Halloween countdown post #6: DC’s ostensibly favorite North American spooky house attractions of 2014 *

* excepting L.A. which will get its own post.

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The Dent Schoolhouse
Cincinnati

‘The Dent Schoolhouse was once an actual school, but over the years it served as a home for several different businesses including a machine shop and a dry dock. Then for many years it became a haunted house run by the local Boy Scout troop, until 2005 when they sold the place to Bud Stross, Josh Wells and Chuck Stross. Formerly home haunters, the team had spent several years planning the leap to pro haunting and had attended many shows and seminars in preparation for opening an event. When they built this haunt they really had a clear plan in mind and it showed: create a very tight theme weaving the building and the design of everything from the scenes to the marketing into one cohesive story. The building is much larger than it at first seems as a vast area in the back extends the floor space enormously. Here the rooms expand in size, one of the first being a rather large auditorium full of seats and prom decorations. One of my favorite scenes in this section was the garage featuring an actual car, with a poor victim shoved in the trunk. The tools, the car parts, the walls of old license plates are just cool, hundreds and hundreds of props in just one room. The space is well used as you wind around the garage though a series of chain link partitions. I was amazed at how much work went into securing these props to the various surfaces, most of which are located where the public can touch them. Often VERY fine wires wrap almost imperceptibly around them creating a firm anchor but giving the illusion of being casually tossed down by a mechanic.’ — Haunt World

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Nightmare: New York
New York City

‘Nightmare: New York, a haunted house opening Friday in the Lower East Side, will explore the darker side of the city’s history and mythology — including a walk through the crime-ridden subway of the 1980s. The spooky trip back in time includes a ride on a graffiti-covered subway car with “criminals rambling around” and an encounter with the “mole people” who live underground. “They can experience the horrors of that era in a sick way,” said co-director John Harlacher. The attraction’s horrors also include a “demented rat section” that includes a “rat king” — a ball of rodents stuck together by blood and bodily fluids — as well as the paranormal ghosts of the Dakota, a co-op located on 72nd Street and Central Park West, said Harlacher. The haunted house on Suffolk Street will feature 13 different areas, each covering a specific NYC horror story or urban legend, said Harlacher, who grew up in Brooklyn but now lives in Harlem. Other scares include a visit to Melrose Hall in Brooklyn, which was built in the 1730s and sold to a British colonel who allegedly tortured colonists in his basement and imprisoned an Iroquois girl in a secret room. Nightmare: New York will admit groups of six to 10 people at a time, according to its website. Going through the entire attraction should take about 20 to 25 minutes, Harlacher said. Those looking for an especially frightening time can also mark their forehead with the letter X. The mark lets the house’s 38 actors know that person is up for slightly scarier experience.’ — DNAInfo New York

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Dead Acres Haunted Hoochie
Patatskala, Ohio

‘Dead Acres is advertised as “The Worlds Most Extreme Haunted House”. This is a strange haunted attraction that is working hard to make you sick. Tickets are $25. This is not your typical haunt attraction. It is very “hands on” and you should expect to be touched, grabbed, and maybe even choked or dragged. They set out to stand out. Dead Acres is a full sensory assault. Taking you by the neck or leg or crotch and dragging you down the rabbit hole & into the realm of a heart pounding in your face horror show. This year they feature a simulated live demon birth. If you do not want to see this, don’t buy a ticket. Their fans expect them to step it up a notch and be cutting edge, and that’s what this is. This is not church. This is the Haunted Hoochie. WORKING HARD TO MAKE YOU SICK.’ — collaged

