Carlos Kilarney presents … The Monstrous, Dated Tenfer *

* (Halloween countback post #1)
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‘Monster movie (also can be referred to as a creature feature or giant monster film) is a name commonly given to movies that centre on the struggle between human beings and one or more monsters. While there is no specific academic genre classification of that name, the term is usually applied to films sometimes labelled as horror, fantasy or science fiction genre that involve fictional creatures, in most cases it is applied to films that feature more oversized monsters despite its history starting with adaptations of horror folklore and literature.

‘The most common aspect of a monster movie is the struggle between a human collective of protagonists against one or more monsters, who serve as the antagonistic force. The monster is created by a folly of mankind – an experiment gone wrong, the effects of radiation or the destruction of habitat. Or usually the monster is from outer space, has been on Earth for a long time with no one ever seeing it, or released (or awakened) from a prison of some sort where is was being held.

‘In the 1950s, there arose a wave of “creature features” and the concept of combining nuclear paranoia with the genre. A parallel development during this era was the rise of the Z movie, films made outside the organized motion picture industry with ultra-low budgets. Grade-Z monster movies such as Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959) and The Creeping Terror (1964) are often listed among the worst films ever made because of their inept acting and amateurish special effects. After 1960, monster movies were less popular yet were still produced.’ — collaged

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The Astounding She Monster (1957)
‘The Astounding She-Monster is a movie for people with highly specialized tastes. It tells the story of a trio of kidnappers, their socialite victim, the geologist whose house they invade, AND a blond, radium-emitting alien in tight spandex who crash-lands her spacecraft near that same house. Potential viewers of this film must possess the following traits: They must love movies that are made on the supercheap, and that contain no outdoor synch dialogue; movies in which egregious day-for-night photography is used, worse than anything in “Plan 9,” and in which non sequitur music that bears little relation to the story is standard. These viewers should also be OK with inept direction; the insertion of long, meaningless shots; offscreen narration that sounds as if it’s being read by a hypnotized dodo; Grade Z acting by a six-person cast (well, maybe Robert Clarke gives a Grade D performance); and “special” effects that look as though they were filmed through a Vaseline-smeared camera lens. It also wouldn’t hurt if potential viewers didn’t mind scratchy-looking prints on their DVD, with abysmal sound that keeps dropping out, and with hardly an “extra” to be found. If the above seems to match your highly specialized tastes, then The Astounding She-Monster might be just the flick for you.’ — ferbs54, imdB

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The Cosmic Monsters (1958)
‘The Cosmic Monsters was the onscreen title given to the American release (by Distributors Corporation of America) of the British science fiction film The Strange World of Planet X; title confusion invariably comes into play because in all of the advertising for this film, DCA called it Cosmic Monster instead. One of three British 1950s science fiction films to star American actor Forrest Tucker, it is the least known of the batch and is seldom revived. Generally considered a minor effort in the genre, The Cosmic Monsters is notable for its interesting premise, for a few effective shock scenes, and for being an across-the-pond cousin to the American “Big Bug” subgenre of science fiction movies. The giant ants, spiders, worms, etc. are all too obviously stock micro-cinematographic material; and the spectacle of the cast running in terror from them is a trifle absurd. Only a most unpleasant shot of an ant feeding off a human face makes the film unsuitable for younger audiences.’ — TCM

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Beast from Haunted Cave (1959)
‘This is one of those crooks-on-the-lamb-who-don’t-count-on-the-monster-outside the-cabin movies but with a difference. While most of these cheapo quickies never had much to start with, this little oddity is fun because you’re diverted from the trivial plot by acting and directing that’s edgier than you’d expect. MONTE HELLMAN directed this, his first picture, as though it were Key Largo rather than an ephemeral ROGER CORMAN horror flick. So even if you’re disappointed by the cave monster – which I was not – you’re hooked by the interplay between the hard-bitten gang leader (FRANK WOLFF who also starred in Radley Metzger’s The Lickerish Quartet), his cynical, world-weary girlfriend (SHEILA CAROL), and their wholesome, outdoorsy, back-country guide played by MICHAEL FOREST (Atlas). The ads promised: “Screaming Young Girls Sucked into a Labyrinth of Horror by a Blood-Starved Ghoul from Hell!” Said Ghoul from Hell is actually a giant spider monster that’s really more like an octopus covered with cotton candy which turns up in the darndest places.’ — somethingweird.com

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The Giant Claw (1957)
‘In basic terms this film is your standard 50’s sci-fi/monster flick, but with one of the most asinine-looking monsters ever. It starts off quite promising but gradually begins to peter out until it finally reveals its terrible title creature. The performances by the actors may keep one interested, as they give it their all despite some truly off-putting dialog. Those looking for pure cinematic cheese will not be disappointed in this one, as both the monster and the miniature FX are truly a sight to behold in their godawfulness. Music is forgettable, but the endless cries of the big bird will haunt you long after this one is over. A beautiful mess. That is exactly what this film is. The producers try so hard to give us a frightfully good time, but the end result is just laughable. It’s so bad, that the years have garnered this movie a special reputation above and beyond other genre films from the same decade. Anyone calling themselves a fan of B-movies must see this film at least once, just to see how unintentionally comical it all is. The folks that don’t like older films or prefer a certain degree of realism in their films had better steer clear. This thing is about as far removed from reality as Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch. If you’re like me, you’ll love this film for it’s over the top cheeze factor.’ — bmoviegraveyard.com

