The blog of author Dennis Cooper

Clock

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‘Natalie Duckett wants to enhance your sleep with her Woodpecker Alarm Clock that makes the drumming sound of a woodpecker twice a day. The entire clock is made of natural materials, with the majority of the alarm clock being a piece of wood. The sound of the woodpecker drumming can be changed by what surface the clock is put up against or on top of. The evening alarm is automatically set to go off for when the sleeper should be in bed in order to get 8 hours of sleep.’

 

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‘The Wind Chime Alarm Clock features 12-hour and 24-hour clock modes, date display, a stopwatch function, and two different alarm modes. You can wake up to the sound of electronic beeping or to the gentle sounds of wind chimes. We choose the latter. You can also set the wind chimes to chime continuously, although this will drain the batteries fairly quickly.’

 

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‘Initially set to the same time, these identical battery-powered clocks will eventually fall out of sync, or may stop entirely. Conceived shortly after artist Felix Gonzalez-Torres’s partner was diagnosed with AIDS, “Untitled” (Perfect Lovers), 1991 uses everyday objects to track and measure the inevitable flow of time. When one of the clocks stops or breaks, they can both be reset, thereby resuming perfect synchrony.’

 

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‘Tunafish alarm clock has no fishy smell.’

 

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‘Switch up your alarm’s annoying buzz with the Singing Kero Clock. This cute green alarm clock wakes you up with one of two alternating songs, sung by a frog duet. What’s more, these amphibian fellows aren’t just funny crooners either, they dance as well!’

 

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‘This clock will wake you up with a sound that can’t be ignored. The people who sleep heavily, this gong-beater swings his hammer to strike the gong and sound the alarm.This novelty digital alarm clock has a useful snooze function, back light and easy-to-read display and is perfect for anyone who needs a bit of morning clarity! The man swings and hits the gong 3 times to produce loud gong sounds… no one will sleep under this situation until he/she dismiss the close button.’

 

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Devon Dikeou Tricia Nixon: Summer of 1973, 2017: ‘Ongoing antique marble fireplace and mirror, working heating element and air conditioner, clock radio circa 1973 with looped radio broadcasts from the summer of 1973 variable dimensions.’

 

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‘Dominic Wilcox has created a series of miniature time-based sculptures using a collection of vintage mechanical watches and customised model figures. By attaching tiny figures and hand made models onto the second and minute hands of each watch, Wilcox has made unique, animated scenes from everyday observations and imagined situations.’

 

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‘Watch time come alive on the ever changing face of the ferrofluid clock. Controlled by an intelligent internal system that is accessible via a web browser, it allows you to customize the clock to display time, text, and even shapes.’

 

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Aiko Miyanaga waiting for awakening -clock-, 2011

 

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‘In the old school Pong © TV game you could put the paddles in such a position, that the ball kept bouncing forever. Quite hypnotic, and it became the inspiration for this time-killer/clock…. The Pong © Clock displays the time, but you can also switch to game mode. This allows you to play a game of Pong © against the clock with the use of two buttons on the back!’

 

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Emily Beck Milk Clock (2017)

Here

 

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Atelier Van Lieshout Pipe-bomb Clock Lamp, 2019: ‘The Pipe-bomb Clock Lamp is a steel, working clockwork attached to a pipe-bomb on a slender steel pole. The improvised explosive device to which this measure of time is attached suggests that time is running out, but at least we can keep count whilst it does.’

 

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‘My launch 360’s disc drive broke and M$ wants 200 to fix it so I said screw that and decided to make it into something useful: Achievement Unlocked Alarm Clock.

Edit: Yes I am aware that it uses an unreasonable amount of energy. I usually leave the TV off and usually just have it on while I sleep for just the alarm feature I do not use it as my primary clock

Edit 2: Really I understand the power concerns STOP FILLING MY EMAIL WITH COMPLAINTS. I MADE THE TV SCREEN BLACK ON PURPOSE BECAUSE IT TAKES LESS POWER ON A CRT TO DISPLAY BLACK.’

 

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‘Control your urges with this iconic Chococlock. Every hour chococlock will deliver a a chocolate treat to the tune You have 30 seconds to grab it before the clock snatches it back!’

