The blog of author Dennis Cooper

Author: DC (Page 399 of 1090)

“Hi, my name is Beck. Mom liked some singer.”

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Sn*ffmeout, 18
Book me for a rape and execution.

Who pays can determine the process.

There is one place where you can rape and kill me at your whim.

Take detached genitals as a gift.

Snuff me, come on!

Comments

lukethenomad – Apr 27, 2022
I hate this “civilized world”. There is nothing holy to me except blood and death. That caused some problems in my life: When other people talk about genocides, they would say, “That so horrible”, then keep enjoying their dinner. Me? I would only say, “THAT’S NOT ENOUGH!!!”.

Let the hypocritical kind words to the hell! My heart longs for rivers of blood, extreme anger, pain, and despair. Only remove the skin of humans, back to origin. Realize and accept that humans just are a kind of animal, then we can accept any atrocities, and view it as a kind of art. IT’S SO GREAT!!!

Sn*ffmeout (Owner) – Apr 25, 2022
Thanks but you freaks are like shooting fish in a barrel.

wealthymaster – Apr 25, 2022
I would like to commend you for launching the most successful ever test of the force field surrounding my fantasies.

Sn*ffmeout (Owner) – Apr 25, 2022
Sure, why not.

HAPPYFUNGAMES – Apr 25, 2022
i would love to take you to the woods and i would love to bury you alive in the ground with only your dead ass sticking out to be fucked in

Sn*ffmeout (Owner) – Apr 18, 2022
Sure, why not.

fetaMier – Apr 18, 2022
Hi, I am 29, mostly straight, however, when it goes to snuff and necro and autopsies, I am bisexual! <3 I am also into dark cardiophilia, if you have a thing for having your heart stopped and started again many times before the snuff, necro and autopsy, it will be huge turn on!


 

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MAKEITFFIT, 18
Hi, my name is Beck. Mom liked some singer. I was involved in a car accident in 2018 causing alot of issues from my involuntary nervous system playing up to incontinence to mobility issues and I have always been worried that people would never accept that, especially when it comes to “behind closed doors” as I didn’t know if anyone out there would freak out about that fact I have a catheter and need to use a bed pan. Please cover my face in spit, piss, cum, snot, shit, food, blood, vomit.

Comments

MAKEITFFIT (Owner) – Apr 9, 2022
YOU’LL NEVER GET TIRED OF ME!

MAKEITFFIT (Owner) – Apr 8, 2022
Master thank YOU Sir! Master YOUR slave seeks to marry you Master Sir! Ready for a life of happiness with YOU Sir. Master thank YOU Sir!

SleazyCock – Apr 8, 2022
If you’re interested in impact play (paddling, crops/canes, whips, bats), breath control (strangling, smothering, bagging, suffocation), and don’t mind a bottom that has more tubes coming out of him that a guitar has strings then just picture yourself looking down at him, his head shoved underwater in a full bathtub, your strong hands gripping his throat while you drown him out like the erratum he is. If this is the kind of scene that gets you hot, don’t be shy.

MAKEITFFIT (Owner) – Apr 2, 2022
Please, if I’m not for you just move on there’s no need to be vile!


 

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TrashJunk, 24
Drug addict / Toxicomane
Dirty / Filthy / Slam / Chemsex / FF
Homeless / Junkie
Looking for some ass up no loads refused type of deal
Home base: Bahnhofsviertel Frankfurt

Comments

nyguy56 – Apr 16, 2022
Chef here.

thatoneshithead – Apr 16, 2022
Looking for a Chef

thatoneshithead – Apr 10, 2022
Despite his many hardships and their visible toll he has skin with the softness of a feather and a very beautiful jewel between his legs to have fun in your hands or something else… and if you dare to go back to his secret garden you will discover new flavors in the beautiful curvature that can cause a volcanic explosion both in the soul and in the physical despite everything.


 

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toiletboy, 18
i realized a few years ago that i was a human toilet and put on this planet to consume the shit of older men. i like to gag and vomit and once i am fed my hole wants to be used as a cum dumpster as well. i also love the taste of my shit. if you want to eat it i take anti diarrheals and eat dark chocolate so my shit sticks to your teeth.

Comments

freakydeaky – Apr 16, 2022
He is living proof that God exists and is merciful.

dafuq – Apr 12, 2022
His ass turned me into Indiana Jones.

easycomeeasygo – Apr 7, 2022
I liked shitting in his mouth so, so much!

Eatnowyou – Apr 4, 2022
If you love eating shit his shit will make you lose your motherfucking mind.


 

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Billy,  21
I make old account but people misunderstand so I try again new account so yu know I NOT want date or relation.

I have fetishisms for competition swimsuits. I like to be show off in public places and make mans horny see me like that!

Most I like do boihanto! In Japan it mean parks where gay man plays with other gay man or boy in woods :). Just be feeled up and sniffed and licked through swimsuit not more.

I not go to bed with yu ever!

I shy do boihanto but do sometime at Pratumnak Park and it excites!


 

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Felixthenaughtycat, 20
I don’t know if this is the right place for this… But I’m poz, very poz and very catchy poz, which is why I went on medication. Lately I’ve missed the medication one or two days in a row… Then I take it again but after two days I’ll fail again… I’ve read that it takes two weeks for the virus to wake up again, but in my head, the fact of failing to take the medication makes me very, very horny… At issue is a cute little sugar twink I live with. He’s not my slave, but I demand a lot of sex for my support, so the line is fine. He’s neg and very precious about that status and doesn’t know I’m poz because I’m a bad person. Now I’m thinking to return to being super poz and being resistant to medication and knocking him up, and I’m talking over and over, and never telling him and turning him into a pozzed up slut without him ever knowing. What do you think?

Comments

Felixthenaughtycat (Owner) – Apr 15, 2022
If it affects your opinion I have a dad bod that I’m trying to frame in muscle. I’ll always have a little round gut but it’s gonna be small with tons of muscle.




 

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meandmommy4daddy, 18
Looking for mature men for me and mommy

Please don’t bring mommy up until we have met and I know that you can fuck and that you meet the size requirements for her 9++ me 7+ and that you’re not a psycho….. seriously no psychos

Comments

meandmommy4daddy (Owner) – Apr 4, 2022
Wtf is it about me and psychos???!!!!!!

DecadentCake (again) – Apr 3, 2022
Yes, I like it because I know with certainty it must be pure beauty and perfection. But I also like it because is would make the perfect meat. As you say, I have superb taste.

Jimbo2557 – Apr 3, 2022
This pic has become something of a legend here ever since he first shared it. I see it passed around and shared on a regular basis. You like it because it does not take a psychic to know it is pure beauty and perfection and as we know you have a superb taste in male meat.

DecadentCake – Apr 3, 2022
Why am I obsessed with meandmommy4daddy’s ass even though I haven’t even seen it yet? God knows I’ve seen so many. Caressed, sucked, bitten, and fucked many. But this one which I can only project just stays in my mind. I look at the photo and go insane.