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Teenagers Battle The Thing (1958)
‘A high school Biology class receives a visitor, who is a good friend of their teacher. He tells them of an encounter that he and their teacher had 15 years before while searching for Indian artifacts in the nearby mountains. They find a mummified corpse in a cave that resembles a rough-hewn statue. The mummy is brought back to their lodge and breaks out of its wrappings. It goes on a short rampage in what appears to be an orchard. The humans gather together to stop the creature before it can kill any one. The film was an expanded and colorized to become the 1972 film The Curse of the Bigfoot. The two stars from the original appear as adults in the opening scene of the 1972 film. The rest of Curse of Bigfoot consists of the entire 1958 film seen as a flashback.’ — Wiki

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Robot Monster (1953)
‘The monstrous Ro-Man attempts to annihilate the last family alive on Earth, but finds himself falling for their beautiful daughter. Universally recognized by bad film connoisseurs, Robot Monster is one of the most poorly executed and hilariously awful films of all time, perhaps only second to Plan 9 From Outer Space in it’s infamy. You would think that Robot Monster would at least have some propensity for creating atmosphere. Considering that the plot, the acting and dialogue seem to be of little concern, it would only be reasonable that the focus of the film would be towards more of a feeling than a linear narrative. Yet atmosphere and scenery is arguably where Robot Monster fails most noticeably. Unless you have a penchant for piles of rocks and barren scrub-land brush, you could get better scenery by closing your eyes and putting up a camera at random. There are long moments of panoramic shots showing nothing more than our gorilla suited alien trudging up the scrubby mountain side to his cave, which only seems to emphasize that this is a portly fellow, bumbling along in a cumbersome costume for seemingly pointless footage.’ — ericjant, imdB

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The Giant Gila Monster (1959)
‘In The Giant Gila Monster, most of the plot is given over to a group of hot-rod enthusiasts, headed by nice-guy Chace Winstead (Don Sullivan), who sometimes breaks into song. Before long, the titular gila monster, which is just that — a real gila monster — is lumbering about on miniaturized sets terrorizing the community, killing at random, knocking over trains and barns, and in general making a nuisance of itself. When the monster threatens to devour Chace’s kid sister, he attempts to dispatch the beast with a hot rod full of nitroglycerin. Camp value is provided by a truckload of 1950s B-movie cliches and dreadful song breaks — “The Gila Monster Crawl” among other “rock & roll hits” — by its lead, Don Sullivan, who through this movie rose from nothing to complete obscurity.’ — collaged

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The Crawling Eye (1958)
‘Even before the success of Hammer films English moviemakers were trying to get a piece of the same boxoffice that Americans had tapped in fantastic science fiction stories. With a few exceptions, the attempts were pretty bleak. Another teleplay upgraded for the screen, as had been most of Hammer’s Sci-Fi features, this moody and ambitious chiller has one of those perfectly constructed stories. A chalet welcomes a host of shady scientists, psychics and a reporter who may be a spy. All are drawn for different reasons to a mountain where mountain climbers are disappearing, or getting their heads ripped off. The horror menace makes itself known through killings and also via the telepathic reception of a mind-reader. This puts the wonderfully expressive actress Janet Munro at the center of the drama, instead of making her a typical horror heroine who stands by to scream and be rescued. Her wide-eyed visions tell of unseen monsters, in nervous speeches that have the effect of a good ghost story.’ — dvdtalk.com

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Monster from Green Hell (1958)
‘They don’t really get much worse than Monster from Green Hell, a horrible, ludicrous “giant mutated insect” movie from 1958 that is strictly bottom of the barrel. Now, if you are in the right frame of mind, all this might mean that it’s just exactly what you’re looking for, because many people get a huge kick out of laughing at the absurdity of these low-budget monster flicks. Be advised, however, that while there is plenty to laugh at in Monster, there also is an incredible amount of dead space throughout the film. It seems that director Kenneth G. Crane had to pad the film out to meet a certain length requirement, and so there’s a lot of time when nothing really happens as our heroes journey through the jungle. Also, there’s a high percentage of stock footage, which doesn’t necessarily seamlessly match the actual “new” footage. And then there are the “special” effects. Aside from two — one in which a giant wasp is seen coming over a hill and another involving a wasp-python fight — the other effects are abysmal. (There’s where you get your yocks.) The cast is poor, with Jim Davis unbelievable as a scientist and Barbara Turner unappealing as the love interest. The script, by the way, is dreadful, in case you needed to be told.’ — rovi

