Vantablack is the sonic cross-frequency brainchild of Chris Kelso, Nick Hudson, and Stuart Dahlquist. It is dedicated to the invisible obstacle within all of us. An album for the amputated. Featuring the voices of Elle Nash, Timothy Jarvis, Graham Rae, and Brian Evenson.
NICK HUDSON – COMPOSITION, PIANO, PERCUSSION, CIGAR BOX SETAR, VOCALS, PROGRAMMING, STRING AND HORN ARRANGEMENTS, PRODUCTION
CHRIS KELSO – TEXTS, CONCEPTION, PSYCHOPOMP
STUART DAHLQUIST – BASS, ANCHORAGE, BOWED ENTITIES, ARRANGEMENTS, RECITAL, FIELD RECORDING AND MANIPULATION OF THE VIBRATION OF AN AGING WASHINGTON STATE FERRY
CHRISTOPHER MANNING – ALL HORNS
LIZZY CAREY – ALL STRINGS
KIANNA BLUE – ISSA A THANG
ALISTAIR CATTER – ADDITIONAL RECORDINGS
JOE REDTREE, POLINA KOVAL, PASHA KOVAL, CHRISTOPHER MANNING, NICK HUDSON – UNHOLY CHOIR OF THE SEPULCHRE, BATS.
MIXING – NICK HUDSON
DIGITAL MASTER – TOBY DRIVER
VINYL MASTER – GREG HENDLER
COVER ART – CARMEN PALTH
BOBBY LAFOLETTE – INT ART/VOIDHEADS ARTWORK
ART LAYOUT – ENT.DESIGN
Links
Bandcamp – https://vantablack-eternal.bandcamp.com/album/vantablack
Merrigold Independent – https://www.merigoldindependent.com/vantablack
Edging on Death/Bobby Lafolette art – https://www.edgingondeath.com/
Nick Hudson – https://nickhudsonindustries.bandcamp.com/
Stuart Dahlquist – https://www.discogs.com/artist/482964-G-Stuart-Dahlquist?srsltid=AfmBOorGK3TKkFOF0w5dNN3oczbndwFwfE8wYzadE_vU8TziVtvhb0q9
Chris Kelso – www.chris-kelso.com
Voidheads extract – https://apocalypse-confidential.com/2023/05/25/voidheads/
Voidheads comic/novella – https://schismpress.tumblr.com/neuronics
After creating his Black Square painting in 1915, Kazimir Malevich couldn’t eat or sleep for a week. Based on a previous iteration for an opera of poet Velimir Khlebnikov, Malevich’s black square represented the year zero: the destruction of all modern values. Paradoxically, the work was also embryonic and opened him to all future possibilities, an infinity of night. In June 2014, a laboratory known as Surrey NanoSystems, unveiled a new super-black coating known as Vantablack, one of the darkest pigments ever released. The paint gave three-dimensional objects the appearance of two-dimensions or void space.
What is void space? Entering this tenebrous space are Vantablack, a cross-pollination of Sunn O))) bassist Stuart Dahlquist, composer Nick Hudson, and writer Chris Kelso. On their first self-titled release for Merigold Independent, the trio inject soundscapes with nightmarish fragments from Kelso’s novel V0idheads, published last year on Schism Press, and read to striking effect by guest vocalists Elle Nash, Timothy Jarvis, Graham Rae, and Brian Evenson. V0idheads tells the story of a group of adolescents with an amputation fetish and feels reminiscent of the queasy worlds of Charles Burns’ Black Hole or Junji Ito’s dizzying Uzumaki. At one point Nash describes how, “He knelt with his jeans tight over his thighs, exposing gaping void hole to trapped girl,” before bursting into laughter. These blistering ero guromoments take one to something like the recently reissued Love, Emily; Kathy Acker’s spoken word collaboration with industrial band Nox. Total annihilation.
Vantablack opens with lush strings and choral chanting, Hudson utilizing a Tbilisi choir to haunting effect. His compositions feel ritualistic and expansive. Serpentine horns weave throughout creating a chaotic, jazz-like tapestry. Often melancholic, he peppers the soundscapes with chiming percussion and bells, before Dahlquist’s stygian bass drops everything down into a smoke-filled Lethe, liquid swamp of reverb and broken vocals. Burroughs-esque, a voice intones: “Black body pulsed on streets of this town, absorbing electromagnetic radiation with hunger and black bat jackal.” Pipes shudder prettily over obscene descriptions of bodily mutilation. Another voice describes a colonoscopy and seeing, “the fluttering pink islands floating inside us.” On the beautiful artwork from Carmen Palth, a teenager cradles a kitchen knife. The album crawls through the butchered bodies of its adolescents who explain with dry humor, “The more body parts you shed, the more popular you became.”