This morning it was needles. I imagined shoving needles into his ass. Many needles. I wondered if it would be a turn-on and his dick would grow hard. Or would he hate it and punch me out? Anyway, I dreamed of ramming needle after needle after needle into his ass. Then pulling them out and licking up his blood.

That fucking unknown ass is in my brain. I see it in my mind’s eye and dream of tearing into his naked ass and destroying it. Cutting. Slicing. Pounding. Stomping. Devouring. Yes, most of all, eating meandmommy4daddy’s ass. I’m obsessed. Every time I log on into this site, I have to take a peek.



 

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AndyWhore, 18
Hey guys! Just your average cute twink here who’s mission in life is to demolish my asshole. Nothing I want more than to be left with a loose gaping cunt between my ass cheeks. Fuck, fist, punch fuck and then jack your dick off inside me!

Looking for hook-ups starting on easter Friday in Los Angeles. I arrive Friday afternoon or evening, and can stay till Saturday early morning the following weekend.

Comments

SuitCigarCum – Apr 17, 2022
Auto date with him. Picked up at a Starbucks… totally flawless cute masterpiece from forehead to toenails. He was already horny and hot in the car. Hooded, cuffed, poppered, choked, before deep kissing, his saliva pouring down my throat. He also briefly blew him, licked his hot, wet hole – think pickled. Then power slammed his super horny cunt …. that’s true with cum spitting out of both of us over everything …. what more could any man ever want.

SFEnemaGuy – Apr 12, 2022
I have a huge enema fetish LIKE VERY HOT AND VERY SOAPY PUNISHMENT ENEMAS GIVEN DOGGY STYLE AND PUSHED IN HARD TO GIVE SERIOUS HIGH VOLUME ENEMA TRAINING HAVE A FOUR QUART BLACK ENEMA BAG AND A FIVE QUART RED ENEMA BAG FEW GUYS CAN TAKE THESE HUGE ENEMAS BUT I BET YOU CAN

Descreet – Apr 11, 2022
I brought along a a beautiful extra thick large monster dildo that opened up his second sphincter so well that he could have taken a whole arm after.

FFRubbrPIG – Apr 8, 2022
If a guy is on his back, then the fist is going in following the colon as it would do if you can imagine it as a diagram. However to speak about fisting this twink in particular, I found that on all fours, I could go deeper into him than on his back. Partly it is that nature will take it deeper where you want it to be, and you have gravity on your side. The other issue is where the backbone tail is located in his arse, it’s easier to get below it by him being on all fours.

I started with him in a sling, but was having trouble getting as deep as I wanted, to the elbow, so I got him out of the sling onto a futon on the floor and easily got where I intended to go!

But the best way to fist him was when I had him lying on his right side and put his left leg over his body and that really opened his hole up. I got in almost to the shoulder. But he was passed out by that point, if that’s an issue.

GivingItDeep – Apr 8, 2022
Why is fisting doggy style so difficult??? I was in absolute heaven fisting this twink on his back with his legs up, it was sloppy and fun and then I flipped him over and it felt like there was a wall that stopped me. What gives?!

HuntingDog – Apr 2, 2022
A total win-win situation. Such a young fresh vegetable! Came to my hotel tonight. Got to the point – boyfriend sex at its most delirious with starving, drooling kisses, then he took my cock (18cm) deepthroat (tears pouring down his face, how sweet) and then his hole was butter, was allowed to blast it full of cum twice. It’ll leave you in awe.



 

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RainorShine, 23
I am 23 years old but I look younger. I am the property of the most inattentive master in Puebla, Mexico. He is a high ranking member of a Cartel but I can tell you how to kidnap me without him tracking you down and killing us both.

Comments

filth&fury – Apr 20, 2022
I have lock him away for no one to find.

RainorShine (Owner) – Apr 12, 2022
Since many of you ask me, the worst things I have done or witnessed:
– tricked friends who were virgins and gave them to my master who slammed and then fucked them
– been raped by men in dire financial and addiction circumstances for master’s amusement
– as punishment was blood slammed by a man who was poz
– helped master castrate a young guy in a park
– made the houseboy of an associate of my master who was underage and mentally retarded eat my shit
– watched master rape a young straight teen and kill him
– was gang raped by 8 builders who were working on master’s house for four days while he was out of town
– talked one of master’s bodyguards into killing a young straight drug dealer i was jealous of and lied to master about it
– helped master dismember the corpse of a boy he’d been having an affair with
– taken to a local river by my angry master to be executed and were caught by the police but master paid them off to go away


 

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GREATDESIRE, 22
personal profile:
– cocky, entitled straight man with a chip on my shoulder due to feelings of inadequacy below the belt.
– seeking one or more men willing to give me a full, all over body whipping using anything you want, full back and front, shoulders to ankles, followed by an assortment of physical tortures to my entire body, using anything of your own choice administered professionally and thoroughly to cause me the maximum pain.
– Hood me if you want to stop me seeing what you are going to do to me next or get sick of my screaming face.
– for longer sessions lasting days or weeks, I can contribute with just over 2000 euros, it is not much but it is what I can give.
– for conventional sex I prefer women.

Comments

GREATDESIRE (Owner) – Apr 20, 2022
I have been rescued from this lifestyle, a man and his boyfriend are fostering and rehabilitating me.

I thought I knew what i wanted. But I also thought I was straight 🤣.

I’ve learned more in the last month than in the proceeding 3 years. I have yet to see any girl I want to fuck or fuck again.

I’m looking to meet other normal gay guys to form bonds and friendships with.

Justmeherenow – Apr 1, 2022
I am who looks forward to admitting slave who are ready to give up all they have in life and face the reality of amputation of their limbs and stumps.


 

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takemeaway, 18
16yo needing a place to stay and get away from family and possibly start a new one. plz don’t report me I’m very desperate to get away and will do anything

Comments

takemeaway (Owner) – Apr 12, 2022
I am open to marry a man and change my gender.

checker – Apr 11, 2022
He’s my son and I can’t keep your hands off him and I make love to him and I have to hide it from his mother and everyone else obviously.

takemeaway (Owner) – Apr 8, 2022
I am into literature and art, into coffee and walking in parks. I love profound talks, contemplating in sun light. I write. I read. My life is all about thoughts, words and feelings. I am mostly introverted. I am a thinker, who strives for being freer and more light some. I’m dreaming and looking for the beauty in the world. And there is so much of it. Please don’t scare me.


 

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DanielGood, 23
“The Dark Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.” – Sidious

I had dreams of being an artist with a creative life but found that I must be a slave.

I am your typical chauvinist. To me women are whores for use. I see tits, I see ass, and I see pussy. All for fucking. Nothing more.

This is me asking you to flip the script on me. Forced sex with you or with others of your choice, once or repeatedly. Who, when, how many, what form, all of that.

Please Note: Moving to San Francisco this upcoming summer with my stupid girlfriend.

Comments

DanielGood (Owner) – Apr 17, 2022
Requests to snuff me make me freak out, please respect this.



