* (restored/expanded)
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His event
‘One day in 1998 Kip Kinkel went to school with a gun in his backpack, and he was expelled. The school called in the police and they took him away and called his father to come get him. He later stated that decided then and there that all hope was gone. When he arrived home, he went to his room, got his semiautomatic rifle, and then returned to the kitchen and shot his father to death. Then he called a friend and talked for a while as he waited for his mother to come home. She arrived around 6, parked in the garage downstairs and began to go up the steps. Kip came and told her he loved her before he shot her six times.
‘He covered the bodies of both of his parents with sheets and as he waited through the night, he placed homemade bombs around the home, putting one under his mother’s body. He then turned on the soundtrack to Romeo and Juliet to play continuously, and left a note.
I have just killed my parents! I don’t know what is happening. I love my mom and dad so much. I just got two felonies on my record. My parents can’t take that! It would destroy them. The embarrassment would be too much for them. They couldn’t live with themselves. I’m so sorry. I am a horrible son. I wish I had been aborted. I destroy everything I touch. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I didn’t deserve them. They were wonderful people. It’s not their fault or the fault of any person, organization, or television show. My head just doesn’t work right. God damn these VOICES inside my head. I want to die. I want to be gone. But I have to kill people. I don’t know why. I am so sorry! Why did God do this to me. I have never been happy. I wish I was happy. I wish I made my mother proud. I am nothing! I tried so hard to find happiness. But you know me I hate everything. I have no other choice. What have I become? I am so sorry
‘Then he went to school with his rifle and a pistol, and in less than a minute shot 48 rounds into his classmates. He put a rifle to one boy’s head and killed him. He’d also fatally wounded another and hit eight more. Fifteen kids were hurt in the stampede to escape. Some kids wrestled him to the floor and he begged, “Just kill me.”
‘Though he was 15, Kinkel was certified to be tried as an adult. He’d initiated an insanity defense, but dropped it and pled guilty to four counts of first-degree murder and twenty-four counts of attempted murder. He was sentenced to 112 years in prison without parole.’ — trucrimelibrary.com
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His confession
_________
His journal
I sit here all alone. I am always alone. I don’t know who I am. I want to be something I can never be. I try so hard every day. But in the end, I hate myself for what I’ve become.
The only reason I stay alive is because of hope. Even though I am repulsive and few people know who I am, I still feel that things might, maybe, just a little bit, get better.
I don’t understand any fucking person on this earth. Some of you are so weak, mainly, that a four year old could push you down. I am strong, but my head just doesn’t work right.
I feel like everyone is against me, but no one ever makes fun of me, mainly because they think I am a psycho. There is one kid above all others that I want to kill. I want nothing more than to put a hole in his head. The one reason I don’t: Hope. That tomorrow will be better. As soon as my hope is gone, people die.
Please. Someone, help me. All I want is something small. Nothing big. I just want to be happy.
It is clear that no one will help me. Oh God, I am so close to killing people. So close.
I gave her all I have, and she just threw it away. Why? Why did God just want me to be in complete misery? I need to find more weapons. My parents are trying to take away some of my guns! My guns are the only things that haven’t stabbed me in the back.
My eyes hurt. They hurt so bad. They feel like they are trying to crawl out of my head. Why aren’t I normal? Help me. No one will. I will kill every last mother fucking one of you. The thought of you is still racing in my head. I am too drunk to make sense.
Every time I see your face, my heart is shot with an arrow. I think she will say yes, but she doesn’t, does she? She says, “I don’t know”. The three most fucked up words in the English language.
I want you to feel this, be this, taste this, kill this. Kill me. Oh God, I don’t want to live. Will I see it to the end? What kind of dad would I make? All humans are evil. I just want to end the world of evil.
No, I don’t believe in love at first sight because love is an evil plot to make people buy alcohol and firearms. When you love someone something it is always taken away from you. I also would like to add that I hate each and every one of you. Because everything I touch turns to shit. I think if you think you fall in love with someone at first sight it might just be lust.
Love at first sight is only in movies. Where the people in the movies are better than you. That is why you go to a pone [pawn] shop and buy an AK-15 because you are going to execute every last mother fucking one of you. If I had a heart it would be gray.
It is easier to hate than love. Because there is much more hate and misery in the world than there is love and peace. Some people say that you should love everyone. But that is impossible. Look at our history it is full of death, depression, rape, wars and diseases. I also do not believe in love at first sight. But I do believe in hate at first sight. Therefore love is a much harder feeling to experience.
