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The blog of author Dennis Cooper

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Sypha presents … Childhood Terrors: Being a Forensic Casebook of some things that frightened me when I was younger *

* (restored)

 

I think it is only human nature to look back on our childhoods as a time of idyllic happiness. But that’s a sentiment I’ve never quite understood. To quote from an unpublished short story of mine, “Nostalgizing on one’s childhood memories is like handling a rose: while it is pretty to the eyes and often smells divine, one must be ever wary of the thorns prickling such recollections. For behind the radiance of nostalgia is a shadow that can never be forgotten” (yes, “Nostalgizing” is a word). Even though my childhood was normal and very non-traumatic (some might even say boring), for whatever reason I recall being a very anxious and easily frightened child. I saw the world as a big and scary place, an impression that I’ve never been able to shake as I’ve grown older. Like most children, I had a number of fairly commonplace phobias, such as a fear of death, a fear of bees, a fear of throwing up, a fear of being possessed by the Devil (these, incidentally, are phobias I’ve never been able to conquer). But at the same time, there were other more specific things from my youth that gave me “the howling fantods” (to cop a phrase from the oeuvre of Mr. David Foster Wallace). Overheard stories, stuff I saw on TV or in movies or video games, certain illustrations in books or things that I read, and so on. I’d like to briefly examine a few of these, and maybe in the comments section today you can share with me a few of your own.

 

Stories

The Rainbow Homily

As many of you know, when I was a child I was raised as a Roman Catholic. So every Sunday I went to Mass with my family at 8:00 AM. The church we went to was Our Lady Queen of Martyrs Church in Woonsocket, Rhode Island (O.L.Q.M. for short). Even though this was not the church I was baptized at (as my parents had been members of a different parish at the time of my birth), it was at O.L.Q.M. that I attended Mass once a week until maybe I was 18 or 19 years old: by then I had a part-time job at the local Super Stop & Shop supermarket (located across the street from O.L.Q.M.) where I often had to work on Sunday mornings, thus letting me off the hook when it came to going to church. I guess I would have liked going to church there more if O.L.Q.M. was a nicer-looking building, but I always thought that it was kind of bland, architecturally speaking, especially when compared to the pictures of the old European cathedrals from the Middle Ages that I would look at in my history textbooks at school. It had like, no stained glass windows or anything like that. It almost felt more like a Protestant church or something. Or a church built post-Vatican II, though O.L.Q.M. was actually built in the late 1950’s, so really, it had no excuse.

Anyway, there was this one priest I liked, Father Barry Gamache was his name. He was the assistant pastor. He wasn’t like most of the other priests at O.L.Q.M. He was like an actual human being, someone who I could relate to. He was a fat, jovial fellow; heck, his cheeks were practically rosy. I don’t think that I ever saw him without a smile on his face. He had his little vices, of course, like all of us: he smoked all the time, and was somewhat obsessed with his golf game, though he freely admitted that he was terrible at golf. He was really popular with the rest of the parishioners. At the start of each of his homilies, he would warm the crowd up, so to speak, with a little joke. Sadly, I’ve forgotten most of the jokes he told, but here’s one that I still recall, after all these years: a guy goes into his kitchen, opens up the freezer door of his refrigerator, and he sees a Bugs Bunny-like rabbit sleeping in his freezer. When the guy asks the rabbit what he’s doing in the freezer, the rabbit answers, ‘I thought it said Westing House!’

As I said, Father Barry wasn’t like some of the other priests at O.L.Q.M. The other priests there were, for the most part, grim old fossils with no sense of humor. I remember one summer when one of those pastors was away on a religious retreat for a week, leaving Father Barry in charge of the parish. That Sunday, when Father Barry stepped out from behind the lectern to deliver his homily, he simply said, ‘When the cat’s away, the mouse will play. You guys get the week off.’ Or words to that effect. And that was it. It was easily the shortest sermon I’ve ever heard in my life, lasting not even ten seconds. Needless to say, the congregation loved that: they laughed and even applauded. And yet, the irony is, it was one of Father Barry’s homilies that scared me more than any other homily that I’ve ever heard in my life.

