Spotlight on … Hervé Guibert To the Friend Who Did Not Save My Life (1989)

 

‘To read about Hervé Guibert and his work feels like preparing for an encounter with a mythical creature. Largely unknown outside of France before his book To the Friend Who Did Not Save My Life was released in 1989, and still peripheral amongst English-speaking readers until a recent resurgence of his work, I was intrigued by critics’ descriptions of him and his work.

‘Often referred to as an enfant terrible within literary circles, Guibert shot to fame with To the Friend. The book captured France’s attention as much for its unblinking account of his diagnosis and subsequent life with HIV/AIDS as for recounting the intimate last days of his friend and public intellectual Michel Foucault, who died of the same disease in 1984. This “betrayal” caused a minor scandal, gaining Guibert notoriety for exploiting the lives and secrets of his friends for literary gain. These days he is more favourably interpreted as a writer who exposes that which is covered over and unsaid, confronting society with scenes we are complicit in choosing not to see, hear, or understand. Yet the whiff of scandal remains.

‘Then there is Guibert’s reputation as the heir to the “body-smeared” literary tradition of Marquis de Sade, Jean Genet, Georges Bataille, et al. Utilising visceral and direct prose, his work is full of images of sex and violence, apparently designed to shock and provoke, with Julian Lucas describing him as “a young man out to trigger the middle-class.”

‘Couple this lurid legacy with the fact that Guibert primarily wrote autofiction, a literary style that blurs the lines between memoir and fiction, and his work takes on the mythical status of a chimaera: part death, part sex, part exposé. Simultaneously and deliberately shocking and intimate, true and untrue, I expected Guibert’s To the Friend to deliver a sort of sensual linguistic assault, without my knowing what to believe and what to doubt.

‘Perhaps it is my own literary naivete, but I found no such mythical beast upon sitting down to read To the Friend. Yes, it is sexually explicit, unswervingly depicting the exploits of Guibert and his predominantly queer, male friendship group. Yes, the book reveals secrets and intimate details that one might argue are divulged insensitively. And, yes, it remains impossible to decipher objective truth from artistic liberty. But underneath Guibert’s impulse to unveil and uncover the explicit, the private, and the morbid shines an uncalculated tenderness and honesty. In To the Friend, Guibert not only shows a deep sensitivity to his own struggle with HIV/AIDS but also to the inner lives of his friends, doctors and all those who found themselves bound up in that desperate moment in history, “relishing the moments of sweet humanity that never failed to spring from the harshest cruelty.”

‘To the Friend’s narrative begins with the beguiling statement, “I had AIDS for three months.” Upon writing this sentence, Guibert truly did not know whether the eponymous friend would or would not save his life. Casting back through the 1980s, he tells the story of his and his friends’ encounter with the unfolding AIDS epidemic. The narrative spans from first rumours and quips (“a cancer that would hit only homosexuals, no, that’s too good to be true!” laughs Foucault) to Foucault’s death and Guibert’s degrading health, and finally to the promise from Guibert’s close friend “Bill” that he could deliver his band of friends to health through a revolutionary vaccine.

‘Upon starting To the Friend, it is hard not to be disorientated by Guibert’s writing style. He employs long, winding sentences that disintegrate into a swirl of different thoughts, observations, and asides. The clauses trip over each other as one tries to understand where his point is headed and to remember where it started. One such sentence spans a full three pages.

‘However, once one has settled into the book, the reader becomes acclimatised to the speed and cadence of Guibert’s thought. That three-page sentence ends up forming one of the book’s most entertaining chapters. Guibert is scrambling to find a disused hospital on the outskirts of Paris where he is supposed to undergo a new battery of tests in order to determine which phase of the illness he is in. This morbid mission unfolds somewhat calamitously, animated by Guibert’s talent for capturing people’s faces, laying bare the emotions that flash across them, and filling every chance encounter with significance. Guibert’s ability to jump from the quotidian to the terrifyingly existential in the same sentence provides To the Friend with a black humour that is immediately endearing.