I really wouldn’t know how to answer this question because my cold black heart has never and never will experience true love. I can tell you one about love. It does more harm than good. I plan to live in a big black hole. My firearms and [illegible] will be the only things to fight my isolation. I would also like to point out Love is a horrible thing.
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His fans 1
Kip Kinkel Mixtape Preview. (5-20-12)
The Strums – Kip Kinkel (single)
‘Kip Kinkel – Shots Fired!’
Kindstod ‘Dedicated To Kip Kinkel’
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His present
Kip Kinkel 2013
‘In June 2007, Kinkel sought a new trial. He said that his previous attorneys should have taken the case to trial and used the insanity defense. Both a psychologist and a psychiatrist testified on Kinkel’s behalf that he was too mentally ill to understand a plea bargain that sent him to prison for more than 111 years. “He was very, very ill,” said Dr. William H. Sack, the retired director of child and adolescent psychiatry at Oregon Health & Science University, who also treated Kinkel during his stay at the state juvenile prison before Kinkel was transferred to the state penitentiary earlier this month. Both Sack and Dr. Orin Bolstad, a clinical psychologist who is an expert on juvenile offenders, said Kinkel exhibited all the “classic signs” of paranoid schizophrenia, a mental illness Kinkel had gone to great lengths to hide because he feared he would be considered abnormal or even mentally retarded.
‘Kinkel also suffered from hallucinations, hearing “voices” in his head, and from delusions, including his belief that the Walt Disney Co. was trying to take control of the country, and that the government had implanted a computer chip in his brain, Sack and Bolstad said. “Kip Kinkel began hearing voices in the sixth grade, when he was 12 years old,” Sack said. “He was just a kid. He desperately wanted to be normal.” Bolstad added that Kinkel was too young to understand what was happening to him, so he kept his symptoms hidden, even though he later called the voices “a living hell.”
‘In August 2007, a Marion County judge denied him a new trial. Kinkel appealed, arguing among other things that he had had ineffective assistance of counsel during the trial proceedings. On January 12, 2011, the Oregon Court of Appeals affirmed the trial court judgment denying his motion for a new trial. On June 11, 2007, Kinkel, nearing his 25th birthday (maximum age to be held as a juvenile in Oregon), was transferred from the Oregon Youth Authority, MacLaren Correctional Facility, to the Oregon State Correctional Institution, Oregon Department of Corrections.’ — collaged
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His prison drawing
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His fans 2
from kip-kinkel.livejournal.com
[15 May 2005|10:15pm] stormygc
hey i wrote kip but did not recive a respose i think it may have been a incorret address does anyone here have the correct one and know for a fact that its the right one thanks a lot ^_^
[20 Jun 2005|04:41am] _stddance
Just wondering… Are there specific things that you cannot send Kip? Are CD’s out of the question? I read that photographs are all right. What about things such as candy? Soap? I know that might sound weird… Is he still at MacLauren? I’m thinking of writing to him. And, by the way, has anyone ever told Kip about this community when they wrote to him?
[11 Aug 2005|09:12pm] bloodycute
I wrote to Kip near the end of April but I never got any response. I think it’s because I gave him my dorm address instead of my home address (dont want my parents seeing that I got a letter from a correctional facility) but this was near the end of the school year and I have no clue if where or when the university would forward mail with an old address on it, bleh.
[24 Sep 2005|10:16am] adamriggs
I wrote to Kip for the first time last month, I just wondered if anyone had heard from him lately, also if he does want to reply to my letter does he usually take a couple months? Im from United Kingdom also though so maybe he will be put off replying to me because of the postage.
[12 Feb 2006|03:16am] vertigo_skyy
Hello. I was just wondering if anyone had Kip’s address?
JUST KIDDING. I swear reading back in entries someone has asked that question in EVERY post almost!! Jeez. Don’t worry, I’ll look it up myself! What I really posted wanting to know was what do you write to Kip about? You don’t have to tell me anything specific, just general.
[29 Sep 2006|08:39pm] shady_heaven
HE WROTE BACK!!! And relatively fast, too! Right now I am giddy with excitement; I can barely talk! ^_^
His letter was about a page long and handwritten in what I would call not-overly-horrible-but-not-the-best penmanship. I wouldn’t feel right relaying what he wrote word for word here, but the gist of it is that he is doing well, keeping optimistic, and hasn’t gotten into any fights.
