries bought it, but all them ended up cancelling it because the translations were bad. The only other language it’s been published in is French, and even here it went through three translators before the publisher found one they were okay with, and, even then, people and critics who read the book here pretty much all said the translation was bad and the novel didn’t work in French. So it’s been sad. I mean, I would love for it to be translated into Polish. I’m not involved in those kinds of machinations at all, but I’ll suggest the idea to my agent and see if she wants to make queries or something. Unfortunately, I’m not coming to Poznan. One of the works I wrote for the director Gisele Vienne is playing there, but I almost never get to be there for the foreign performances because, you know, no money to pay for me to come, and, being the writer, there’s no important reason for me to be there. I wish I was coming. Strange, I just did a search and I could find anything about that performance either. I’ll ask Gisele, but I think it’s playing at that festival? I’ll find out. Not too many questions: I appreciate it. But tell me more about you and about what you’re doing. Thanks Julia! ** Misanthrope, That is true. Okay, your sourcing of the amphibian phobia seems to lead back to the bingo moment. As you know, in my nightmares I’m always being chased by things and people that are trying to kill me, but I never try to kill them. That never even crosses my mind as a solution. When I’m asleep. That probably means something. Maybe something about my beautiful soul, ha ha? ** Jojimbo (aka you-x), Joseph! Holy shit, man, how long has it been? Like years and years, no? Man, it feels so instantly warm with you being here. Great! You’re working on a novel? Say more, perchance? And listening to Airport 5, which is the opposite of shabby news too. Oh, for future reference, this blog has some of weird glitch whereby commenters often can’t see that their comments have registered, but they usually do. I have no clue what the problem is, and I’ve tried to get it fixed many times, but until someone tech genius can solve it, this place is stuck with that, annoyingly. Anyway, so great to see you! Goes extremely without saying that if you feel like hanging out here anytime, that would be a serious boon. In any case, take care, and a bunch of love to you! ** Jeffrey Coleman, Hi, Jeff. See what I wrote to Joseph re: the posting issues. Urgh. Mm, I’m too overworked at the moment to characterise things as chill, but I’m not freaking out, so maybe it’s chill/ Chill as it gets? Well, pray tell about the stuff going on over there, natch. But I see your messages, be assured, and I welcome them with widespread arms and heart and brain. ** Right. Today is one of those occasional days when I ask you readers and commenters to dig deep and locate your inner amusement park nerd or be damned to roughly 24 local hours of bewilderment, etc. See you tomorrow.

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  1. Jeffrey Coleman

    April 10, 2019 at 11:43 am

    Ah, so you see them.

    Odd. Well, I’ll work with this. Now I’m wondering if other locals can see them.

    I was discussing this with You-x just a few hours ago, my issue with posting here, and it is also an interesting coincidence that we both showed up after yonks around the same time. Was not coordinated.

    I should have supposed that you would be as busy as ever. I was going to continue on with the rather hackneyed joke about parallel/alternate dimensions/universes, “you wouldn’t believe who is president over here…” etc., but you get the idea. Well, glad about the not freaking out thing, of course.

    Anyway, good to be back, and I’ll be around, dude.

  2. I probably wasn’t Allen’s “type” Besides he knew me from experimental film screenings, which he attended religiously. Very sweet man.

    Few things are sadder than a failed amusement park.

  3. These catty maintenance reports seem to run in parallel to the much loved slave and escort comments, being an underside to the better behaved, more formal doings up above.

  4. Dennis, Well, this is a different take on amusement parks. Is it Disneyland that’s going to have a life-size Millennium Falcon that people can tour? If I had billions of dollars, that would be my home, a life-size Millennium Falcon. Or Jupiter 2. I used to have dreams that I lived in Lost in Space’s Jupiter 2.

    Hmm, yes, your beautiful soul. And my rotten soul. I wonder why we react differently in those dreams.

    I was kind of talking about flight or fight with some people the other day. Maybe it’s my upbringing? I was always told to fight back. It’s kind of ingrained in me. Or if you’re gonna run, run just enough so you can come back and attack. I’ve been in a few situations in my life where I probably should’ve run, but I fought back instead. They ended up working out all right, but probably should’ve run or avoided them in the first place. (At the time, they seemed unavoidable.)

    However, I was thinking about one today. I fought back until I was so outnumbered at this party -and worried the police were about to show up- that I finally just ran out, hahaha. I did get some good licks in, though.

    Or maybe it’s the reverse. We do in our dreams what we probably wouldn’t do in real life. Like, I doubt I’d kill anyone who attacked me with an amphibian. I’d just leave, I’m sure.

    Dreams are great. Morrissey had a line in a song last year or the year before about how we’re allowed to do illegal things in our dreams.

  5. Godard says he’s going to make a film about the yellow vests. The 2019 equivalent of LE CHINOISE?

    The Drums review was something I pitched to Gay City News at the last minute. I didn’t know that Jonny Pierce, the current sole member, is gay until I read an interview with him in Stereogum 2 weeks ago. Their music suffers from a tendency to hop from pastiche to pastiche – Beach Boys and girl groups, Joy Division and the Smiths, and right now, early ’80s New Pop and related electronic music – but BRUTALISM is worth a listen, although probably not your cup of tea at all these days.

    A horror movie about a mad amusement park designer is a concept that needs to be written. There must be a cheesy slasher movie in which teens get killed at an amusement park, but I’m having trouble thinking of any titles.

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