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Albany Haunt
Albany

‘Sam DuBois has loved All Hallow’s Eve pretty much all of his life. When he was 10, he constructed a haunted house in the basement of his house. When he was 12, he set up a graveyard in the yard, complete with a witch’s cauldron. So now, at the ripe old age of 13, he’s an old hand at the holiday. But he’s also upping the ante. This year, DuBois has set up a full haunted house in the driveway of his house at 1048 Peralta Ave. “We have over eight animations, six skeletons,” said DuBois, sounding like a Disney imagineer. “Over 500-square-feet of fear. People popping out around every corner and you can’t see because of fog. When you’re outside, there’s thunder and lightning going on.” The theme is a hillbilly haunted house, something DuBois cooked up last year when he began planning. DuBois began buying up marked-down Halloween supplies right after last year’s holiday. He created a floor plan and spent much of the summer building parts of the house. He recruited volunteers to perform in the house. And how long does it take to go through the house? “It depends on how fast you run,” DuBois said.’ — Contra Costa Times

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House of Shock
New Orleans

‘Far more than a mere “haunted house,” House of Shock was started by Phil Anselmo, front man for heavy metal rock group Pantera, and two friends, in one of their backyards. After initial success, it moved to one of their grandmother’s backyards for more room, then a rented warehouse, and now 22 years later it has been rated the Number One haunted attraction in the country by an industry publication, gets thousands of loyal visitors each weekend, and resembles a county fair devoted to gore, a small village with retail area, games, bar, restaurant, and the main event, which includes a live pyrotechnic stage show, followed by a walk through the House and more than a dozen elaborate Hollywood-style sets, ranging from a zombie infest graveyard to Satanic Church, complete with live actors and automated creeps. Despite its impressive run and long success, House of Shock is coming to an end after more than two decades – this is the final season and curtain call for the soon to close attraction.’ — Forbes

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Fear Overload’s Scream Park
San Francisco

‘These ‘R’ Rated attractions are far different than normal haunted houses. Fear Overload’s owner Nathan Polanco explains, “We had to make it R-Rated, it’s so unspeakably terrifying that we can’t let kids or young teens to go through.” At Fear Overload, customers are given only one dim flashlight to journey through the horror. Nathan promises, “We have created the most jaw-dropping, horrifying haunted houses in all of California.” In their newest haunted attraction this year, AbusementPark, customers make their own path through the haunted fair grounds of BaylorAmusement Park. Wandering through this once friendly amusement park, they encounter what lurks behind the walls in this horrific place. Polanco explains, “In the Abusement Park, the legend goes that Sally Baker, a local schoolgirl, hanged herself in its bathroom stalls. Ever since then, the fairgrounds have been haunted.”’ — Horror Society

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The Cult
North Conway, New Hampshire

’18+, Must Enter Alone, Encounter Live Animals, Edibles, Extreme Violence, Sexual Undertones, Must Sign a Waiver, There is a Safe Word, Extreme Physical Contact. To reach the The Cult, one must ride a very old, creaky chair lift to the top of a mountain. Once there you must stumble around in the woods looking for anything. Eventually, you will see a lighted cabin. Upon arriving, you will be blinded with a flashlight and temporarily deafened with headphones that will speak to you shortly, and you on your way to the purest horror Halloween has ever created.’ — collaged

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Tayman Graveyard
Midlothian, TX

‘Tayman Graveyard is located in Midlothian Texas, a short drive south of Dallas and Fort Worth on the site of the old Addamsville Terror Complex. Comprised of 4 haunted attractions and many themed areas, Tayman Graveyard is an intense experience that will make you check in the closet and under the bed before climbing in at night. Run, designed, operated and performed by a local Boy Scout troop, Tayman’s charms will depend on your interest in the dark undercurrents in teenaged boys’ fantasies. Dressed, sometimes barely, in ragged costumes that leave uncomfortably little about their bloodied bodies to the imagination, they scream, attack, tell horrible jokes, attempt to molest the teenaged girls in attendance and issue homoerotic challenges and offers to the boys and men. Upon having their advances rejected, and, in the case of the girls and men in my group, rejected only because of the haunt’s ‘no touch’ policy, they turn on themselves, cutting their arms or using dangling prop nooses to hang themselves. Definitely the strange haunted attraction you ever will see.’ — collaged

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Freakling Bros: Gates Of Hell
Las Vegas