Also, some interesting facts Kip shared about himself: “Underworld” and “Underworld 2: Evolution” are among his favorite movies at the moment. His favorite color is black, although he is not gothic. ( To paraphrase his own words ) The way he talked in his letter, I get the impression that Kip loves getting mail from compassionate, understanding people. He even encouraged me to write back!
*squeals*
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His reportage
Kip Kinkel The Killer At Thurston High Documentary
A police detective leads Kipland P. Kinkel on a walk-through of Thurston High School
Kip Kinkel survivors heal with time, but never forget
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His links
Kip Kinkel @ Wikipedia
‘Frontline: The Killer At Thurston High’ @ pbs.org
The Kip Kinkel case (Kinkel v. Lawhead (A137866)
Kip Kinkel Letters for sale @ Serial Killers Ink
Kip Kinkel Facebook page
‘Kip Kinkel Back in the News’ ( August 11th 2011)
‘Shakespeare and School Shooters, Part 2: Kip Kinkel’
—-
________
His fans 3
Kent Senecal Kip Kinkel (2013)
Rane Hend Kip Kinkel (2015)
Young God There Is No God (2017)
Frances Inland Why Kip (2017)
Robert Beck Art Work by Kipland Kinkel For His Parents (2004)
Adam Pintauro Untitled (2013)
Mike McQuade Ready To Speak (2015)
Lxrdknows Kip kinkel Thurston High School tee shirt (2023)
Natural-Select-girl Young boy
kipspistol untitled
TangerinesTerrarium Untitled (2017)
vodkar3b3l who wants to be the gf to my kip (2023)
*
p.s. Hey. ** Charalampos, Cool timing. Nice vibes back from Rue Bon in the Marais district. ** Dominik, Hi!!! I suspect your brain explosion made them happy. There must be gyms here. Maybe the only difference is that, in the US, or in LA at least, gyms always to have these big show windows where you can see all the sweating wannabe muscle builders from the street, and maybe here they’re more discrete. I have never once been in a gym. I think I met a friend in front of his once, but that’s it. My ‘workout’ routine has been to just mentally instruct myself not to get fat. They recently opened a Krispy Kreme in Paris that has caused a huge sensation here where donuts have been very ill thought out prior to its arrival, and I still haven’t been there. Love making the Instant Mashed Potatoes mix I bought the other day not require skimmed milk to coagulate, G. ** Misanthrope, According to my largely America-generated news feed this weekend, it was definitely a big fucking deal. According to Wikipedia, recent halftime performers have included Rhianna, The Weeknd, and Lady Gaga, so I’m not sure your theory holds water. Most people I know in the US follow the World Cup fairly passionately, but, granted, most of them live in LA, and, granted, not as passionately as nearly every citizen of France does. ** Justin, Hi. Oh, me too, on the weird equals favorite when it comes to people. I’m trying to think of friends of mine who aren’t weird, and some of them are subtly weird, but they’re all weirdos. Weird that not being weird is even a goal. My weekend was fine, and yours? ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi. I’ve never heard the term Panenka before, but, yeah, that was a sweet kick/miss. ** Uday, ‘Great Expectations’ is my favorite Acker. No, my 60s, at least, were pretty good, I have to say. So far the 70s are pretty alright, but we’ll see what damage they have in store. George and I were both obsessed with Disneyland. That’s a big thing we had in common. And he really did hide his LSD under a Mickey Mouse cap. Thank you for asking. No pain. ** Darbyđ·, Hi. Do you know that song from the ’60s called ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’? It seems like it’s been forgotten. But it was a cool song back then if you interpreted it as a secretly encoded song about a boy’s love for his marijuana joint. I.e. ‘Puff the Magic Drag In’, etc. If you read it that way, it really works. It’s like ‘Paul is Dead’. Saturday was jam packed with color grading, and Sunday was a normal day. No, I never relax or even try to be leisurely. I can’t do it. I’m too … whatever, driven, antsy. Leisure to me is making things. And it is relaxing. But chilling out, lying on a beach, strolling contemplatively through a park, … yawn, no interest. You probably know exactly what I mean. Your roommate sounds extremely annoying and also sounds like they would be annoying even if you didn’t live with them. Ugh. I like pig races. I miss going to the LA County Fair every year mostly because they have a really good pig race track. Thank you, in other words! ** Steve Erickson, Hi. Yeah, thank you for the email, I’ll write back to you. There’s probably some cable channel that shows the Super Bowl here, I don’t know. But literally no one talks about it, well, other than a little bit about whoever performed in the middle, I guess. My day off was alright. And needed. Watching and directing the intricate coloring of every moment of every scene in the film from 9 am to 7 pm is quite hard on the eyes (and brain). This week is going to be … whoa. Thanks, man. ** Okay. I decided to restore and slightly upgrade Kip Kinkel Day for you today. Side note to those who’d care or don’t know, Kip Kinkel’s recorded confession was the inspiration for my novel ‘My Loose Thread’. See you tomorrow.
