_____________

ISAIDYES, 20
Marburg

I am looking for an older man who would like to deflower a young slim college boy anally as soon as possible. Preferably this week, also spontaneously. For this I am now selling my virginity to the highest bidder.

For defloration you should either know a very safe place outdoors or be visitable.

In the future I’ll be available for quick fucks for less pay.

No caresses / kisses. It should only be pure fucked.

I’m so tight that even taking a shit is a major undertaking for me so you’ll need to lick me out and stretch me with a dildo.

Guestbook of ISAIDYES

ISAIDYES (Owner) – Sept 8, 2021
I have herpes.

steven1736 – Sept 6, 2021
Well, let’s just say he’s not a virgin anymore. He discreetly entered my AirBNB. We sipped champagne and popped pills. I stripped him, pried his hole open with my fingers, then fucked him like a beast in every position splattering cum at regular intervals until he passed out. I continued unaided and eventually finished, redressed him, stuck some bills in his back pocket and carried him out to a waiting Uber.

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Shaved
Ethnicity White
Languages English, German
Position Bottom only
Dick M Uncut
Kissing Yes
FF No answer
Dirty No
S&M Soft
Smoker Socially
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate On request
Overnight Rate On request

 

______________

SacredSlut, 22
Palm Springs

Blonde/Blue angel available for you to release all your negative energy into and transform it into self care and confidence. Give my benevolence, my physical perfection, and my love as a gift for yourself or a loved one!

Guestbook of SacredSlut

SacredSlut (Owner) – Sept 1, 2021
STOP YOUR SHIT COMMENTS YOU’RE A BIG SHIT!

TrustOrBust – Sept 1, 2021
In the end, this world is all about trust. If you will be able to actually trust those who are worthy (spoiler: he is not), you will turn out to be the happiest you can be.

FrankiXXL – Aug 29, 2021
You can never forget the day you taste of it.

TiesandTies – Aug 24, 2021
He’s a spoiled brat and his cosmetic surgery is very annoying.

Brett – Aug 21, 2021
He wanted me to pay him to dress up in dresses and take photos with rap music playing.

Body Type Athletic
Body Hair Shaved
Ethnicity Arabic
Languages English, Arabic
Position Versatile
Dick XL Cut
Kissing Yes
FF No answer
Dirty WS only
S&M Soft
Smoker No
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate 100$
Overnight Rate On request

 

_____________

Sextoy4U, 19
Sheffield

Fun, fit and mouthwatering fiesta boy living in my house.

Looking to be shown the real meaning of earning his keep.

Likes his swimming, running, wrestling and has become a real gym bunny.

Cute enough to have had experience of being fawned over, flirted with and groped.

Not smart enough to know there are powerful, well-to-do men just waiting to get their hands on him.

Make him strip. Make him yours. Then pay me.

Guestbook of Sextoy4U

DomesticFruit – Sept 6, 2021
hey you pissers under me shut up you have no idea

Foreskin83 – Sept 5, 2021
Complicated, hardly understands anything.

UpstatePig – Sept 3, 2021
Junk drawer. Put your junk there.

Body Type Athletic
Body Hair Little
Ethnicity White
Languages English
Position More bottom
Dick M Uncut
Kissing No
FF No answer
Dirty Yes
S&M Yes
Smoker Yes
Safer sex Never
Hourly Rate On request
Overnight Rate On request

 

_____________

RefinementIsRomantic, 21
Paris

I’m a Philosophy Student at The Sorbonne University, I’m specialized in Ethics. Je parle également très bien français. I’m into doing virtually anything just so long as you are classy and look the part and can describe it to me with eloquence. My favorite color is sky blue and I love iced coffee.

Guestbook of RefinementIsRomantic

Queensmoney718 – Sept 10, 2021
A God who gave this boy money problems is a great God.

camelblue – Sept 9, 2021
I loved everything about his penis. I love how it looked, that slim fleshy shaft. I loved the head so much, that beautiful shape, the feeling of taking that whole spongy head in my mouth, feeling along the ridges of it with my tongue. I love knowing how sensitive it felt for him when I had it in my mouth. I loved his dick but I loved that it came with a pair of balls too. I loved that hot nutsack just hanging there attached to his cock. I loved massaging his balls, knowing how sensitive they were, rolling his testicles in between my fingers, knowing that millions of sperm cells were inside this nut, and that I was going to crack it open and make them come out. It was so hot knowing that the only reason his cock exists is to squirt out the hot sperm from his testicles. His penis and ballsack were so beautiful, but sucking it was so fun because I got to eat semen at the end. And I loved eating his semen because I knew how good I was making him feel right at the moment all of that salty jizz was squiting in my mouth. Sperm is so hot, their shape their little tails swimming so violently and aggressively to get to an egg. They are the essence of boys. These sperm cells are only inside boys. I loved knowing that when I tasted that salty hot load, I was eating millions of those sperm. Literally millions of flaggelating, swimming sperm just violently squirting into my mouth, coating my tongue and throat. My mouth was full of millions of these sticky little guys tingling down my throat and leaving a strong spermy aftertaste. I knew I was truly experiencing this boy and the power of his boyhood when I let him shoot millions of his kids, his living male cells into my mouth.

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Smooth
Ethnicity Mixed
Languages English, French
Position Versatile
Dick L Uncut
Kissing Yes
FF No answer
Dirty No
S&M Soft
Smoker Yes
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate On request
Overnight Rate 1000€

 

_____________

marypoppins, 20
Slough

MY COCK 26 x 8 WANT TO FUCK YOU AND I BANG YOU THROUGH I HATE THIS WEBSITE I LIKE CHICKS I NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE BUT I NEED THE MONEY TO HELP MY NAN ((I WANT TO BLOW YOUR ASS LICK IT OUT THEN I FUCKED YOU!!! 🙂 I ALSO WANT A REAL JOB DOING ANYTHING -)))

Guestbook of marypoppins

IpGuy – Sept 6, 2021
He was drunk, scared shitless, shaking like a leaf and almost hyperventilating. He had a lot of Foo Fighters posters on his walls, so we wound up talking about the Foo Fighters his Nan, and when that didn’t help either I just loaned him a few bob and left.

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Average
Ethnicity Spanish
Languages English, Spanish
Position Top only
Dick L Uncut
Kissing No
FF No answer
Dirty No
S&M Yes
Smoker Yes
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate 90£
Overnight Rate 400£

 

______________

life-equals-pain, 18
Neuquén

i decided to offer some service because of my financial situation and debts which i cant handle anymore.

i will also accept a suburban middle age daddy to live with and be groomed to take over his business.

Guestbook of life-equals-pain

VirginGayTop – Sept 2, 2021
I have spent my life letting anxiety and fear get in the way of what I want which is to fuck a long haired teenaged boy. He helped push me out of my anxiety and take my penile virginity. He did not get an erection so I can not speak to the doom that the others here are referring to.

Anonymous – Aug 27, 2021
True

uncutlog – Aug 27, 2021
Doomed depending on what you’re into

Anonymous – Aug 27, 2021
If you give him an erection (not easy) you’re doomed.

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Not very hairy
Ethnicity Spanish
Languages English, Spanish
Position More bottom
Dick M Uncut
Kissing Yes
FF Active/Passive
Dirty No
S&M Soft
Smoker Yes
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate 100$
Overnight Rate 500$

 

______________

ParisianSlutInRome, 19
Rome

I will drop your jaw to the floor and blow your mind until smoke is coming out of your ears.

Dinner dates are my favorite as I like to take my time with who I’m with, and it means we can fuck before eating then eat then fuck again as soon as your downstairs is ready.

If you are between 16 and 25 years old I am a bottom.
If you’re 26 – 99 I’m a top.
So boys show your cocks and men show your asses.

In either case I intend to be so memorable that when you lie on your deathbed and think of your life you’ll only be able to think of me

Guestbook of ParisianSlutInRome

ParisianSlutInRome (Owner) – Sept 11, 2021
Everyone I’ve been with so far has been too clumsy and unfriendly and has had unrealistic needs. Try harder.

ParisianSlutInRome (Owner) – Sept 5, 2021
Offers to suck my cock are “meh”. It never results in me accepting you. Surely w my looks you should be taking it far beyond such trivial offers.