‘While walking through the Gates of Hell attraction, I watched a camouflaged attacker appear out of nowhere, grab my colleague by the foot, then knock her down and drag her away down a long hallway. I was left alone in the darkness until the attacker came back for me and threw me over his shoulder. We also faced electric shocks, professional wrestlers, and a firing squad. Freaklings Bros’ now offers The Victim Experience, an uncensored, more extreme way to experience Gates of Hell. The Victim Experience is only for those over the age of 18 and you must go through alone. Participants will experience extreme physical contact, light torture, simulated drowning, and more.’ — ravenblack.com

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Cutting Edge
Fort Worth

‘Located in a 100-year-old abandoned meat packing plant in a section of Fort Worth historically dubbed as “Hell’s Half Acre,” the Cutting Edge Haunted House is built upon a foundation of fear. The meat packing equipment from the Old West is still in use, but now it is a two-story human processing area. Realistic looking human mannequins are hoisted up to the second level and brought through the entire meat packing process until the conveyor system brings the butchered corpses back to the first level. The old meat-packing plant in downtown Fort Worth is a great home for the fantastic special effects that our loyal customers have come to expect.” It takes visitors an average 55 minutes to explore Cutting Edge Haunted House. The walk-through is replete with frighteningly-realistic props. Cutting Edge Haunted House has established a reputation for being one of the best haunted houses in the nation. The new Guinness World Record has helped to solidify Cutting Edge Haunted House’s standing as the largest walkthrough haunted house in the United States. Come see what new horrors lurk in the twisting corridors of Fort Worth’s ultimate haunted house.’ — Cutting Edge

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McKamey Manor
San Diego

‘McKamey Manor is an insanely extreme home haunt. It uses scare tactics that are off limits to professional attractions. Participants are covered in blood, forced to eat disgusting things, threatened with power tools and stuffed into a clothes dryer. Did we mention the experience lasts for 2-3 hours?! So epic. After signing a liability waiver, you’re warned with a self-penned poem of the bodily harm you are about to endure. You will be touched, grabbed, bumped, bruised and possibly even cut. And scared out of your mind. If there’s one thing McKamey Manor is known for, it’s water. They like to blast you with misters, douse you with garden hoses and push you into kiddie pools. And then they dump gallons of blood on you.’ — collaged

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House of the Haunted
Savannah

‘On a spooky scale of 1 to 10, Chase Anthony Davis says his haunted house should score an 8. On Wednesday, the 18-year-old aspiring artist opens his “House of the Haunted” to the public. Davis began building the homemade haunted house in his parents’ Battery Point backyard about three weeks ago. He’s hoping the free attraction will help get him into college. “I’ve always been an aspiring director and producer of the arts,” Davis said. “This Halloween, I decided to structure a haunted house for free, get my name out there and see what I can do.” He recruited his parents, two sisters, a cousin and seven friends to staff the project. “He just loves this kind of stuff,” said Davis’s 21 year-old sister Caryn. “This is his thing.” Davis hopes the project will attract the attention of arts colleges, particularly the Savannah College of Art and Design, where he plans to apply for a scholarship. Since 2006, Davis has taken classes online through Ashworth University High School, based in Norcross. He expects to receive his high school diploma in the spring. Davis also works full time at Tradewinds Ice Cream and Coffee on Wilmington Island.’ — savannahnow.com

Watch the video here

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The Unknown @ Shocktoberfest
Sinking Spring, PA

‘Created by Professor Strangeways and his dedicated assistant Malinda Montague, your journey into the Unknown will overwhelm your senses! Themed in Steampunk, you’ll encounter various fears and phobias augmented through the use of advance audio and 3D video technology. This haunted house is like no other in the world! But be warned, it is said the creators will stop at nothing to better understand what scares you! Not scary enough for you so far? Then know that you can and, dare we say, must experience The Unknown with zero protection by taking the Naked and Scared Challenge. If you’re brave enough, you must tour The Unknown wearing nothing and completely nude! See if you have Gymnophobia — the fear of being naked. This will heighten your vulnerability allowing the creators to take fear to a whole new level! Participants must be 18 years of age or older and must sign a waiver. No sexual misconduct, inappropriate or disrespectful behavior will be tolerated.’ — collaged

