Author: DC (Page 180 of 1086)

________________

Atonement, 22
I just did something wrong and need punishing hard for it each month. This isn’t for me to get off I’ve got girls for that.

I just want to be made to feel sorry for my sins once a month. To remember that I remember. How you do it is up to you but I don’t want a drink before or cuddles or shit, or to be told I should get therapy. This is how I’m coping and living.

I’m happy to talk but this isn’t a fetish for me, it’s more real than that. Hopefully someone will understand what I need. And I know what this app is and I respect that.

Comments

dripdripdrip – Dec 22, 2023
He’s a cinephile dork when clothed and a dork you can facefuck until he pukes and pisses himself when not.

filthfood – Dec 18, 2023
I picked him up took him to a drive through he ordered my order and his own paid with his card pulled my car up outside downed his drink in front of him before refilling his cup with my piss then open his meal and add my spit and cum to it before making him eat it and drink my piss in front of me.

_Speedy_ – Dec 13, 2023
I stripped him to his underwear, kicked and punched him in the nuts until he dropped to his knees in agony, then fucked him.

 

________________

MagaMindwipe💊🇺🇸, 22
Future American Patriot.
Early-20’s gay dude undergoing redpill reprogramming to become a proper red-blooded MAGA Bro.
This is not merely kink/fetish-focused, I am becoming MAGA. Permanently.
I’m beginning to live in fear of Trump. I am being dumbed down till MAGA is the only thing on my stupid brain.

Comments

xiaoxinlll – Dec 6, 2023
Tightest anal here

ShirtLifter – Dec 6, 2023
all nazis are losers
capitalism sucks
fuck racism
thank god for gay porn

 

_______________

Statueboy, 19
“Please Don’t Freeze Me Please Don’t Freee–!” :O

I have a massive kink for being posed in an awkward position and kept frozen in that position. I’m looking for someone who’d want to keep me frozen in a pose around their house or even just hidden away in a garage or something. Please message me if you’d be interested in doing this with me.

Comments

Statueboy (Owner) – Dec 15, 2023
I’m sorry I’m not going to move across the country and live in your sculpture garden. It’s just too much and I’m not willing to let my sex life interfere with my goals.

 

_______________

Mugshot, 19
On the outside, I’m a cute, thin, self-harming femmy goth lad, but I’m curious about being slowly transformed into a shockingly thin, very not cute anorexic lad.

What do I imagine happening to me? In the short term, giving up control of my food intake as you reduce my calories to a bare minimum stay alive level, and we trim me down to the skeletal size at which I’ll spend the rest of my life.

In the medium term, to feel embarrassed by the constant staring at me in public. And to feel frustrated that my deathly size affects everything from trying to find clothes that fit to just walking.

And in the long term, I want to regret ever asking someone to do this to me.

Comments

Mugshot (Owner) – Dec 9, 2023
I hadn’t had anyone make love to me before so that was new and interesting.

LonesomeCowboy – Dec 9, 2023
I had him over with all kinds of nefarious plans for him, but I got distracted by his scrawny ass and spent the entire time glued there swallowing like Kirby saving the world, and much more in that regard.

 

_______________

illdoit, 23
I want to burn! Burned alive naked! and I want to burn to ashes and dust!

Comments

illdoit (Owner) – Dec 17, 2023
It appears that there are more cannibals here than Inquisitors. While I don’t mind the idea of becoming a meal for someone, after all I could probably be juicy if cooked medium rare, what I crave is total oblivion! Burnt to Ashes and Dust! I want to be totally free of the material world!

SatansDeathPerv – Dec 16, 2023
I am the fuckin cannibal of SATAN … i exist to eat your charred dead flesh

illdoit (Owner) – Dec 14, 2023
I am totally obsessed with burning at the stake naked! It would prepare me for eternity naked in the fires of Hell, which is where everyone on this app is going!

OpenforanythingEVIL – Dec 14, 2023
Fuck Yeah youd make a great roast upright, would love to see you become crisppy!! Damn right!

illdoit (Owner) – Dec 22, 2023
Nah, I’d rather burn at the stake naked. Maybe you could carve off some of my butt and smoke it into a tasty ham.

OpenforanythingEVIL – Dec 14, 2023
How the fuck should I know?

illdoit (Owner) – Dec 14, 2023
Why?

OpenforanythingEVIL – Dec 14, 2023
You’d make a delicious crispy feast, kid, cover you in blood and fry batter, drop you into a human sized vat of extremely burning hot fryer oil, you’d definitely get your wish and would be enjoyed by many starving cannibals that long for some fresh meat.

 

_____________

Squall, 21
😈SUB😈MASOCHIST😈

You’ve had a rough day at work and need to blow off some steam, maybe you want someone to just come and drain you without saying a word, maybe you need something to put your cigarettes out on, maybe you’re feeling really angry and just want to beat the fuck out of someone and destroy their holes, and to really make it worth your while I’ll do anything and my safe word is when you call the ambulance to come get me.

Comments

Squall (Owner) – Dec 10, 2023
Hi Corey, happy to give you codes to get in my flat whenever you like and kill me while I sleep.

noob – Dec 10, 2023
Hi Squall! My name is Corey and I have been stalking this site for around two years, but now i have the money to make an account!! I’m 28, a hardcore sadist, and frequent liar. i like them young (under 12 years old) and fresh, and i wish i had met you when you were under 12. I would have kidnapped you and raped and tortured and killed you!

Squall (Owner) – Dec 7, 2023
That moment when I’ll stop fighting the pain and give in and beg for death will be so perfect, so liberating. There is a man in Germany who is digging a grave for me. I have already been measured for it.

zXander – Dec 3, 2023
Fun fact: The victim in “your death destroyed sack to crack” was the best friend of my nephew’s girlfriend.

trueloveneverdies – Dec 3, 2023
Anyone know where I can see videos where young guys are snuffed for fun? I remember seeing one called something like “your death destroyed sack to crack” or something like but can’t seem to find it again. Random but maybe someone will know.

 

_____________

FemboyBttm, 18
I am what I am.

Comments

fromthetap – Dec 16, 2023
Once again proof that fem morons have the best asses in the world. And smothering him with a pillow, that also made me hard

mathheus68gmailcom – Dec 13, 2023
Chaotic bratty demonic someone.

harrysmith – Dec 11, 2023
I shot for that second hole. 9-pointer. Double overtime. All net. SWOOSH!

rowdi – Dec 9, 2023
You just totally turned my faggot cock on. I shoot extremely Pozcum. I would totally love to be a helper in all the total AIDS destruction you crave. Horny as fuck now.

FemboyBttm (Owner) – Dec 8, 2023
It may be fucked up, but it would turn me on like crazy if a guy told me I was hot but would look even better if I had AIDS.