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Smooth
Ethnicity White
Languages English, French, Italian
Position Versatile
Dick L Uncut
Kissing Consent
FF No
Dirty No
S&M No
Smoker No
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate 150€
Overnight Rate 250€

 

_______________

youngdreamer, 19
Grad Rijeka

Immediately i will say DONT DM ME IF U WANT TO ONLY HOOK UP. I ONLY DO HOOK UPS IF YOU PAY AND EVEN THEN IM NOT 100 SURE OF IT CAUSE AFTER I DO HOOK UPS I HAVE A TENDENCY TO CRY wHEN I GET HOME BCS I HAT MYSELF AND FEEL LIKE A SLUT WHICH I DONT LIKE AT ALL.

So pls dont dm me unless you can pay a lot and yet then i wont 100% go.

im also into fashion a lot since im a femboy and love fashion not just feminine clothes but in general so dont Expect me to like heels and skirts cause i despise them.

Also also im 19 im half american half croatian. I do speak croatian but its very very bad and its much easier for me to simply speak english. If ive seen your message and havent replied is down to 3 things: 1 im busy atm 2 im not interested and 3 I dont know what to say bcs i have generally bad problems with talking. I also am not available every single day to go somewhere since A i dont live alone i luve with my mother still tyvm 2 if you tell me to simply make an excuse it wont fucking work cause my mom is a smart woman and wont be easily tricked by me anymore.

Guestbook of youngdreamer

markfive – Sept 5, 2021
To hopefully end this saga I agreed to take him back if I can put him on a regimen of anti androgens to suppress testosterone along with female hormones until he is effectively chemically castrated. I’ll also destroy his sissy testicals with Tagamet which shrinks balls. I’ll also stir them with needles to help destroy the insides. And he agreed!

markfive – Sept 2, 2021
I dumped him yesterday. The divorce papers are signed. Bad luck I guess. But if you know me, heheheh, I have ten more boys waiting just to msg them on skype. Its hard to find really, really cute ones. Its esp hard when you find one and he turns out phucked in the head. Sometimes I feel there is not a signle normal cute boy left on the earth, its just crazy. I fucked him so hard, I cum so many times in his tiny ass. I got him drunk and screwed him, I gave him pills and went he was asleep I fucked him until the bed was completely soaked from his sweat and pee and saliva. I was with a permanent boner all day and could fuck him about 5 minutes after I ejaculated – all fucking day and night long. Boys are so stupid once you get them into your bed. But I want a soulmate, I am tired of these sluts. FUCK YOU LOSER, FUCK YOU IN YOUR UGLY FUCKING TEETH AND SCRAWNY FUCKING ASS. HE BLOCKED ME ON SKYPE!

dogfood – Aug 28, 2021
So are you going to stay with him forever or let him die?

markfive – Aug 28, 2021
He had a total nervous breakdown in front of me today. He said he wanted to die. From cancer. “I want it to be qucik. Then my friends will call home and they my parents will tell them , oh we are sorry, Zhivko (that’s his name) passed away” – direct quote. He got a hotel room and I wanted to go there and talk but he refuses to meet anyone. I should have known better, he gave me hints. First time we fucked he said, “fuck me like a corpse in the morgue”. I laughed, thinking he was only joking. But now I know he has this idea of being a corpse, he wants to die and he has now isolated himself from the rest of the world. How can this be happening.

dogfood – Aug 16, 2021
Cute depressed guys are the best, I love them. Spoil him with hugs!

markfive – Aug 16, 2021
If anyone’s still reading he is bipolar, gets depressed, sometimes as bad as starting to cry for no reason, he has some heart disease, his father beats him, he sometimes faints without warning. He told me what to do in case he passes out. I know what I WILL DO FIRST. Isn’t life insane?

FeetBoyPete – July 23, 2021
Yes, congratulations! He is a cutie!

markfive – July 23, 2021
A little rocky. An ugly fuck told him I was shaggin other boys, which of course was true but he wasn’t supposed to know. I get bored quickly yes. He believed him because that sick fuck was his “best friend”. We separated despite all my explanations. The next day he tried to kill himself. But we’re good again. I shagged him so hard last night he broke his front teeth on the frame of our bed! He’s such a stunner.

Aidanaidanaidan – July 23, 2021
So how’s that going for you?

Jann1869 – July 14, 2021
Ummm … rash?

markfive – July 14, 2021
I know, I know….this sounds crazy but I’m going to marry this boy today. God he is so fucking extra cute! I shagged him all night and I wanted to keep shagging him non-stop for the rest of my life. So I proposed and he said yes! He even promised not to log into this account anymore. WoW. I even told him not to drive a car today to prevent him from dying in a car accident, so that means I really care. Croatian boys are fucking hotties.

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Smooth
Ethnicity Mixed
Languages English, Arabic, Croatian
Position Bottom only
Dick S Cut
Kissing Yes
FF Passive
Dirty Yes
S&M Yes
Smoker Yes
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate On request
Overnight Rate On request

 

______________

Strangeblond, 21
Houston

My current potential to accept a sugar daddy is 50/50.

I’ve had 1 really great sugar daddy, and 1 nasty.

Unemotional sex in any quantity you want if it’s going to ever happen again. This is a job, not a relationship to me.

Very shy but sexy.

Ive been physically attacked by fellow gays for being so shy so I only share my body if I think I’m safe. I was also abandoned on the side of road by the nasty sugar daddy.

Thank You for Your time today.

Guestbook of Strangeblond

Strangeblond (Owner) – Sept 3, 2021
I should add that the one drawback of my otherwise successful training is he’s now a huge gossip who indulges in a lot of childish behaviour.

Strangeblond (Owner) – Sept 3, 2021
This account is shared by X(avier) and Strangeblond. Either may be on the account at any given time.

Hello fellow Sugardaddys, it is X(avier) here. I have spent 6 weeks with this boy, trained him into official sextoy behaviour. He’s picked up very quickly and is quite the experimental boy for all his recalcitrance, however our arrangement was never going to be long term. He wanted security and I wanted summer fun while my husband was away. I have agreed to help him seek a longer term Sugardaddy now he has my training and I honestly can’t think of a better fuck-on-demand than this boy.

Any one of us may be on this account so do feel free to contact and we can make arrangements.

Body Type Average
Body Hair Not very hairy
Ethnicity White
Languages English
Position More bottom
Dick L Cut
Kissing Yes
FF No answer
Dirty No
S&M Soft
Smoker Yes
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate 70$
Overnight Rate 100$

______________

Market_fresh, 20
Madrid

I’m a fit, sporty, lonely, well built guy who loves having his body on show and I’m looking for some men to get into me. I’m often best described as being currently bisexual but willing to become completely gay for the right man. There are things that can’t be said just felt, and when people lay eyes on me, they not only see, they feel like there’s no other option.

Guestbook of Market_fresh

Market_fresh (Owner) – Sept 9, 2021
I will tell you a secret, I just went thru a transformation. My body suddenly quit making testosterone, and also did start making estrogen. This was about a year ago. But I have lost all hair neck down. I now take a estrogen blocker. And receive testosterone replacement therapy. But the job was done.

Market_fresh (Owner) – Sept 8, 2021
Thinking of the times older women have groped me on the train.

Market_fresh (Owner) – Sept 7, 2021
Thinking about why older women are attracted to me.

Body Type Athletic
Body Hair Little hair
Ethnicity Spanish
Languages English, Spanish
Position More bottom
Dick XL Uncut
Kissing Consent
FF No answer
Dirty No
S&M Soft
Smoker No
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate 250€
Overnight Rate 1000€

_______________

fuckmepayme66, 19
Mexico City

No need for more info

Guestbook of fuckmepayme66

oliyes – Sept 10, 2021
🚽m

Helldevil007 – Sept 8, 2021
You know what to do

Real10 – Sept 5, 2021
Slutty through & through  & through

Chubbychubz – Sept 3, 2021
My life is very stressful but when this whore was lying face down on my bed with a lubed ass mounting him felt like climbing on a life raft.

fuckmepayme66 (Owner) – Sept 3, 2021
So far everyone has liked my ass.

itsHendrick – Sept 1, 2021
He’s into anything, give him money.