I forget exactly what year it was, or how old I was… I think I was still in middle school at the time, so I want to say probably 1991, when I was 11 or so. The homily in question consisted of a story Father Barry told us, no doubt as a means of explaining that week’s Gospel reading. I forget if this story was something he had read in a book, or if it was a dream he had had, or just something he made up: the fact that I’ve never been able to track down the story to its original source is something that has haunted me throughout my life. I forget the exact details, but this is what I remember about the story he told us that day:

One day, a rainbow appears in the sky, a rainbow that can be seen at any point on Earth. As people look up at the rainbow in shock, burning letters begin to appear across the rainbow itself. The letters form the following message: that all people’s sins will be unveiled, and that the world will end in seven days. And sure enough, everyone’s sins begin to manifest as words on their faces. By that I mean, say you were guilty of the sin of lust: then the word “LUST” would appear on your face. People all over the Earth panic. They try to wash the words off their faces, but the words remain, despite their best effort. At one point in the story, Father Barry mentioned a couple, a husband and wife I think, who decide to remain married, even when they can plainly see that they’ve been unfaithful to each other. Then on the seventh day the rainbow reappears and the world ends. That’s the gist of the homily, as best as I can recall it.

For years afterwards, I had a bad fear of rainbows. I would get very nervous every time it would rain, and whenever I was outside I tried my best not to look up at the sky, for fear of seeing a rainbow that had words on it announcing the advent of the end of the world (plus, the idea of my sins appearing on my face for all the world to see was also a big part of that worry). I know it sounds silly, and eventually I outgrew it (hell, in college, I joined the campus gay/straight/bi/trans/questioning student group, which was called RAINBOW). A few years ago I began studying the fear of rainbows, and found that it was an actual phobia: iridophobia (incidentally, another phobia I had growing up was fear of buttons, the clinical name for which is koumpounophobia. It’s more common than you would assume. Steve Jobs, for example, suffered the same fear, which is one of the reasons why the elevator in Apple’s Tokyo store has no floor buttons. In my case it was so chronic that, when I was growing up, I would refuse to wear any type of clothing that had buttons on them. Just the act of touching a button would leave me feeling physically ill. Of course, with some people the phobia is so severe that the sight of a button is enough to induce vomiting. I wasn’t that bad though. I still find large buttons to be very disgusting, however).

 

The Bloody Mary Urban Legend

The following story occurred when I was in middle school, probably the 7th grade. There was this one day at school where all the kids seemed to be talking about the Bloody Mary urban myth. The way they were describing it was, if you stood in front of a mirror in a darkened room and said the words “Bloody Mary” ten times while staring into the mirror, then the bloody disembodied head of a dead witch would appear in the mirror and, if you did not escape from the room or turn the light on fast enough, then she would chop your head off or something. As I said, many of my classmates were talking about this on that day, and some were even saying that they had tried it out themselves and that it was true, that she had appeared in the mirror.

Now, there are two kinds of people in this world: those who make up bullshit stories, and the superstitious, easily-fooled poor souls who believe such bullshit stories. As you can probably have guessed by now, I fall into the latter category. I even asked this one girl who said she had tried it out if she was telling the truth and she looked into my eyes and swore to God that it was true, that she wasn’t lying (I should have known better: this girl really had it out for me that year, for whatever reason: she looked exactly like Anne Frank but she was pure evil, and she took a special delight in tormenting me: once in Home Ec class our assignment was to bake pancakes and after we had baked the pancakes we ate what we had baked and this girl’s hands got all covered in maple syrup and at one point as I walked by her she grabbed my arm and she wiped her hand over my arm, as if it were a napkin, so as a result it got all sticky with maple syrup. It was a very embarrassing situation for me. But years later, I happened to find out that she had gotten knocked up, so, you know, like, karma, but I digress). Long story short, I fell for the urban legend hook, line and sinker, and by the end of that school day I was very shaken up.

I suppose I must have been pale when my parents picked me up from school, because they asked me what was wrong with me. So I told them about how all the kids were talking about Bloody Mary. My parents assured me that it was all a hoax, but I didn’t believe them. To prove it to me, they took me into the bathroom of the first floor of our house. They closed the door and turned off the lights. My dad began chanting “Bloody Mary” at the mirror while I stood at the door, my hand gripped on the knob, beads of sweat popping out on my forehead, and with each utterance of the words “Bloody Mary” my terror seemed to keep rising at a feverish pitch. Finally, with the tenth “Bloody Mary” being uttered, I screamed and ran out of the room, and in the hallway outside the bathroom I (somewhat humiliatingly) burst into tears. Naturally, Bloody Mary did not appear in the mirror. And yet, I developed a phobia that day, not so much of mirrors, but mirrors at night. Even now, to this day, whenever I’m passing by a darkened room at night with a mirror in it, I keep my head down so that I won’t accidentally look into the mirror. I remember in 2011, we had a hurricane hit New England, and we lost power for a day. That night, I had to take a shower in the bathroom, but because we had no lights I had to bring a flashlight in with me, so I could see what I was doing. On the front of the medicine cabinet above the sink is a mirror, the same mirror that my parents chanted “Bloody Mary” into all those years ago. So I covered it up with a towel!