KingOverWhiteBoys – Dec 2, 2023
None of his photos, no matter how erect they make you, can provoke the disturbing feeling one experiences in his presence. I’m not a law enforcement officer.

 

_____________

sensations_seeker, 18
idc as long as i dont have to think

Comments

sensations_seeker (Owner) – Dec 22, 2023
u the 1 who offered me money, wat im gonna say no?

itsdarren – Dec 22, 2023
moneyboy 💸

sensations_seeker (Owner) – Dec 22, 2023
no ballet wats it 2 u?

slapyouthenscrewyou – Dec 22, 2023
You like opera?

sensations_seeker (Owner) – Dec 22, 2023
just finished my A levels :))

 

______________

FAMILYMASTER, 19
I already own a slave. We live together.
I have total control.
He is locked up in my garage.
We have constant sex.
It’s hard, brutal, violent and merciless.
Yes, he is on the missing persons registry.

I’m looking to extend to a bigger family.
What I expect from you??
Willingness to relocate within 6 months.
I’m aggressive, amoral, violent.
If you are 2 of the 3 we are a match.
Should there be 2 of you – why not.

Trying to create a fetish family.
Not a mass gang bang.
You will be expected to take charge of the slave.
You will be expected to abuse him constantly.
No more total slaves, I already have that.
He is chained up in the garage.

Comments

adoniss – Dec 20, 2023
Ever since my son was a young boy I bullied and tormented him, now he has gone off to college and I find myself in my sexless marriage with nothing to interest me at all.

Your slave seems like a masochist loser who has always been found to be a worthless, pathetic wimp and loser who needs men to torment his body.

I am interested in joining your family and humiliating, embarrassing and degrading this slave with my evil but demanding mind.

I never had sex with my son but I did go with a young man sexually about 2 years ago and I have kissed, tongued, swallowed, fed him piss, caned, slapped and abused him violently whilst he was restrained.

 

_____________

imsodead, 21
Hi I’m louis, I’m dead, wanna hook up?

Comments

Jamesdeanxxl – Dec 13, 2023
all legends die young

kilgora79 – Dec 10, 2023
A dead cock is always floppy and relaxed and there is plenty of fluid leaking at least in the first couple of hours after death.

It is just incredible to see and play with dead cock of young guy and squeeze the seminal fluid out of dead cock. Balls also super enjoyable when you cut them up they not only look beautiful but give off a pleasant aroma.

Once you develop a taste for dead cock and balls of young guys you will become completely obsessed for the rest of your life and you will only want dead and there won’t be any way to get rid of this overwhelming feeling and bloodlust.

Dead feet of young guys bring me close to passing out with pleasure esp tall and athletic guys their feet nearly stick out of the autopsy table and this gets me every time.

Just wow, you are gorgeous. The thought of your dead cock and balls bring me close to passing out with pleasure.

Blood of young dead guys is also superb especially when freshly chopped. The smell texture and taste all gorgeous. I can’t get enough I don’t know what to do anymore dead guys are never enough.

I’ve also started enjoying the ribs of dead young guys.

imsodead (Owner) – Dec 9, 2023
I may not be alive anymore, but I still have the hot sexual interests as when I was, that’s why I came to this weird app, unfortunately I also know that a dead boy can’t do what everyone wants. Unfortunately, most guys want an alive boy, but I just have to live with that.

 

_____________

SufferingWayne, 19
hey my name is wayne and im 19 years old, i search for someone really really cruel 🥺 Someone that wants to discord or skype with me, i want to suicide but i cant do it alone 😞 so i search for someone that wants to guide me there. I would turn on my webcam so you can see me and just use the chat for commands, you could stay unknown 😞 Please be pushy that i dont turn back, i plan on hanging myself or something with zip ties around my neck. And i like being called a cutie or told how cute i am 😞 or even better someone wants to meet and watch me do this in person id be willing (i live in FL).

Comments

SufferingWayne (Owner) – Dec 7, 2023
ft myers area

GregS4 – Dec 7, 2023
I live in West Palm Beach, how about you?

SufferingWayne (Owner) – Dec 7, 2023
yeah i’m sure, may as well have some fun with it and let a guy or few enjoy it too lol

johnnyriot – Dec 7, 2023
Well, if you are sure this is what you want to do, I would love to see it. I think I would be very hot. Too bad you don’t live closer to Minnesota, otherwise I could kick the chair away.

 

_______________

somebody4me, 18
I might be on the wrong app but I’m a young Mexican sex addict who’s reached the point where I’ll do most anything sexually to satisfy my addiction and I’m looking for a handsome older sex addicted boyfriend in Houston who gives me a generous allowance and lets me do anything I want and sponsors me for US citizenship and has sex with me many times a week and in return you can show me off to your friends and make everyone envious.

Comments

somebody4me (Owner) – Dec 16, 2023
SEARCH FINISHED

controlyourmindandbody – Dec 12, 2023
Oh and I’m a billionaire.

controlyourmindandbody – Dec 12, 2023
The time to find the boy who gives himself to me is now. I’m interested in mind fucking him. Submitting his mind and body to me is his destiny! It’s the only reason he’s meant to live. His only purpose to life is to allow me to take him for the sole (and soul) purpose of allowing me to get inside his head and permanently rewire his entire being, and mold him into a anything and everything I need him to be. That boy is somewhere on here. The goal is to find him.

 

_____________

IM14ANDWANTTOBEASEXSLAVE, 18
Yes, I know, I am 14 almost 15 and I am looking to be a full time sex slave, I want to be kidnapped and locked up and tortured day and night. I will let you.
I will go outside and say i will go for a walk and you can pick me up and bring me to your house and then make me get naked and lock me up.
If I don’t say my safe word “cantaloupe“ keep going! I am in Nh
Hillsborough county
South Nh
into white guys

Comments

Simongoeswild – Dec 9, 2023
Give me a minute to set this up

 

_____________

CrazyArmyBoy, 23
US is GAY nation!

Crazy army recruit here. Sub soldier.

I am under the command of army guys, but i am also under command of the government, and our government is GAY!
or soon to be fully gay!

Us macho army boys serve and protect you GAYS.
Under control of GAY government!

Not here to talk about peoples dick and balls, not into all this horny crap.

Only GAYS who into control and domination of macho boy.
Here to see how it goes.

Comments

CrazyArmyBoy (Owner) – Dec 26, 2023
I am now the slave of 7 Arab men. It’s Hell. But I’m learning.

Jjj5835 – Dec 10, 2023
Looking for someone to lick my face on camera for my girlfriend. Looking for face only okay!!! You worship my face lick it suck it kiss it and leave. HMU.

thebull272523 – Dec 10, 2023
I like girls but I’m not afraid to chop down a tree if you know what I mean.