Now available in North America 
*
Dennis, My theory holds tons of gallons of water! Hahaha. Thing is, none of those performers except The Weeknd have done anything since. Sure, they still tour and all and their fans show up, but we haven’t seen anything new and exciting (I use that word loosely) from them. Though Rihanna did have a baby after her appearance and hasn’t done much of anything because of that.
I guess what I’m saying is that there’s no big boost or anything from performing there. If anything, it’s a de-boost. I think the problem is that most of these acts just don’t have the sort of music that’s appropriate for that big a stage. It’s why Dolly Parton never did it. She said her songs just weren’t right for something that big.
Of course, I don’t really follow much popular music these days, so what do I know? I do like The Weeknd, though. The others are pretty mid and boring to me.
Anyway, we’ve got a new week and it’s time to do something with it. I hope yours goes well.
Interesting overview of Kip Kinkel, I can see why he has his fans. Truly, what a sad story it is.
The Panenka is kind of the ultimate statement of footballing arrogance, like you’re being completely derogatory towards the goalkeeper. Zidane somehow scored this one off the crossbar in a World Cup final, but then he was an extraordinary player.
Hi!!
Thank you for reviving Kip Kinkel Day â and an extra thank you for expanding it! Never enough of the bits and pieces.
Yeah, most gyms look the same in Hungary, too â huge, street-facing windows, usually with cardio machines lined up in front of them. I donât understand the appeal at all. I mean, if Iâm there, sweating and wheezing and all that⊠why would I want people to see me? Even more people than those Iâm exercising alongside⊠Gyms are a lot more discrete here, too. Iâve seen many, but you canât see inside. Still. I think Iâll stick to my at-home workout routine for now.
Opening the first and only Krispy Kreme in Paris sounds like a surefire way to success. I mean, I canât imagine it not being a hit, even if thereâs an initial reluctance to try such all-American sweets. I could finally buy a couple of donuts as well, so I satisfied my craving today.
Oh. Iâm sorry about the instant mashed potatoes. Thatâs really mean of love. Love asking YouTube creators not to randomly delete their videos he’s been watching obsessively for months, sometimes years, Od.
A fascinating, tortured mind. “His favorite color’s black, although he’s not goth”. Love this tidbit.
My weekend was alright. Finally got around to watching American Fiction. Which I liked parts of, but sort of left me cold in the end. I know you’ve said you don’t watch much TV, but the new FX show about Truman Capote is rather good. I’ve only watched the Gus Van Sant directed Pilot episode so far, but it looks promising.
Hey Dennis,
Yes! A return of the Kip Kinkel post. I still have a few of the links bookmarked from the rabbit hole its original appearance sent me down. I always find it fascinating how his journal reads pretty much in places word for word like the journal I was writing at the same time, and how the language of psychosis seems to have its own style and flow. An identifiable sequence of words. A shared suffering of aloneness that isn’t actually as unique as one actually experiences. The most shared phrase I see is always “I am nothing” or a variation of this. I mean, this has been my mantra since I was 15.
I saw “The Zone of Interest” the other day. I have to say that I think Ames’ novel works better with the additional sub-plots. I guess it was too subtle for me, having read the novel, or knowing the “based on”. As a “how could they have lived next door to Auschwitz” exploration, it’s conclusion to me felt, “well, they just did and quite liked it.”
Everything for me is going well, just finishing up the final part of the audio-drama script commission, the first two parts have been OK’d. Year started with an agreement for my next poetry-book. Novel is coming along good, at the 45,000word mark now, and almost 3/5 through it… plus I’m back learning code to do some funky web/VR stuff for it.
Valentine’s Day, not a big fan, but I’ve booked nice dim-sum place in Soho for me and Anthony. I’m not a big food person, but I don’t mind spending big in a place on occasion.
How are you? How’s the film coming along?