‘It is through these long phrases of thought, these links of event and emotion, that Guibert plays out his story. Split into 100 chapters, To the Friend reads as a series of vignettes, jumping between years, rendezvous with friends, and meetings with doctors in a structure that again adds to the reader’s initial disorientation. But it is through Guibert’s relationship with his inner circle that one steadily becomes moored in his world as the creeping realisation that they have all been swept up in a common destiny takes hold.’ — Matthew Graham

 

12 photographs by Herve Guibert

 

Bio

‘After working as a filmmaker and actor in his teenaged years, Herve Guibert turned to photography and journalism. In 1978, he successfully applied for a job at France’s prestigious evening paper Le Monde and published his second book, Les aventures singulières (Éditions de minuit).In 1984, Guibert shared a César award for best screenplay with Patrice Chéreau for L’homme blessé. Guibert had met Chéreau in the 1970s during his theatrical years.

‘Guibert’s writing style was inspired by the French writer Jean Genet. Three of his lovers occupied an important place in his life and work: Thierry Jouno, director of an institute for the blind whom he met in 1976, and which led to his novel Des aveugles; Michel Foucault whom he met in 1977; and Vincent M., a teenager of fifteen, who inspired his novel Fou de Vincent.

‘In January 1988 Guibert was diagnosed with AIDS. From then on, he worked at recording what was left of his life. In June the following year, he married Christine, the partner of Thierry Jouno, so that his royalty income would eventually pass to her and her two children. In 1990, Guibert publicly revealed his HIV status in his novel À l’ami qui ne m’a pas sauvé la vie (tran. To the Friend Who Did Not Save My Life). Guibert immediately found himself the focus of media attention, featured in newspapers and appearing on several television talk shows.

‘Two more books also detailing the progress of his illness followed: Le Protocole compassionnel (trans. The Compassionate Protocol) and L’Homme au chapeau rouge (trans. The Man With The Red Hat) which was released posthumously in January 1992, the same month French television screened La Pudeur ou l’impudeur, a home-made film by Guibert of his last year as he lost his battle against AIDS. Almost blind as a result of disease, he attempted to end his life just before his 36th birthday, and died two weeks later.’ — herveguibert.net

 

Media

from Guibert’s ‘La Pudeur ou L’impudeur’ (1991)

clip: ‘L’Homme Blesse’, dir: Patrice Chereau; written: Herve Guibert & P.C.

Patrice Chéreau & Hervé Guibert, César 1984 du Meilleur Scénario Original et Dialogues pour L’HOMME BLESSÉ

Herve Guibert on photographer Bernard Faucon (in French)

 

Further

Herve Guibert Website (in French)
Pour Hervé Guibert: Entretien avec Guillaume Ertaud et Arnaud Genon
DELIRIUM: A Herve Guibert Site (in French)
Herve Guibert @ answers.com
Book: Jean-Pierre Boule ‘Herve Guibert: Voices of the Self’
Buy Herve Guibert’s books (in English & French)

 

Interview (1991)

 

The New Observer. You have just republished your first book, published in 1977, Death Propaganda, but you have added a series of youthful texts.

Hervé Guibert. I found them during a move. They were in notebooks, and most of them I had never put them down. They were not typed. I started reworking them. It was a period where I was doing nothing; right after To the friend who didn’t save my life. After finishing this book, I began, the next day, to write another one called The Death of Gaspard. I was at the Villa Medici. Eugene Savitzkaya was my neighbor and he told me: “Stop writing this book, you’ll go crazy.” I thought he was right, that I couldn’t string together a book about other. So I stopped working. And I went in the summer, as usual, to the island of Elba.

N.O. And then what did you do?

H. Guibert. There was a weird thing happening inside me that was born out of irritation. There is a story by Thomas Bernhard called Trees to be felled with the subtitle: “An irritation”. He tells of a dinner in town, and he falls headlong into a whole bunch of people. At that time, I was very irritable and my friends irritated me. I said to myself: I have always shot arrows at everyone in my texts, I have to get to the end of that. I’m going to take my three best friends and I’m going to go down on them. When I told what I was doing to the first of these friends, the one who is in my last books (and who was T. in the first), he replied: “I don’t care . » I didn’t tell the second friend. But I admitted it to the third. He was upset. I realized that my friends could be as fragile as me, if not more, and that I was really going to hurt them. So I decided not to publish it.

N. O. Do you write a lot of things that you leave aside?

H. Guibert. Yes. There was another book at that time. Simenon had just died. I had never read it. And then I discovered Bernanos’s Journal of a Country Priest, which I found astonishing. So I launched into a kind of village novel. It takes place in Provence, but with Italian models, people from a village where I go. It’s a sort of detective story, with ghosts, reappearances, in the Simenon mind as I imagined it. But I decided not to publish it either.