Bended – Dec 10, 2023
Needs to be taken by surprise, manhandled, slapped around and taken. He’s gonna fight to get away so make sure you’re too strong for him. He’s gonna scream, but you’re gonna ring his neck like a dirty dish towel so nobody hears him. Yell in his ear how much it’s gonna hurt and ram it up his ass.

 

_____________

PermanentDogBoy, 18
What I seek is unusual and extreme. If you don’t want to help, I understand. I am seeking a cruel, twisted Master/Handler who is capable of molding, shaping, transforming my stepson into a dog.

Ever since my ex-wife and I adopted him at age 11, I have dreamed and fantasized about him becoming my pet dog. No release, no options, no choices. Complete obedience and submission to me. Now that he’s 18 and talking about going to college it’s time that he is emptied of these pointless dreams and become my pet dog and transformed into just that.

This isn’t for the faint of heart and I hope my saviour is out there someplace.

Comments

PermanentDogBoy (Owner) – Dec 19, 2023
My former stepson is now successfully a dog. I’m looking For other dog boys who are looking to compete with him for my attention, or Handlers who want to play with him in front of me. He is a rare dog and fucking great. I’m obsessed with him and couldn’t be happier about it.

PermanentDogBoy (Owner) – Dec 1, 2023
You must send a face pic! I don’t live the son -> dog fetish openly so I need to know I’m not talking to a friend or neighbor.

 

_____________

Lu1s, 20
I hope I find a master who is patient enough with me to introduce me into the world of kink and also understands that “Rome was built in a day”.

I suck very well and really like being fucked, but it may be strange for you because I’m deaf and use a wheelchair, but I only use the wheelchair outside, not at home at all.

I have 24-hour assistance, which means someone is always with me, but we can have sex in my bedroom undisturbed.

I crave for a master who fucks me good and a lot but also gives me some guidance, so when I am his age I do not look back and see that the only thing I have achieved throughout my life is only giving sex.

I want to be able to both give myself for lots of sex and build a life for myself, have a career to fall back on.

If asked how soon I want to be in servitude my answer would be no one wishes to spend the holidays alone.

Comments

NightmareWeaver – Dec 8, 2023
Disabled boys🥵 Deaf boys🥵 Asian boys🥵 With fists in their butts🥵 I’m your nightmare dressed like your daydream 🛌💭

Domdom_hng – Dec 5, 2023
His name is pronounced loo-one-iss

DirtyBBTop – Dec 3, 2023
Disabled object with dark soul is not created for normality.
Disabled object is only good for complete disenfranchisement.
Disabled object can be filled with anything: food, dirt, piss, sperm… the more, the better.

 

_____________

BreakMePlease, 19
Break me and fix me.

I consider myself straight as im not attracted to men and i don’t have feeling for men. Instead i let men take advantage of me as some sort of Masochistic punishment for myself. So take advantage of me, its what i like.

This discovery about myself has been in the making for years but didn’t materialize fully until very recently. It has been an adjustment to say the least.

If i hate you during our time together, you’re doing something right.

I can not be be passed around unless it’s with your best friends because i’m old fashioned even if my butt is not.

I charge $$$ for it.

Comments

BreakMePlease (Owner) – Dec 17, 2023
I don’t want to get garrotted. Please do not ask. (I’ve just got a lot going on right now, you know?)

Dupytrens – Dec 17, 2023
Curiously, it does. The reason is that anal sex stimulates the vagus nerve, and evidence suggests vagus nerve stimulation is helpful in curing depression. Straining on the toilet activates the vagus nerve also. That drops the heartbeat from 10-40 beats per minute and significantly lowers the blood pressure. It is possible to cause unconsciousness or even death by anal penetration or straining on the toilet. Many cardiac arrests occur on the toilet when a drugged slutty boy strains and lowers his heart rate too much. The vagus nerve also runs near the carotid arteries on each side of the neck and the use of a garotte tightened around a boy’s throat will drop his heart rate 40-50 points. This can help greatly with depression but also cause unconsciousness and death.

BreakMePlease (Owner) – Dec 22, 2023
Does anal sex help with depression? I’ve been feeling a lot better since I started doing this.

 

_____________

massacre, 19
Did someone order a pig? What do you do with it now it’s been delivered? Unconscious pig but not yet dead. Who’s hungry? Just needs drained and prepared.

Comments

Heyfuckyoubitch – Dec 23, 2023
⌚⌚⌚⌚⌚⌚⌚⌚⌚⌚⌚⌚⌚⌚⌚⌚
🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫

Mike803 – Dec 20, 2023
I will eat your cock like a hotdog between your two buttcheeks as my buns.
Your cum will be my mayo, your blood my ketchup, your pus my mustard, and your boogers my relish.

CallMeDipper – Dec 17, 2023
If you’re worried about repercussions he lives in a tent in the woods.

Meatpie – Dec 12, 2023
You are very slim so your meat will be tender and juicy and will turn from red to white during cooking.

baddog007 – Dec 9, 2023
Are you possibly okay with being slowly eaten alive by creatures burrowing into your body?

You know,
– hoards of botfly larvae competing to find the best spot in your penis, balls and arse cheeks, and burrowing right in
– meanwhile diluted honey sprayed on and in your dilated rectum that is held open with the wire cage to attract garden ants
– meanwhile mosquitos feeding all over the rest of you
– meanwhile leeches draining you
– meanwhile agitated wasps thrown against you
– finally a random device that releases hungry rats, soldier ants, and komodo dragons to finish you off.

Entertaining to watch, and long-lasting accomplishment.

 

_____________

stupidusername, 20
loose ass bitch looking for fists in my anal walls, but down for whatever lmao idk what else im supposed to put here

Lemme know

Comments

The_Ultraviolence – Dec 19, 2023
THIS IS AN OFFICIAL WARRANT AND SENTENCE ISSUED TO STUPIDUSERNAME

For being proven to be worthless slutty human garbage, with no shame, the SS has found and captured said subhuman for a period of incarceration lasting at least 2.5 years. Stupidusername resisted but did not run or endanger anyone and did not scream or attract attention.

Stupidusername may use a safe word but only at discretion of the SS Nazi officers, who will only allow mercy if they think Stupidusername has a life threatening medical emergency that requires immediate medical attention. Broken bones and accidental blood loss does not constitute an emergency. The misuse of this safe word will result in even longer and more extraordinary punishment.

Any police officers or family members who are searching for Stupidusername can eat shit.

denis232 – Dec 3, 2023
In your case I would say a little bit of shadowed hole.

stupidusername (Owner) – Dec 3, 2023
so ive been chatting with someone on here there’s been talk of cum and hole and pounding cock he just sent a pic of his huge cock now he wants to see the hole he is going to breed which kind of pic do i send? fresh and clean? Mostly ass a little bit of shadowed hole? cummy and fucked? nasty and gaping?