 

Books

The Man With The Blue Face

When I was a kid, my dad was really into reading fantasy novels, by writers such as J.R.R. Tolkien and Stephen R. Donaldson and Terry Brooks and so forth. He would often describe the plots of these books to me in great detail: I remember how, in trying to read Lord of the Rings myself when I was in middle school, I had found that I had liked my father’s description of the book more than the book itself. But my dad also owned a lot of fantasy novels by lesser known writers as well. Pictured above is the illustration that graces the front and back cover of Robert Silverberg’s 1980 fantasy novel Lord Valentine’s Castle. On the book’s spine there was this creepy-looking man with blue skin who I would always refer to as “The Man With the Blue Face” (my dad would tell me the character’s real name, but I could never remember it). I’ve circled this character in the above JPG, and below is a (somewhat blurry) close-up; my apologies for the poor picture quality…

Anyway, this “Man With the Blue Face,” well, he terrified me, to the extent that my dad had to hide this book on his bookshelf behind another book. Although I don’t suffer nightmares much anymore, when I was a child I had many nightmares, and this Man With the Blue Face probably appeared in like 50% of them. This was one that occurred often: in the nightmare, I’d be lying in bed in my bedroom when I’d hear a voice call my name. Thinking it was my parents, I would go to the top of the stairs and look down. Every time, it would be the Man With the Blue Face standing at the bottom, waiting for me. I would find myself unable to run as he charged up the stairs. He’d grab my ankles and then yank me down the stairs. Then he would drag me along the hallways of the house until we came to the door that led to the basement (the basement of my parent’s old house was also the source of great childhood terror to me: the previous occupants of the house had painted sinister-looking people on the walls, and on one of the other walls there was a large black gaping hole that my parents told me never to stick my hand into: I used to fantasize that it led to Hell, or some alien parallel dimension). The Man With the Blue Face would swing open the basement door and start pulling me down the stairs. Then the basement door would slam shut and I would wake up, usually screaming for my mother.

 

The above illustration appears in The How and Why Wonder Book of Insects, which my parents had purchased for me at a Toys “Я” Us for $1.08. Written by Ronald N. Rood and illustrated by Cynthia and Alvin Koehler (and published by Price/Stern/Sloan Publishers, Inc. Los Angeles, 1983), it is basically a 48 page informational book about insects, with illustrations (some of which are in color, others in black and white). This drawing appears on page 28, which strikes me as ironic, seeing as I consider 28 to be one of my lucky numbers. At the bottom half of this page, as you can see, there is a black and white illustration of a startled-looking mouse that is surrounded on all sides by five honeybees, who seem to be readying themselves to sting the mouse to death. The text above the illustration says, “A warm beehive sometimes attracts mice and other animals. If a mouse finds the hive, it may eat some of the honey the bees have stored for food. It may build its nest in front of the entrance so that the bees cannot get out in the spring. Often the bees drive the mouse away with their stings. Sometimes they sting it so much that it dies. Then they have to leave the body there. But the bees often cover a dead mouse with their wax, sealing it up so that the air in the hive will stay fresh.” And beneath the illustration is this caption: “The mouse has a sweet tooth, especially for honey, but bees know how to defend their property from enemies.” Perhaps my fear of bees stems all the way back to seeing this picture at an early age?