On the second side of Vantablack, a narrator briefly describes Cartesian dualism: the separation of the material and non-physical. He sees intestines as, “a palpitating nest of worms.” The album builds towards its monolithic endpoint as Dahlquist’s guitar pushes on, pulsating and hypnotic, before splitting into a thundercloud of electronic pulses. The bass returns once more for its sombre epilogue but soon nothing remains except fog. As nocturnal explorers Coil once declared, the universe is a haunted house. Malevich’s Black Square was originally conceived as a coffin of the sun. Where does the internal meet the external? What are the entrails of the sun? Vantablack captures a collective investigation into gaping darkness, similar in collaborative spirit to works like the 1980s no wave compilation A Diamond Hidden in the Mouth of a Corpse. Vantablack’s many players approach a hole in the wall that eats and eats, the sun devoured beneath a black lake. Its many pleasures manage to emulate the seduction of a darkness one can never escape, or as Nash explains, “Whole color spectrum of light lived in this void space, each shade dragged to their darkest gradient, spectrum or radiance. Total light colonization.”
— Review by Matt Kinlin, Foxy Digitalis
Music Video Stills
Interview
Chris K – I’ve wanted to get involved in music for ages. Having been in and out of bands since I was 15, there was always an itch there, or a sense of unfinished business. I actually wrote an album called Influence that was set to be released by Poet Pop records (Ragged Lion) back in 2019. Unfortunately, the head of the label, Edwin Sellors, tragically passed away a week before the album was due out. The label folded shortly thereafter and the album was never formally released. I spent the next few years focusing on writing books, but when I came across Nick’s work I knew he was someone I wanted to work with in a cross-disciplinary way. Nick is as talented a writer as he is musician, and he was able to approach the literary/spoken word side of the project with a refined, critical eye. He maybe even cares as much about writing as he does creating music, which is a really rare gift. It was really just a question I asked him and before I knew it he had started assembling this wonderful troupe of musicians to start building the soundscape (Stuart Dahlquist, a bonafide rock god, being one of them). It went from 0-30 so quickly.
Nick H – Chris and I had been talking frequently since I reviewed his book on early David Cronenberg works and talk inevitably led to collaboration. I’d finished recording my most recent solo record Kanda Teenage Honey in Tbilisi and was eager to compose/record something formally unrelated to “songwriting” in the lull between recording and releasing that album. Chris proposed a series of his startling texts and I set about composing sequence blocks of music geared around their specifically coloured intensities. As I was doing so I started assembling a dream cast of players based on the vague shrieks of abjection coalescing in my mind’s ear. I’d had the first ten seconds of Side One in my head for around a year – the frenzied massed string run hijacked by a thunderous clanging. Was cathartic to get that lunacy out of my system. As someone who’s habitually “the singer” it was emancipating to have Chris’ texts as the “frontman” of the band and to edit and knead the audial sinews into a fleshy miasma befitting of the nuances of the spoken word recordings.
Stuart D – I’m not sure how it happened. Nick (I think it was Nick) must have included me in an email, and a week later Chris kindly sent me a copy of the book. I thought it sounded pretty open ended, like anything thrown into the mix could be utilized. I had some field recordings I’d done that seemed to sit well with the rough music drafts. I’d been rehearsing for a funk thing and was pretty deep into that sound and tried to integrate a bit of pocket into the bass aspect. A few months before Vantablack came along I’d finished work on an as yet unreleased spoken word project with Russell MacEwan (The Atrocity) so the idea of composing over spoken word wasn’t outside of my wheelhouse. Vantablack is a comingling of instrumental voices, hence a much different approach.
How would you describe the Vantablack sound? How is it unique to other projects you’ve been involved in?