 

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Chriswood, 20
into a motherfucking lot, want to be beaten up, like being stupefied with dr*nk and dr*gged half-dead and savagely raped, want to be kidnapped and chloro’d and suffocated and strangled using bare hands or muscle arms or man handkerchief or pillow by someone unhinged, things that give other people nightmares 😈😈😈

Comments

Chriswood (Owner) – Apr 17, 2022
btw understand there’s a video of me dr*gged unconscious and being gangraped while i snore loudly, does anyone have it

shyguy49 – Apr 13, 2022
Everyones talking like hes a insane sex pig and he is 4 sure but i would like to add that hes a very nice person.

TheExplorer – Apr 9, 2022
Enjoyed: Hardstyle artificial intoxication then anal, anal hook, anal sex, ass play. ass to mouth, ass worship (everything to do with it), bathroom use, gagged, fucked biting blindfolds, breath play, burlesque, butt plug, caning, carving, corporal punishment, crawling, cross-dressing, cuddlescum, cum slut, daddy daughter roleplay, dark alley covered in graffiti (everything to do with it), deep throat fucking (everything to do with it), plastic pants, rubber sheets, whipping, dildos, doctor/patient play (everything to do with it), douching (everything to do with it), enemas (everything to do with it), injected drugs (everything to do with it), extreme photography (everything to do with it), estim, smothering by his ass (everything to do with it)

SadisticMaster334 – Apr 6, 2022
Twacked Tweeker Himbo who loves the drugs n loves himbo hypno baTor Goongasmic objecTificaTion! He all abouT sweat, clouds, Himbo Hypno Sexxx, poppers, meThsTurbaTion, hella gooned, spun twacked, popper- hypnoed **parTySexxxxxxx*


 

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Stealmylife, 22
Steal my identity
Destroy my life yo

My social security number is 568292706
My birth date is 07231999
My phone number is 5123909751

My family part Jewish and very homophobic and would hurt me if find out

Comments

Stealmylife (Owner) – Apr 19, 2022
DO NOT message me if youre only looking for transgressive material to jerk your micropenis to

 

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chinkfags4white, 19
We are a very submissive chink fag couple with severe addiction to raceplay worshipping white men no matter how strong, weak, handsome, ugly, smart, or dumb they are.

Comments

HeardTheCall – Apr 20, 2022
For a long time, I have been craving a desire to take two young Chinks, tie them tight, bind them helplessly, imprison them in my basement, lock the door, and let fate take its course. There’s nothing else that fills me with purpose quite like that.



 

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decor, 18
Hi! So glad I finally found this site. I realise I’m not aline with my desires. I’m a crossdressing bookish straight boy who since early on has had a fetish to have my bouncy bubble ass slaughtered. I have been exercising and using moisturisers for a few years to make my ass look soooo pretty, hoping some man would take one look and want to annihilate it. Douse it with gasoline and strike a match, swing an axe at it, grate it with a cheese grater, hang me by my feet like in a butcher shop then saw my ass off and roast it, or another way and film the whole thing like a documentary. I dream of this being as brutal as possible, together with an element of surprise!

Comments

snakecycle – Apr 8, 2022
I am very interested it’s just that I’m still recovering from being ran over by a car and I’m very busy with work so I don’t know how much help I can be 🙁

FriendlyYouth – Apr 8, 2022
A warm welcome you will find what you are looking for.

AnthonyGarrisson – Apr 8, 2022
Welcome. You are not alone. We are a community with a wide variety of interests and cravings, including killing and eating fem boys.

 

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Anonym_Ass_And_Cock, 21
I do classical ballet professionally so I don’t want to be recognized but I am very submissive though my sadistic characteristics have grown out of me aggressively in the last year so I will explore them and exactly how I will say when I want to.

Comments

HungRoman – Apr 22, 2022
I have seen just about every mainstream movie rape scene there is, time to re-enact some.

clifford__edwin – Apr 18, 2022
He likes guys who can lift him up in the air and shit like that.

Anonym_Ass_And_Cock (Owner) – Apr 14, 2022
I’m not out and if anyone from my company or fan base or circle of friends or family sees this and recognises me, please don’t talk to me about it, I want to decide for myself when and who I tell.




 

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buythatstudent18, 18
His name is Viktar….student from Belarus.

Don’t believe all you hear about eastern european people…they are not all bad people like Putin and Lukashenko!

Anyway, I have facilitated his escape and he is now in NYC…and I am auctioning him for $50,000 min bid.

No limits, and yes he is ok with it…long story.

AUCTIONER OF SLAVES FOR 7 YEARS.

Comments

TheCannibalConnoisseurs – Apr 26, 2022
The Cannibal Connoisseurs slayed this young man and ate his flesh 11/04/22 and these are his rankings.

Keelan:

Torso: Pecs were tasty, could have maybe been a bit thicker but taste was good and flavorful. Abs crisped a little too quick but meaty parts did hold flavor. Ribs held a fair amount of meat, tasted good both plain and BBQ’d.
Arms: Were ok, would have liked a little more meat. Biceps supplied the most. Could taste the flavor but disappointed with the amount.
Legs: Thighs were a strong point, smooth and supplied plenty of meat that was cut into steaks. Meat was rich and flavorful giving a good amount of juice. Some of the best cuts from this specimen.
Rump: Rump meat was of good quality. Used in burgers which were juicy and moist. Minced meat dishes which gave the meals some flavor, and sausages which were of a decent quality.
Best Meat: From the thigh area.

Ellis:
Torso: Pecs were tasty and juicy with plenty of flavor. Abs yielded some solid meat, edges crisped but meat remained tasty. Ribs shared a large portion of meat that melted away from the bone when cooked. Taste was very good plain but added sauce to them to another level.
Arms; For the physique on show the arms gave some solid meat and a decent quantity that tasted good. Bicep steaks were juicy and tender.
Legs: Thighs were excellent, very smooth and muscles supplied plenty of meat that was cut into juicy flavorful steaks. Meat was rich and flavorful giving a good amount of juice when cut. Most definitely some of the best cuts.
Rump: Rump was of a very good quality. Used in burgers which were juicy and tasty. The Sausages yielded from this specimen were top quality.
Best Meat: As you can see from the pictures it had to be the quality thigh meat.

Colby:

Torso: Pecs were large tasty and juicy with plenty of flavor. Large lateral muscles provided large fillet steaks cuts to various sizes. Abs yielded some solid meat including Flank and plate steak, Abs bacon edges crisped but meat remained tasty,. Ribs shared a large portion of meat that melted away from the bone when cooked. Either plain or BBQ’d they were finger licking good. Rump was cut into various juicy and thick rump steaks along with a few joints.
Arms; Thick arms, provided great juicy bicep steaks. Dealt a fair amount of meat
Legs: Thick Thighs were excellent, very smooth and muscles supplied plenty of meat that were cut into juicy flavorful steaks including sirloins and top and silverside joints. Meat was rich and flavorful giving a good amount of juice when cut. Calves were thick and juicier then the biceps. .
Rump: Rump was cut into various juicy and thick rump steaks along with a few burgers. Even rump steak tartare took my breath away.
Best Meat: The meat cut from his amazing thighs.