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Shaved
Ethnicity Spanish
Languages English, Spanish
Position Bottom only
Dick S Uncut
Kissing Yes
FF Passive
Dirty Yes
S&M Yes
Smoker Yes
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate 200₱
Overnight Rate 500₱

______________

Giancarlo, 18
Giarre

I am looking for my first experiences with a woman who is sexually drunk. Sorry I’m not looking for gay men, this is the only reputable website I have found. Nevertheless, I wish you gays all the best and all the best☺️

Guestbook of Giancarlo

Giancarlo (Owner) – Sept 9, 2021
No feminist please!

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Not very hairy
Ethnicity White
Languages English, Italian
Position Top only
Dick L Uncut
Kissing Yes
FF No answer
Dirty No
S&M No
Smoker No
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate 100€
Overnight Rate On request

 

______________

beautifulsucklips, 20
New York City

I am currently married to a woman but that’s not a problem. I am 420 friendly and when I’m high asf like I probably am now I feel dumb and gay. I am a person at peace and in a VERY amazing chapter in my life. I’ll be naked by the door. I’m not so costly, anyone can afford me very easily.

Guestbook of beautifulsucklips

baldwin – Sept 9, 2021
I participated in a 3 man cumdump with this escort for the first time this week, I managed to give him 2 loads and he got maybe 10 loads altogether. I found it to be a lot less hot than it actually was? The spell was sort of broken as soon as I left the hotel. I thought ‘for a quick thrill, how worth it is cumdumping really?’ It’s all fun until you realise you have to get on with real life, and this sort of sleazy ideal situation that we’re fed through porn and forums isn’t actually real? Like yeah sex is great, physical pleasure is great. But that’s it? I can’t really see the drive behind it beyond that (personally) ~ this is just me though, I’m not critiquing anyone’s sex life, do what you want I don’t give a shit lol. Just saying personally it wasn’t for me. Am I thinking too hard into this? I think the big thing for me was thinking ‘oh shit I’ve literally just wasted two days where i could have been doing a million other things?’

durrrtyGuy – Aug 26, 2021
Nothin hotter than hanging out and shoving huge dildos up this bro’s willing 🍑 for hours. Enemas also 🥵

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Shaved
Ethnicity White
Languages English
Position Bottom only
Dick L Cut
Kissing Yes
FF Passive
Dirty No
S&M Yes
Smoker Yes
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate 150$
Overnight Rate On request

 

______________

IAmWantIAm, 24
London

I like to get tied up and fucked. If you are a cowboy, and you want to practice your roping, let me know, and for a small fee you can rope, hogtie, and fuck me.

Guestbook of IAmWantIAm

ROSS – Sept 7, 2021
I have never felt guilty or dirty after fucking an escort until I fucked this guy.

IAmWantIAm (Owner) – Sept 5, 2021
I don’t believe in the pandemic.

R – Sept 4, 2021
Me and three friends spent two hours supersizing his hole in the Hampstead Heath woods then we all had a massive climax together.

Chavannes99 – Sept 2, 2021
Without even knowing him I find him sexy, well done and I want to abuse him again and again

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Shaved
Ethnicity White
Languages English
Position Bottom only
Dick M Uncut
Kissing Yes
FF Passive
Dirty Yes
S&M Yes
Smoker Yes
Safer sex Never
Hourly Rate 100£
Overnight Rate 309£

______________

Gay_Art, 21
Brussels

Yes, I am a sex worker, but my real passion is to draw with pencil or charcoal. Most of the time I draw men, preferably as a nude drawing. But currently I am also trying to work in objects such as houses and bridges or in natural drawings.

I offer my own pencil drawings and charcoal drawings by myself, between this and the sex work I finance my studies a little.

The drawings shown serve as examples of my work but can be purchased if they are not already sold. I mostly draw on A4 paper, but smaller or larger is no problem if you wish.

You are welcome to send me a very personal picture template or idea, I will discuss everything with you and make your own personal drawing.

The prices are based on the effort involved in the drawing. So far, however, I have come to an agreement with anyone who was seriously interested in a drawing.

Guestbook of Gay_Art

Gay_Art (Owner) – Sept 12, 2021
I don’t think of myself as being neither man or woman, rather I am closer to the gender of a tree.

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Average
Ethnicity White
Languages English, French, Dutch
Position Versatile
Dick L Uncut
Kissing Consent
FF No
Dirty No
S&M Soft
Smoker Yes
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate 100€
Overnight Rate 500€

 

_____________

RaccoonInTrash, 18
Zhanjiang City

I’m studying in Shanghai and I want a horny old man who loves me

Guestbook of RaccoonInTrash

Amaze – Sept 5, 2021
I love him because he can go from cute and fun and chatty about anime and music and then two seconds later, his face is smashed in a pillow moaning and screaming because I was in the mood.

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Smooth
Ethnicity Asian
Languages English, Chinese
Position Bottom only
Dick S Cut
Kissing Yes
FF Passive
Dirty WS only
S&M Yes
Smoker No
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate 60元
Overnight Rate 200元

 

_____________

eltonjosh, 19
Berlin

Are you extremely horny for me?

For better agreement:
– Describe me your sex fantasy about me in details?
– how you wanna be fucked up on the bed under me?
– how you want me to sit on your face and rip farts?

Also personalized videos where I shove a dildo up my ass and scream your name, gladly with cum!

Guestbook of eltonjosh

AshW51 – Sept 7, 2021
If you want more than he offers and know hypnosis he is very weak brained.

eltonjosh (Owner) – Sept 4, 2021
idk wtf is up w this retarded app.

Bobbygate – Sept 3, 2021
He has the strengths and weaknesses of his age and mediocrity. Those who, like me, adore dumb teenagers with athletic butts resign themselves to putting up with his defects.

Body Type Athletic
Body Hair Shaved
Ethnicity White
Languages English, German
Position Top only
Dick XL Cut
Kissing No
FF Active
Dirty Yes
S&M Yes
Smoker No
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate On request
Overnight Rate On request

 

_____________

love_is_everywhere, 21
Üniversiteler Mahallesi

The call to sell out my integrity is deafening.

Do you subscribe to the theory of a natural male order or hierarchy? That some are born naturally poor trash and are drawn – against their sense of logic – to live a life of luxury?

I wasn’t sure, but as time goes on, the deep-seated urge to trade my relative “freedom” for nice clothes and food and the run of a mansion grows stronger and the natural superiority of rich dudes becomes more apparent. If this makes any sense at all.

I respectfully welcome your guidance and input as I struggle to reconcile this developing realization with the meaningless and hard scrabble life I’ve led thus far.

Guestbook of love_is_everywhere

love_is_everywhere (Owner) – Sept 1, 2021
Don’t look at the words below, look at me.

timothydonald1 – Sept 1, 2021
In other words this guy charges a crazy price. Words are beautiful, even when coming from a guy who is not worth more than any other and objectively has far less to contribute than many others, who just by using certain words or a nickname like “love_is_everywhere” tries to put in the minds of any potential customer that merely his asking an exorbitant amount is a guarantee that it is totally justified. All this without having in any way shown that he is worth it. Except with his own well-chosen words of course. Another young escort who arrives here being utterly unrealistic and futilely hoping to land the jackpot with this kind of technique.

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Little hair
Ethnicity Arabic
Languages English, Turkish
Position Versatile
Dick M Uncut
Kissing Yes
FF No answer
Dirty No
S&M Soft
Smoker Socially
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate 1500€
Overnight Rate 12000€

 

_______________

GunPlay, 23
Hamburg

Rape at gunpoint, no condom

Guestbook of GunPlay

GunPlay (Owner) – Sept 13, 2021
This is butt sex, accidents happen, and I am a grown up, but don’t leave a log in the pit before I go in.

Body Type Muscular
Body Hair Not very hairy
Ethnicity White
Languages English, German
Position Top only
Dick XL Uncut
Kissing No
FF Active
Dirty Yes
S&M Yes
Smoker Yes
Safer sex Sometimes
Hourly Rate 150€
Overnight Rate 1000€

 

________________

youknowwhoiam, 19
St. Louis

slim homeless teenage street sleeper for getting oral rimmed getting or giving fucks and prbly more. its not for everyone but its what i do. i sleep behind bud’s texaco station on n hwy 94 but i can also borrow some coins and take a bus. ive been known to trade for alcohol or food. robby john son six teen a t hot male c o m.