Nick H – One aspect that’s unique is that it was composed for the format – two sides of 10” vinyl – meaning each piece would be approximately ten minutes in duration. I collaborate with Stuart in his incredible project Asva, and also work a lot with Toby Driver of Kayo Dot (and always learn a lot while doing each) – so I’m not a stranger to durational or experimental forms, but Vantablack feels *especially* dark, demonically psychedelic and upsetting – I also used many non-obvious instruments in its construction – a bespoke Russian cigar-box setar, a Soviet church bell from a Tbilisi flea market, lots of foley, even the kick drum is in fact me abusing the sustain pedal of an old piano. I know Stuart used his koto on these tracks too and I think some sheet metal? I think I was definitely trying to conjoin frequencies that would have a visceral effect upon the listener. And Stuart’s bass tone and writing is gloriously pulverizing within that remit. Shout-out to the choir of Christopher Manning, Polina Koval, Pasha Koval and Joe Redtree here too – we recorded the choir as a live section in a huge Soviet apartment where a revolutionary Georgian poet had killed himself in the early 20th Century. Christopher also played all the horn parts. Lizzy Carey all the strings. Kianna Blue forged a nauseatingly crunchy digital drone for both sides. And all the readers delivered sheer excellence. Likewise, Carmen Palth’s artwork is fucking amazing.
Stuart D – Vantablack fits nicely into my head. It’s a challenging listen, not unpleasantly so but there’s a lot to hear. It is unique to just about anything I’ve ever heard, much less been involved in. The urge was to provide sounds on the subtle side of the palate, but in this case I kind of let ‘er rip.
Chris K – I agree with Nick and Stuart, the darkness literally has a voice. Much like seeing a film adaptation of your work, Vantablack gives a new layer of depth to the book that’s fuelling it. In a way this feels like the definitive expression of the themes in Voidheads.
What are your plans for the future of the band?
Nick H – I think we’d all very much like to continue issuing Vantablack EPs in volumes and to continue stretching the form. And as Stuart mentioned – if we can invoke the resources and finances to manifest this material in concert form that would be absolutely killer. And I’ve got a video for Side One to finish editing – the shoot of which made my dad’s garage resemble Buffalo Bill’s basement for a few weeks.
Stuart D – I hope we’ll be making another recording, more than just one more. Playing live, now would be quite a thing and I’d love to see Nick and actually meet Chris and the other people involved. Living stateside is kind of shitty when the people you’d love to be working with consistently are so damn far away.
Chris K – We’re already discussing the embryonic stages of volume 2. I’m also hoping to contribute more to it in a musical capacity.
(extract from Vantablack side 1)
Let us start with a boy. Darkness has been animated for him. When he closes his eyes the night becomes a hope-sucking vacuity, motivated and alive. Because, to him, the night is actually broken light vomiting out gamma, resenting the glow from any living thing. To some darkness is just an inanimate metaphor. But not to him. It is living and its heart is vantablack. It lives in the people he loves. Distorting everything. Even in himself. Yet his heart is also haunted by afterimages of light. He has not lost track of hope or the living. Because he knows he can move beyond the body. Escape the darkness imprisoned within.
(Excerpt from Voidheads)
Black body pulsed on streets of his town, absorbing electromagnetic radiation with hunger of black-backed jackal.
—-Man crept into cellar like an aphid shambling into elaborate torture towers of an Amazonian ant. Man had all his limbs intact – veritable icon of flax-haired, strong-boned wellbeing. But he’d been warned not to go near cellar because according to his mother there was an evil-fucking-hell-monster living down there. She seemed pretty serious about it. In fact, hia mother had mental breakdown about it. His older brother had started mutilating his own body in name of an immortal status that the man tried his best to comprehend, so had most people in his High School. People were having legs and arms and genitals surgically removed by v0idspace and it seemed more body parts you shed, more popular you became. It was ritual accomplishment to achieve partial self-enforced paraplegia.
(Side one – Excerpt from Voidheads, unpublished/edited out of final manuscript/read by Elle Nash)
Now he was staring down tunnel of raw doom-flesh that led to nowhere. Portal into nothingness. Beast was simply v0id. Starving sentient misanthropic hole in wall. What brought me to this location no one knew, but I would not vacate until I had nourished myself to satisfaction. Vanity of future, eclipsing body. All it would cost was your consciousness and your mortal soul. All I would leave behind were headless corpses of child princes. He would submit to me and he would gather more food.
—-They seemed to walk in silence for around half an hour until two teens got to neighbourhood of single-floored slum shacks. Gun reports cracked in near distance. Trashcan lids clattered. Faint screams echoed into night air like coil of woodsmoke. He stopped outside one of camelback homes, dilapidated dwelling that ran flush with sidewalk. Shack was haphazardly painted aqua green and presented canvas of chipped wooden brackets and rusted cast iron vents. There were relics of effluence and neglect strewn across front yard. An oil drum throning mound of slag. Trash crunched underfoot. An overpass arced above gables and charged evening air with angry exhaust fumes. Place stank of acrid burning and ozone.