In the JPG above are some panels from the comic book adaptation of Don Bluth’s classic 1982 film The Secret of NIMH, which was itself an adaptation of Robert C. O’Brien’s Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH. I recall being quite fond of the movie when I was a child (in fact, I had had a crush on the animated version of Mrs. Brisby, who I thought was kind of hot). Anyway, this comic book adaptation was published by Golden Press in 1982, and though it was priced at $2.95 my parents had purchased it for $2.46 at Caldor. The illustration in this book that had scared me was on page 29, the portion of the book dealing with the rats and mice trying to escape from the NIMH research labs by fleeing through a ventilator system. At the top of this page in question there was a panel showing some of the rats crawling along a string that stretched like a tightrope at the top of the air shafts. The inside of this air shaft was red, with gaping black holes, making it look more like the interior arteries of the body of some horrific eldritch monster than the inside of an air shaft. I mean, at that point in my life, I had never seen the insides of an actual air shaft, but my gut feeling was that they didn’t look like that. Some of the rats are shown falling to their deaths as they got sucked down the air shafts, horrified expressions on their cartoony faces: at the top of the panel is a caption stating: “But all the mice except Jonathan and Mr. Ages were sucked to their doom down air shafts!” Incidentally, I would sometimes have nightmares in which I’d find myself getting sucked down similar air shafts.

 

The Johnny Dixon Mysteries of John Bellairs

“I write scary thrillers for kids because I have the imagination of a ten-year-old. I love haunted houses, ghosts, witches, mummies, incantations, secret rituals performed by the light of the waning moon, coffins, bones, cemeteries, and enchanted objects.”
-John Bellairs, Locus 1991

When I was young, I was a huge fan of the gothic novelist John Bellairs (January 17, 1938–March 8, 1991), who pretty much wrote books mainly for kids and teenagers, though he did a few adult novels as well (these adult novels of which I have not read). Not only were they my entryway to the world of Gothic/horror fiction, but also to the art of Edward Gorey, as his illustrations would usually grace the front cover, back cover, and frontispiece of the books of John Bellairs. When I was a kid, I was especially obsessed with his series of supernatural mystery/thriller novels featuring Johnny Dixon. His Johnny Dixon books take place in New England in the 1950’s, and concern Johnny Dixon, a lonely and quiet bespectacled boy who, though he likes nothing more in life than to read his books in peace and quiet, always finds himself being drawn into inexplicable adventures, often revolving around cursed objects, undead wizards, killer robots, time travel, and so forth. Usually accompanying him on these adventures are his best friend and classmate Fergie, his neighbor Prof. Childermass (an elderly man who is Johnny’s second best friend), and Father Higgins, the town priest. The titles of these books were quite evocative: there was The Curse of the Blue Figurine (1983), The Mummy, The Will and the Crypt (1983), The Spell of the Sorcerer’s Skull (1984), The Revenge of the Wizard’s Ghost (1985), The Eyes of the Killer Robot (1986), The Trolley to Yesterday (1989), The Chessmen of Doom (1989), and The Secret of the Underground Room (1990). Following Bellairs’ death in 1991, further Johnny Dixon mysteries were written by Brad Strickland, but I never read those. The first Dixon mystery I read was the third one in the series, The Spell of the Sorcerer’s Skull: I think I got it through my school’s Scholastic book club. I loved it so much that I began collecting the other ones in the series.

Having said that, I also found the books of John Bellairs to be very scary at times. Take The Spell of the Sorcerer’s Skull. In this novel, Johnny Dixon and Prof. Childermass visit an old inn in a little New Hampshire town. The owner of this inn just happens to have in his possession a clock that had been built years ago by Prof. Childermass’ father, a clock that is said to be haunted. In the bottom half of the clock there’s a small dollhouse room, decorated like the parlor of a Victorian house from the 1870’s. Inside this parlor are various objects, including a tiny skull and a doll of a man that’s supposed to represent Prof. Childermass’ granduncle, who was murdered by a sorcerer many years ago. That night, Johnny sleepwalks down to the inn’s basement, where he has a vision in which he sees the doll come to life, only to get smothered to death by a tall, gaunt shadow. That scene is creepy enough, but things get worse. When the Professor touches the skull, he unwittingly is cursed, and later on vanishes. When Johnny visits the house of his friend, he encounters this creepy scene (the fact that it involved a face in a mirror made it doubly nightmarish in my mind):

“Halfway to the window Johnny froze. He had seen something out of the corner of his eye, a sudden image in the small rectangular mirror that hung over the bureau. He turned and looked. In the mirror he saw the professor’s face, looking haggard and disheveled. His eyes pleaded and, as Johnny watched, his lips formed silent words. ‘Help me.’