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Haunted Overload
Lee, New Hampshire

‘The Haunted Overload folks just do excellent work. They’re bringing a level of creativity that’s better than anything else I’ve seen anywhere (with possible exception of Blackout in NYC, but that’s a completely different adults-only thing those guys are doing…). Haunted Overload fits together with a really nice vibe – they “get it” in a way most of the bigger budget places don’t usually seem to. So much cooler to have all the DIY stuff instead of a bunch of rubber corpses, fake blood and animatronics. The fog, the pumpkins, the trees, the woods, the sounds – it all comes together the way a good painting does. And it all takes place inside a giant skull-shaped, multi-level labryrinth that they built themselves. A really good spooky Halloween feel. And plenty of scares. Good ones beyond the standard just jump-out-and-say-boo stuff.’ — collaged

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The Basement
Pittsburgh

‘The Basement does contain sexualized content but none of it is meant to simulate or even come close to sexual assault. The goal is to push you outside of your comfort zone and for a lot of people that means confronting sexual content in a new or unaccustomed way. Americans are very uptight about sex and sexuality, they are even frightened of it, so including scenes that put people in sexualized situations is going to really push them to think about their own boundaries (one of the goals of the Basement is that people will learn more about themselves). The Basement tries to keep those two things separate. Sexual assault is not the ‘fun’ kind of scare, it’s just scary. Also in the basement there are no female victims (seen commonly elsewhere). All of the female characters are strong and in control in their scenes, again this was really very important. I loved some rooms in The Basement – but when it comes to borderline sexual assault – even if that wasn’t the intent — it’s gone too far —- at least, for me.’ — Jezebel

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Ultimate Haunted Barn of Blood
Ypsilanti Township, MI

‘Within these walls are the remains of the legend of Wiard’s Apple Thieves: As the story goes, the thieves were looting the barn when bad fortune fell upon them. A hungry bear wandered into the barn looking for a midnight snack. Little did he know he’d found more than fresh apples to satisfy his appetite. Unfortunately for the thieves, the bear blocked the only way out so there was no chance of escape. They tried in vain to scare him off, which only drew his attention toward them. The bear made quick work of the 3 thieves with his mighty claws and, once they were no longer breathing, he dragged their bodies atop of a large pile of apples. With no discrimination, they were torn limb from limb and soon there was no way to tell shredded flesh from the shredded apples. Once his stomach was full of thief-meat, and his lips were wet with blood and juice, he went back into the orchard and lumbered off into the night. Unfortunately, the next day was Sunday so nobody came to work. By the time they found the bodies on Monday the stench was putrid. They decided that since there was no means of identifying who the thieves were they would bury the shredding remains in the floor, seal the barn and let the sands of time cover the memory of the gruesome event. Sometime around Halloween in 1984, the barn was opened again out of necessity. It’s dark history was long forgotten. Workers didn’t think anything of the odd noises and flickering lights to begin with but then the whispers and screams came. The thieves never escaped their fate…will you?’ — hauntedhousemichigan.com

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Sandy Hill Haunted House
Ottawa

‘For the past four years 14-year-old Canterbury High School student Gabriel Roberge has been decorating his family’s Sandy Hill front yard for Halloween. This year’s haunted house takes visiting trick-or-treaters through a harrowing two-minute adventuring including a grisly butcher, glow-in-the-dark clowns, a demented girl with an axe, a man with a chainsaw, and lots and lots of blood. This year’s attraction, bearing the subtitle sKreamers, is promised to be this morbid and creative boy’s most ambitious and horrifying experience yet. “People will speak ill of it for centuries,” Roberge announces.’ — ottawacitizen.com