*
p.s. Hey. Today writer and other genre maestro Chris Kelso gives you a formal introduction to a music project in album form that he has co-created with Nick Hudson and Stuart Dahlquist plus the vocal stylings of Elle Nash, Brian Evenson and others. Richness has naturally resulted, but don’t take my word for it. Investigate the proceedings and enjoy yourselves appropriately. And thank you, Chris, for thinking of this venue. ** Dominik, Hi!!! No, thank you. Ah, good old Iggy before he became everybody’s favorite loveable, harmless pre-punk grandpa figure. Today love is going to let himself have shitty tastes in music long enough to say … Shaggin’ in the elevator (Whoa), Lingerie second floor (Whoa, yeah), She said, “Can I see you later” (Whoa), “And love you just a little more?” (Whoa, yeah), I kinda hope we get stuck, G. ** Misanthrope, Actually, I didn’t ask him, but he probably doesn’t in fact want to read it. He’s very busy. Au revoir with a passionate French kiss to that snow. ** _Black_Acrylic, I think that was him rocking the hat. You know your hats, that’s one thing for absolutely sure. The TP second season has a bit of a lull in the middle when Lynch backed off for a bit, but then he came back and it gets … whoa. ** Darbz, Oh, dude, it’s no problem at all. Don’t sweat it. Anyway, being confused is possibly my favorite state of mind, so I should thank you. And in fact I will or, rather, just did. I do miss having gotten your Rimbaud thoughts if you don’t mind spilling them again, but no pressure at all. You’re the best. Hugs, pal. ** James Bennett, Oh, wow you found that Akerman film. That’s amazing. I’ve been jonesing to rewatch it. Thank you a lot. Everyone, One of my favorite Chantal Akerman films, ‘Portrait of a Young Girl at the End of the 60s in Brussels’, which I had thought was nigh impossible to see, has been discovered by James Bennett semi-hiding in the realms of the great archive.org, so, if anyone ever wants to try it, it’s here. Have you read Foster-Wallace’s non-fiction? If not, I would highly recommend ‘A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again’. It’s great, and it’s not a demanding read. Thanks so much! xo. ** Steeqhen, Eight hours of sleep and recurring double espressos while you’re upright? You are in the running for the most busy person I have met in my life at this point, I think. I wear the same schlumpy clothes all the time, but I admire people who use clothing and their hair to present themselves as someone they wish other people would believe they are. But you know I’m very into failed ambitions. Submit, yeah, why not, and the necessary external luck from me. ** jay, Happy Valentines Day. I assume you’re celebrating given you’re in the so-called city of love astride your beloved. Hm, that’s a dilemma, yeah. Historically, I found playing just at least the slightest bit hard to get can keep love burbling longer than constant proximity? My Valentines Day definitely needs lacing, so whatever strength will be valued. And, what do you know, I suddenly want to eat some chocolate, so it’s working already. Thank you. I’m guessing your VDay needs no outside interference. ** James, Yep, like clockwork. Orange ideally. My blog sees your fist bump and gives you two of them. Eventually you’ll know yourself to a T because that’s how aging works, and then you’ll miss wondering and worrying at least a little. I love peanut butter. Smooth preferably. On the most basic slice of white bread possible. No jelly, thank you. I wonder if when it was Stephen people pronounced it Stee-fffun. That might’ve gotten old. GbV is super swell live, yes. Unfortunately you’ll probably never the chance IRL because Pollard hates Europe. He says it’s because the beer over here sucks, but I’m sure there are other reasons. My VDay will be highly non-loveydovey, but that’s the way I like it. So if yours is loveless, you’re not alone. ** Charalampos, I started my GbV adjacent life with ‘Fast Japanese Spin Cycle’, so I went backwards to ‘Propellor’. Um, I think I used some lyric excepts from a song or two in ‘Guide’, but I can’t remember. It has some of my all-time favorite GbV songs on it: ‘Quality of Armor’, ‘Exit Flagger’, ’14 Cheerleader Coldfront’, ‘On The Tundra’, a.o. I’m solo today too. Well, I’m seeing a friend, but he’s just a friend. I guess it both makes sense and is crazy too, like most good things. Paris has your back. ** Lucas, Whoop! I like your poem. It has kind of Alice Notley feel and build, but differently sharpened. Kudos. Playing basketball seems like it could do a decent job of erasing stress and discomfort? I have no idea, but that’s the vibe I’m getting. Paris