 

______________

1GUY, 18
i want to lose my virginity. i live in seven lagoas rua manoel benedito 151, seven lagoas santa luzia. come monday at 2:00 pm.

Comments

1GUY (Owner) – Dec 21, 2023
i was raped. i was used a lot. i was used for the darkest stuff.

 

______________

PerhapsDetritus, 20
I was put on this planet to be sexually abused

I can take all you can give and if I can’t take it then fucking make me take it.

Hit me as hard and much as you want but don’t break anything above the neck.

Rape me and get everyone you know to rape me too.

Your age weight size ugly beautiful I don’t care

Comments

reconciler – Dec 17, 2023
Don’t let his cuteness fool you, he is pitiful and wretched.

PerhapsDetritus (Owner) – Dec 13, 2023
I can’t believe I’m saying no, but no.

filthfantasy – Dec 13, 2023
Looking for a boy who is willing to let me feed him a kinky meal.

Kink meal options

McDonald
Replace burger with shit and pit and cum load added
Piss drink

Taco Bell
Replace burrito meat with shit and cum and spit added
Nachos add shit and cum to chips
Piss drink

Subway
Shit sub with cum and spit added
Piss drink

Bonus if you’re willing to let me chew and spit the meal into your mouth.

 

______________

AndyLaidlaw, 22
Hey I’m Andy, I’m 22. I’m going to be honest, my mental health is completely broken. I spent the last year and a half remaking myself into the toughest street thug anyone could ever meet but no luck. I hate myself, I’m worthless.

I want to be brutally raped and sent to hospital.

I’m depressed, have extreme anxiety and body image issues. I don’t have any self worth.

I’m Southampton England.

Comments

AndyLaidlaw (Owner) – Dec 12, 2023
My mental is totally fucked. Last year, in September, I unalived myself. Two friends that I’ve known since I was 14, saved me. I flat lined five times before they brought me back. Wednesday morning, I had a close call. Where are the immoral people will capitalise on others?

DaWhore – Dec 8, 2023
Intense profile. I won’t restate the obvious, you need to have a good talk with a professional. If that doesn’t work, be slutty and go for it.

Apollo – Dec 5, 2023
Needs equal parts sympathy and domination for optimal results. So basically, choke him out but whisper in his ear as you do it.

Giftgiver – Dec 2, 2023
Oh Andy, You are hot and young. I have felt your anguish for years too. Depression is a very serious illness — it is the equivalent of an elephant sitting on you and time feels like it is slowing to a crawl.

You must seek out immediately medical help! This will not resolve by it self.

I wish that my truthful words would heal your mind and heart, but know from experience they will not.

 

_______________

Zzz790, 21
I’m so horny when men grab my throat and choke me unconscious as they fuck my tight ass. I love when they tie me up and put my head in a noose and fuck my throat as I dangle from the ceiling unconscious. I get so frustrated as I don’t have too much time to do this as I’m only available mornings until lunchtime so I spend the rest of the day at work thinking about this and horny as hell.

I would prefer to be paid as I’m a model and get a lot of requests.

Comments

Ammoniumnitrit – Dec 2, 2023
Let’s make history

Zzz790 (Owner) – Dec 2, 2023
Just an FYI: I have a scar on my chest due to almost being stabbed to death years ago.

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. ** Dominik, Hi!!! Yeah, I’m awaiting my copy. It looks like something. I have writer friends who can just sit down and rattle off a very smart, well written article or review in an hour without even blinking. I’m too word conscious and I feel too weird about imposing my opinion in an authoritative context or something, I think. Yes, love did get me to write some. Oh, I’m trying to put together a small collection of short fiction pieces, basically stray things and experiments and pieces that were intended for novels but didn’t make it in. I’m trying polish them enough to work individually, and I’m not yet sure that they will or that they work as a group. But that’s what I’m working on. My head is still too much in the film to start a novel or anything. Thank you for asking. Congrats on the successful dealing. That’s not nothing. Are you doing any New Years Eve-y kind of thing? Not me. I was thinking of going to watch the big fireworks display over the Eiffel Tower, but the Eiffel Tower is on strike and closed, so I’m not sure if that’s even available. My mother used to make us kids eat black-eyed peas on New Years Eve because she was from Texas where they believe eating black-eyed peas on NYE gives you lots of luck for the following year, so love giving you a bowl of black-eyed peas today that taste a whole lot better than black-eyed peas, G. ** Misanthrope, They tend to do that. Ha ha, how does whoever know whether TC has bad breath or not. I mean, come on. Extreme fandom is a crazy thing. Happy David’s birthday. At Outback, no less. Hey, I like to go to Hard Rock Cafe on my birthday, so I get it. Enjoy the extra day, and take an extra bite of that yummy cake for me. ** Jack Skelley, Hey, bud, see you so imminently once you read this if I don’t see you before you read this. From the pix I saw of Luna Luna, it just looks like a bunch of artists doodled on some inert, cheap-ass carnival detritus. Haring doing his laziest usual Haring number on a merry-go-round or whatever. Basquiat doing his Basquiat thing on whatever after smoking a big blunt or something. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but you can’t even ride the rides, if they’re even real rides and not just ride-looking sculptures. I mean, whatever. Looks blah. But fill me in this evening. I hope I’m wrong. At least when a bunch of artists made a miniature golf course years ago, it was pretty crappy too, but you could actually golf on it. ** Darby 🫁, Um, I think you’d have to tell me how well I know you, wouldn’t you? Technically, anyone could read what we say to each other, but I don’t think many people get that into the p.s., so I wouldn’t worry. Well, it’s the piano’s loss, I’m sure. Whoa, you finished the book? I mean except for the polishing aspect? Wow, that’s amazing. I’m excited and envious too. Should I name the pigeons? I guess I worry that would be colonising them or something, but I guess they would never know, would they. Okay, as of now, one of them is named Andrei. I guess maybe the smaller male one? Onto another hot name. I’ll need to think. Naming is a big decision. I saw your email, but I didn’t have enough coffee in me to open it, but now I do, so I’ll open it once this post has flown. ** Conrad, Elementary school, nice. That’s exciting. I’m still enough of an American Francophile that I think there are few things in the world more beautiful than the sound of little kids speaking French. That W.G. Sebald is great, yeah, He’s always great. Cool, yes, that Palais de Tokyo show is really good. And there are two other shows there as well that aren’t as good as the one I mentioned but are worth checking out: the RAKAJOO one, and the LILI REYNAUD-DEWAR one. Have a really lovely New Year’s weekend wherever that takes you. ** Steve Erickson, Hi. Locarno is an obvious target, but we’re really hoping not to have to sit on the film for that long. We’ll see, but we’re feeling pretty impatient to start getting it out there. It’s really not a horror genre movie at all. Maybe it could slip in or something. But that’s often disappointing. We showed ‘Permanent Green Light’ in some queer festivals, and it never went well. But anything’s a potential go at this point I guess. There’s a helluva horror movie in what we went through, but we sure aren’t going to make it. Maybe we could sell the film rights to our story and get some finishing funds. Hmmmm. So sorry about the situation with your parents. It feels unimaginable. I hope you can get your head away from that for a bit. Maybe New Year’s can distract you, although I don’t know how it could exactly. You don’t seem like a big champagne guzzler. ** Right. By the luck of the draw, the slaves will see 2023 out the blog’s door, and, not being a partier, I will be back on Monday with my non-hung over head to give you something else. See you then.