N.O. You didn’t think it was good?

H. Guibert. I will publish it one day. I’ll take it back. But not for now.

N.O. And that’s when you found yourself without “work” and without a project?

H. Guibert. Yes that’s it. My condition had deteriorated. I stopped working for months. I didn’t feel like anything. My doctor wanted me to take antidepressants, and I didn’t want to. I had all the fears of antidepressants, of madness, of suicide… I was stagnating. And I came across these youth notebooks that we were talking about. It was a bit of a literary discovery of myself.

N.O. You started writing very young.

H. Guibert. It all started with scribbles in notebooks. I was in second grade at La Rochelle high school and I was getting bored in class. I was the Parisian; I wasn’t really liked. And I wasn’t looking to belong, to be included. Rather, I wanted to exclude myself, to be different. I sat at the back of the class, and that’s when I started writing poems. And then I continued to write. And that gave rise, a little later, to the youthful texts that I have just published.

N.O. You hadn’t tried to publish them before?

H. Guibert. I proposed them to Régine Deforges, who wanted to publish them. She published things that I liked. She had published, for example, Le Nécrophile by G. Wittkop, which is a text that I really like. But that’s when she got into trouble with the law. She had to give up publishing these children’s stories which are the first texts in the collection. And when she started publishing again, she specialized in erotic literature. She told me: if you have texts of an erotic nature, I would be happy to read them. It was in 75, I had returned to Paris. I was very alone. I lived in a maid’s room and I did journalism: I worked at Vingt Ans, a Filipacchi publication, where I wrote heartfelt letters, sexological files, film criticism… Under several pseudonyms. And then I had to have emergency surgery to prevent peritonitis. I had what we call surgical shock. I woke up too soon after the operation and experienced unbearable pain. I wrote what would become the first Death Propaganda text. A slightly crazy text where I said: “Who will want to film my suicide, this bestseller? » It was a somewhat premonitory text. I was talking about the “poison that penetrates with the kiss”.

N.O. Is it this premonitory side that pushed you to republish it today? Or rather the literary rediscovery of yourself?

H. Guibert. Yes, that’s more of it: a rediscovery of myself, of how I have progressed, of how things have transformed. And also what I was reading at the time I wrote these texts. Because, when I reread them, I see who the writer is behind them.

N.O. You actually say in your latest book that you have always written in admiration of a writer.

H. Guibert. I believe that you are a writer by being a reader. The writer I was reading, or his shadow, or his ghost, almost became a character in the fiction I was writing. He is both a character and a model. I never had the fantasy of modernity, of literary invention. I never wanted to do something new, new. I had these loves for writers and I tried to let myself be carried away by them.

N.O. Who are they?

H. Guibert. Obviously, that changes a lot. I went from Jules Verne to Sartre. For these texts, I only read sexual things. So I only wrote sexual things. But it was the discovery of pain that gave me this violence. There was also Francis Bacon. Because painting had as much of an impact on me as literature. Bacon’s paintings were everything I loved: the color, the violence, the butchery, the body, the sodomy, the embrace of two men… the day Death Propaganda came out, Bacon had the opening of his exhibition at Claude Bernard. I brought him my book.

N.O. Some of your texts seem impregnated with Genet. Was it a memorable read?

H. Guibert. Determinant. For me Genet, it was absolute freedom. This meant that we could write everything. While being guilty.

N.O. Have you reread it recently?

H. Guibert. I continue to love it. There are writers who disappointed me, but not Genet. One of the other crucial experiences was Bataille. With all the sacrilegious and adolescent side, like that of going to piss in the font or confessing sodomy by priests. Bataille, Genet, that was my apprenticeship.

N.O. And then?

H. Guibert. There was Guyotat. When I wrote You made me form ghosts, I wanted to mix two teenage loves: on the one hand Eden, Eden, Eden and Tomb for 500,000 Soldiers for the epic fresco aspect, and Cobra by Severo Sarduy, a hysterical baroque book, a crazy book, which I loved, which really left an impression on me.

N.O. Had you already met Roland Barthes at that time?