awaits your possible soonish appearance. ** Steve, Always the big problem with cults, yeah. They’re like Goth music. I know people who think they’re fulfilling their artistic needs by doing things like that, but time and the critical establishment and ultimately the art market will tell. The Bejar sounds exciting. I think I can get it today. I’ve never been able to get with Father John Misty. He just sounds like a threadbare Elton John to me. ** HaRpEr, Holy shit, your film is finished! I’m used to my own filmmaking tempo, and that’s fast! Whoa! I’m obviously excited to watch it post-haste. Everyone, the great HaRpEr has made a film, and you can even watch it. It’s called ‘Twink Death Gorgeous’ and it is five minutes long. HaRpEr cautions that it’s an experiment, but experiment is a holy term around this place, so … without further ado, watch ‘Twink Death Gorgeous’ right here. See you over there telepathically. So cool! I’ll share my take, of course. I stupidly only bought, like, three of the Hanuman books back then because a friend of mine was the person who ran the press, and I thought he would give me copies, but he didn’t! Motherfucker! They’re reprinting some of them, but they’re still pretty expensive. ** Uday, I think, and I think you probably know, that your friend probably just wants to have intimate company while he’s having his problems, so I feel sure that whatever you’re doing is a help. Kristof should help too. What is the literary society? What does being its president entail? Congrats, btw. ** Justin D, My pleasure, of course. I really like the way ‘Mouthwashing’ looks at first peek. Cool graphics and vibe. Thanks. I’ll go find out where it lives and maybe knock on its door, or I guess I mean pick its lock. My day was alright. I’m headlong into revising the script of Zac’s and my new film, so I’m largely preoccupied with that these days, and it’s tricky, but I think I’m nailing it. How was VDay? ** Corey, Hey, Corey, Good to have you back too. That P. Adams Sitney book is great, yeah. He’s terrific. And his films are interesting too. I did a Day about him ages ago that I should restore. Everyone, courtesy of Corey, P. Adams Sitney’s great book ‘Visionary film: the American avant-garde, 1943-2000’ is available to be read on archive.org if you’re interested. Here. Me? As I just typed above, I’m working on the script for Zac’s and my new film mostly, and doing prep work for ‘Room Temperature’s’ upcoming premiere. That’s largely me. We submitted ‘RT’ to Crossroads too. Good luck to us both. You do sound quite fired up. Awesome! All of it. And possibly dancing to boot. Your whole body is on fire inside and out. Whoa. ** nat, Glad you think you like Jacobs. Hm, well, upping the vampire connection would probably have an immediate reader eye-focusing effect? It’s going well, so, yeah, trust that. Calamari is great. Derek White, its boss, should get some kind of major prize or grant or something. I can believe The Bible is well written. I know smart fellow atheists who say so. I don’t know why my schools never assigned it. Those two are titans, and currently kind of overlooked titans, and those readers should be really worth your time. Actually maybe I’ll get the Davenport one, come to think of it. ‘Zenless Zone Zero’ is a game where you ‘beat up people with gambling characteristics’? Did I get that right? How odd. Potentially good odd. Thanks for the alert. ** Bill, He’s well worth visiting. I think Escobar might be the first Bo Huston Prize winner? I’m not totally sure. Here it won’t stop raining. I’ve never liked the sun as much as I theoretically do right now. ** Right. Your invitation/task for today has already been explained to you at the top, so be here accordingly, thank you. See you tomorrow.
Now available in North America 
Hey, thanks so much for this, Dennis! Really appreciate it. How’re you doing? I also just completed my next solo record, just three days ago. Much love.
Thank you Dennis and James for the DFW reccomendations. I think next week I’ll go the the British Library and read some nonfiction and some short fiction… like a little test drive.
Xo
J
Hi!!
“VANTABLACK” sounds/seems like something I need to get immersed in immediately. So good. And the front cover art is mind-blowing. Thank you so much and congratulations to all involved!
Love is allowed to have shitty tastes in music because today is supposed to be his day. So, in that fashion (although aiming way lower still): They don’t know about the things we do, They don’t know about the I-love-yous, But I bet you if they only knew (they don’t know), They would just be jealous of us, Od.
Congrats to Chris!