Another of the spookier Dixon mysteries is The Eyes of the Killer Robot. The plot for this one is pretty silly: it’s been years since I’ve read it, but I think the story revolved around this: the town that Johnny Dixon lived in was holding some kind of baseball contest where if you could strike out a major league batter, you’d win $10,000, and some evil inventor planned to win the contest by building a robot that resembled a man in a baseball uniform and using “an ancient magical formula” to bring it to life. The crux of the story was that the robot could only be brought to life when a pair of dead man’s eyes are placed within the robot’s head. The inventor had a grudge against Johnny’s grandfather, so to get back at him he plans on using Johnny’s eyes to bring the robot to life. As I said, pretty silly stuff. Still, there are some unsettling moments, such as this one, where Johnny spots a ghost lurking outside his bedroom window:

“But just as he was turning to pull down the bedspread, he froze. Out of the corner of his eye he had seen something.

There was a figure crouching on the porch roof outside his bedroom window.

An icy breath of fear blew across Johnny’s body. In a flash he knew that the creature was someone who shouldn’t be there, someone who couldn’t be there- it was a visitor from another world. Slowly, Johnny turned to face the thing. The flashlight’s beam cast a ghostly sheen on the window, and beyond the glass Johnny saw a fearfully thin shape shuffling forward on his knees. As Johnny watched, rigid with terror, the shadowy form groped at the window… and then Johnny blacked out, and he fell in a heap on the floor.”

By this point, one would think that Johnny should just stop looking at things he notices at the corner of his eye.

Here’s another of the spookier scenes:

“Not far from the back door of the house stood a bench covered with peeling white paint. It was a garden seat, the kind people used to make so they could sit outdoors on hot summer nights. The bench stood in a patch of wild rosebushes not far from the rugged wall of the mountain, which towered overhead. A man was sitting on the bench- a man Johnny had never seen before. He wore baggy, dusty overalls and a faded plaid shirt, and he had a big mop of straw-colored hair. The man sat hunched over with his face in his hands, and he seemed to be crying. Johnny stood dead still. The bunch of pieweed stalks fell from his numb fingers, and he took a couple of shuffling steps forward. And then, as Johnny watched, the man stood up. He took his hands away from his face and he stumbled. Johnny gasped in terror- the man had no eyes. Streaks of blood ran down from empty black sockets.

‘They took my eyes,’ the man moaned. ‘They took my eyes.’

Johnny opened and closed his mouth, and made little whimpering noises. He shut his eyes tight to block out this horrible vision, and when he opened them again a second later, the man was gone.”

Granted, that’s the kind of scene that, when I read it over now, makes me giggle, but when I was a kid, I thought that was pretty scary stuff.

More info on John Bellairs and his work can be found here:

http://www.bellairsia.com/

 

Songs

“Aqualung” by Jethro Tull

Growing up, I would often listen to the same music that my parents listened to. They mostly listened to progressive rock, bands like Yes and King Crimson and Emerson, Lake & Palmer. My dad liked Jethro Tull as well, especially their album Aqualung. I hated the song “Aqualung,” though. For some reason, I misheard the lyric “feeling like a dead duck—spitting out pieces of his broken luck” as “spitting out pieces of his broken lung,” the visual image of which so disgusted me that, upon hearing it on the radio of my parent’s car one day as we drove to some parade, I went into a state of almost borderline hysterics as I demanded they switch to a different station before that lyric came up, even though they insisted I had misheard the lyric. I also found the artwork that accompanied the Aqualung album to be quite creepy and disgusting as well. Bottom line, I hated Aqualung: the song, the album, even the fucking artwork.

 

TV shows

Mummenschanz on the Muppet Show (1976)

I don’t think I need to comment much on this one. Let’s just say that while I loved The Muppet Show when I was little, the Mummenschanz characters would often manifest in my nightmares. How the audience could be laughing at this surrealistic nightmare, I have no idea!