H. Guibert. No, but I loved him. I said I took my book to Bacon. The two other people to whom I wanted to give it – well-meaning friends might say that it was careerist behavior – were Michel Foucault because he was a neighbor and I saw him passing by with his shopping bags… And also because it was Michel Foucault, of course, even though I had never read anything by him. But now, when I go on a trip, I always take a book of his, to accompany me. It’s a way to stay with him. And the third person was Barthes. I sent him my book. The story is astonishing. One day, I met a film critic who said to me: “Aren’t you going to Barthes’ seminar? Come, it is not necessary to arrive several hours in advance to get a place. Barthes lets us in through a small door. » So I went. Barthes arrived, shy, he let us in, I had a special place, in the middle of the amphitheater. And Barthes, in a peaceful silence, began to speak. And I said to myself: what a fool I am for being here! This guy is deadly, annoying to death!… So I got up, I disturbed everyone. Barthes saw that someone was coming out. And I thought: too bad, I don’t want to experience this boredom anymore. I got home, I opened my mailbox there was a letter from Barthes. One of my great joys. He had read my book and said to me: “I would like to talk with you about the relationship between writing and fantasy, but without knowing you. By letters. » We wrote to each other for a long time. He made me write the following text: “Death Propaganda No. 0”. He had to write a preface, he made it a condition that I sleep with him. And for me it wasn’t possible. At that time, I couldn’t have had a relationship with a man of that age. We had some rather stormy correspondence and he wrote a ten-page text, quite beautiful, called “Fragment for H”. Which I published much later in the Other Journal. This is how I knew Barthes. He was also very delicate. I really loved him. Although I found it boring. He complained constantly. He was always overwhelmed, by fame, by requests for prefaces, which he was unable to write. He felt harassed by the request.

N.O. A friendship was nevertheless established.

H. Guibert. I was in the secondary zone of Barthes’ friendship. While I entered the primordial zone of friendship of Michel Foucault.

N.O. Which of your books is your favorite?

H. Guibert. I prefer the one that people will like the most. The one that will sell the most. Because, for me, writing is an attempt at communication. This is why I am so happy and so supported by the success of my latest books. Not for a simple question of circulation, of number of copies, but because I achieved my goal: to have readers. It’s incredible to go from 5,000 to 130,000 readers. These are meetings.

N.O. What kinds of meetings? And with who?

H. Guibert. Women. A lot of women. Nurses, nannies, mothers, deplorable saints. A lot of young girls too… It’s disturbing.

 

Book

Herve Guibert To the Friend Who Did Not Save My Life
Semiotext(e)

‘In 1990 Hervé Guibert gained wide recognition and notoriety with the publication of A l’ami qui ne m’a pas sauvé la vie (To the Friend Who Did Not Save My Life)”. This novel, one of the most famous AIDS fictions in French or any language, recounts the battle of the first-person narrator not only with AIDS but also with the medical establishment on both sides of the Atlantic.

‘Guibert’s work is a brilliant example of the emphasis on disclosure that marks recent queer writing-in contrast to the denial and cryptic allusion that characterized much of the work by gay writers of previous generations. He treats the notions of falsehood and truth with a postmodern hand: as overlapping constructs rather than mutually exclusive ones – or, to use Michel Foucault’s expression, as “games with truth.”‘ — Ralph Sarkonak

 

Excerpts

More precisely, for three months I believed I was condemned to die of that mortal illness called AIDS…. But after three months, something completely unexpected happened that convinced me I could and almost certainly would escape this disease, which everyone still claimed was always fatal…. That I was going to make it, that I would become, by an extraordinary stroke of luck, one of the first people on earth to survive this deadly malady.

*

On this twenty-sixth day of December, 1988, as I begin this book, in Rome…several months after those three months when I was truly convinced I was lost, and after the months that followed when I was able to believe myself saved by the luckiest of chances, wavering now between doubt and lucidity, having reached the limits of both hope and despair, I don’t know what to think about any of these crucial questions, about this alternation of certain death and sudden reprieve….

*

Today, January 4, 1989, I tell myself I’ve got only seven days, exactly seven days to tell the story of my illness, and of course I’ll never meet the deadline, which is going to play havoc with my peace of mind, because I’m supposed to call Dr. Chandi on the afternoon of January 11 so that he can tell me over the phone the results of the tests I had to have on December 22…thus beginning a new phase of the illness…plus I’d hardly slept at all for fear of missing the appointment made a month earlier…and when I did get any sleep that night before those awful tests when they drew off an appalling amount of my blood, it was only to dream that I’d been prevented for various reasons from keeping this appointment that was so decisive for my survival…and I’m actually writing all this on the evening of January 3 because I’m afraid I’ll collapse during the night, pressing on fiercely toward my goal and its incompletion….