Dennis, Well, Yury’s a smart guy and I’m sure he in no way would want to read this. I’ve got two page left, haha. But another 44-page publication to go and then a 27-page instruction. Elon might not believe it, but we remote workers actually work.
Three-way weekend for Presidents Day. That’ll be nice. Taking my mom to VA this evening for cigs. Probably going out to dinner tomorrow night for Valentine’s Day. 😛
I hope you have a great weekend.
@ Chris, congratulations! Your teeming output makes you a hero.
Last night I watched Ferrara’s 2014 Pasolini biopic on the advice of Philip Best’s mighty Letterboxd account. The film is fairly grim and austere and I enjoyed it a lot.
Hey, Dennis. Anything? Thanks!
Thank you so much for providing the space, Dennis. I know you don’t have a record player, but I’ll send you the vinyl anyway (it has a nice wee booklet inside and some other goodies that make it a worthwhile object).
Stay well, D!
Love,
Chris X
Reading this I now know more about Vantablack than ever before.
I am drumming again and a guitarist who is a potential bandmate is coming over today to see if we can work out the songs. I want to turn him on to post-black stuff like this post because he advertised wanting to form a progressive band in the vein of Slint and sends me 20 straight minutes of Branca-style riffs as the “songs” I should be coming with drum parts for but when I have asked him about what I should be listening to, he gives me beatdown or crust bands that are current but seem indistinguishable from what those genres have been like for the last 35, maybe even 40 years. But some have bits and pieces of black metal sounds so I have been trying to show him black ambient, blackgaze, black noise stuff. I see why he wants to do progressive stuff, though, because the band that has recruited him as a bassist are basically a gag band that do 30 second long songs that are like Dick Dale or Ventures riffs but with death metal vocals.
Personally, I have been listening to the album Furfag by Pent Up Pup: https://pentup-pup.bandcamp.com/album/furfag
It’s a concept album about several clones of the singer’s fursona having an orgy in an elevator. Each version of the character embodies a different kink: petplay, stinky armpits, pooltoys, goo, etc. Seems like something you’d be into.
Nice work, Nick, Chris and Stuart! I liked the graphics as well.
Hey Dennis, looks like Escobar was the first recipient of the Huston:
https://thebohustonprize.com/bo-huston-prize-winners
I’ll look out for Escobar’s SF reading. The 2nd winner sounds intriguing too. I reread Huston’s short stories every few years, but should do that for one of the novels too.
Bill
Nice job presentation. The cover art alone is so cool.
^ Ferrara’s Pasolini is ok I loveeee some of his other films though. New Rose Hotel is definitely my favourite of his films so far. I used to watch it along with Demonlover. But yeah if I saw now I would watch New Rose Hotel as single viewing but I am saying that today
So I just saw two more Propeller alternate artworks just now that I have forgotten. Isn’t it crazy that it has so many? I hear your highlights and will add Over the Neptune / Mesh Gear Fox definitely “Traveler’s diagram for where I am for what I am” “You must be willing just to ride along with me…” I sing all these bits all the time
and Weedking also which is the second song. What a way to open an album
Congrats on working hard on the new script Sounds like it’s a really good experience Keep going!
Hi from Crete from me eating a Lacta that says I love you and did not receive a lovey message today ok I received many lovey messages but… yeah…
Cheers from me doing a long walk and leaving red ribbons to secret places close to where I found them but let’s pretend I said this only in secret text only I can use and see
xx
Hey Dennis,
Will need to give this a listen over the weekend! Also that guru (i think that’s what it’s called) artwork is pretty cool. I used to find it really scary as a child, then a bit edgylordy as a teenager, and now I just kind of enjoy it. I think part of it was how much of it was just those cutesy anime girls being tortured, it became a bit overdone, but stuff like the above posted pieces are crazy cool.
The thing about being busy is you simultaneously feel like you’ve overburdened yourself and also aren’t doing enough. I’m getting through some of this work and I’ve decided to take it easy, lest I have a heart attack at 22. My constant attitude has been “get to [date] and everything will be easier”, only to then have a new list of tasks; Tuesday is that day for me, after my exam and photoshoot I can hopefully rest.
My friend who’s the photographer for one of my shoots just asked if he could get payment which is putting me in a bit of a pickle as I don’t think the college magazine has the money to pay, but I also don’t want to be doing the “you’ll be paid in exposure” shit coz he does photography somewhat professionally, so I think I’m just gonna bite the bullet and pay myself. The bright side is that I can be a bit more possessive of this shoot and really parade it as a project of mine now.