GdeMarivalLtd – Apr 11, 2022
I am G de Marival, Viktar’s new owner. I run an art gallery on Portobello Road London W11, where I represent six artists for private commissions & personal portraits.

One artist represented is the incredibly talented Robert Blair, who has a unique skill in taking extreme sexual activities and actualising them into works of art for private clients. Here is an example of a recent sitting done with Viktar and the artist. The “Viktar” series will be on show during summer 2022. DM me for a private viewing, by appointment only.

zav0listic – Apr 3, 2022
we need more guys who want to die by flamethrower. thats all, someone’s gonna say my opinion sucks, but i’m right.




 

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BRAINLESSTROPHYBOY, 22
I’m not looking for an owner but rather someone who wants to disappear me from the world forever and destroy me but also has the patience for a long period of destruction and damage before my end.

You can rent me as a rape hole to others while destroying me to gain money.

I am currently travelling indefinitely with no fixed address and I mostly live out of cheap motels and the back seats of unlocked cars.

Heavy drinker, obnoxious and loud. This often gets me into trouble.

I have badly damaged teeth.

Comments

PSNiceButt – Apr 10, 2022
Young guy with an old butt that requires at lot of attention.

Ghost27 – Apr 7, 2022
A gang bang session will take place on April 9th, 2022!

Beginning at 5 p.m
Location: Zurich
(Exact address will be given when booking)
Price: 220

Procedure:
– You come in fuck him as many times as wanted
– You may watch as he’s fucked
– You may use his mouth and the rest of him as wanted
– Injecting, choking etc. is permitted

At 5 am after he has been fucked as much as possible by as many guys as possible he will be auctioned to interested owners

 

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isthisokay, 18
Looking to talk and meet someone to rip my butt apart

Comments

TruffleHunter – Apr 8, 2022
I can not begin to describe how astounding it is to rape him.

isthisokay (Owner) – Apr 5, 2022
It can take 5 minutes or days it’s up to you.

isthisokay (Owner) – Apr 5, 2022
I don’t dare to go home with men, I’m too scared, I wish that I would just be raped by someone on the street, then I can’t do anything about it and I don’t have to be scared to go anywhere.

isthisokay (Owner) – Apr 5, 2022
I was raped last Christmas but I came while I was doing it.

 

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Bemusementfrommycock, 22
And all for your own bemusement without a thought for me, as an example say you want wanking my cock and sead to your self I wana give it a good hard slapping as he cuts don’t ask but as I start to cum start to hit my urm your play toy cock as hard as fast as much as you want to do not ask just do. As 1 guy dun with it, he had it tied to a black and decker work mate tied down. I was blindfolded after tying it down, and he nailed it down, but a few weeks before at first meeting, he had asked how far I was willing to let him go I find say nail my cock down but with out me knowing your going to do it. He did just that, but with 5 or 6 nails through my cock shaft. Simply if there is anything that you have ever wanted to try and or do with a guys cock but never found anyone or been to scard to ask ask me and if you want my cock inside you no probs tie it off at its base wile hard and ride it as much as you want to.

Comments

Bemusementfrommycock (Owner) – Apr 7, 2022
I’m boring and I don’t know anyone.

Bemusementfrommycock (Owner) – Apr 5, 2022
I also love math. Although in mathematics I like solving problems more than large examples. I easily mastered triganometry, higher mathematics, it seems I have a mathematical mindset.

Bemusementfrommycock (Owner) – Apr 4, 2022
I love nature and that’s something I feel deep inside just like being gay and selfdestructive.



 

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petertheboy, 19
Are you a money master looking for a slave to lay your money at his feet? So get in touch with me!

You don’t become my money master by bullshitting around online. No matter what tribute you give me as my money master, you will have to improve, it will never be enough.

If you serve as my money master, at least you have some use in life. Being a money master must be touching for a man!

Your thoughts and your whole life will only revolve around your job as my money master. As my money master, you have no time for anything else!

Many men dream of being my money master, it’s just a small step to make it happen! I can assure my money master how much I enjoy using him and take as much tribute from him as possible!

How intolerant that society ignores what a wonderful fetish money is!

Comments

anundeadmonkey – Apr 15, 2022
If you like bossy bottoms with a shit ton of legos who’ll bankrupt you after sucking your soul out, pounce.

Curioustwink01 – Apr 9, 2022
Everything about you seems so amazing so i wanna try things out with you. Im literally a virgin so dont expect me to be amazing at all.



 

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dicklessboy, 19
I have a job and not much of a life outside of that except for some women I see once in a while. my owner will be replacing them, so it’s important to me I find someone who is willing to really put in some time.

I’ve hooked up with guys less than 5 times (v exp w women tho!), but I always think about it when I touch myself, tho when I orgasm I feel shame about it and think I did a bad thing. but it’s too late – I watched too much hypno porn, now I can barely get it up without thinking about being abused by a man. I have to take viagra to have sex with women, but i get hard just accidentally thinking about being messed up by a man.

I am very homosexual inside but only until I orgasm, so I need my orgasms taken away, denying me all access to my own penis until I am fully, undeniably homosexual.

My fantasy is I go some guy’s house for a cup of tea when I’m drugged and out for twenty minutes – I start to come round to discover you’ve beaten my ass and legs black and blue and you’re pissing in my mouth. I plead with you not to kill me for the sake of my family telling you to do whatever you want and by the next day I’ve been reduced from getting pussy to fucking myself with a vibrator while thinking about you.

This what I need to give being gay a chance, not because I’m straight but because I’m a coward.

Comments

dicklessboy (Owner) – Apr 17, 2022
Final observations.
(1) I am now a slave suffering unimaginable tortures wishing I’d be put out of my misery.
(2) I expect absolutely nothing out of life other than more pain fear and suffering.

dicklessboy (Owner) – Apr 6, 2022
Updated observations.
(1) I now have moderate experience in most everything.
(2) I hope to disappear taking only the clothes on my back, drivers license, birth certificate, and social security card.
(3) A few texts explaining that I am moving cross country for work will keep anyone from looking.
(4) I can also bring 3000$ cash as tribute.

dicklessboy (Owner) – March 29, 2022
Here are my observations after trying this a few times.
(1) I found myself craving affection and attention.
(2) I hate being ignored and feeling like someone is mad at me or that I disappointed someone.
(3) I’ve enjoyed bottoming but hate douching so in the future you’ll just have take to me and use me as is.
(4) I’ve enjoyed face fucking and deep throat…not to the point that I puke, but I might not mind it.


 

____________

Extremeforcedstarvation, 18
Public forehead tattooing.
No food.
Beaten bloody.
Bricked up in a wall.

Comments

Hang_me (Owner) – Apr 7, 2022
I would be willing to try having sex

Unrefillable – Apr 6, 2022
Usually I would want to stick a knife in your neck and start sucking that heaven juice, but bricking you up would be awesome too!