 

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‘When the alarm sounds, the propeller shoots up into the air, flying around your room. To turn the alarm off you need to get up, catch or retrieve the propeller and place it back into the base station. The propeller flies to random heights.’

 

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‘Stuart Ringholt’s Nuclear Clock (2019) tells time a billion years in the future, when the Earth’s rotation has slowed to such a degree that each day takes 34 hours to pass.’

 

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‘There’s something about scent that’s more efficient at waking someone up than anything else. Smell a nice hot cup of coffee or the ocean breeze and your body and your mind both wake up at the same time! The Sensorwake employs light, sound, and aroma to wake you in under 2 minutes. Simply slide the cartridge in and set your alarm timer and the Sensorwake gently blinks a light while playing soothing music along with filling the room with the smell of an espresso coffee that immediately get you out of bed.’

 

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‘This is a photo I took of the clock I built. I used a cigar box for a case, mounted the board on top, and printed some stock clock faces for the meters (I’m dying to redesign those to match the lovely Romeo Y Julieta typography when I get some time).’

 

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‘Clock Ticking 10 hours, Ticking clock sound effect for 10 hours. Clock Sound. Feel free to use it for your projects.’

 

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Nam June Paik French Clock TV, 1989

 

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‘The Danger Bomb Alarm Clock wakes you every morning with an explosion sound, and to disable the bomb, you have to follow the code (which resets every morning) to unhook the correct wire.’

 

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‘Clockman is the alarm clock that will definitely get you out of bed. He wakes you up with an assortment of remarks (all in Japanese) designed to get you up and about. And he comes in four colors, each one with distinct personality traits matching a blood type (a common belief in Japan). Yellow Clockman (blood type O) cuts straight to the chase and speaks rough. Pink Clockman (A) will put up with most things and is the politest of the bunch. Blue Clockman (B) is a bit of a buffoon. And green Clockman (AB) lives in his own reality! Choose your new bedside companion.’

 

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‘This is the “God Bless My Family” clock. It features two little kids praying. Their prayers can be heard at bedtime or as an alarm in the morning to start your day. Or, it seems, whenever the clock randomly decides to start talking in the middle of the night, which has been my own disturbing experience with it. The highlight of the clock is the boy’s prayer. His take on the word “evil” in the phrase “but deliver us from evil” sounds like it’s out of a horror movie. (I won’t even get into the fact that he says “and BLEED us not into temptation” instead of “lead us.”)’

 

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‘Simply set the Alarm Clock Rug to the time you need to get up, and it will make sure you are out of bed and ready to go right on time. In order to turn off the alarm, this rug requires you to place both feet firmly on its surface for at least 3 seconds. If you want some peace and quiet, you will have to get out of bed and start your day!’

 

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‘This nifty alarm clock is designed so users can wake up to the smell of bacon, and then actually eat it too. Simply put, load the gadget up with a few strips of frozen bacon the night before, set the timer for 15-minutes before you’re ready to chow down, and you’re ready to go.’

 

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‘Ruth Ewan’s “We Could Have Been Anything That We Wanted to Be” (2011) is a decimal clock that displays decimal time dividing the day into ten periods rather than twenty-four. Midnight becomes ten o’clock, midday becomes five o’clock, each new hour contains one hundred minutes and each new minute contains one hundred seconds.’

 

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‘This pillow has the ability to display the clock on a soft display made on fabric under the pillow surface. It can function as an alarm and also detects snoring.’

 

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‘Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock is designed specifically for those who need extra help waking up in the morning. It’s called the Sonic Bomb, and it’s tricked out with a flashing LCD light display, customizable alarm tones, and a vibrating component that quite literally shakes you awake.’

 

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‘This brand Projector Clock will give your living room or bedroom a unique flair. The clock will project onto the wall with high definition from 1 to 7m. Full display of hours, minutes, and seconds is very vivid.’