 

Michael Carter lives by himself in a caravan somewhere in Yorkshire. He is a professional carer, a pathological artist and a pornographer. Until just recently, his work has been completely unknown to the world.
—-Carter’s past is so ingrained within his psyche that it has formed a worldview of almost mythological proportions. Confronting his images for the first time, they give the impression that you are not just looking at a human being, but something extraterrestrial: an entity, bogeyman, something or someone that could incite urban legends or internet hoaxes. There is something so shockingly exceptional about this exposed, scarred, androgynous and emaciated body that we cannot turn away from it.
—-Carter’s work invokes the Freudian notion of a compulsion to repeat: how an experienced trauma perpetually keeps repeating itself without any visible sign of closure or relief. The working methods become more refined and the medium is improved, yet the same ingrained leitmotifs remain constant: the ambiguous relationship between parent and child, between comfort and abuse; the terror and fascination with being born and giving birth; to be swallowed, to disappear and then to reappear; the uncertainty between titillation and castration; the search for adequate gender identity, a composite persona which encompasses the desired subject and the originator himself; the oscillation between self-love and disgust, and between the victim and the executioner…
—-When Carter likens his work to the alchemical process, he is not concerned with spiritual gold, the Philosopher’s Stone or Jungian individuation. He remains firmly stuck in the mud of the initial, foul-smelling stage of the Opus and he has no intention of elevating himself above it. His mise-en-scène evokes crime scenes – the site of murders where the bodies are about to be dismembered before the final deposition – but most importantly, this is the Camera Obscura, the dark room, which leaves the artist suspended with his doubles, fears, obsessions and most disturbing desires.

Edited and annotated by Martin Bladh

Hardcover, 264 pages, 210x280mm
https://www.infinitylandpress.com/product-page/the-practitioner-by-michael-carter

 

 

***

Extract from ‘An Attempt at a Portrait of Michael Carter’ by Martin Bladh

Michael insists that his work is deeply rooted in childhood memories, both real and imagined. After dwelling on the subject intensely throughout our correspondence, I have limited down the sources of his childhood obsessions to three key events that supposedly were decisive in shaping the pathology of the man himself as well as the aesthetics and compulsive content of his work.

1) The trauma of being born and the severe damage it caused to his mother. When Michael says I split her perineum it sounds like he was responsible for a sinister violation. Whether his mother suffered any long term physical problems he does not know, but she did constantly remind him of the traumatic pain of giving birth to him.

2) Being treated for being knock-kneed and having his legs fastened into leather braces in bed every night without the possibility of getting up and leaving it by himself. As Michael was literally trapped and tied down, he could not reach a toilet to get relief and had no other choice than to wet the bed; leaving him awake, sometimes for hours in the foul-smelling sheets. This slow procedure which lasted for two years had a devastating effect on Michael’s bladder control which regressed to such a degree that he would continue to wet his bed well into his teenage years, long after his legs had been straightened. He has vivid memories of having large scabs on his inner thighs caused by the urine and being taken to a doctor who seemed unable to help him; an incident which might have triggered Michael’s later mistrust of getting any kind of medical help for his future disorders and ailments.

3) An incident when young Michael was separated from his mother and a man with big gloves put his hand over his face. In hindsight Michael believes the man was a drunk who, from his point of view, just tried to help the lost boy. Nevertheless, this episode produced horribly disturbing nightmares of being abducted from his bed each night, which continued for a long period of time and gave rise to a lifelong interest in missing children and child abductions.

Q: In your childhood imagination, what was the purpose of this bogeyman’s abduction, what fate did he have in store for you?

A: I think retrospectively this may have been a desire to be sexually abused by my parents, to be taken care of.

 

 

To try to understand Michael and his work we must be aware of his ambiguous relationship with his parents. Michael has no recollection of feeling either physically or emotionally close to either his mother or father. He can not recall ever being held or cuddled. Then, he hesitates, and says that he might have chosen not to remember this intimacy. He was a source of irritation, both to his own body and his parents’ psyches, and might not in fact have deserved their affection. Michael strictly denies any history of either physical or sexual childhood abuse. He believes he generated his own punishments by interpreting his mother’s words. He was in fact, from an early age, convinced that he was worthless; a conviction he was somewhat proud of as he took considerable pride in being a disappointment to his parents. How and which of his mother’s words Michael chose to interpret is hard to understand as he states that there was no real logic behind his decision of self-imposed punishment, but from the point of an outside party it is tempting to link this disturbed communication to feelings of guilt and anger for being born. He remembers telling his mother on numerous occasions that he wished that he never had been born. Such a statement might not seem that unusual as most, if not all, children and teenagers feel this existential despair from time to time and the parents are the easiest and most obvious ‘guilty’ source to blame as the originators of that pain. In Michael’s case the statement becomes more pronounced and even more logical as he literally brought so much pain into the world: his own and that of his mother. Being worthless meant that he, and no one else, was the originating source of the irritation and the annoyance. Michael claims to have more loving memories of intimacy from his relationships with animals than he ever had with any member of his family. This again is strange to grasp from an outside perspective when Michael also insists that he had a good relationship with his parents, particularly his mother, and then goes on to say that he was in fact closest to her when she was in palliative care, dying of cancer: I seemed to view her in a detached, uninterested way, I think she appreciated that.

Being tied down to the bed during a period when most children are afraid of the dark and would rather sleep between their parents in the marital bed was indeed frightening and traumatic for Michael. This in combination with the discomfort of not being able to move his legs, the constant skin irritation and shame of having ‘made a mess,’ as well as being plagued by nightmares about suffocation and abduction must have brought terror just from the mere thought of going to bed each night. The traditional so-called ‘bogeyman’ is an imaginary evil spirit or being, used to frighten children. Scaring children into behaving is a long-held tradition and to many children these creatures are real and something to fear. While some bogeymen only play simple pranks, others are more foul in nature; they frighten the children with severe punishments, abduct them at night, and sometimes even mutilate and eat them. All of these creatures relate in the same way: they exist to teach children lessons. Bogeymen may target a specific act or just general misbehaviour, depending on what purpose needs serving, often based on a warning from an authority figure … In Michael’s case, this monstrous figure, even if it is a source of abject terror, seems to embody the role of the absent punitive parental figure, both violent and erotic. In other words, abusive tactile attention is better than no physical contact at all. This dualism is persistent throughout Michael’s life and work: the moment when love and cruelty merges, when pain and discomfort turn to pleasure and comfort: I liked it when the clothes dried, the material became stiff and the smell changed. The ever-present bogeymonster, the firm hold of the leather braces and the sticky sheets were equivalent with emotions of tenderness, a substitute for parental tactility and love: To use and to abuse, if abuse is constant then it could be said not to be abuse, merely constant attention, true love, without boundaries, like a slowly tightening noose.