 

____________

DumbLilCow, 19
Looking for a someone to extract every single drop of cum I can give. By mouth or hand or machine, tie me down and force out all my milk and don’t stop until I’ve been dry for hours or days. Feel free to keep milking as I cry and have seizures from the post-cum torture until you fry my brain and I become your stupid little cow. Given a new name, if any at all. I get so horny so often. Please, won’t you make me a pathetic cow?

Fuck Putin.

Comments

DumbLilCow (Owner) – Apr 19, 2022
i want to find a grown man, it just so happens that I’m only attracted to grown men.

KiltedFireNinja – Apr 19, 2022
Uh I don’t know if I’m allowed here or not I’m 12 yrs old but I enjoy looking at bondage stuff and I want to grow up to be a firefighter I hope you don’t mind me being here I usually stay to myself and give compliments here and there like to you DumbLilCow you’re so hot!!!!!


 

____________

youwillsee, 18
I am a high school student who gets straight A’s and has been accepted to Yale University but I am also a pain sponge who exists for you to purge yourself of everything that you don’t want to let out on a more deserving society and inflict as much pain, suffering, humiliation, use, and abuse as you want upon me nightly.

Comments

FFWSPIG – Apr 1, 2022
he gets really pale

SacredGaySexCoach – March 23, 2022
While you have most of your life in order, some of you have a consistent and perhaps even nagging desire to experience more of the potential that sadism has to offer. You want more spiritually meaningful contact with someone you find sexually destructible. You might be wondering what you look for in those encounters on a deeper level of your soul.

You particularly like youths like this boy here, their beauty and the somewhat dark and mysterious aspects of their masochism. You feel there’s something Sacred to it. You’re also noticing that it takes quite an effort to find a spiritual connection with such submissives.

As a sex coach, I may be of service to you. In my own experience, such encounters with submissives can indeed be experienced as Sacred. In ancient times, masochists were often priests and priestesses. Violent sex with them was regarded as a healing experience. The epic of Gilgamesh (from Mesopotamian times) describes how a wild man, who ate and drank like a beast, became humanized through sex with a masochist.

I offer intimate sessions to sadists and masochists. Together we explore what gifts the masochists have to provide Sacred Sex to their sadists. Over the years I have noticed many times that I have a gift to kiss awake or enhance their capacity for Sacred Paintaking. On my twitter page you’ll find more about the type of trained masochists I personally could offer in service to sadists wishing or me. I charge for providing such guys for these sessions – but you’re welcome to bring your favorite masochist to me for training. I look forward to hearing from you.

youwillsee (Owner) – March 21, 2022
I have a pregnant girlfriend so dl she has no idea.



 

____________

gardengnome, 24
I’m Léo, settled in Paris not very long ago to become a top model, influencer or famous actor (if you work in these sectors, I’m interested).

Here to indulge my slutty bottom side while waiting to break through.

And if you are a sugar daddy looking for a promising young man to invest in don’t hesitate lol!

Or if you are a hacker, let me know because I would like you to do me a favor.

Please do Meth!!!

Comments

Str8ish – Apr 13, 2022
He likes having the soles of his feet roasted with cigarette lighters.


 

____________

sadboysub, 20
Hi everyone, I’m Daniel and I’m Sad Goth a boy who just came to work in Germany recently. I left my parents two weeks ago because they were always arguing, my father is totally addicted to drinking and I have often seen my father beat my mother every day. That’s why I left my parents and found a job in Ingolstadt at a factory. It’s very difficult for me, especially because I still don’t know German very well and my english is not perfect. I want to ask for some help to people who would be willing to help me financially or with food or anything in exchange of my services as a slave. I still don’t speak German. Thanks in advance to the people that will help me. P.S I can prove that I came to work in Germany.

Comments

WillToPower – Apr 11, 2022
I’m looking for something beautiful to own. If you think you’re worthless, please seek professional help.


 

 

*

p.s. Hey. ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi. I too hope the rigamarole will be sufficiently behind you speedball-style so you can write. Thanks for the tip on the new Meg McCarville! ** T. J., Hi. Wow, that is weird. I too have some upper echelon space for Kael, but, yes, her aggressive hackles re: Brakhage and experimental film in general makes her seem like a total bonehead. Good to see you! ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. I don’t know Adler’s film criticism so well, but I like her fiction. I need to read that Kael takedown. Well, it’s not like Kael couldn’t be contemptuous, and towards great stuff sometimes, i.e. her Brakhage-related dumbass-ness, so, I don’t know, … tit for tat? ** TomK, Thanks, man. I don’t think it was taped. It really didn’t need to be, I don’t think. I’m good, and I hope you’re way more than that. ** l@rst, Thank you, l. It seemed to go well. Ah, good, thanks for the extra and effective nudge about the Spektor book. I’ll hunt today. ** Dominik, Hi!!! Thanks, pal. It seemed to go well. There was a big crowd, and they seemed interested. It’s always strange to read to an audience when you know most of them don’t actually know what you’re saying. And they’re waiting for the translator to read the same thing in their language afterwards. They listen like it’s a piece of music or something, and there’s not really any detectable reactions to the different details and tones. Disconcerting, but interesting. Your Love obviously knows what my ultimate post-reading reward would be, slurp. In truth, I went across the street with some friends and ate a cheese quesadilla, which wasn’t too shabby. Love figuring out why Lil Nas X was walking down my street last night carrying a hula hoop, G. ** Bill, Hey. No, Les Mot has been around for quite a long time, since the 80s at least. For a long time it was in the Marais, but they got priced out last year and had to move the 11th. Yes, it’s a cool store. It must be one of the very last surviving LGBTQ bookstores in the world. I’m really glad you like the RE Katz. That book is a real find and sleeper hit. ** Steve Erickson, The reading seemed to go quite well, thanks. Nice thought on the twink porn invasion of Putin’s feeds, although I worry that would make him order his troops to rape the Ukrainian boys as well as the girls. You’re a brave fella to sit through, much less review ‘Memory’. Everyone, Steve E. uses his brain power on the new Liam Neeson brawler/snoozer film ‘Memory’ here. In a perfect world Grandrieux’s obscurity would only excite the editors and make them see your piece as a scoop, but, of course … ** G, Hey, G! How’s it going? The good thing about the blog is its past never expires (knock on wood) so you haven’t missed anything. I’m good, busy, but good. And you? ** Thomas Moronic, T-man! So I guess you must be in Paris now unless your flight was one of those ultra-cheapie multi-stopover ones, in which case you might be reading this in Prague or somewhere. In any case, see you very soon! ** Okay. You’re getting your slaves one day early this month because there’s some more fitting for the weekend that’s coming up tomorrow. I hope they haven’t startled you. See you tomorrow.