*

‘Oh yes, your blood test. Is it time for your appointment already? tomorrow, my God – how quickly time flies!“ Later I wondered if he’d said that intentionally to remind me that my days were now numbered, that I shouldn’t waste them writing under or about another name than my own, and I remembered that other, almost ritual phrase he’d used a month before, when he’d studied all my latest blood analyses, noted the sudden inroads the virus had made, and asked me to have a new blood test to check for the presence of the antigen P24…so that we could set in motion the administrative procedure required to obtain the drug AZT, currently the only treatment for full-blown AIDS. “Now,” he remarked, “if we do nothing, it’s no longer a question of years, but of months.”

*

It was on the afternoon of December 22 that I decided, with Dr. Chandi, not to go to that appointment on January 11, which he would keep for me in order to obtain the anticipated medication, playing a role on both sides, if he had to, or making me think that this was the only way to get the drug, through this pretence of my presence, by using up the time assigned for our appointment to fool the monitoring committee. I’m supposed to call him on the afternoon of January 11 to find out my test results, and that’s why I’m saying that as of today, January 4, I have only seven days left in which to retrace this history of my illness, because whatever Dr. Chandi will reveal to me on the afternoon of January 11, whether it’s good news or bad (although it can only be more or less bad, as he’s taken care to let me infer), might well threaten this book, risk crushing it right at the source, turning my meter back to zero and erasing the fifty-seven pages already written before kicking my bucket for me.

*

1988 brought the revelation of my illness, a sentence without possibility of appeal, followed three months later by that chance event that managed to persuade me I could be saved. In this chronology summing up and pinpointing the warning signs of the disease over a period of eight years, when we now know that its incubation period is between four and a half and eight years… the physiological accidents are no less decisive than the sexual encounters, the premonitions no less telling than the wishes that try to banish them. That’s the chronology that becomes my outline, except when I discover that progression springs from disorder.

*

As a matter of fact, I haven’t done a stitch of work on this book these last few days, at the crucial moment for the deadline I’ve given myself for telling the story of my illness; I’ve been passing the time unhappily, waiting for this new verdict or this semblance of a verdict…but today, January 11, which should have been the day of the verdict, I’m biting my nails down to the quick, having been left entirely in the dark about something that is perfectly clear to me, because I tried calling Dr. Chandi at his office, but couldn’t reach him…. So here I am tonight without the results, upset at not knowing them on the evening of January 11 the way I’ve been expecting to ever since December 22, having spend last night, I might add, dreaming that I wouldn’t have them….

*

After we’d had our blood samples taken…we saw one boy come out again absolutely in shock…paralyzed at the news written all over his face…. It was a terrifying vision for Jules and me, which projected us one week into the future, and at the same time relieved us by showing us the worst that could happen, as though we were living it at the same time, precipitously, second-hand…. Suspecting that our results would be bad and wishing to speed up the process…Dr. Chandi had already sent us to the Institute Alfred-Fournier for the blood analyses that are done after a seropositive result, specifically to ascertain the progress of the HIV virus in the body…. Looking over my lab slip, the nurse asked me, “How long have you known that you’re seropositive?” I was so surprised I couldn’t answer her. The results of the blood analysis were to be sent to us in about ten days, before the results of the seropositivity test would be known, in that precise interval of uncertainty…. On the morning we went to find out the results of the seropositivity tests he told me my blood workup wasn’t good; that they’d already seen the bad news there even without knowing the results of the other test. At that instant I understood that a calamity had hit us, that we were beginning a period of rampant misfortune from which there would be no escape. I was like that poor boy devastated by his test results.

*

I’ve re-counted the days on my calendar: between January 23 [1988], when I’d received my death-sentence at the little clinic on the Rue du Jura, and this March 18, when I’d received another news flash that might prove decisive in seeping away what I’d been officially told was irreversible, fifty-six days had gone by. I’d lived for fifty-six days, sometimes cheerfully, sometimes in despair, alternating between sweet forgetfulness and ferocious obsession, trying to get used to my impending doom. Now I was entering a new phase, a limbo of hope and uncertainty, that was perhaps more terrible to live through than the one before.