 

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‘In between a meditation device and a clock, Eyelash Clock offers a new experience in the perception of time. It ignores the stressful codes we are used to when facing the passing of time. Numbers, clock hands and ticking sounds disappear, allowing us to contemplate time instead of enduring it. At first sight, Eyelash Clock appears like an indefinite and static object. But if you take a closer look, you can perceive a slight movement. By focusing a little more, you realize that fibers straighten up by slowly moving away one from the other.’

 

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‘JoJo Bizarre Adventure Art Decor Home Wall Clock Black Original Gift Unique Design’

 

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‘The option to delay your alarm is a thing of the past in a new alarm clock, which promises to wake you up ‘unless you’re dead.’ The clock, dubbed the ‘Timely Wake-up Device’ sits under your mattress, and repeatedly inflates and deflates. By doing this, the clock bends your spine into an awkward position, preventing you from sneaking in a few extra minutes of shut-eye. And as if this spine-bending wasn’t enough, the system also includes a speaker, which blasts loud noises into your ears.’

 

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‘John Muir, Sierra Club founder and Yosemite savior, was a fantastically creative maker too! One of his inventions was an alarm clock that knocks the leg out from under the bed.’

 

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John Menick Giving Time, 2000: ‘To create the work Giving Time, New York-based artist and writer John Menick had a technician alter the works of a watch so that it would take exactly 28 hours to make a full rotation, even though the watch’s face is unchanged. The work was inspired partly by the artist’s research into the history of standardized time. The concept being tested was that the recipient would live by the time dictated by the watch. For example, showing up at work when the watch said it was nine a.m. Even though they might be somewhat conscious of the fact that the watch was off. The wearer would gradually go out of phase with everyone else. And just as gradually return.’

 

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Tehching Hsieh One Year Performance (Time Clock Piece), 1980–1981: ‘For one year, from 11 April 1980 through 11 April 1981, Tehching Hsieh punched a time clock every hour on the hour. Each time he punched the clock, he took a single picture of himself, which together yield a 6-minute movie. He shaved his head before the piece, so his growing hair reflects the passage of time.’

 

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‘Banpresto’s new GONG! alarm clocks look like those bells that they have by the side of the fighting ring. The difference here is that these ones are designed to wake you up. When it’s time to get up, a referee’s voice starts to count down from 10. If you don’t get out of bed within the 10 count the “round” is over, and the bell rings. An internal vibration sensor detects if you’ve actually gotten out of bed of if you’re still lying there like a lump.’

 

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‘With the Real Time grandfather clocks by artist Marten Baas, a man is filmed while he draws the hands of a clock from the inside of the interface. This film is integrated in the housing of a traditional floor clock. The man seems to stand in the clock as he keeps on drawing the current time.’

 

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‘STORY is a new magnetized piece from Flyte. The company’s latest design is an improvement to the wall clock, a work that uses powerful magnetism to move a hovering metal ball around STORY’s edge.’

 

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Joseph Kosuth Existential Time #20, 2020

 

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‘Though it might appear at first to be a normal street clock withe the same nineteenth-century design typically found in Manhattan, this work subverts traditional notions of time. The numbers on Alicja Kwade’s clock in Against the Run are rotated about 90 degrees clockwise. And the hands rotate backward. Meanwhile, the second hand appears to stand still, pointing vertically at all times.’

 

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‘The single worst clock I have ever seen. I actually said aloud “Whyyyy”‘

 

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‘The Screaming Meanie alarm clock advertises itself as the loudest alarm clock you can possibly find. Making sounds at 120 dB, it’s as loud as a jet plane taking off!’