Spotlight on … Renata Adler Pitch Dark (1983)

 

‘Renata Adler’s novels, Speedboat (1976) and Pitch Dark (1983), consist of anecdotes, vignettes, jokes, aphorisms, epigrammatic asides, and longer passages of prose—eclectic inventories of consciousness. Their immediate effect is that of a flea market in Samarqand or Ouagadougou, where the items on display (vintage clothes, military decorations, photo albums, broken appliances) are fractionally different enough, in style and provenance, from their cousins at the local swap meet to look like artifacts of an alternate universe. Adler’s eye and ear for the peculiar are unmatched in American letters.

‘Adler’s fiction has mostly received a less contentious reception than her essays, although an excerpt of Pitch Dark, deemed by a narrow band of cognoscenti to be “about” real people, prompted the gossip columnist Liz Smith to issue her only known work of literary criticism. The two novels range over many subjects treated in her nonfiction, but the difference, I think, is this: The equivocal, insecure, self-doubting cogitations of Adler’s first-person narrators are instantly disarming in ways that Adler, speaking with relentless logic as herself, in polemical mode, is not. No one else has a dog in a fight against yourself, and despite countless minor casualties in Adler’s two novels, the main event in both of them is “I” versus “I.” …

Pitch Dark is murky—not in a turgid sense, but clouded, rather, by troubled reflections, ambivalence, regrets. The weather of Pitch Dark is colder. Secondary figures are fraught with shadowed histories. Incidents and asides illustrate a hapless, estranging condition of things: a bitter libel case, a dying raccoon, solitary escape to charmless islands, The Blue Angel, “how I both was and failed to be a citizen of my time.” A central episode in Ireland resembles a parody of gothic horror. Kate Ennis is an older version of Jen Fein, acquainted with disappointment and less innervated by amusing minutiae. She too writes. And travels, though more to flee her life than for any sort of fun. She often addresses one particular reader, a man she has left, or is leaving, or who is leaving, or has left, her. Her stories are longish and less sanguine in contrast with the ones in Speedboat. …

‘No current literary label appealingly describes the kind of narratives Speedboat and Pitch Dark are. I doubt that any is needed. Their formal design, of self-contained pieces separated by a line space and periodic chapter breaks, is hardly sui generis, having been used in many different kinds of writing for over a hundred years, in collections of aphorisms, feuilletons, philosophical treatises, compendia like Humphrey Jennings’s Pandaemonium and Walter Benjamin’s Arcades Project, as well as seed catalogues, political pamphlets, and cookbooks, and works of fiction as diverse as Rilke’s Notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge and Burroughs’s Naked Lunch.

‘The kind of thought debris you find on the Internet describes novels in this form as “experimental,” which is predictive of a certain off-putting difficulty and self-indulgent esoterica. Often, too, it is declared by a gatekeeping sort of criticism that anything that deviates far from a nineteenth-century template is “not a novel.” It seems late in the day for such parsing. But in fact, classifications that formerly reflected a delight in all literary forms and the intellectual pleasure of differentiating them—Mary McCarthy’s essays “Novel, Tale, Romance” and “The Fact in Fiction” come to mind—now serve as filtering screens for the literary market, which is currently dominated by aesthetic conservatism of a depressingly conformist ilk: middle-class marriage saved, or ruined, or attacked by vampires.

‘Adler’s novels concede the necessity of making fiction quicker, more terse, descriptively less elaborate than the traditional thing called a novel, not so much in deference to shrunken attention spans, but as the most plausible way of rendering the distracted, fragmentary quality of contemporary consciousness. Their reportorially even tone is quite distinct from the distorting lyricism found in most novels of sensibility; omitting much of what we expect in first-person narratives, Adler gets at the overfull yet depleted condition we find ourselves in now, peripatetic and restless, ever more deprived of the time and mental space to reflect on what we are really doing, or who we really are. They describe what it’s like to be living now, during this span of time, in our particular country and our particular world. This is what the best novels have always done, and with any luck will continue to do.’ — Gary Indiana, Bookforum

 

____
Further

Renata Adler: ‘I’ve been described as shrill. Isn’t that strange?’
Renata Adler @ The New Yorker
Renata Adler, interviewed by Dawn Raffel
Cast in Doubt
Darkness Visible: The film criticism of Renata Adler
New Old Works by Renata Adler
Renata Adler @ goodreads
Her Hatchet Is More Like an Ax: Renata Adler and the Problem with Critics
Renata Adler: Troll or Treasure?
“Fly Trans-Love Airways” by Renata Adler, 1967
Six Possibly True Observations About Renata Adler
Renata Adler By Christopher Bollen
A Gaze Around Renata Adler’s Speedboat
Podcast: Renata Adler Is Back in the Spotlight
RENATA ADLER’S BRILLIANT CAREER
‘A Court of No Appeal’
Something Nice to Do: An Interview with Renata Adler
Tell It Slant by Hilton Als
Renata Adler on Sadness, Selfies, and Losing
Renata Adler: politics and the English language
Podcast: Renata Adler, Queen Of The Culture Wars
An Interview with Renata Adler
72 Minutes With Renata Adler
SONG OF MYSELF: RENATA ADLER’S STAR-MAKING MACHINERY
Harper’s Renata Adler Spectacle
RENATA ADLER: RADICAL INTELLIGENCE
A Dissident Writer in Modern America
Renata Adler, Poet of a Chaotic Generation
Buy ‘Pitch Dark’

 

____
Extras


Renata Adler: Speedboat and Pitch Dark


Renata Adler, “After the Tall Timber”


Renata Adler & David Shields with Lucas Wittman

 

_____
Interview
from The Center for Fiction

 

I guess I’ll start by asking—these novels are being republished. How do you regard them now? Are they old friends? Are they antagonists? Are they strangers?

It’s funny, I almost never read stuff after it’s been published, but because they were going to reprint these, I had to. I think my relation to them is about the same as it was then, which is odd. I mean, whatever they were then, they are now. I think I’ve just written another one.

You’ve written another novel?

Yes.

Oh, that’s exciting.

So it’s funny to have them converge or overlap, but there it is. I don’t know how you feel about publication, but that whole process has so many anxieties of various kinds. But once the books are published, they’re published. There’s nothing you can do about it. You said, how do I—

Do you feel like you’re looking at the work and thinking, “Hey, old friend,” or—

No, I never think, “Hey, old friend.”

Or “Who wrote this?”

Well, sometimes one thinks that. But with these I thought the same form of, “Oh, I see” and “Oh, dear” as I thought at the time.

I feel like the through line in all of your work—the fiction, the nonfiction, the criticism—it’s just fearless. The fiction is like a steel-trap mind and a broken heart.

Oh that’s so nice. And the “fearless” is nice because there is that sort of timid side one has. But this risk and cowardice question—those are very strange questions, aren’t they? Unless you’re a certain kind of writer and you know that people are helpless in a way. In nonfiction particularly, if the writer is with a powerful institution, the writer has the last word in a very scary way. I remember when it was a cultivated thing to do to read The Sunday Times book review or to subscribe, perhaps, to the Book of the Month Club, and perhaps to Reader’s Digest —which is, looking back, the most justifiable of those. [Laughs] But they hadn’t got it right, they just hadn’t got it right. That’s not where I’m going to find it. But for many, many people those things were the last word. It’s like the critics who used to be able to close a show on Broadway. For a lot of people, the last word is what’s published by somebody not fearless but not scared either, just somewhat over-confident, maybe free of doubt. But that’s not us.