 

Movies

Luke’s vision in Empire Strikes Back

When I was a child, I was really obsessed with the Star Wars films (in fact, the first film I ever saw in theaters was Return of the Jedi, all the way back in 1983). I had all the toys and books and everything. However, there was one scene in the second film, where Luke Skywalker has a nightmarish vision involving himself battling Darth Vader, that always scared the hell out of me.

watch it here

 

Video/Computer Games

Alien (Commodore 64)

This old computer game, first released for the Commodore 64 in 1984, was, of course, based on the classic Ridley Scott film. The game was designed and programmed by Paul Clansey, who also did the awesome music heard playing at the title screen (this was back in the days when all it took was one person to crank out a video or computer game). It’s mostly a menu-based game that is surprisingly faithful to the film and, through the use of subtle sound effects, really captures the tension and paranoia of the movie in question. All the characters who appear in the film appear in the game, as does the ship where the main action takes place… All that’s missing is the face hugger and the bursting chest (one presumes this happens off-stage, right before the game begins). The graphics are kind of dull and basic and the interface is a little clunky, but all-in-all, I’d say they made a good effort. I played this game A LOT when I was a kid, even though it scared the hell out of me. One thing that interests me about the game was how, in place of a soundtrack, all the game consists of in terms of sound is a steady beating sound as the clock ticks down (which I guess also stands in for the character’s heartbeat) and an annoying metallic hiss every 7-8 seconds. Every now and then you’ll hear a metallic scrapping sound which indicates the Alien is moving around the ship’s duct system (or maybe moving into the next room). This heightens the game’s creepiness and paranoia. The main goal of the game, like the film, is to destroy the Alien. There are a few ways to do this. One, you can use weapons on him and try to beat him in hand to hand combat, though I’ve never been able to do this (the weapons, most of which include laser pistols, harpoon guns, and incinerators, are very hard to come by)… The most I’ve ever been able to do is wound him, and when that happens his acidic blood damages the room he’s in. I have no idea what happens it the acid damages too much of the ship, and frankly, I don’t want to know. Another option is to entice him to enter an airlock, then shoot him into outer space, but odds are against that he’ll fall for this. The easiest way (and I mean the word “easy” in its most ironic sense) is to capture the cat Jones, set the ship to auto self-destruct, then get at least three crew members into the “Narcissus” escape pod to win. But try as hard as I could, I was never able to beat this game. One thing that added to the paranoia factor is that you can never actually see the Alien on the game’s map until it attacks you: then the game jarringly switches to a screen of the Alien itself.

 

Ikari Warrios 2: Victory Road intro (NES)

Ikari Warriors 2: Victory Road is a shoot-‘em-up action video game released for the Nintendo Entertainment System in April of 1988. My family never actually owned this game, but we did rent it once, and for some reason my brothers and I found the game’s intro scene to be terrifying. First off, it’s kind of creepy (to say nothing of irritating) how the text slowly appears on the screen one letter at the time, and when you get to the grand appearance of Zada at the 2:51 mark (he looks a bit like a Satanic Yoda), well…

 

The Ending to Monster Party (NES)

Monster Party is a fairly obscure game released for the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1989, though over the years it has built up something of a cult following. It’s basically about a boy named Mark who meets a gargoyle-like creature named Bert. Bert is from the “Dark World,” and this home of his has been attacked by monsters. It’s essentially your basic platformer game, just with a somewhat quirky and macabre sense of humor (as some of the bosses you fight in the game are quite outlandish). But the ending is pretty, well… see for yourself:

 

The Town of Yomi in Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest (NES)

Towards the end of Castlevania II, right before you reach Dracula’s Castle, there’s a town you have to go through called Yomi. What makes this town different than the game’s other towns is that it’s completely abandoned, utterly devoid of life, save for one crazy old woman hiding in her house who, when you speak with her, simply says “Let’s Live Here Together.”

 

The Death Scenes of Uninvited (NES)

All I have to say to this is: AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Shadow’s Dream in Final Fantasy VI (SNES)

When I was in high school, my favorite video game of all-time was Final Fantasy VI for the Super NES, though back then, when it was first released in the West, it was known as Final Fantasy III. One of my younger brothers and I were so obsessed with the game that we each created a trilogy of novels based on it (this was around 1995 or so). Like most of these Japanese role playing games, your party can sleep at inns to replenish lost health. Usually when you sleep at an inn in the game, you’ll see your party each climb onto a bed. The screen goes black, you hear a nice little sound effect, then the game fades back into the view of the inn as the party gets out of bed and you can control them again.