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. ** David, Hi. Well, that was something. Me too re: Soft Cell/Almond. I always thought it would be very interesting to meet him and have a conversation. Cheers back, and here’s to your week. ** Dominik, Hi!!! My pleasure, as always. I’m almost well, mostly just a lingering stuffed up nose and slightly cloudy chest. I kind of figured that Saturday’s love was unnecessary, but you can never be too safe or something. Ha ha, I bet there’s one guy out there whose fetish is guys who look like thumbs, and I’m going to find him. Love proposing marriage to the loneliest person in the world with no prenuptial agreement, G. ** David Ehrenstein, Thank you, of course, for your insights and experiences re: Mr. Jarman. Quite a treasure trove. I interviewed him for, I think, the LA Weekly at the Chateau Marmont when ‘Edward II’ was released. Very lovely guy, yeah. ** _Black_Acrylic, Your parents are a tough crowd. Fireworks still? Well, I suppose they must be dead ducks by now. Excellent! About the feedback. Are there specific rules as to what constitutes ‘micro’? Length restrictions, etc.? ** Brendan, I hope your opening was a blast. Well, can such things ever be such a thing? Surely, in your case. Fun? I Zoomed with Jack on Saturday morning your time, and he was geared up for the festivities. Enjoy the afterburn, maestro. ** David Fishkind, Hi, David. Very nice to meet you. Thank you so much for your generous thoughts and sharing about reading the Cycle. Yes, I credit large amount of psychedelics with, well, a huge amount of whatever caused me to be whoever I am. Or the good parts, at least. What you say about anger makes enormous sense, of course. I’m strangely a person who rarely gets angry, even imaginatively. Whatever I’m full of is something else, or else I mischaracterise it to myself for some reason. I’ve never been afraid that I will lose my sense of the line between the real and the imagined or that my writing will lose that line either. Not sure why though. It’s greatly meaningful to me that you have a strong relationship to my writing. There’s no greater gift for doing all of this. I don’t think I ever wrote about Nick Drake until ‘I Wished’. There was a very long time when I couldn’t listen to or even think about Nick Drake because the association with George. Thank you for the link to your work! I’m grateful. I will go read your writing once I’m finished with this p.s. thing. Oh, I see there are a few of your writings there. Great. Thank you very much again, and, of course, please be there if/when ever the connection would be useful for you. Take care. ** scarf, Hi. It kind of was, right? What happened? ** politekid, Hi, Oscar! Oh, really, about the Schwab reference? I couldn’t figure that one out. How very boring. Ah, yes, the days when one could imagine some teen out there writing the ‘Citizen Kane’ of viruses. I know they probably still are, but it used to be possible to imagine the impetus as not being freighted with politics at all. Book proposals are so vexing. I vowed to never do one again, which cuts me out of no doubt interesting possibilities. And the one time I made one, it did sell the book it proposed, although the book was so not what I had proposed that it got cancelled. Anyway, granted that I know nothing, but I still strongly suspect your proposal is hitting the necessary marks with much more flair than you can probably detect at the moment. That’s encouragement, even if it doesn’t sound like that. That quote you quoted is really, really fucking good, it’s so true, you’re right. Oh, yeah, ‘Ghostwatch’, I need to watch that. I made a note at the time and then lost it. Internet archive, gotcha. Okay, I’m there, maybe even today. Thank you, pal. I’m good. My sickness or whatever is gradually fading out. I lost my wallet/card, but a new one is supposed to arrive this morning, although I don’t trust FedEx one little bit. The virtual haunt thing went really well. We were happy. We’re going to look into doing it in London. Now-wise, just waiting for hopefully good fundraising news any day from the producer of Zac’s and my new film. And this and that. Enjoying the winter’s gentle growth spurt. What’s your week like? ** Bill, Thank you, sir. How was the gig? Were you satisfied all in all? Good reception? Bon Monday. ** wolf, Wolf, rawr! I’ve been thinking about a lot recently. All kinds of wondering about how you are and what’s the what with you. Someone else did a small Jarman Day at some point, so the place has not been entirely bereft before this past weekend, it turns out. Like I told Mr. E, and probably have told you, I interviewed him once, and he was just as you say in person and even to me, a grunt who was asking him yet more questions. Paris is good. Getting wonderfully chilly. Xmas lights just starting to go up. Oh, no, about your mum unloading the Paris flat! Yes, yes, come visit post-haste! I should be around. Zac and I will need to go to LA to work on our film before too long, but I think we’ll likely be here for at least most of December. Come! That will be so great! Big, … no, wait, gigantic love to you!!!!! ** Misanthrope, Yeah, it’s weird how things can just slip by one. Yay, about Cornstalkers! Envy city. Nice! I watched the first, oh, 15 minutes of ‘CMBYN’ before shutting it off in horror, but Elio doesn’t ring a bell. Oops, about the big CO scare. You can’t be too careful, etc.? That sucks about your weekend’s consequent decimation however. But I’m glad that little Elio is A-okay. My weekend wasn’t bad either. Hugs. ** Right. I decided to show you a bunch of clocks. See you tomorrow.