 

 

Puberty was confusing, threatening, but foremost disgusting. The coital act: the penetration of the hymen, loathsome as it seemed, was a violation of the body, both the female and the male; it was synonymous with inflicting pain, with birth pangs and lacerated flesh. Procreation: to bring offspring into the world, for what purpose? – to be born from pain into more pain, fear and humiliation? The accusing words of the mother – real or imaginary – the terror his existence brought into the world rang clearer and seemed more pronounced than ever. Genitalia had become abject and synonymous with vermin.

Michael states that he did not fully understand his desires or motives, but he did not want to touch anyone or be touched by anyone else. Lacking interest in generic pornography and refusing the usual seduction games of the average teenager, he did find himself attracted to girls who were tall and thin with long slender legs, especially if they had some sort of physical deformity, like pigeon toes: I have always found deformities in others arousing, legs, eyes, most deformities I find extremely arousing, or at the very least interesting. As most parents want their offspring to excel and achieve more than they usually do, Michael took pride in his worthlessness and built his ideals on what the parental world would deem imperfect. Beauty was to be damaged and awkward: like symmetry slightly out of sync, a deliberately upset balance. But to have any intimacy with the desired object, e.g. a girl with pigeon toes or with a severe limp, Michael had to imagine himself as her, to literally dress up and sexualise himself as the girl.

What Michael found especially arousing was stealing underwear from his friends’ mothers and sisters every time he got the opportunity: I would wear said underwear under my clothes in their presence, this I found satisfying. Michael did also steal and wear his own mother’s and sister’s underwear, tights and girdles: I am pretty sure my mother and my sister knew I wore their underwear, nothing was said … I used to periodically get rid of all underwear I stole, then after a while, I would start again. This seemingly innocuous antisocial activity would turn into compulsion and finally develop into kleptomania.

Q: Do you utilise any ‘external’ pornographic sources such as magazines, books or films, before, during, or after your photo shoots?

A: I am stimulated by my transformation, my reflection. I became excited by photos and videos of myself, these were used as pornography. I did have a large collection of magazines such as Leg Show, but these feel separate somehow. I used them for ideas, poses etc. and recreated them, turned them into something else. E.g., me in tights and a bathing costume photographed in a copse, unconscious or dead.

Q: Does all the pornographic material you utilise involve yourself dressed in women’s clothing?

A: This is how it has evolved over time. I fantasised about being the image in the magazine, but this was not enough. I wanted to become the object of my desire and then to deny that desire by the destruction of the idealised version of my perception.

Q: How does the destruction of your idealised version of your perception play out in your mind? Are the staged death scenarios executions of the desired object?

A: Yes, I believe so, but these forms, idealised, return again and again, slightly more insightful, more real? Usurping, devouring, rejecting. Begin again.

 

 

Q: Is pain a sense of threat (fear?) or discomfort intimately linked to the experience that you want to achieve?

A: Pain and discomfort are just reflections of life, these can be a comfort.

Q: Would you classify yourself as a masochist or a sadomasochist, or do you believe these terms to be simplifying and reductive?

A: Masochism and Sadism are just convenient terms.

Q: Is the notion of being helpless and exposed arousing and exciting?

A: Being exposed and helpless is arousing, to be in a position where you are vulnerable and in control, or notions of control.

Michael started to restrict his waist during his early pubescent years. When out of curiosity he dressed up in his mother and grandmother’s girdles he found that the pressure the garment applied to his waist caused him to lose breath which put him in a heightened state of euphoria (which he compares to his later experience of being anorexic). This discovery would lead him to experiment with a variety of choking devices and ligatures as the sensation of being strangled turned out to be even more arousing: Self-strangulation is erotic, hanging, erection, ejaculation, death. He confesses to having gone through a short period where he was applying pressure to the throats of animals such as cats and dogs, which in turn inspired him to apply the ligatures on himself. Here I sense an early sadistic streak in Michael’s personality – as the old cliché goes: cruelty towards animals is gradually projected onto human victims – a claim which he does not deny but states that he believes himself to have been identifying with the actual animal, and after seeing its reaction, used himself exclusively for the same purpose. Michael’s preferred autoerotic practice involves a nylon noose around the neck that travels down his back around his genitals: Bound genitals become numb, insensitive but still aroused, this appeals, orgasm prolonged indefinitely… I feel powerful and vulnerable.

Michael claims to have no real interest in the psychological reasons behind this procedure, but insists that oxygen deprivation can be lethal and that it frequently has landed him in dangerous situations. Just prior to the start of our correspondence Michael accidentally passed out in front of the camera which was able to capture the moment. The following short confession proves to what length Michael has been willing to go to satisfy his urges: I have inserted hair brushes and other items inside myself, and kept them inside my rectum all day whilst restricting my waist wearing a girdle with a noose around my neck and genitals then gone out with this under my clothes. This caused damage to the anal passage and lack of blood to the genitals.
—-Delving further into Michael’s extreme corporeal desires and the fantasies accompanying them seem to be bordering on the impossible, even ludicrous: as I hang helpless, but in control, but all too easily I can lose control – and – idealised fantasies, to show me aroused by my hands would be to hasten the end. Cut off my hands, arms. Am I helpless? But as the correspondence unfolds, Michael turns out to be far from ignorant about psychological insight to his behaviour, as is expressed clearly in one single sentence: My devices for my own restriction could be regarded as substitutes for parental love. Again we are reminded of that slowly tightening noose.

 

 

Q: You use the term ‘catharsis,’ which seems to indicate that there might come a day when you would not have the need to express yourself the way you do. At the same time you state that I am working through obsessions and compulsions, never resolving: is there really a need for catharsis, do you really want to rid yourself of and to overcome your obsessions? Is your experience of catharsis in fact a method that you are constantly refining to reach new limit experiences of euphoric pleasure?

A: I do not want to overcome my obsessions. I want to be consumed by them. I like your term, constantly refining. Compulsions and Rituals, this is what interests me.