I am also pretty receptive to people who wear expressive clothes and get a bit weird with it. My only gripe is when I know the people and can tell that a) they’re just doing the ‘safe trashy’ that will be popular on certain sections of ‘alt’ tiktok and b) they will mock other people whose fashion they deem ‘weird’ to their friends. I like to be a bit expressive with clothing but I also am big on the notion of building a style, which has really become a dying art with the rise of disposable aesthetics that last a few months; at the same time I’m sure that that has always been a thing, but is just so transparent and obvious with social media. Anyway, I found your casual attire quite charming when we met up.
Anyway, gotta get back to working. My mom’s watching The Apprentice right now (the British one), and it’s one of my families hatewatch shows for the past decade or so; some of the shit that happens is the most cringeworthy and uncomfortable I’ve ever felt watching tv. Hopefully I can get through all of my workload and find time to game. I’ve become a bit obsessed with The Sims 2 again, probably from the attention it’s gotten with its rerelease.
In the famous words of Mario: Let’s-a read the blog (sic.). A muuusic post. Cigar box setar sounds unlike most instruments I am familiar with. I love that psychopomp gets credit, as does anchorage, bowed entities, and manipulation of the vibration of an aging Washington state ferry (American music needs more of this) and of course, issa a thang. And having bats in the studio rocks. Aw, get in, schismpress links, yes. I wish I had vantablack paint myself, that could be used for some devilish pranks. I’ve heard very little Sunn O))). Adolescents with an amputation fetish, hm, sounds novel-isable. ‘the fluttering pink islands floating inside us’ *is* a pretty way to talk about a colonoscopy. Those music vid stills are aesthetically pleasing. A Soviet church bell, my. And a koto. Multiculturalism in action! And the trademark ‘what the fuck does this say’ black metal font. Man, they lopped his dick off. Ouch. Thank you Chris Kelso, very cool! And all else involved c: (finding the colon took too long Jesus)
Hullo D-Dawg. Not even 11pm and I’m already getting sleepy, I’ve so lost my staying up powers. Indeed, droog. Ach, pins and needles, ugh. Two fist bumps! At once? Or consecutively? Wowzers. Thank you, blog.
Oh, how horrifying, that ageing, which is inevitable, means me learning more about myself. I can barely handle what I already *think* I know about who I am, which is possibly a load of bullshit which will seem inane when I’ve the gift of hindsight. I still don’t know the origin of the phrase knowing one’s self, or anything, ‘to a T.’ I do hope that I can keep finding things worth wondering about. Worrying is something I doubt will ever stop being a thing for me x/
Smooth is preferable to crunchy peanut butter for me, yes. Bread, meh, I can accept whatever these days. I tried jam and peanut butter once, together, and it was unpleasantly odd.
Stee-fffun, oo, weirdly placed emphasis, tiresome and weird to the ears indeed. Gosh I’m tired.
I am not Robert Pollard (who else could handle such a self) but there are things other than shitty beer keeping me from other countries. Namely my Stockholm syndrome with England. I don’t think live music would be very ideal for someone like me, but I am perfectly pleased with being able to listen to just their live recordings. Weighing up Live From Austin, TX and Ogre’s Trumpet, hm. Oh, yeah, and more GbV albums – Let’s Go Eat The Factory, English Little League, will be done with Motivational Jumpsuit in about 3 minutes.
Happy non-loveydovey Valentine’s, then. My day hasn’t been without varying forms of love, but not the boy-giving-me-flowers-and-chocolate-and-teddy-bear-and-confession kind of love (shocker). However, I did get some chocolate from a classmate, which was nice of her. So, chocolate ticked off. A bit of a weird Friday, but not awful. Even if I didn’t get a chance to wear my Pikachu hat, bastards. Want/need sleep.
P.S. James Bennett, no problemo, fellow James. Happy to help B]
Now I’m on half term. I have a week off college. Yay. Tschuss cool people. Tiredtired, zzz, snooze.