But how do you get the courage…you break a lot of rules in your fiction.

Do I? I just wrote and cut and wrote and rewrote and cut and rewrote, and then there’s always that fear, isn’t there, that you’re making it worse when you’re revising. There’s always the fear that maybe an earlier draft was better, and there’s nothing you can do about that. It’s not going to help to hold it up for another year and review it another time because you might make it even worse.

I have a favorite sentence in Pitch Dark, and it’s “Wait, wait, wait, wait.” Every time the word “wait” recurs, it changes, and it becomes a weightier “wait.” I think a serious writer and a serious reader must wait.

Oh, that’s lovely. There’s a kind of editor and a certain cast of mind that says, “cut.” And so they’d say, “Cut to the first wait,” and “What is this other ‘wait’?” I just wanted those. No fewer, no more. But I could imagine a certain kind of editor saying, “You know, people are very busy and one ‘wait’ can do it.” So then you’re in trouble. I’m very glad you like it, is what I’m trying to say.

You’ve said you cut a lot.

Yes.

Do you cut a lot between sentences or from drafts?

I cut a lot and then I put a lot in, and then I can’t tell the difference between an earlier draft and this draft, which seemed crucial to me at the time. So that’s a very strange process, which doesn’t work the same way in nonfiction at all.

Well, facts are very helpful.

Facts are very helpful.

Do you think that a fiction writer has a moral responsibility?

Every fiction writer?

Well, do you feel that you do?

A moral responsibility to be on the side of the good guys and not the bad guys? A moral responsibility not to ruin lives, not to do certain kinds of harm? Yes, I do. But are there a whole lot of fiction writers ruining lives? I mean, Thomas Wolfe, You Can’t Go Home Again. They weren’t asking for it, and they minded whatever it was he did. Okay, so there’s one. But then there’s a kind of person who “writes into” a fiction writer’s fiction, who knows perfectly well that the next book better sure be pretty recognizable. In a way, there’s fair warning. I mean, there are some writers where I wouldn’t want to be the latest girl. [laughs.]

Yeah.

Some people mind that less than others. But I’m not that sort of writer.

Some of the pieces in Speedboat were stories first. Did you know it would be a novel?

No, I did not. I’m not sure I knew they would be stories, either. I was just writing fiction for a change. If you look at an Isaac Babel story, for example, it’s between two and three pages, and what he does is a miracle. You can’t doubt that it’s a story, and that’s just wonderful to be able to do, but I couldn’t do that. So there are different ways people write their stories, and some are more clearly units. I was writing in some unit I didn’t know. I was writing fiction and it began here and it ended there, but I mean I couldn’t just keep turning it out like paper towels or something.

When you put together Speedboat did you write it the way it appears, or did you shuffle it in some way?

Oh, I always shuffle. And there, the computer is just a disaster because the only thing I’ve ever been compulsively neat about is typing. I type with two fingers, and so I would always make a mistake near the end of the page, and since White Out is no use, I would throw the thing out and start again at the beginning. Then along came the computer and I thought it was going to help because you can move everything around all the time and you can change every sentence 50 different ways in seconds. But that’s exactly what I don’t want, because then what was I doing? If the computer can shift everything in a split-second, then what am I doing here? That’s what I used to do so carefully. One of the things that’s almost comically a problem is AutoCorrect, and what AutoCorrect thinks I’m saying.

Grammar correction.

Yeah, yeah.

You have another sentence in Pitch Dark that I like, where you describe young women reading the great books with “a transcendent though far from complete comprehension.” Would you say that in every great book there’s no complete comprehension? That’s a wry sentence but…

It’s very interesting that you should say that, because I now remember that sentence, and it has become true in a new way. About two years ago, I started to have various not-so-serious physical problems, but I really had to lie on the floor, and I couldn’t lift books. So I was reading classics on my Kindle, books that had meant a lot to me and that I thought I knew very well. It turned out that some of the things that had meant the most to me, I had completely misunderstood. So now I thought, “What makes me think I get them now?”

Is there ever a complete comprehension?

No, come to think of it. Young people may in some ways understand better. Those might be the best reading years. And if we said to the writer, “Is this what you meant?” the answer’s not going to help us at all.

No. The writer might feel he’s meant something different at a later time.

Yes, and it’s not that important what he meant.

 

__
Book

Renata Adler Pitch Dark
New York Review Books

“What’s new. What else. What next. What’s happened here.”

Pitch Dark is a book about love. Kate Ennis is poised at a critical moment in an affair with a married man. The complications and contradictions pursue her from a house in rural Connecticut to a brownstone apartment in New York City, to a small island off the coast of Washington, to a pitch black night in backcountry Ireland.

‘Composed in the style of Renata Adler’s celebrated novel Speedboat and displaying her keen journalist’s eye and mastery of language, both simple and sublime, Pitch Dark is a bold and astonishing work of art.’ — NYRB

‘Renata Adler is brilliant, and her character Kate Ennis is lovable in her complete disinterest for making herself lovable. It’s perfect and prescient, a tremendously influential book.’ — Chris Kraus, Slate

Excerpt

To begin with, I almost went, instead, to Graham Island. For a woman, it is always, don’t you see, Scheherazade. In nineteen sixty-four, the dean announced to the trustees that, for all intents and purposes-meetings, sleep, meals, electricity, demands upon her time and one another’s—the students had abolished night.

“Brahms,” he said, in explaining to a colleague why he did not attend that autumn’s campus concert series. “All of it was Brahms. All, every. Eight. Things. Of Brahms.”

Though he was my friend, I did not see Leander Dworkin often. We found that our friendship was safer on the telephone. Sometimes we spoke daily. Sometimes we did not speak for a year or more. But the bond between us, I think, was less stormy, and in some ways more intense, than Leander’s relations with people he actually saw. Once every few years, we would have dinner together, or a drink, or just a visit. Sometimes alone, more rarely with someone with whom he was living and whom he wanted me to meet. One night, when we had gone, I think, off campus for hamburgers. I noticed, on Leander’s wrist, several thin, brown, frayed and separating strands, like a tattered cuff of rope. Leander said it was an elephant-hair bracelet, and that Simon, his lover, had given itto him. It was frayed because he always forgot to remove it, as he ought to, before taking showers. Elephant hairs, it seems, are talismanic. It was going to bring him luck. Elephant-hair bracelets are expensive; they are paid for by the strand. In the following year, Leander wrote many poems, and at last received his tenure. When we met again, months later, the frayed strands were gone. In their place was a thin, round, sturdy band of gold, which encased, Leander said, a single elephant hair. When I asked what had happened to the old bracelet, he said, “I lost it, I think. Or I threw it out.” For some time, Leander had spoken, on the phone, of a woman, a painter, whom he had met, one afternoon, outside the gym, and whom he was trying to introduce, along with Simon, into his apartment and his life. The woman was in love with him, he said. She was married to a real-estate tycoon. Her name was Leonore. He was anxious for me to meet her. I knew that, in addition to his appetite for quarrels, Leander likes triads, complications, any variant of being paid for. But I looked at the bracelet, and I thought of Simon, and I thought, Leonore plays rough.