Q: Were you ever afraid or concerned that if you would seek medical help the doctors would label you with all sorts of diagnoses or syndromes that might undermine your personal rigour and ‘uniqueness’; that by keeping away from medical treatment you have been able to stay ‘pure’ to yourself, both as an artist and as a human being?

A: I avoided medical help because I did not wish to be either diagnosed nor cured. I would never accept the fact that I was ill. I was not, my thought processes were just different. Pure, I do not believe there is such a thing.

Q: During our correspondence you have frequently deleted all your previous Instagram posts. Why do you have this constant need to purge and deprive your ever-growing audience of your past work?

A: It feels good to create and equally good to purge, begin again.

I hold Michael’s work as a case against catharsis: catharsis, as therapeutic cleansing and transformation. The so-called notion of ‘abreaction’ – to put yourself at the centre of the trauma – does not resolve the tension, it merely increases the stakes, as the artist takes euphoric pleasure in reliving the original injury. The compulsion to repeat has become so much more than a phase that needs to be elaborated on, worked through, and finally resolved through therapeutic healing.
—-By destroying the artworks and deleting the staged photographs the eroticised persona is temporarily annihilated and the artist is metaphorically killed: I become the object of desire, then I destroy that image. In many ways, this process is reminiscent of browsing pornography; when the browser after the fit of orgasm, becomes slightly bored with the object or scene of arousal, and later tries to recapture it with a slightly different anatomy or through a not-too-dissimilar context. In this case, what is labelled ‘cathartic’ is reduced to a short, temporary release, an ejaculation… Then the wound is reinfected, and the urge to poke it reappears.

 

 

The first experiment with making masks goes way back to Michael’s earliest photo session in front of the mirror. There are no pictorial documentations of what these prototypes would have looked like, but Michael describes them as unsuccessful, or at least they appeared so at the time. These efforts also coincided with some early experimentation with face makeup, which the practitioner equally deemed as non-satisfying. Until just recently, Michael had always been hiding his face behind different kinds of disguises. He claims that polythene bags and layers of tape can evoke even more emotion than the facial masks, but I would like to make a clear distinction between the actual handmade masks and readymade face coverings such as nylon stockings, plastic sheets, bags, and tapes, which serve the instant necessity to blur the practitioner’s identity, or are directly linked to the practice of autoerotic asphyxiation.

The Masked Woman is the main vehicle for Michael’s impersonation play. She is often seen wearing a long black wig without a fringe, but she can also be donning a shorter bob cut piece, and at times she appears without any hair at all. She is usually dressed in a variety of garments including slips, lingerie, nylon stockings or full-body nylon suits, bras, girdles and knickers. Her penis can be discerned underneath the stockings and bodysuit as a reminder that she is also the Phallic Woman. She is posing and modelling: imitating poses which she might have observed in fetish publications like Leg Show or in a mainstream clothing catalogue or a fashion magazine. She is known to practise sexually explicit aerobics: her arms and legs spread-eagle. Like a Barbie doll, she is always ready to be dressed and undressed. She might appear lifeless: is she dead or is she just impersonating a corpse? She is a frequent practitioner of autoerotic asphyxiation games. She has been found curled up inside wardrobes with a cloth hanger around her neck, and on other occasions she is merely slumped on the floor or the corner of the room like a marionette with her strings cut. Her head can turn around 180 degrees, and it so happens that her face is taken off and put next to Michael’s headless ‘dead’ body on the floor. In some exceptionally rare instances Michael’s penis is inserted into the stump of her severed neck. Sighted or blind, she is constantly staring at her own reflection in the mirror.

 

 

Q: You often use broken or divided mirror surfaces in your portraits. Is this a symbolic wounding of the self-image or of the character being impersonated?

A: With the broken mirror series I explored, as you say, symbolic wounding. The objectification and reduction of my body into small pornographic landscapes by dividing it into segments. The use of bodily fluids on the mirror suggested intimacy and sexual frustration, but it also has a dreamlike quality.

Q: Now I have a particular set of images in my mind, they depict you lying or standing naked; your reflection blurred by what I guess must be semen mixed with some other substances which looks like it has been violently thrown at the mirror surface.

A: Those images were taken a while ago, but yes, the mirrors are stained with semen, blood, and traces of excrement. Knowing this however does not enhance the image. It was something I found compulsive at the time. These images tend in the long run not to be as effective. The individual looking at the image brings or projects their own conclusions.

Q: Do you find the concept of a double intriguing?

A: The concept of another, a doppelganger, yes initially this was intriguing, exciting. I suppose it still is, it’s just that my perspective has shifted. I am not looking for a refined or enhanced version of the other or myself. Some of the more successful images work because I am off guard. The image in the mirror, that reality is what I am striving for. Masks, hide and reveal. The idea of multiple identities, I find it very difficult to keep them separate.

Q: I am fascinated by the recurring, sometimes armless and legless homunculus that appear in several of the photographs. What can you tell me about this figure, what is its purpose?

A: The homunculus, I think, is a version or versions of myself. Golem, homunculus, born and created in a glass tube, buried, reborn. Interesting parallels.

Q: What is the significance of the doll? I am not referring to yourself dressed up as a doll or the Homunculus. It always seems to be part of the more sexually violent aspects of your work. You usually take on the submissive role of the victim, but here I sense the perpetrator coming through.

A: The doll is a version of me as a child. Me violating me. I can hurt the doll because the doll is me. Simplistic, but there is truth in it.

 

 

Michael’s theatre takes place within the confines of a domestic setting, a small patch of woodland, and in the illusion of a black void. A number of the scenarios are being staged in the artist’s ‘boudoir.’ In this variety of bedrooms he performs, alone or together with his subjects, on a bed or on a floor littered with duvets, mattresses, blankets and pillows. This uncanny, ever-changing maze, also includes wardrobes, cabinets, mirrored walls, and mysterious doors that lead straight into blackness, and through this blackness, into the next bedroom; it is not uncommon to see the practitioner – down on his hands and knees – crawl into a dark corner, only to reappear in another similar setting. The question arises: are we still in Michael’s caravan, in his father’s house, or in one of his clients’ apartments? There is no way to stabilise a certain floor map or any other architectural consistency; there are chairs, tables – a cabinet door or a vintage carpet might look familiar – but the whole setting soon changes as we enter through another wormhole into the next domestic space. Sometimes the bed, mattresses, duvets and sheets have been raised up or nailed to the wall, giving the impression of the padded walls of an isolation cell.
—-One of the open doors might lead into the white bathroom. Here the empty tub is the focal point of endless possibilities: it might serve as a catwalk, or as the stage for a pornographic execution (with the hose to the showerhead functioning as a hangman’s noose); it might be a crib for caring and nursing, or a substitute for the butcher’s killing floor; ultimately, it serves as the coffin where the performer seemingly awaits his last rites, repeatedly. The removable mirror over the sink is a distorted framed portrait within the greater composition of the room; the support handle and brass ring screwed unto the wall work to bolster the ligature around the practitioner’s neck.
—-In between these domestic environments, lies the dark limbo which is the setting for Michael’s most private headspace. This illusion of the void, created by black plastic, evokes crime scenes: the site of murders where the bodies are about to be dismembered before the final deposition; this is the alchemist’s crucible, the mystical space where the practitioner – obsessed with his object – revisits the idealised, black stage of the opus which holds the essential nucleus of his obsession. It is the Camera Obscura, the dark room, which leaves the artist forever suspended with his doubles, fears, obsessions and most disturbing desires. This void to which he perpetually returns is nothing less than a body bag: a nostalgic longing for the unborn’s womb.