*

…I was afraid this new pact with fate might upset the slow advance – which was rather soothing actually – of inevitable death…. For though it was certainly an inexorable illness, it wasn’t immediately catastrophic, it was an illness in stages, a very long flight of steps that led assuredly to death, but whose every step represented a unique apprenticeship. It was a disease that gave death time to live and its victims time to die, time to discover time, and in the end to discover life…. And unhappiness, once you were completely sunk in it, was a lot more livable than the presentiment of unhappiness, a lot less cruel, in fact, than one would have thought. If life was nothing but the presentiment of death and the constant torture of wondering when the axe would fall, then AIDS, by setting an official limit to our life span – six years of seropositivity, plus two years with AZT in the best of cases, or a few months without it – made us men who were fully conscious of our lives, and freed us from our ignorance. If Bill were to file an appeal against my death sentence with his vaccine, he’d plunge me back into my former state of ignorance.

*

It’s strange to wish someone Happy New Year when you know the person might not live all the way through it: there’s no situation more outrageous than that, and to handle it you need simple, unaffected courage, the ambiguous freedom of things left unsaid, a secret understanding braced with a smile and sealed with a laugh, so in that instant your New Year’s wish has a crucial but not weighty solemnity.

*

I’ve decided to be calm, to follow to the end this novelistic logic that so hypnotizes me, at the expense of all idea of survival. yes, I can write it, and that’s undoubtedly what my madness is – I care more for my book than for my life, I won’t give up my book to save my life, and that’s what’s going to be the most difficult thing to make people believe and understand.

*

When I learned I was going to die, I’d suddenly been seized with the desire to write every possible book – all the ones I hadn’t written yet, at the risk of writing them badly: a funny, nasty book, then a philosophical one – and to devour these books almost simultaneously, in the reduced amount of time available, and to write not only the books of my anticipated maturity but also, with the speed of light, the slowly ripened books of my old age.
—-

 