Guestbook of youknowwhoiam

youknowwhoiam (Owner) – Sept 10, 2021
then yep.

Dave2311 – Sept 10, 2021
Wydown-Skinker

youknowwhoiam (Owner) – Sept 10, 2021
where?

Dave2311 – Sept 10, 2021
Technically

youknowwhoiam (Owner) – Sept 10, 2021
own bedroom?

Dave2311 – Sept 10, 2021
To breed you or fist you or something. Just something put inside of you really

youknowwhoiam (Owner) – Sept 10, 2021
how much.

Dave2311 – Sept 10, 2021
Would you like a nice place to live

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Not very hairy
Ethnicity White
Languages English
Position Versatile
Dick M Cut
Kissing Consent
FF No answer
Dirty WS only
S&M Soft
Smoker Yes
Safer sex Never
Hourly Rate 70$
Overnight Rate 150$

 

_______________

Luka, 20
Exeter

im just a hole sir
pay if u maybe wanna…idk…shove it in me?

sometimes I just wanna get eaten out all night
dinner served 🍽

sometimes my cum spills on my t shirt
I just wanna swallow it all

two dicks inside are better than one…change my mind
I guess it’s a race to see who breeds who first

sometimes when there’s no money about…a twinks gotta pig
front or back…

just a twink watching a man digest my fifth cumshot today
a huge cum volcano

Guestbook of Luka

RobertTOP-XL – Sept 2, 2021
You got that special spark

Thatch – Sept 2, 2021
I would invite you to meet with me in person so we can go on a picnic

Mattm – Sept 2, 2021
hairy or smooth doesn’t matter I’ll stick my tongue in it

tomalex265 – Sept 2, 2021
I like you ride me as a drunk cowboy

Manwithahole – Sept 2, 2021
you should cycle 25mile a day during the week to get more fit. i mean why not, right?

americanoxo – Sept 2, 2021
Need a new Cum…
Can you get me some?

sdsadas – Sept 2, 2021

Tzl123 – Sept 2, 2021
I will fuck your mind ! You will hallucinate !

cruz10 – Sept 2, 2021
RT If you want to be rimmed with a loaded gun in your mouth

its_rahul – Sept 2, 2021
I m ready to throw u on bed…..

Body Type Slim
Body Hair Shaved
Ethnicity White
Languages English
Position Bottom only
Dick XXL Uncut
Kissing Yes
FF Passive
Dirty WS only
S&M Soft
Smoker Yes
Safer sex Sometimes
1 Hour: £300
Overnight: £1500

 

‘

*

p.s. Hey. A couple of interviews with me about ‘I Wished’ have just appeared if anyone’s interested. There’s this one at AnOther Magazine, and this one at ‘them’. ** Dominik, Hi!!! Thank you! Whoa, SCAB comes out today! I’ll go look for the link and stuff once the hour becomes civilized enough for you to launch it. Great! I think everyone will be very happy with the issue, and probably the work will be largely if not entirely new to most people. Yay! Yeah, religion’s popularity is pretty interesting, for sure. I used to not understand that, but with all this insane conspiracy theory and Trump-related belief going on these days, it’s a lot easier to figure out. Unfortunately my dentist didn’t get Love’s memo yesterday because it was pain central, but at least it’s over. I’m capped, and I’m free! Love delivering a riveting Power Point lecture on the history of chewing gum, G. ** Niko, Hi, Niko! Thank you so much! I celebrated by getting my teeth fixed and eating a cupcake (surprisingly not easy to do in Paris). xo. ** G, Hi, G! Thank you again so much for that amazing review of my novel. My head exploded. You can’t tell, but it did. Yes, the word is ‘found’. I hope you’re doing wonderfully and that your week is reflecting that with a high sheen. ** _Black_Acrylic, Thanks, Ben. All credit on the cover to the mighty Kier Cooke Sandvik.** David, It hurt, but it happened, and it’s finis. A reputable store … do such things exist? Thank you, man. ** Misanthrope, Yeah, I thought I would just shock you all like Drake or whoever. Play something fast and hard and loud, and throw yourself around your bedroom. ** Tosh Berman, Thanks, Tosh, hope you like it. ** Oscar B., Oscar! This is a rare treat! Thank you so much about ‘I Wished’. That’s amazing to read. Yeah, let’s hang soon. Love, me. ** Sypha, Thanks, James. Does anyone call you Jim or Jimmy? I bet not. Yeah, ten years since ‘TMS’. Weird to me too. ‘Dune’ can wait, ha ha. Oh, God, mega-sympathies on your not being free of the dentist. I was terrified mine was going to tell me I needed another visit. Make sure yours doesn’t get stingy with the novocaine. Mine seemed to think using it was decadent or something. ** Chris kelso, Hi, Chris! Good to see you, and thanks. Yeah, I mean, sure, if you want to do something on the book, I’d be very grateful. Yes, your package arrived! I’ve been deadlining on a project and kind of swamped with stuff, so I haven’t had the chance to start reading yet, but I will soon, and am excited to do so. Thank you so much! Take care, bud. ** Bill, Thanks, Bill. Hope it meets with your approval. I know, I’m unspeakably excited for the new Joy Williams! When I met her, ‘FluidO’ was already out, but she was planning to do another film with Jurgen, though I don’t know if that ended up happening. I found and ate a cupcake. From Berko, the Paris cupcake place. Yum. ** xTx, Oh, wow! xTx, I miss you! Thank you, thank you! It’s so lovely to see you! When I go to LA next to work on Zac’s and my new film, let’s meet up. I would love to see you! You’re the best! Big love, me. ** Steve Erickson, Hi. Thanks, the pain was a huge drag, but it didn’t follow me home, thank goodness. Uh, I’ve done a bunch of interviews. I have one this weekend, I’m not sure if there’ll be more. I’ve never heard of ‘Little Girl’, huh. Everyone, Here’s Steve: ‘My review of LITTLE GIRL, a documentary about an 8-year-old French trans girl, came out yesterday. Ack, the Andersen doc sounds terrible. That was the fear: that it would be something like that. I’ll watch it warily. ** adam r., Hi, Adam! Thank you for your excitement. Yes, Joy Williams is my favorite American writer, and I too am literally quaking in my epidermis to read her new novel. Enjoy your week and way beyond. ** Jamie, Hey, Jamie! There were a lot of tears on my side when I wrote the novel. I was surprised by how useful Santa Claus ended up being. It was kind of a whim at first, and then … wham. My wish for ‘I Wished’ is the boring and predictable one: that people of not too small a number really like it. I’m good, lots of projects in motion, which is what I like. Obviously, I hope the new medications take care of your obnoxious health attackers. Sweetness about Ari talking. Have a really, really good day by whatever means necessary. ** Jeff J, Hey, Jeff! Thank you, man. Yeah, I could believe it’s one of my best novels, but I don’t know. David did the interview especially for the post. Super generous of him. I did see ‘Annette’. I had a bunch of issues with it, but ultimately I kind of loved it and felt totally on board with its ambitions and most of its payoff. You? I’m happy that your feet are relocating themselves beneath you. Such a tough time. Talk soon? ** Daniel, Aw, thank you very much, Daniel! Always lovely to see you! ** John Newton, Hi, John. Really good to see you. Time is relative around this blog, so no problem. Obviously happy to hear you got through the nature blast without damage. Thank you, and take care. ** Derek McCormack, Ha ha, as Santa’s confidant, I can tell you that there’s something very big and bulky in his bag for you this year. Mum’s the word on what. Love, me. ** Nick Toti, Hey there, Nick! Things are all right. If we’re really lucky, we’ll shoot the new film in February. Too early to tell, but it looks quite possible. Sure, happy to host your extravaganza in progress, of course, and thank you for wanting. ‘Mudmonster’: yes, excellent! Have a good one. ** Brian, Hi, Brian. I figured you were going through some major changes and adjustments. So … how is it? What do you think? You happy there so far? Thank you so much for the congrats. Really nice to see you, my friend. ** David Ehrenstein, Ha ha, I know you meant well with the Streisand thing, but, oh my goodness! ** Mark Stephens, Mark! Old pal! Thank you, thank you. Congrats on the recall outcome, whew. I miss you. Lots and lots of love to you and Julie! ** Kat, Whoa, Kat! Hey, hey, pal! So nice to see you! Thank you for wanting to read my thing. You good? I sure hope so. Oh, yes, uh … I’ll email you my address. How exciting! Thank you in advance. Ever present love from me. ** Florian AF, Thank you, F. It’s very emotional. That’s kind of different. Curious about that book you mentioned. Take care. ** blake, Blake! Oh, man, you’re a sight for sore eyes. Well, your wordage plus my imagination. Even though Facebook sucks, it is sad and hampering when friends understandably bail on it. I can’t seem to bring myself to go over to the other two, where most people I know are now. You’re in Baltimore! I didn’t know that! That does make it much more likely that I can see you! Great, that would be so, so nice. I almost went to NYC, well, right now actually, to do book stuff, but everything got cancelled because of .. you know. But soonish. Put Paris on your wish list too, please. Things are pretty okay here. Man, what a treat to see you. Let’s Zoom or something, no? Mega-love, me. ** Kyler, Hi, K. Well, it must’ve been fate or something with you and the train. Thanks, man, I hope you like it. Ditto on the knowing. Love, me. ** Okay. Back to the usual here on the blog where the 15th of the month brings you escorts whether you or they like it or not. See you tomorrow.