 

 

BIO’s

Michael Carter’s work is about obsession, impulsive behaviors and how people express themselves. Experiences, true and false narratives are superimposed upon assumed identities. Carter portrays himself as victim, perpetrator, and is impassive, indifferent and passionate. He explores the body as object, depersonalised and yet highly personal. His work is repetitive, derivative, driven, thoughtless and only realised with the gift of hindsight, not necessarily from his own perspective.
https://www.tumblr.com/deliriatremens

Martin Bladh is a Swedish-born artist of multiple mediums and co-founder of Infinity Land Press. His work lays bare themes of violence, obsession, fantasy, domination, submission and narcissism. Bladh’s published work includes To Putrefaction, Qualis Artifex Pereo, The Hurtin’ Club, Darkleaks – The Ripper Genome, Marty Page, The Torture of the 100 Pieces, Braquemard: The Clavicle of Gilles de Rais and DES: The Theatre of Death. He lives and works in London.
https://www.martinbladh.com

***

Infinity Land Press website
https://www.infinitylandpress.com/
Instagram
@infinitylandpress

 

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. The venerable Infinity Land Press, deviser and producer of exquisite looking books with invaluable interiors, sends their newest down the blog’s red carpet today. My copy is on its way to me, but from everything I’ve seen and read, this is a truly unique and fascinating book, and I will suggest that if you give the post a serious gander, you’re very likely to agree with me. Please discover for yourselves if I’m right, thank you, and thank you big time to Martin and Karolina @ Infinity land for the privilege. ** Dominik, Hi!!! Yeah, since I swore off writing non-fiction, I don’t even know how I managed to write all those articles and reviews without overly suffering. Well, the situation with the friend’s boyfriend was not un-dreamy, it was just a little, how shall we say, awkward. So love is not only murderous but suicidal too. I guess that’s why they call him love. Love holding a toy gun to my head and ordering me to work on my fiction for a minimum of, oh, let’s say four hours today, G. ** seb🦠, Hi. Oh, thank god. I was honesty worried over here, Phew. I have no Xmas leftovers, but I could live on reheated mashed potatoes for the rest of my life maybe if I did. Ah, you were a fire starter kid. I had one of those as a friend when I was wee. He literally could not function if he didn’t have a cigarette lighter in his hand. When he got a little older, he started smoking cigarettes, and that seemed to fix him. Obviously big congrats on the new laptop. Xmas gift (to yourself)? Zac’s feeling better. Btw, I said hi for you, and he said, ‘seb … with a green splotch, right?’ So he has spied you, And he says hi. I don’t know what godspeed implies, but that sounds good, I’ll take it, and boomerang said speed level back your way. ** Misanthrope, John Waters sends his Xmas card to thousands of people, but I am happy to be targeted nonetheless. I really don’t mind not getting anything for Xmas. Other than Zac, I didn’t give anyone anything either. Unless paying for the communal buche counts. Oh, then I suppose going to amusement parks is when I chill, although I’m kind of studying them for things I can use artistically even then. But yeah, that’s probably as chilling as I can get. I really need to start playing video games again. That would count too. Well, let’s just hope you never get to smell TC’s butthole and dick hole, because their stink would probably break your heart. ** Conrad, Hey there, Conrad! How great you see you. It has been ages, and I’ve been wondering how and whereabouts you were. Teacher. Teaching what and to whom? I think the Kelley talk is not going to be rescheduled, which I personally am very happy about, haha. I do like Tao Lin’s novels, yes. ‘Taipei’ is very good. I think ‘Richard Yates’ might be my favorite. But the earlier ones are very good too. Thank you about the film. I’m really hoping it’ll be finished before very long. The Bourse is actually committed to showing the film, but I’m not sure when that will be. Anyway, yeah, great to see you. Very happy to hear about anything going on with you whenever and as often as you see fit. ** Tosh Berman, Hi, Tosh. I’m really sad about Pope.L. He was so great. A total role model, and at the peak of his powers. Really a big loss. There was an amazing show of his work at MoCA/Geffen some years ago, I don’t know if you saw it. Anyway, ugh. If you’re already set on someone you don’t know directing the film, that could be a good buffer in terms of your expectations and willingness to reach compromises. You could get a really fantastic director that brings fresh but wholly conducive things that you didn’t even imagine to the film version. That does happen. Good idea to keep a journal in any case, that’s for sure. Zac and I sometimes wistfully wish that we’d arranged for a behind-the-scenes documentary to be made about the making of our film because the utter hell we’ve gone through would make for a helluva thriller. ** Steve Erickson, Doesn’t sound too bad, all things considered. I’m not much of a David Fincher fan. I only liked ‘Seven’ and certain aspects of ‘The Game’. I don’t even like what he did with ‘Fight Club’. What would be done to mark Lonsdale’s birth is as yet undetermined, and I think trying to figure out what we could possibly do is most of our interest. The next big deadline is Cannes. As much of a long shot as that is, we do have some actual support there. We’ve booked a studio and technicians to do the final post-work starting in the second week of January. That happening is contingent on our producer raising the needed funds to pay for that in time, which have very little hope will happen, but that’s the current plan/hope. To submit to Cannes, the film would need to be completely finished in March, as I understand it. Thank you for asking. ** Darby 🫀🫀, It really can be, yeah. No, I did not know that statistic and that is very, very surprising and pretty shocking. Wow. Email, cool, I will await. I hope you got to sit down at a piano today. Nah, I never got very good at guitar. I could play rhythm guitar decently, but my attempts to solo were humiliating. Luckily the main band I was in were mostly into making feedback and terrible noise. That I could do. There is a pigeon couple living in this little vestibule under the roof near my window. Lately they’ve been there hanging out every day for hours. The vestibule is where pigeons often come to make their nests and birth babies, so maybe thats what they’re up to, although I haven’t seen the gathering sticks or anything. They just sit there and stare mostly. I like them. They’re cool. ** Right. You already know what’s up there, and hopefully by the time you’ve reached this spot you have given it its due. See you tomorrow.