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Netherworld
Norcross

‘The path through Netherworld is longer than six football fields. There are more than 450 special effects and animatronic creatures at Netherworld, including an 80-foot spinning tunnel, more than two dozen giant monsters, a 60-foot rocking room and in 2014 — more than four dozen ghostly projections. Netherworld contains many sets and props for major movies, including chainsaws from Zombieland, massive candelabras from Van Helsing, a complete basement set from the soon to be released Prisoners starring Hugh Jackman, and additional props and sets from movies such as Pet Sematary 2, The Mummy and Saw, to name just a few. Netherworld icon creature creator Bill “Splat” Johnson’s handiwork can been seen in dozens of movies and TV shows including Eight Legged Freaks, Halloween 2, Zombieland, The Sleepaway Camp sequels, Catching Fire and “The Walking Dead.” Netherworld employs more than 300 people every Halloween season. Many celebrities have visited Netherworld, including Janet Jackson, Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, CM Punk, Chandler Riggs, Evander Hollyfield, Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins, three-time Oscar winning makeup artist Ve Neill, Andre 3000 of Outkast, Jermanie Dupree and Bow Wow. Netherworld is widely considered one of the scariest and best haunted attractions in the world and has been included in countless top haunt lists over the years, including number one rankings in Fangoria, USA Today and Hauntworld magazine.’ — norcross.11alive.com

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? House
near Huntsville

‘You are among a select group invited to attend the most disturbing Halloween haunted house attraction in history. It will take place at 8 pm, Halloween night. At 7 pm, you will receive an email directing you to the location of the attraction. Do not attempt to reply to this email. The address will be disabled upon the issuing of these invitations. If you choose to attend, the cost of the attraction is $300. You will tour the attraction in a small group. Perhaps you will notice an ingratiating young German tourist among your number who will introduce himself as Ralf. Do not become overly attached to him. Upon entering the attraction, Ralf will be assaulted and kidnapped from your group by a handful of the haunt’s performers. After some time, you will be allowed to follow. You will find yourself at an auction where Ralf will be sold to the highest bidder among five unsavoury men. Once the sale is complete, you will follow Ralf and his new owner into a terrifying torture chamber. You will be seated, gagged, secured to your chairs and forced to watch the torture and murder of Ralf by his owner. The length of this scene could take several hours. When Ralf is dead, all witnesses including you will be executed. Somehow you will barely survive your execution. Your body will be wrapped in plastic and loaded onto the back of a truck. You will be left alone for precisely 30 seconds. If you wish to take an early escape from the attraction, that will be the time. Those who choose to stay will be driven into a forest and buried alive in a mass grave. Your murderers will then drive away. If you can escape the grave, you will be free to find your way back to your cars. It won’t be easy. The attraction will end at approximately 5 am.’ — anonymous email

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Unhinged in the Haunted Basement
Minneapolis

‘Descend into the nightmarish depths of The Soap Factory’s Haunted Basement and explore the terrifying world of Unhinged. Unhinged uses a brand new immersive structure leaving patrons no safety net. Don’t worry, there is still a safe-word, so practice saying “Uncle” now. Each patron wears a mask and assembles into a group before plunging into the nightmarish, subterranean world of Unhinged. Every patron forges their own path, sealing their fate at each twist and turn. All bets are off during Unhinged. Stand your ground? Stay with your friends? Venture on through the darkness? This terrifying journey promises to keep you on the edge of crying “Uncle” all night long. Each patron must wear a light-weight plastic mask for the duration of their experience. We strongly suggest patrons wear contact lenses instead of glasses.’ — The Soap Factory