Dennis Cooper I WISHED
Soho Press

‘“I started writing books about and for my friend George Miles because whenever I would speak about him honestly like I am doing now I felt a complicated agony beneath my words that talking openly can’t handle.”

‘For most of his life, Dennis Cooper believed the person he had loved the most and would always love above all others was George Miles. In his first novel in ten years, Dennis Cooper writes about George Miles, love, loss, addiction, suicide, and how fiction can capture these things, and how it fails to capture them. Candid and powerful, I Wished is a radical work of shifting forms. It includes appearances by Santa Claus, land artist James Turrell, sentient prairie dogs, John Wayne Gacy, Nick Drake, and George, the muse for Cooper’s acclaimed novels Closer, Frisk, Try, Guide, and Period, collectively known as “The George Miles Cycle.” In revisiting the inspiration for the Cycle, Dennis has written a masterwork: the most raw, personal, and haunted book of his career.’ — Soho Press

Praise

“May just be his most surreal, disturbing, vulnerable work yet (which is saying a lot).”
—Vogue

“Whatever Cooper represents in the landscape of contemporary literature, he’s without a doubt one of the most vital and important writers to emerge in the past 50 years, and his genius goes far beyond mere taboo-breaking (although it’s very difficult to read one of his deadpan, hardcore novels and not walk away a few degrees less innocent than you were on page one). Cooper’s books are dissection tables of desire; they take a bone saw to the dreams, sexual fantasies, obsessions, youthful delusions, and myths of fame and individuality that have come to define our private and public selves.”
—Interview Magazine

“Surreal and elegiac.”
—Publishers Weekly, Starred Review

“An elegy for a friend, lover, and muse that resists conventions of storytelling and expands the possibilities of the novel form with daring and vulnerability . . . Cooper’s urgency to relate his friend’s story is felt in every word, image, and narrative move; even the most oddball structural decisions possess tremendous power.”
—Kirkus Reviews, Starred Review

“I Wished is not an easy book by any means, but is in some way a balm to those who also carry the weight of loss, the acknowledgement of how heavy it can be, and how it is also proof of having lived and loved. It is a book about what to do with that weight, how to carry it, how to honor it.”
—Lit Hub

 

READING FROM I WISHED
from the Poetry Project’s New Year’s Day Marathon

 

SIX QUESTIONS FROM DAVID RYLANCE

1. Back in 2012, you set out to write a memoir of George Miles, which was, I think, the first time you decided to try to do that. In the spirit of these questions as sort of a short set of liner notes or DLC for the launch of I Wished, I was wondering: could you fill us in on that prior attempt at writing about George, and the process that got you from there to here? If I’m recalling right, I believe you were intending for the book on George to be a directly nonfictional work at that point. Then, as the novel tells us, last year, you also sat down and wrote out for seven months every last memory you could call up, or thing you could think of, about your friendship, in a process that was also not workable as a book in itself. Can you talk us through the differences between what you wrote last year and what you attempted to do in 2012? And can you take us through what both efforts did, or did not, clarify about what exactly you wanted or needed the book on George to be – beyond it becoming a novel, I mean? More precisely, what was missing in these prior attempts that made them not up to the task of relating – publicly at least – that “complicated agony beneath my words that talking openly can’t handle” you write about in the novel’s opening line? Inferring from later in the book where you briefly refer to the results of last’s year writing as “cathartic crap”, I was thinking it might have been that the original attempts were so inundated by the purgation of the agony part in “complicated agony” that it outright smothered the complication part, perhaps? So that what these first tries delivered in one way, in setting out after this form that was meant to be as artless and non-mannered as possible, they nonetheless drowned in the other, in the reticulation of the emotions, in formalising their intricate nestedness within one another as well as, contrarily, their incongruousness and self-disagreement and uncohabitability; their limitations with respect to the realities they feel toward; the boundaries of their legibility as the emotions – rather than the sentiments – they actually complexly are without aesthetic manifestation’s aid to articulablity, and so on?

— Your questions get far more deeply into the novel than my inarticulateness about myself and my things could allow me to do, so, fair warning, and thank you for that. I had wanted to write a novel about the real George Miles and my friendship with him for a long time, both because his impact roils me like nothing else and because I wanted to extract him from the fictional “George Miles” whom he only resembled physically and emotionally. As I write in I Wished, another long time dream/plan was to write a novel that be would some kind of spin-off from The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter. Doing both simultaneously was my intention with the first, discarded novel, but I approached those goals initially in a very different way than I have in I Wished. For reasons I don’t recall, I decided to recount my relationship with George chronologically and as factually and honestly as possible. So that’s what the failed novel was. It started on the night I met George and was intended to chronicle what transpired between us, day by day, up until I found out he had killed himself. It was not an emotional novel on the page, or not in terms of its composure. If anything it was very dry. It read almost like a trial document or something. I was emotionally overwhelmed while writing it, but nothing of that ended up in the writing, which was its disaster. I took a break from writing it at one point, and when I went back and read it over with a degree of objectivity, it turned out to be inert and boring and “who cares”. I had never written that way before, and I had hoped the emotional explosion I was going through while writing it would magically make the tedium of that approach transcendent or whatever, but it didn’t happen. Basically, it inadvertently ended up being a private exercise on my part to force myself to debunk the mis-rememberings and myths about George that had settled into my imagination over the years and to recall our relationship exactly, nothing more.

2. So, unless I’m forgetting, the only novel you’ve written from start to finish in the past, in step with its final narrative sequence, was My Loose Thread. I’m not sure if I’ve read a comment from you confirming this or if it’s just that there’s a sense of clarity so great from the way time shifts work in I Wished that it seems as if it’s something you’ve already extra-textually corroborated for me, but, whatever the basis, I came away from the novel with a sense of knowing that it would have been written in a non-synchronous order to how it’s finally arranged. Whether right or wrong on that, it’s made me curious as to how the writing of the different parts of I Wished worked in respect to its final internal timeline. Because, well – this is much too overbroad and not equal to the multangular ingenuity in your writing to propose as some sort of serious periodising statement about your books, so please, don’t respond to it on that level. But to, I guess, over-enlarge a point in order to better see it up close before returning it to whatever scale it might actually exist upon in the real world, there was a powerful and insistent poise and propinquity to the way present and past work in I Wished that seemed to accentuate something distinct in its textural design, and made me jot down the note to myself that whereas your novels prior to this have tended to situate their structuration primarily in spatial extensity, central here is the time plane. That it’s chronometrically that the architecture – or, if we’re using time-based technical references, that the reference frame – is principally plotted. That temporal ties between distinct parts of the book are where the connections circuit most electrically together. And that a whole welter of aspects to do with the movements and stases of duration, shift, and translocality in the book’s composition matter as immensely in it as the role of memory itself. Looking at it this way unlocked a whole vista of resonant concepts from the scholarship of time for me: from chronemics, which is the study of how time is used in nonverbal communication and nonverbally in verbal communication; from horology, a more specific field than chronometry which zeroes in on the study of the instruments of time’s measurement, clocks, watches, so forth, and of particular relevance to me in respect to I Wished, just for example, that field’s idiosyncratic use of the term “complication” to refer to any of the elements in a timepiece that you find beyond the mechanisms for seconds, minutes, and hours; on a linguistic level to a particular sensitivity in your new novel for tense, mood/modality, and aspect which are not only just something like language’s watches but are also its instruments of, if you like, temporal “pixilation”, of display resolution with respect to time; in astrodynamics, planetary rotational notions like eccentricity or obliquity or orbital inclination as ways of grasping connectedness between the Dennises and Georges; strength as against inference models of time perception; the debate in the philosophy of spacetime between endurantism and perdurantism; analemmas in astronomy; free falling objects and simultaneity breakdown in time travel astrophysics, I could go on, with the Roden crater something like a monolithic gnomon right at the crux of all this, serving as a sort of chronotopic heartbeat. I definitely don’t expect you to speak to any of that, which is just the sort of general direction that the eccentric orbit of my mental sphere’s rotations will go off on happily deviating as I reread the novel, and I also don’t want to convey a misimpression of the book aesthetically, as oriented toward science fiction or something, which bringing in stuff to do with time and astrosciences can, by way of association, inadvertently do. But, all qualifiers said, and without giving too much away – set against that background, can you tell us a bit about how the order in which you wrote the parts of the book directed the decisions for the ultimate location in time of the chapters? And are you able to speak some about the role that the struggle between your emotions and your aestheticism in writing I Wished that you’ve mentioned in an earlier interview took on in incorporating the real time of writing – or, more accurately, the representation of its real time, which matters immensely to this book in the fascinating degree to which it directly emerges as part of the narrative – into the final compositional arrangement?