*

p.s. Hey. ** jay, Hi. Yeah, virtually every still extant magic shop has had to branch way out to survive or, as in yours’ case, go wack. It’s sad, so sad. It might be a France only or even Paris only upmarket move on LIDL’s part, I don’t know. Or Zac was tripping. I’ll go find out. The AS people are indeed extremely cool and nice, yeah. One of my favorite punishing experiences ever. ** Dominik, Hi!!! Oh, wow. That book is kind of rare, I think. ‘He Cried’ is a great song. It was the last hit of their genius period. I had my ‘Flunkers’ sent to a friend’s place because of my mail problems, and he’s on vacation, so I have to wait until he gets back to pick them up. Haha, thanks, I’ll take the mobile shop’s plate’s message as seriously as if it was God whispering in my ear, I promise. Love putting an end to the suddenly very popular trend of slaves who want to sniff farts and masters who want to fart, G. ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi. I had never heard of ‘Mr. Benn’, but, based on a quick peek, I intend to descend into its rabbit hole. What beautiful, odd animation. Thank you, sir. And thank you again for your musical mastermindery. ** ted rees, Hi, Ted! Nice, or past nice. I was so into magic as a kid that I belonged to three different Magic-Trick-of-the-Month Clubs where they sent you magic trick through the mail monthly. Nothing cocky about acknowledging the facts objectively. Yeah, the moving forward phase. Strange one. But you will any sec. I mean, I went all prose at a certain point, so … But my poetry was never remotely as good as yours. Embrace the duo? Excited to see the prose when those pieces pop out. xoxo. ** Steve, New song, cool, it’s been a while. Everyone, The multi-talented Steve has … he’ll tell you: ‘I released a new single, “Boot Camp Healing,” yesterday. On FB, someone described it as a church organ having a nervous breakdown.’ Needless to say that description is a hell of a magnet. I sent a draft of the short film script to Zac yesterday. He’s reading it, and, assuming he likes it, he’ll have changes and additions and things, and I’ll continue. So far so good. We have a DP in mind for the film, so that’s progress too. Thank you for asking. ** Lucas, Hi. Hopefully I’ve saved you a lot of misery. My Wednesday was pretty okay. A few days ago, a programmer at a big film festival that we hadn’t submitted the film to wrote to me to say he’d heard about our film and he had a slot open in his section and wanted to see it. So we sent it even though we weren’t sure his section was right for the film. Yesterday he wrote back to say he couldn’t take the film for technical reasons, but he was extremely enthusiastic about the film, said it’s the best film he’s seen this year, totally raved about it, and he said he’ll help us find a US distributor and stuff. Our film has been such a hostage of depressing money and producer shit for months, and hearing that was the boost we really needed to hear. So that was kind of joyous and restored our confidence and stuff. Ugh, about the development delay, but I guess be glad it wasn’t one of those 3D disposables I told you about when you were here, because then you’d have months of waiting ahead. Wow, great collage! You’re so good. That’s really exciting looking! Will you use some of your pre-existing collages in the zine? Awesome. Bon day! ** Sarah, Hi. Originally, there was going to be section of ‘God Jr.’ where the father tracked down and met with the designer of the game his son was obsessed with. I even wrote that section, but it just wasn’t good enough. Maybe I’m better enough that I could try again. So cool that you wanted to be a gamedev when you were a kid. That’s much more exciting than little me wanting to be a magician. I know a bit about ‘crunch’ in games. Really, your story sounds really, really exciting to me. I’m so hoping it pans out. Yeah, do be very judicious when reading Iowa Writer’s Workshop type-stuff. That stuff’ll kill you. Seriously. I know some really interesting writers who went that way and were turned into just blah ‘literary’ writers like hundreds of others. Not long at all, pal. Happiest Thursday! ** Thomas H, Hi. No, I didn’t see your comment. Maybe it came in late? I miss late arriving ones sometimes, and I never check back and look at the comments from previous days’ posts, bad me. Thank you about the election. It was great, even though things are a big mess now with the hung parliament, but oh well. I’m so happy people still play ‘Eternal Darkness’. I don’t think it’s had a Switch upgrade release? Strange again. I haven’t watched the ‘Frisk’ film in 30-ish years, but I’m pretty sure I’d still think it’s a piece of crap apart from maybe Parker Posey and Craig Chester and the Coil/Lee Ranaldo score. I guess I’m open to a counterargument for it if you and anyone wants to make one. I would imagine that Seattle will be more tolerable even if it’s a little more overheated than it usually is? Hope so. Really happy Thursday to you! ** Harper, Hi. I went to lots of magic shops as a kid, and my memory is that the proprietors were always bored and irritable people. Strange. Mm, as a kid, I collected coins, yes, and autographs. I lived in LA, so you would see stars once in a while, and I carried around an autograph book and would corners stars when I saw them. I had a lot. The only ones I can remember at the moment are Lucille Ball, the woman who played Granny on ‘The Beverly Hillbillies’, Mickey Dolenz of The Monkees, the guy who played Artemis Gordon on the ‘Wild Wild West’ TV show, and Cary Grant. Ugh, about the blood test mess up. Amazing and vast luck sorting that out. I’m so sorry pal. Ugh. ** Darby 🎹, *Plink, plink* I’m down with the balloon guy. I’ve never seen a balloon guy over here. Or a mime. Not a single mime! It’s true: within, like, a year, my high school friends had dwindled down to maybe two people, and the rest faded into the unknown future. I think they’re not liars. You’re cool, and they either see that, or they’re boring and lazy minded. Yes, my theater collaborator friend studied puppetry, and almost all of our pieces have either puppets, mannequins, or life-size dolls in them. I’ve never tried the “clickity-click-click” sounds effects. I don’t know if I have them. I’ll check. You’re not a lazy writer, you’re an avant-garde writer, which is the best kind of writer! ** Justin D, Hi, Justin. Thanks! I like the sound of your dad. But then I still have some fake vomit rubbery prank thing in one of my drawers just waiting for the most innocent culprit. I think we’ll hear whether we’re in the festivals this month sometime. An acceptance wouldn’t fix the big problems, but it would force the problem-makers to find a way to let us finish the film out of necessity. And it would free the film from the prison in which they are keeping it. ‘Serial Mom’ is god. Wow, there kind of couldn’t be a more quintessential 90s film line up than the one you have in your sights. Mm, I don’t think I have a comfort film, do I? When I was a kid they showed ‘Wizard of Oz’ on TV every Xmas, and I watched it a million times, so that qualifies, but … I think I always want to see something new? Maybe newness is my comfort food? I don’t know. I have comfort music? Do you? ** Okay. I’d thought the blog had spotlit this great book in the past, but I was wrong, so I’m asking the blog to flood it with light for you today. See you tomorrow.