Omw back from a dumpling stuffing with my a group of my friends – apparently it’s friendship day on 14/02 in Finland, so they do this every year – I’m joining this year cause husband (R) had a 14 hour shift at work – boyfriend (N) is in England cause his gran just died – haven’t commented in a while cos I got evicted and it’s all been a bit up in the air- I’ve been out my head, but we’re moving into the new place at the end of the month ! V exciting ! It has a dishwasher and it’s above a butchers. I’m especially excited cause the big kitchen means I can yap with my friends while I cook. Anyway – just wanted to pop in and say you’ve really been on a roll with the blog posts lately- I’ve been loving every one ! Felt amis not to slip a comment in saying so. Oh ! And N bought Sanity’s Requiem – we’re gonna game cube it when he gets back tomorrow night – anyway ! Bona to vada the blog – hope you (and anyone reading) have a lovely Saturday – maybe even something fabulous for lunch !
Hey. Yes, I did make the film rather quickly. I mean, Warhol and Morrisey are two of my cinematic Gods, and Warhol was making a film a week in his early filmmaking years. All my writing takes a long time, generally, so I was kind of making the film with the attitude that even if it’s bad I learnt something along the way, and that the next thing I do might just be better.
And yeah, everything I do is experimental. I gave the film the caveat of being an experiment because it is an experiment even for me, probably because it’s been a while since I last made a film and, as I said, I was trying to see if I could still do it. Some people have said they don’t like the phrase ‘experimental’ because it implies you don’t really know what you’re doing or something. I don’t know, all of these words are kind of strange. Maybe they should rename it to ‘inventive’ or ‘forward thinking’. I don’t know if anyone really knows what’s at the core of what they’re doing; what they are working towards, but instead understand the law of the scheme they’ve invented.
One of my lecturers told me that I should never tell any publisher that my work is experimental, because it means that I’ll never get a book deal. I guess there are ways of skirting around it. He said the best case scenario is that they read your manuscript and smile and say ‘this is very quirky isn’t it?’ and you have to grit your teeth and say ‘you’re right, it is’.
I think it’s wonderful that a day exists which is devoted to love, but I think it should be less about two people coming together. I honestly don’t care about VD (haha the acronym is vd, that’s poetic), all of the marketing and stuff is trying to get you depressed. I’m honestly not jealous of my friends who are in relationships because I feel so separate from it all. I sometimes say I’m the sort of person who is more interested in having a really good friend who I might occasionally mess around with rather than a boyfriend, but to quote The Pet Shop Boys: ‘You can live your life lonely / heavy as stone / Live your life learning / and working alone / Say this is all you want / but I don’t believe that it’s true / ’cause when you least expect it / waiting round the corner for you / Love comes quickly / whatever you do / you can’t stop falling’, so you really never know.
Hey, Dennis! Happy Valentine’s Day! Mine was… not that great. My bf was under the weather, so it was a pretty low-key affair. The snow’s starting to melt, so there’s that. Yeah, I finished ‘Mouthwashing’ last night, and it’s still haunting my thoughts today. There are loads of people doing playthroughs on YouTube, and countless video essays/dissections. It feels like it really stuck a chord with quite a few people. This evening, I watched ‘It All Starts Today’, my first Bertrand Tavernier film—what a beautiful gut punch that was. This next film you’re currently revising the script for: did I understand correctly that this one will be a long-ish short film and not a full length feature, or did that change? Happy revisions/weekend to you!
This seems too cool for me, if you know what I mean. Sometimes there are things I get into that I could never own or let onto other people that I engage with just because they’re well above my paygrade coolness wise. Regardless, excited to listen to this privately. The literary society is a secret one, so not much I can say (even this is too much but I figure nobody’s going to track me down). I had a cool day. It was my roommate’s birthday, and another friend’s, and I also took a friend who’d recently broken up out for dinner. Oh and I had lunch with this guy but I’m not sure if either of us know what it was. I on my part am not sure what my intentions are. Oh well. Onto a busier weekend. Room Temperature could not come at a better time. Rewatched Clue today for the nth time and I need new movies stat. Thinking about the Album Zutique from Rimbaud and his friends today. https://www.lyrik.ch/lyrik/spur3/rimbaud/rimbau1b.htm
Have a low-key weekend.
Hi Dennis! Loved the Paul Laffoley post from the other day. I’ve been browsing through his journals on his site and that’s been interesting. I’ve been reading more about the lives of painters, like that Painting Time novel. Like what is that life like, how does a person go through that life. On Laffoley’s wiki page it says “his talent as a draftsman was ridiculed by his abstract expressionist teachers” which sounds like an simpsons bit or something. I liked Demons of Eminence, too. It really seemed for a while like nobody wanted to write about Covid. Also nice to be reminded of Malevich’s Black Square. I love the crackly texture on that thing.