— It’s true that My Loose Thread is the only novel of mine that I wrote straight through and whose only pre-sets were in its thematic and poetic aspects but not in the narrative, which flung itself forward as I went along. Every time I write a novel, I make myself start completely from scratch, and my novel prior to MLT had been Period, which was, by contrast, the most disjunctively built of my novels to that point. The same is the case with I Wished compared to its ultra-different, failed predecessor. I just decided to create a situation in writing where I could explode emotionally while staying aesthetically on top of the explosions. So each section was an individual eruption. Sometimes the eruptions fed further eruptions, for instance how the section about identifying with the doomed protagonist in my faulty memory of The Heart is a Lonely Hunter lead me to want to try to solve his/my problem by inhabiting Santa Claus. There were certain starting points I kept in mind in order to make sure the riffs would ultimately unite in some way, most centrally the gun George used to blow his brains out and the wound that left in his head. And many less imagistically pinpointed things such as George’s and my respective failures as artists, how language alternately connected and divided him and me, etc. So, I just wrote a lot of riffs, not thinking about their ultimate order in the novel. I had gotten a little lost in the project around the time when Zac Farley and decided to start making films together and when I became enamoured of composing fiction using animated gifs. So I put the novel aside and concentrated on filmmaking and gif fiction for about 4, 5 years. I didn’t even look at the novel. When I finally went back, it was evident to me how a novel could be made out of the existing pieces and what should go where, and I could tell what I needed to revise or delete or what new sections I needed to write to fill it out. At that point, I felt able to distance the emotionality of the project, and it became a formal exercise to me mostly.

3. Above, we spoke about the different temporal registers of writing your new novel, of the time the parts themselves take place in, and the arrangement of that into the overall timeline of the book. But this made me wonder about the subtle ways that the thing that did not eventually become I Wished nonetheless did determine your orienteering of it structurally and your engineering of its internal wiring. To set up this question precisely, though, I want to detour for a moment first to say that if such a close focus on divergences between the sequence of writing the chapters and the sequence of their final collation has put across to readers any sense that the book is at all uncohered or uneven in continuity, well, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Quite to the contrary: I found it to be one of the least enisled books you’ve written. Which is why, actually, I mentioned My Loose Thread. Although this doesn’t have the unilinear novelistic throughline of MLT, it was somewhat to my surprise, exactly because there is no obvious similarity between them, that I came away with the experience of I Wished as working far closer to that book’s emplotted continuousness than something more “fragmentary”, like Period, or much more starkly placed at a verge of novel and vignette, like The Sluts. Each chapter in your new novel is, definitely, its own thing and each picks up entirely somewhere else from the others, but, to me, it was the absence of a broken effect between each of them that became all the clearer as I went along and all the more fascinating for it. And that got me thinking about the indication from the book that the writing out of your relationship with George in 2020 was done lineally, or, to quote the novel, “beginning with the night they’d met until the day in 1997 when he found out George had killed himself ten years before without his knowing.” When discussing this earlier, I asked you what didn’t work about the precursors to I Wished and how that influenced your understanding of what the book needed to be. Here, I’m wanting to ask: did the writing of the narrative you composed last year as a start-to-finish text actually produce a sort of chronologically ordered undergirding that ended up, for all its unviability as a book unto itself, a kind of palimpsest to this one? Just in general, to what extent did the “failed” effort end up acting, in spite of its apparent disjunction from I Wished, as a draft for it? And, whatever the overlapping or lack thereof between them, I’m interested in how you might metaphorise a relation between the two? You have that important, eloquent quote from your short story, ‘Container’: “I shove the knot of my feelings as deep as they’ll go into as compact and smoothed-out a prose style as I can build out of what I know. But they don’t belong here, any more than a man’s fist belongs in a boy’s ass.” I feel as though this is very much not what happens here, and that marks a quite definitive and significant move in your style. But, by that same token, nor does the finished creation de-densify and unshape itself so much that it ends up in as unfurbished and overingenuous a state as this prior narrative did. So how would you articulate the book’s ultimate counterbalance to both your aestheticizing and emotionalising sides?

— As I may have already indicated, the first, failed George novel wound up being nothing more than a research project for me. Very valuable research. I couldn’t have written I Wished without it. It forced me to remember my relationship with him precisely. My memories of him had been altered and distorted by how much he had become someone I played with in my imagination. Being forced to recall and recount everything we’d done together as baldly as I could, I came across many instances in our dealings that I had thought peripheral and fleeting but which, in some cases, revealed important information about what our relationship involved that changed my understanding of him. In a sense, he had become a fictional character to me too — someone I had made into a source of importance and who I had accidentally edited to suit my needs. As I write in I Wished, in facing the truth and facts unearthed by that act of transcription, I realised that I have no idea what I meant to him. That was a terrible realisation for me, and representing and examining that realisation became the impetus for I Wished. I had always taken it as a given that George and I were equally important to each other. What I realised was that he was a person who was internally torn apart by his condition and who was artificially unified into a whole person by his medications. I realised that the George I’d known and loved was, for all intents and purposes, a fictional character that he had managed to construct out of his fractured being with the guidance of his pills. I realised that, in effect, I had become the protagonist of my misremembered version of The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter with whom I’d so painfully identified when I was young, only instead of my love object moving away to be happy, mine had killed himself. All of that made I Wished seem like the only way I could write about George.

4. James Turrell’s masterwork Roden Crater plays a pivotal role in this book. I say “pivotal” more than perfunctorily as its chapter falling along the very spine of the book as it does makes this profound skyspace an axis on which the total thing turns. But in a key sense, it’s not actually so much Roden Crater as, more particularly, the Roden crater that the artwork is being built in that assumes this fulcral role. Reflecting on what Turrell does, and the kind of art the Light and Space Movement he hails from makes, it occurred to me that Roden would have to be a contender for one of the largest acts of sculpture on the planet – and maybe is the largest enclosed one you can actually walk within, the largest installation ever sculpted. In some respects, I guess, Roden Crater might not be categorised as installation art at all but as a Land Art sculpture, or as being within the art practice that works right at the border where a sculpture teeters into becoming full-fledged architecture or landscape which loosely gets called environmental sculpture, and I think there’s something real to that, a crossover that accounts for the distinctiveness of what Turrell’s doing there in relation to both his other works and to the creations of the Light and Space artists in general. But what intrigues me about this particular piece is that it isn’t very satisfactory to class it as a Land Art piece or even exactly an environmental sculpture because really very little about it is happening on the earth’s surface at all. Or even for that matter is the main creation really going on below it. It all happens overhead. What’s being sculpted is the sky. Or, really more precisely, its apprehension, the chance the sky offers Turrell to deal in a temporal convergence of illusionistic and non-illusionistic space, in the materiality of perceptive duration and gradience with respect to the abstractions of light, colour, and shape, to enunciate pure feeling as wordless thought, a sculpting really of sensuous experience, of phenomenality itself. And in that context, stepping back, the Roden crater itself, with Roden Crater now in it, becomes something like the geometric abstraction that has been generated around the sculpture, that limns it and, for the artistic attention of I Wished, takes on an abstract art form of its own outside it. So that what then plays out in this key chapter is something akin to the commutations between illusionistic and non-illusionistic spacetime that take place within Roden Crater exteriorised and re-enacted, in an apologue, between Roden Crater and the Roden Crater itself. Amidst all this, many things we’ve learnt or will learn about George constellate and it really is such an incredibly fitting thing to exist that it actually made me think, “it’s amazing it’s real already and isn’t something Dennis had to purely invent.” I suppose maybe that very sentence is something of an allegory for George and for your astonished love for him. But what specifically lead you to link George to this artwork in the first place? To get more specific, what I suppose I’m wondering is what guided you there first; your emotions or your aestheticising side? If, indeed, only one did, because, for instance, they may have met their simultaneously in the middle, which would also make a lot of sense. Or was it just something much more random, like, I don’t know, the serendipitous fact that James Turrell looks like he’d make an outstanding Santa Claus?