It was as boring, you know, as droning, and repetitive as a waltz, as a country-and-western lament in waltz time. It was as truly awful as a vin rosé.

Well, what did you pull out ahead of me on the road for, from a side street, when there were no other cars in sight behind me, if you were going to drive more slowly than I did?

It was early evening, in the city. The TV was on. We watched The Newlywed Game. The moderator had just asked the contestant, a young wife from Virginia, What is your husband’s least favorite rodent? “His least favorite rodent,” she replied, drawling serenely and without hesitation. “Oh, I think that would have to be the saxophone.”

He knew that she had left him when she began to smoke again. Is that where it begins? I don’t know. I don’t know where it begins. It is where I am. I know where you are. You are here. She had left him, then? Years ago, he had smoked, but not when they met. So she stopped, as people do when they are in love. Take up cigarettes, or give them up, or change brands. As people do to be at one at least in this. Long after that, she began to smoke again.

So he knew she had left him?

Not knew, not left. Not right away, or just at first.

Why don’t you begin then with at first?

Look, you can begin with at first, or it seems, or once upon a
time.

Or in the city of P.

Or in the city of P. In the rain. But I can’t. It is not what I know how to do.

Well, you must get these things straight, you know, resolve them in your mind before you write them down.

From the moment she knew that she was going to leave him, she started to look old. There was about her a sudden dimming, as in a bereavement or an illness, which in a way it was. He. They. Look, I would start short, if I could, with something shorter. The story of the boy, for instance, who did not cry wolf. Except that, of necessity, we can have no notion of that story, since the boy of course is dead.

So is the one who did cry wolf.

True, but he lasted longer.

Probably. I suppose that’s right. He knew that she was going to leave him when she began to smoke again.

You can rely too much, my love, on the unspoken things. And the wry smile. I have that smile myself, and I’ve learned the silence, too, over the years. Along with your expressions, like No notion and Of necessity. What happens, though, when it is all unsaid, is that you wake up one morning, no, it’s more like late one afternoon, and it’s not just unsaid, it’s gone. That’s all. Just gone. I remember this word, that look, that small inflection, after all this time. I used to hold them, trust them, read them like a rune. Like a sign that there was a house, a billet, a civilization where we were. I look back and I think I was just there all alone. Collecting wisps and signs. Like a spinster who did know a young man once and who imagines ever since that she lost a fiancé in the war. Or an old fellow who, having spent months long ago in uniform at some dreary outpost nowhere near any country where there was a front, remembers buddies he never had, dying beside him in battles he was never in.

Hey, wait.

All right. There was, of course, a public world as well. I was there, in Montgomery, Alabama, on a summer’s day in the late seventies, when the Attorney General of the United States, a Southerner himself, spoke at the ceremony in which a local judge, who had worked for more than twenty years, with courage and humanity and in virtual isolation, on the federal district court, was promoted to the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals. That court, like the district court under the local judge, had been a great court, decent, honorable, articulate and brave. The Attorney General himself had, for some years, been a member of it—quite often, as it happened, in dissent. Here he was, though, in the late seventies, the Attorney General, Old Mushmouth, as the wife of one of the court’s more distinguished judges had always, somewhat injudiciously and in his absence, called him, here he was, the Attorney General of the United States, speaking at the inauguration of a great federal district judge into a great federal appellate court. He mentioned the Ku Klux Klan. He alluded to it several times, the Klan. And each time, he referred to its membership, the members of the Klan, he called them. Clamsmen. No question about it, that’s how he pronounced it. Clamsmen. It was no reflection on the Attorney ·General. True, the judge’s wife had never thought much of his diction. True, in the court’s most important decisions, he had been so often in dissent. But years had passed. He had come to speak well and to do honor. And this business of the Clamsmen, well, it may have had to do with molluscs, bivalves. Even crustaceans. I remember a young radical, in the sixties, denouncing her roommates as prawns of imperialism.

Alone. What an odd gloss we have here on Alone at last. Since alone at last, for every hero in a gothic, every villain in a melodrama, traditionally assumes a cast of two.

You know I hate wisecracks.

So do I.

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. If anyone happens to be reading this in Paris, I’m doing a bookstore reading/event for J’AI FAIT UN VOEU (‘I Wished’) at 7 pm this evening at Les Mots a la Bouche ** kacper, Hi. Oh, that’s good. About the realism. Otherwise, why bother, I guess? I obviously encourage more writing and drawing by you. And not just because I might get to see them at some point. ‘Girl with Basket of Fruit’ is a great one. I think if I had to choose a favorite Xiu Xiu, it still might be ‘A Promise’. Have a fine, fine day. ** David Ehrenstein, I suspect twinkaliciousness was at least one of the main goals. Everyone, I continue to encourage you to give what support you can to Mr. Ehrenstein via the gofundme page set up for him. I’ll be chipping in again as soon as I pay my rent and replenish my bank account a little. ** Dominik, Hi!!! So that’s what your soul looks like. Very interesting. Oh, no problem, you were probably reading in between the lines into my fantasy life, which is the best part of me anyway. I think I’ve decided to read the friendliest part of the book — the little section describing the night I met George. I’m not at all sure I can read it effectively, but I’m going to try, unless I chicken out. Everything and everyone should extrude melted cheese and guacamole, especially Harry Styles, for your sake. Love making everyone who shows up at my reading tonight a total pushover who speaks, or at least comprehends perfect English, G. ** T, Oh, wow, you’ve been visiting this place for a while. Yeah, isn’t there just something kind of perfect about that Peter O’Toole moment? Every psychiatrist should play it for their patients. The CIA should hack Putin’s cellphone and make it pop up on every text and email and site he looks at. Etc. No, ‘ergodic’ literature has never graced the blog that I can remember. Dude, if you wanted to make such a post for here I would doff my entire head to you as if it were merely my cap. That would be amazing! Thank you for wanting to. Place d’Italie, sweet! How’s Calais? Are you new to its hoped-for virtues galore? I need a Monster Truck today in particular very badly, how did you know? I hope your Thursday is like a spontaneous star-studded noise and experimental music festival being held 1 1/2 minutes walk from your front door. xo. ** Steve Erickson, Teens on Tumblr know best, god knows. I’m happy you were driven to look further into her films. Awesome. ** Thomas Moronic, Mr. T! Yay about your imminent arrival! Yes, text me when you’re here and ready and let’s meet up ASAP! I should be pretty free in the upcoming days. Safest trip and arrival! Love, me. ** Right. Today I spotlight the second of the only two novels by the very talented Renata Adler. Have you read it? Are you interested in doing so? See you tomorrow.

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