Big hugs,
Dom x
Hey Dennis,
Yes! A return of the Kip Kinkel post. I still have a few of the links bookmarked from the rabbit hole its original appearance sent me down. I always find it fascinating how his journal reads pretty much in places word for word like the journal I was writing at the same time, and how the language of psychosis seems to have its own style and flow. An identifiable sequence of words. A shared suffering of aloneness that isn’t actually as unique as one actually experiences. The most shared phrase I see is always “I am nothing” or a variation of this. I mean, this has been my mantra since I was 15.
I saw “The Zone of Interest” the other day. I have to say that I think Ames’ novel works better with the additional sub-plots. I guess it was too subtle for me, having read the novel, or knowing the “based on”. As a “how could they have lived next door to Auschwitz” exploration, it’s conclusion to me felt, “well, they just did and quite liked it.”
Everything for me is going well, just finishing up the final part of the audio-drama script commission, the first two parts have been OK’d. Year started with an agreement for my next poetry-book. Novel is coming along good, at the 45,000word mark now, and almost 3/5 through it… plus I’m back learning code to do some funky web/VR stuff for it.
Valentine’s Day, not a big fan, but I’ve booked nice dim-sum place in Soho for me and Anthony. I’m not a big food person, but I don’t mind spending big in a place on occasion.
How are you? How’s the film coming along?
Love and big hugs,
Dom x
Oh, I know this kid, crazy because I was actually thinking of him. Also, that’s cool that he inspired a story of yours, he actually is an inspiration for a character in a not yet finished semi started book that I’ve put on hold.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lutVtEGE27Q&list=WL&index=1&t=857s
I found out about him through this guy.
I do actually know Puff. We grew up on old forgotten VHS tapes. My mom was born 1970.
Haha. I remember The smurfs, and then there were the weirdly uncanny stop motion puppet
I really really need to get my license. It just feels silly and stupid that I don’t have one. They way they did it at my school was so fruitless that I though I’d just wait, but then I realized that now I’m behind on the things that really matter I guess. i’ll be taking a test…again.
I have about 8000 or so in my savings. which is probably barely enough for a car, or at least what people say. I wouldn’t mind just traveling. A car gives u so much freedom. Even if things get bad you could always live in your car. Or die in your car idk
I miss my cats so bad, frankie is super fat fluffy but warm. She let me use her as a pillow.
I might not be in a conservatorship within two months, which is good. But I will have to go to court for all the legal shit. I don’t want to its gonna suck balls.
See you sooner or later.
OH Hey btw have you ever been to an aquarium?
hi there hi there hi there, this post was really exquisite hangover reading material. i am calling it quits on mardi gras already, one day short. if i go out tomorrow i might die. hope all is good with you and with the movie. i wanted to ask you about steven hall, the poet. in 1980 little caesar published the coming attractions anthology, and steven hall was featured in there and i was so taken by his writing, but i can’t find anything about him online. do you know if he’s still writing, or where i could find more of his work? his bio also said he was in a pop group with arthur russell who is my favorite musician ever, which i also can’t find a single thing about on the internet! wanted to see if you knew anything more. xx
Puff the Magic Dragon! I grew up on Peter Paul and Mary before certain reevaluations. Did you ever play a sport? I can somehow imagine you as a swimmer. Nothing much to share today except this guy in one of my classes is really annoying me and I’m trying to find a way to deal with it nicely because the class really is very interesting when he’s quiet. RE: today’s post I keep thinking just how much less suffering in the world there would be if we had as robust an understanding of the mind as we do say of the measles virus.
The coming week sounds quite rough. I hope that by Friday, you’ve got a film that looks and sounds exactly the way you and Zac wanted.
Kinkel’s diary entries bring back a period when America didn’t even attempt to pay lip service to the idea that teenagers can have severe mental health issues which need to be taken seriously. We’re terrible at actually doing anything to help teens, but at least it’s less taboo to acknowledge these problems.
A weird paradox: New York is about to go through a snowstorm, but the heat in my apartment building is cranked up absurdly high and my super blows me off when I complain about it. So I’ll be running a fan while it snows tomorrow!
This morning, I finally got to see a found footage sci-fi film that a friend has been working on since 2020. He began it as a proiect during that summer, when he had a lot of free time but little money and no way to work with actors, and it’s exciting to be able to watch the rough cut. It’s reminiscent of YouTube analog horror, Craig Baldwin and Guy Maddin.
Also, maybe an annoying question: do you have any tips on creating distance in your writing? I’m working on some fiction and quite despise what I’ve come up with.