— First, your characterisation of Roden Crater’s relationship to the novel is extraordinary and true, and I thank you for explaining that as I can’t wordily. I should say I’ve never been to Roden’s Crater, and it’s not yet open to the public, so I daydreamed it into place, which is why it was ideal for the fairytale setting. There’s the obvious relationship to George’s head wound, which I also never saw and only know about from a third hand report and which might not even have existed outside of the fairytale that the novel builds around it. In the novel that wound is kind of like Mars relative to the speculations about Mars back when it was still just a red dot in primitive telescopes. So there’s that, and placing George both there and in the future, since Turrell’s project didn’t exist when he killed himself in 1987, is the most ambitious of the novel’s “what ifs”. What if Santa Claus did exist, and what if he had singled out George as the most worthy recipient of his benevolence, and what if he’d been able to turn George’s life into a fairytale, and what if George had been encouraged in his artistry by a great artist within that fairytale, etc., would that have been enough to save him? It’s me asking, in a round about way, if I had completed my Cycle novels before he died, and if he had read them, and if they had been great enough, would that have saved George? And the fairytale is me facing the fact that the answer is no.

5. There’s an interesting moment late in the book where you list the various substitutions or avatars in your work for George. “George, David, Kevin, Ziggy, Robin, Chris, Drew, Sniffles, Egore, Dagger, George.” What stood out to me is that you end in the list here at the end of the cycle, at Period. George, of course, continued to command immense influence upon you in the novels after that point. But I’m not sure I’ve actually ever seen asked anywhere what the processing of George in your fiction between then and now has concretely involved. Can you talk about it? I might be blanking, but it seems like there aren’t any surrogate Georges after that point, for instance, the cycle perhaps having seen them serve their full purpose. So that his presence gets more composite and abstractly thematic, maybe? Though definitely not a leaving behind of George, I think it would be fair to say that I Wished is a point of redirection with regard to him. But how much in retrospect was Period – which always did feel like a sort of gravesite for George, although very much not a place to bury him, if that makes sense – already a point of redirection? And how would you say I Wished reorients you not only from the cycle, and the way George features in it, but from the afterlife of his influence since then too?

— Period was a kind of tomb for George, but, more than that, it was a kind of magic trick that tried to make him disappear. And magic tricks are illusions that don’t actually work, and I was obviously aware of that. I learned that George had committed suicide in 1987 before right before I started writing Period in 1997. The Cycle was to have had a very different ending until I learned that. So, I guess in a way it stored and hid him more than buried him. You’re right that George hasn’t been either a character or the model for a character in my novels since then. No doubt he has informed some, but not consciously or deliberately. I’ve written poems about him. I’ve felt no need to build characters out of him. That doesn’t mean he has been out of my mind and imagination. I understand why people want to see I Wished as a kind of addendum or final part of the Cycle, but that was not my intention whatsoever and I don’t see it that way at all. I wanted to write a novel about my friend. I write about the Cycle in the novel because those books and why I wrote them are so ingrained in his and my relationship. Near the end of his life, he knew that I was going to write the Cycle for him. We talked about it a lot, what it might be, how he would be represented in it, and why. Some of our best and deepest and most revealing conversations about our friendship were occasioned by our discussions around my intention to write those books. That, and because I wanted to distinguish George from “George” for the reader, are why the Cycle is referenced. But I don’t see I Wished as having any relationship to the Cycle otherwise.

6. “I want to know that all my love for him is worth it or find someone who’ll convince me he was no one much, or who’ll say, “He never mentioned you,” or that he referenced me offhandedly enough that it’s clear I didn’t mean that much to him, and that’s the hope, and that’s the fear, and I know that’s only semi-interesting to read, but it’s very hard for me to even do this.” At the end of such an arduous writing process, I Wished is so involving because in some ways, it feels, as you were writing it, you were also in some sense being a reader of it, as though it were writing itself outward to you as your own novel, though definitely not, in the sense that phrase means ease and effortlessness, “writing itself”. So, to close us off, here’s a totally simple question that for sure won’t be any trouble to answer at all. How much has the novel itself already told you what you want to know? A sinch, right? Of course, I’m not expecting you to be able to answer that question directly, even if only because, outside of any such knowledge the book might have given you being unlikely to work that way, it also would detract from the whole complicatedness of the thing as a novel to be explored by readers to just bluntly blurt out an answer, were it even possible. But I sometimes feel as though the experiences we’ve had with our most intimate others in the past, recollected in the right ways, in due course, can end up sending a message with a new knowledge to us, belatedly, from them, from them as they were. In that sense, I’m interested in how the book acts on you as a sort of recipient of it. How it might be read as a message not only from you, about George, to the world, but about the relationship to George, from George as memory, to you.

— The novel didn’t tell me what I want to know. It clarified what I want to know. It made me realise I’ll never know what I want to know. Now I just want to hear plausible theories. That’s the only goal left.

 

YOUNG GEORGE

George, the year we met, 1967

George, as seen on the cover of ‘Period’, Photos: 1968

George, 1969

DC and George, 1970

George, 1971

letter from George, 1971

 

EXCERPT

from XMAS (1970)