12 Comments

  1. Misanthrope

    Dennis, I was just thinking this morning that I need to get a new clock…and then this, hahaha. Also, David’s first day of work at the Christmas Tree Shop was this morning at 5 a.m. He didn’t set his clock and I ended up waking him up at 7. Ugh. They still want him to come in and he says he’ll make sure he doesn’t do it again. We’ll see.

    Elio in CMBYN is the character played by Timothee Chalamet.

    Hmm, I thought you might like that movie because it’s really slow. Good slow, imo, of course.

    I’m off tomorrow for my yearly ultrasound on my dead kidney that I’ve had forever and didn’t know about until last year. Also have to go into the office to get a new credential, take a photo, get fingerprinted, etc. Something they do every 5 years or so.

    And off Thursday for Veterans Day.

    But yeah, no real complaints here.

  2. Wolf

    Dennis!! Clockitty clock clock clock! That levitating ‘story’ clock, christ, that’s going on my fantasy xmas list. Ha, of course it’s Swedish. It’d have to be. I’m surprised you’re enjoying the chill, are you not an Only Mild Temperatures Need Apply guy? We’re getting very pretty fall colors here, and it is quite wintry. You’re around in the coming weeks, ok, great! Let’s see if we can nab some cheap Eurostar tix… Wooly hugs!

  3. David

    When I was a boy mom and dad had this alarm clock… when you stuck your finger in it would give you a little electric shock… so I stuck my finger in a number of times… good job it didn’t occur to me to stick any other body part in else you can bet I would have done…

    Ref Marc Almond… I chatted to him numerous times back in the day… I’m surprised your paths never crossed…I had a parrot that once belonged to him…. long story short…. it didn’t get on with his other ‘parrots’ so it was brought into the Freedom cafe soho… and largely lived downstairs…. in the end Marc’s pal said I could have it…. I kept it for a couple of years… but I felt bad/guilty keeping a bird indoors and eventually gave it away…. I’m seeing soft cell play when I get back to London actually… they have an album out called ‘Happiness Not Included’…. last time I saw Marc to speak to was a few years back down the road from where I live… he was with the guy I used to work for.. he was very sweet…. he was always very polite to me… the very first time I spoke to him I was so excited… I was buzzing for days… At the cafe when it first opened the staff all had photographs taken…’our’ pictures were blown up massive and put on the walls… my friend Darcy from Canada reminded me a few years back that at the end of this one shift I kept spitting my drink at my picture over and over…. in contempt, anger… you can imagine a 7- 8 hour shift in a gay bar…. come the end of the night… I hated my picture at the time… although I kept it and still have it… part of it….

    ‘Tick tock tick tock’ thanks for the clocks…

  4. Dominik

    Hi!!

    Good; it’s really great to hear that you’re feeling better! Hopefully, a day or two, and nothing remains of your sickness!

    Awh, what a generous love! He really warms my heart. It’s pretty sad that one of my old coworkers came to mind immediately. I’ve never known another person who craved a relationship so badly and was so perfectly unable to allow herself the possibility that she was loveable. Anyway. Thank you for this love!

    There’re some alarms in today’s collection that seem to ensure that whoever uses them gets out of bed in a seriously bad mood, haha. The helicopter alarm clock, the alarm clock rug, and the Timely Wake-Up Device (this name too!!) aren’t fucking around. The God Bless My Family clock is very creepy, too… Love getting bored of Chococlock’s 30-second teasers and breaking it open for a proper feast, Od.

  5. David Ehrenstein

    Rock Around the Clock

  6. _Black_Acrylic

    It’s a shame how clocks and calendars are dying out because everyone just uses their smartphones these days. Today’s post is helping keep the faith. I especially like that creepy “God Bless My Family” clock and would spring for that one in a heartbeat.