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p.s. Hey. Continued slow improvement on my end, but my head is still quite fuzzy so don’t expect too much from me in the p.s. yet, okay? ** Douglas Payne, Hi, Douglas. No, Peter was just here and made noises about giving me copy of the book, but then I got sick, so … I’ll pick it up. Memory says that I’ve only read Bidart here and there in various places. I don’t trust my head at the moment, though. I’ll make a note to look at that particular collection. Thank you. ** David Ehrenstein, I still could maybe be in the Grandieux, but I would need to be very healthy by Friday, and that’s a question mark at this point. ** Scunnard, Ha ha. ** Sypha, Perfect on the twin weekends. ** Steevee, Hi. Yeah, antibiotics and some other supplementary stuff. I was hoping I would bounce back immediately, but the infection was/is pretty bad. At least the improvement is happening. Oh, I suppose you’re right about the cover images. Interesting. I was just imbedding videos, so I didn’t really get a look at them. Look forward to the book review. In my experience, yeah, ‘the tendency to rely on musical comfort food’ increases as one gets older rather hugely. I feel pretty unusual in not having embraced that route at my age, yeah. It’s always scared me, I’ve been very careful to try not to let nostalgia pollute my opinions and aesthetic. And, for whatever, it doesn’t come naturally to me. I’ve always been more into the excitement and promise of the new than the comfort of the familiar or of the previously understood and registered. For better or worse. There’s no right or wrong there, obviously. ** Damien Ark, Cool, man, thanks a lot again. I’ll give you the date for the part 2-like post really soon. ** Mark Doten, Hi, Mark. Thank you a lot. Oh, I saw an email from you, but, with this sickness thing, I haven’t had it in me to open email in a while, but I will soon. Take care. ** Thomas Moronic, Hi, T. Yeah, it should be all upwards from here on, I hope. The Twin Peaks news was of course exciting and intriguing even if I’m already tired of the shared social media excitement and ready for actual news: cast, etc. ** Etc etc etc, You saw Yellow Tears, ha ha, cool. Thanks, it seems like I’m getting better. Fingers crossed re: ‘Vape’ and the CCM Mainline thing, for sure. I’ll be in NYC for ‘Kindertotenlieder’, yeah. I’m not sure how social/or and around I’ll be yet. Too early to tell. ** _Black_Acrylic, Thank you, Ben, and your excitement about the Art101 method of progress is palpable and really nice. ** Cal Graves, Hi. Yeah, I hardly ever get sick, but, when I do, I tend to get fucking whomped. Thanks, man. Doc says I should be gradually returning to normal day by day, so hopefully in a couple of days I’ll be whoever I actually am again, ha ha. ** Keaton, Hey. Your new things looks really good. I think by tomorrow I should have the brain available to actually explore and appreciate your makings, so try not to delete them yet, okay? Everyone, now that you’ve tried Halloween season DC’s style, go try Halloween season Keaton’s style. It’s called ‘Satan’. It’s here. It starts, ‘Pits of bones, sex rooms, child-abuse, child-prostitution, cutting, disease, human sacrifice, drugs, brutal murders, sacred objects, faces in doors, Heavy Metal music, hysteria, the manifestation of Satan himself!’ Yeah, lungs are serious. I’m definitely getting that, ha ha. ** Sickly, Hi. I think I’m turning the corner right now. That’s the idea. I haven’t properly inhaled a cigarette in a week for the obvious reasons, and my brain is a deep, deep haze partly for that reason, so I don’t feel like I know a lot of things that I either actually do know or should know. It’s okay about the Jezebel thing. That whole situation has evolved from an interesting, important conversation being held by people in the scene who knew the people involved to some degree and cared personally about them/it into a grotesque mess of distortions and accusations and censorship and bullying and exploitation by outside Alt Lit-haters and hard-ass activists, and it’s just incredibly depressing to see. I played ‘Super Smash Brothers’, I think. But again, yeah, it just made me bored and antsy. ‘Un Lac’ is my favorite! ** Misanthrope, Hi. It was funny? That’s weird. Thanks I guess. ** Rewritedept, Grumpy? Certainly possible, I guess. Antibiotics, other meds, yeah. Green tea, yeah, doing that. Thanks. It would be good to have a job that’s better for your mental health. I may be sick and fuzzed out, but I know that. The only good news I need is news from my own lungs and brain to the rest of me, so no worries. ** Okay. If I were running wild and free in the US this month, those are the haunted house attractions I would do whatever it took to check out. Those of you who are near any of those attractions really should think about taking advantage of your sublime proximity and checking them out both for your own sakes and in order to tell me how they were. Thank you. See you tomorrow.