Santa Claus does nearly anything he wants because his whole existence is a falsehood. He’s completely nice because benevolence is built into his character, and he’s also screwed since altruists are self-destructive. He manifests every act of niceness that could be given to a character in fiction, but the acts seem passionless and automatic to our minds because whoever built him either forgot to give him motivation or else thought his premise would only seem realistic if it functioned out of nowhere.
—-For all the magnanimity, his powers are de facto and burdensome in private. For instance, no amount of selflessness could melt the endless snow and ice that boxes in his outpost of a life into a navigable path, much less a “worth it once you get there” Mount Everest–y kind of thing. That power would be implausible. His kindness makes him lonelier and less real, if anything. He knows a billion people telepathically, but they don’t realize he’s overhearing  them. He’s like a hidden microphone. They think everything he does for them is disembodied magic.
—-He’s just the circumstance that causes everyone to get some things they love once annually. They don’t care about him whatsoever or wonder what he’s feeling when they look at illustrations of him. His fault entirely. He’s so nice and nothing else in concept that every portraitist for generations has rendered him with such a shine he automatically deflects thought, and no one even tries to undermine the pleasure he portends with an analysis.
—-To nearly everyone, Santa Claus is a self-sustaining bore of vast utility, a kind of machine padded and disguised with human attributes that gives out treats as blindingly and without meaning as the sun. He’s like the sun dressed up for Halloween: more fattening than fat, unconscionably jolly, with stop sign–colored clothing and no sexual inference whatsoever. No one cares if he’s as happy as his features look, or if he’s sick or mentally ill just so long as he’s dependable. He’s not even a he. He’s an it.
—-People think Santa Claus is so abstractly nice he doesn’t differentiate between the targets of his kindness. They think he just skims their billions of requests and answers by necessity. They think he’s not just moral but inhumanly objective and that, to him, they’re traditionally good or bad and, thus, deserve to be rewarded every year or not. They think he thinks in the most average suppositions. They think his brain is almost a computer and his heart is like a Christian church. Actually, they don’t even think that. They just think about gifts or no gifts.
—-This is a secret, but Santa Claus does in fact evaluate his audience and pick out favorites. Whoever made him left that loophole. His mind grows hopelessly enamored with the twists of certain minds he reads on rare occasions, just as we real humans fall for dreamy bodies that have someone else coincidentally inside them. Given his unbelievability and laughable appearance, he knows he’ll never warrant love for real, so he tries to pinpoint people whose reaction to his charity is so unsolvable that, upon responding, he thinks the equivalent of “huh.”
—-Since Santa Claus is a kind of genius, he needs to love someone who’s very complicated. Yeah, his generosity is actually love. That’s not a typo or a slip. It’s love without the bombast of eroticism, or at least without the oomph that makes having sex love’s ultimatum. Sometimes he thinks that means his love is true and pure, and sometimes he masturbates like anybody else. His emotional deficiency is a big, tragic secret that would be obvious if people loved where gifts come from. Or if they didn’t think politely asking is a form of caring.
—-If Santa Claus can do almost anything, why won’t he? Why doesn’t he fly his sleigh into the real world all the time? Why won’t he give his favorites the gift of liking nice old men and then schmooze them to befriend him? Why won’t he use his superpower to manipulate his favorites into loving Santa Claus and make them want to move into the middle of the freezing, bleak nowhere to live with him? Because that wouldn’t be kind. His kindness seems so absolute to those who benefit from it, but it’s a saintly ruse wherein he hides his loneliness. No one ever thinks to look for pain there.
—-One day, to stave off a depression, Santa Claus decides he’s an artist. He knows enough about contemporary art through handling wealthy folks’ requests to guess that fabricating people’s wishes into objects and then manipulating people who are in the wishers’ inner circle to fork the objects over and take credit for his kindness is sufficiently subtextual to qualify. He knows enough about humanity to understand that, for artists, making things that sell for millions is a decent substitute for being personally loved. He would really, really like to feel like that.
—-Art upgrades Santa’s self-defeating kindness into an associative conceit and makes him feel even more connected to his favorite human, who is, like him, an artist by default. George is the favorite’s name. He’s 14 now, but Santa’s liked him since he asked to have the moon fitted with giant Mickey Mouse ears as his gift for Xmas 1965. George began to call himself an artist when he reached the age when other people wanted more than others’ names and looks as an ID because the only other option was a depressive kid who plays guitar ineptly and is a massive drag to be around.
—-George counts as Artist by Santa’s self-serving definition  because the things he wants are physical impossibilities, and his wishes are too misappropriated to qualify as anything but art that’s . . . what’s that term . . . conceptual. I.e., things that are the things they offer technically but, when recontextualized into a space that’s meaningless without them, become ingredients in viewers’ newly activated thoughts or, in George’s case, that make him not depressed. A pill that cures cancer would qualify, for instance. But even if they’re art, George’s hopes are like the chimneys through which Santa Claus supposedly can but doesn’t scrunch.
—-So George the artist never follows through. Or, rather, he fashions art’s equivalent with every thought he has, but the things that art traditionally inhabits are just too solid to be piggybacked. His ideas remain construction sites, either eking out on a guitar that he can barely play or over-embroiling in his mind. Those who think artists must deliver stuff to qualify assume he’s just a wannabe who stares a lot. Or, and this is key, if they’re like Santa Claus and feel ambivalent about the object’s vaunted status, George is like the concept of, oh, Michelangelo without the disappointing, dated things he actually made.
—-Sussing George’s fantasies for reciprocating doodads with a checklist in his mitt is the most invigorating thing that Santa Claus has ever felt. George wants items from the real world that challenge even Santa’s knack for manufacturing. Or, rather, things for which even Santa, the Zeus of gifts, can only supply the faulty parts. It forces him to think about his talent literally. George wants things wherein the things’ assembling, which is Santa’s forte, is more like handing things-to-be a menu. For instance, George wants a gun, or rather his imagination wants to put a gun at the disposal of his hands, which would consequently do his far-fetched bidding.
—-In other words, George wants a gun that would manifest his way of using it. It could be cocked and raised and pointed at his head, all within the lexicon of real guns’ functions, but his mind would cause his hand to make the gun’s blast as benevolent as he alone believes it would be. What George needs from Santa Claus or anyone isn’t just a gun but for the world to watch and think, Okay, that’s scary on the surface, but, more important, I wonder what he’ll want when he employs it, not that I want to be there and find out. Huh.
—-To give George the gun he wants, Santa Claus would need to turn the world into his illustration à la everything about Pinocchio that makes a piece of wood become a boy and causes children in the real world to think a toy is secretly a universe for the book’s duration. It’s a brilliant proposition, but since Santa’s affability is allinclusive, he can’t just turn mankind into a foil, but he wants to. George is asking, in effect, to have his body formed into a kind of introverted or inverted Santa Claus, but one whose altruism is entirely focused on himself rather than on a billion people.
—-George is Santa Claus without the willingness to compromise and the reliance on the power of suggestion and the longing for secondhand appreciation from an audience. Still, Santa would excitedly turn gift hounds around the globe into a rapt, amoral crowd scene, and even render them in CGI, fuck them, and even give himself a little gift—love, George’s—but George only loves things that look like things that are unrealizable, and Santa has the stupid, overly articulated image problem. He’s useful, but he’s not George’s type.
—-Santa’s tortured. What the fuck is he to do? When Xmas comes, he reluctantly surrenders to the strictures of his practice and searches George’s friends and family for someone who has awesome gift ideas that he or she would pass out with sufficient thoughtfulness to land near George’s bull’s-eye. Someone who could lend Santa’s silly workshop’s lame-o gifts’ effect an undue amazingness. Someone who won’t handicap their impact by using them as a currency to buy something untoward from George, for instance sex. And he weirdly finds someone.

 

LINKS

@ SOHO Press
ALTRUISTS ARE SELF-DESTRUCTIVE – AN INTERVIEW WITH DENNIS COOPER BY JAMES NULICK
DC/’I Wished’ on Wake Island
DC/’I Wished’ @ Interview Magazine
DC interviewed re: “I Wished” @ AnOther Magazine

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. Starting today, my novel is real, so please score and read it, thank you. ** David, Hi. First I have to find a cake. The French don’t really do cakes, or I mean American style cakes, which is what I want to shove in my face, should it come to that. Big up! ** Misanthrope, Well, yeah, the ‘top’ gay indie presses … I probably don’t even know them. I get the feeling they mostly publish romance novels and gay-themed thrillers and sci-fi books, or I don’t know. You’ll find somewhere. Good use of your gift card there, ha ha. Yeah, the exterminator tried traps first but they didn’t do squat. Then they boarded up every hole in the wall, and that kind of worked. I don’t what method finally finished the poor little things off, and I don’t want to know. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. ** Dominik, Hi!!! You might like Moritsugu’s stuff. I can see it. Oh, what’s going on with SCAB, if that’s okay to ask? No love that’s ever concocted by my noggin would be religious. Religion has been pretty much the most uninteresting thing in the world to me since I could think. Thanks, I’ll let you know if your love did the trick. This had better be the last one, though. I’m done with that shit. Love with a lot, and I mean a lot, of novocaine, G. ** Sypha, No, ultimately, you’re right, but you have to admire their combination of tiny brains and so much cleverness. ** Bill, Hi. Yes, he has to crowdfund his films these days, but I guess he would given the market du jour. I liked ‘Fresh Kill’ too. I like her films. I met her back when she and Zac and I shared a producer (that rapscallion Jurgen Bruning), and she was super nice. Thanks about my canal rooting! ** T, Cool, glad you liked it. Thank you for the pub day well wishes. I did mark it, at least here, as you see. It’s always kind of a scary occasion for all its goodness. Hopefully see you next time with fixed mouth. Enjoy a pain free day, man. ** Steve Erickson, Here, hear, on your insurance coup. I want to see the Bjorn Andersen doc. I have to go find it. It must be somewhere nefarious by now. ** Armando, Hey, man, good to see you. I’m doing pretty decently. In Paris … for me, lots of projects in motion, which is, you know, ideal. How are you? Thanks about the book. Take care, buddy. ** Right. My new novel + you = ? See you tomorrow.