    Re microfiction, I think it’s a subgenre of flash fiction that’s even shorter in length. No specific rules, but my tutor had noticed trends in terms of themes people go for. The course starts on Thursday so I will find out once it begins.

  7. David Ehrenstein

    Faux PasPenser

  8. Jack Skelley

    Dennis: OMG Tehching Hsieh’s One Year Performance will always be timely !!!

  9. l@rst

    Hey D,

    When I was in prob. 5th grade I got a clock radio with a cassette deck. I remember that same year I got 4 cassettes for Christmas, I think they were Classic Yes, Physical Graffiti, The Final Cut, and Are You Experienced. You could set your alarm with the cassette all cued up. I’m pretty sure I used Third Stone From the Sun a lot. I was definitely a fan of all things Psychedelic before I ever messed with ’em.

    I just watched the VU doc again, I missed if you finally got to see it. Hope so!

    This week I read Nina Simone’s gum by Warren Ellis. I saw Dirty Three open for Low in this tiny theater in Portland that illegally sold PBR cans out of a fridge in 1997. Me and 30 others sat on the floor and wept. Later we felt blessed as we guided the aussies to late night eats.

    Warren Ellis captures that feeling but his Dirty Three was Nina Simone. This book rules hard.

    Take care!
    -L

  10. Steve Erickson

    The violence of requiring a loud noise to wake up early for work comes through in the many bomb references here. The wind chime alarm is a pleasant alternative.

    Did you get your new credit card today?

    My new song, “Hans Zimmer’s Unboxing Ritual” is out now: https://callinamagician.bandcamp.com/track/hans-zimmers-unboxing-ritual

  11. Bill

    I rarely have an emotional response to conceptual art. But I thought Felix Gonzalez-Torres’ piece was very moving.

    Thanks for checking on the gig, Dennis. It went well, though my initial feeling is our last couple gigs were better. We’ll see how I feel after I view the video. It was great seeing old friends and catching up. In any case, now I’m itching to work on new projects, which is a good thing.

    Hope the good film fundraising news is on its way to you, and the lost wallet woes are manageable.

    Bill

  12. politekid

    the Citizen Kane of viruses, yes!! a virus i’d be honoured to lose my data to. the guy i’m writing about isn’t quite Orson Welles, but maybe… Ralph Bakshi? with a dash of Troma. as for virtuoso teens nowadays, i’m not sure. i hope so. i need to research more but it does seem to be mostly government cyberwarfare and tricking elderly people into giving up their bank details. social engineering really went downhill when the engineers started writing scripts that anyone could follow.
    thank you for the encouragement — and it does sound like encouragement! i’m interested to hear that you did a book proposal. what was it you proposed?
    my week is, as far as i’m aware, dull. i have some (job) work, and i need to get a couple of things for my sister’s birthday. today i finally got round to watching an old documentary on the virus i’m writing about, only to discover that it was entirely in German and barely subtitled. which stretched the one hour i had put aside for it to about five or six. hopefully whatever work i need to do tomorrow will seem like a breeze in comparison.
    v good to hear about your fading sickness; less good to hear about your wallet. keeping my digital fingers crossed that you did indeed receive a FedEx replacement today, one that wasn’t burnt to a crisp or thrown through a closed window. excellent news re: virtual haunt — and i’m thrilled to hear that you’re attempting to haunt London. make it happen. i will be there, front row. what was your day like? any good plans coming up?
    p.s. clocks: sifting through Victorian trade journals for my Electropolis project last year, i found (and used) this:
    “I received an account of the strangest piece of machinery in India, a clock belonging to a Hindu prince. Near the dial is a gong hung on poles; scattered underneath, a pile of human skulls, ribs, legs and arms, the whole number of bones being equal to the number in twelve human skeletons. When the clock hands indicate hour one, the bones needed to form a complete skeleton snap together; by some mechanical contrivance it seizes a mallet and strikes one blow on the gong. This finished, it returns to the pile and collapses. At two o’clock, two skeletons arise. At the midnight hour the entire heap springs up in the shape of twelve skeletons and strikes, one after the other, a blow on the gong. Then, they fall to pieces.”
    [this is an abridged version — i can’t find the full description]

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