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The Magnetic Monster (1953)
‘Working for O.S.I., the Office of Scientific Investigation, A-Man agent Jeffrey Stewart and his partner Dan Forbes are sent to a local hardware store where they find a strong magnetic field has magnetized every metal item in the store. Investigating further, they eventually trace the source of the magnetism to an airborn flight carrying scientist Howard Denker, now dying of radiation poisoning, who has carted on board with him a new radioactive element which he has bombarded with alpha particles for 200 hours. The element, dubbed ‘serranium’ grows geometrically by creating matter out of energy which it absorbs from metallic objects surrounding it. The Magnetic Monster has a delightful gaffe in every scene. When a dangerous isotope is said to be ‘on the loose’, the police radio order goes out to SHOOT TO KILL … Shoot what exactly, they don’t say. This line could very well have been invented at the film’s mix, if the producer thought the scene needed an extra jolt. But despite the fact that Curt Siodmak cooked up Donovan’s Brain and personally invented a bona fide classic monster mythology, his ’50s sci-fi efforts strain credibility in all directions.’ — classicmoviesez.com

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p.s. Hey. So, a few weeks back a kind reader of this blog, one Carlos Kilarney, asked if he could make a Halloween post to include in the countdown. I, of course, said, ‘Yes, please.’ One thing lead to another, and he was unable to finish the post until a few days ago. Missing Halloween, as I do, and realising that his wonderful post is a thing for all occasions, I am happy to run it now both to restore the Halloween vibe for a day and let it run unencumbered and wild. So, there you have it. Thank you so much, Carlos, and the rest of you have what would seem to be a guaranteed blast and please let your guest-host know you did, thanks. ** Ian, Hi, Ian. Concrete is so underrated. They should make everything out of it, except maybe food. And clothing. Oh, interesting, about the carpentry course. I hope it’s as interesting and even as exciting to do as it is to think about. So, then carpentry will be your profession? I don’t think I know any carpenters. I’m impressed. Cheers to you too! ** Milk, I have to say I think you’re totally right about that. Thanks. sir. ** David Ehrenstein, Tip of the hat! ** _Black_Acrylic, That Dundee building is a real beaut. Oh, dude, no, thank you! ** wolf, Yep. Dude, that’s a great post. It hits marks that weren’t pre-marked and that one wouldn’t have known existed. And it was very popular, with hits through the roof, so one of the marks it hit is the zeitgeist. I can tell you the film news privately. It’s not, like, giant if you’re not involved, but, yeah, it’s the seeming breakthrough we needed. I’ve had a few ultra-delicious vegan pastries here in the big P. Can’t remember where. Yes, let’s do a vegan pastry arrondissement exhausting treasure hunt the very moment that ‘plans’ become plans again. Our shops reopen on Saturday. So we’re maybe on our tentative way. Love, me. ** Sypha, Paris has some brutalist buildings, but not a ton because Paris is pretty into not tearing buildings down in order to eternally look like it did a century ago, which is nice of Paris actually. Right, I need to order that Finbow book. I’ve gotten behind. It’s good? ** Jeff J, Hi, Jeff. The new JC is yet to be cracked. I think today. I was going to debut it yesterday, but I got pulled into a GbV/Pollard sound spiral, and those tend to last for hours upon hours. Excited to. The Walser play wasn’t quite there yet in my opinion when I saw it, but she has worked on it more afterwards, so I’m not sure. Best case scenario was it would premiere in Paris on December 4th, but the new opening/restriction measures introduced yesterday leave all theatres closed until further notice, so its birthdate is a question mark. Hugs, buddy. ** Brendan, Mine too, although I think my husk is still just a little juicy and pink? ** rigby, Hey, Rigby! Boost! I have to say if I were to pick one brutalist building that I think mostly sucks it would be Southbank Centre. Maybe not so much from the outside, but the inside is crap. Especially the art museum part. Worst space to show art in that I have ever known. I’m very happy to have helped give you wonderful days! What more could I or my contraption hope for? Zip. Apart from school kids and the occasional bunch of rapscallions, Parisians have been fairly good, I think. But then I’m never out later at night when I would imagine the prescribed politesses goes to hell. Oh, and your comment showed up just fine. One of this blog’s weird mysteries is that commenters often can’t see their comments, but I can. Been trying unsuccessfully to get a reason why for years now. So great to see you! Hang the hell out, man! ** Bill, Hi. I think the most exciting brutalist buildings I’ve seen were in Buenos Aires. They’ve got a wealth there for whatever reason. The odd thing about the Walser play is that he wrote it when he was 13 years old or something, so there’s almost nothing about it that seems Walserian. No news here either really, not even mediocre horror movies, but that’s my fault. ** Steve Erickson, Oops, well, gosh, hang in there for another month-plus then. Interesting reviews coupling there. I’m most curious to read them both for entirely different reasons in each case. Everyone, Mr. Erickson has a couple of timely and charismatic reviews for you. First he has reviewed the reissue of Coil’s MUSICK TO PLAY IN THE DARK here, and, second, he has reviewed the apparently unbelievably bad new Bowie bio pic STARDUST here. ** tender prey, Marc! Hey, man! You got lured inside! It was a real fucking beauty of a post, then and now and forever. I hope you’re doing good. Let’s Skype or Zoom or whatever soon. Love, me. ** Right. You already know what you have in store for you today, and please have at it. See you tomorrow.