That’s what’s supposed to happen, anyway. However, if one of the characters you can play as in the game, Shadow the Ninja, is in your party, and you go to sleep at an inn, there’s always a chance that one of 4 different dream scenes will appear, these dreams being flashbacks into Shadow’s life, before he became a ninja. What made this so scary to me at the time was that I didn’t know about this: the strategy guide I owned for the game made no mention of it. So when I saw his first dream for the first time, it came as a real shock to me: not helping matters is that in this first dream scene, an incredibly loud and abrasive droning/air-siren-like sound effect plays in the background, adding to the “jump out of your seat” effect. I can at least take solace in one thought: quite a few other people who played the game when it first came out freaked out at that first dream scene as well!

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To make this fairly short day of mine a bit longer, here are a few more recent things that have creeped me out over the last few months:

Squidward’s Suicide:
http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Squidward’s_Suicide

 

Pokemon’s Lavender Town Syndrome:
http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Lavender_Town_Syndrome

 

Yume Nikki: Uboa (shit gets real at the 7:39 mark):

Well, I think that’s enough horror for one day!

 

 

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p.s. Hey. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. You’re in ‘It is not …’? I need to watch that again. Benjamin Britton is vastly preferable to James Taylor for me, yes. I’ve never found Viggo Mortensen to be physically attractive at all, and I’ve never been especially interested in his acting, and his poetry is well-meaning but so-so, but his decades-long strong support of Beyond Baroque makes me think he’s a cool guy. ** Bill, I didn’t realise he was still making films either until I made the post. Okay, you’re kind of selling me on those specific mermaids but … no others! I’ll see if that film is on one of my ‘illegal’ sites. Thanks! Excellent something great-filled weekend. ** Dominik, Hi! My brain cells are about half-working this morning, and I have no excuse unless the coffee I bought yesterday and am drinking now is accidentally decaf. Yeah, I get the feeling that just being admired for their prose would not be enough for most escorts. Sadly/ understandably. It’s the inability to travel until further notice that’s driving me the most crazy. And no cafes. Great, enjoy your imaginary wealth! Ha ha. I especially like that the paintings are miniature. Love strolling across Severn Bridge on the night of Feb. 7, 1995, noticing a forlorn looking young fella staring ominously into the water below and inviting him home for a nice cuppa tea, G. ** Misanthrope, My newness streak continues, yay! I thought that concept might give you the willies, and I apologise, although the willies can be instructive. Sounds like your health may very well be in the clear, tentative whew. Outdoors sounds smart. My outdoors is freezing cold and pounding rain, and I need to dash out and buy cigarettes, yuck. ** Steve Erickson, Only on vinyl?! That’s obnoxious. Maybe Tommy Gear is still trying to maintain The Screamers’ elusive thing, but that’s just counterproductive. Well, you’ve completely warded me off the Viggo Mortensen film, thank you. Yikes. No, no deadline on the script-cum-novella thing. I wish we had one, actually. I may have to pretend we do. Yes, Zac’s pretty much all better now. Just some headaches, he says. But he seems totally good. ** Brian O’Connell, Hi, Brian. von Praunheim’s films are all over the place. I prefer his kind of wacked out, super gay costume extravaganza ones to his more political ones, but that’s just me. Weirdly, the workers just stopped showing up a few days ago. Their equipment and ladders and stuff are still all over the floor, and the job isn’t finished, but … nothing. I hope they didn’t die. I feel like so far Biden seems to be doing what he should be doing. I’m still blissed that there hasn’t been even a tiny peep in the media that I’ve seen about the Ex and what he’s doing since he stepped on that plane. Man, so sorry to hear about your very down day. We seem to be at a point where everyone, or everyone I know, has hit the wall about the pandemic and the lockdown and stuff. Badly need a second wind. ‘Yi Yi’ … no, I don’t think I’ve seen it. I’ll find it. Sounds worth a view. I hope you get into the city. Mm, I had a couple of potentially fun plans for today, but they both fell apart, so I’m not sure what I’ll do. I really need to stop procrastinating about a couple of writing assignments I have, so hopefully I’ll do that. I’ll let you know if anything I did was shiny. Enjoy whatever the next couple of days puts in your path. ** Corey Heiferman, Hi. I hope your investigation of von Praunheim is a feeding type of situation. Thank you for the fill-in about the weedkend thing. I really should know that stuff. Religion gives off a bit of a stink for me. The first time I visited France in the mid-late 70s, all the stores closed from about noon to 3 pm every day, but that was just some kind of traditional French laziness or something. Guess I don’t think much about mythical creatures. I can’t think of any that actually bore me other than mermaids. It’s just a lack of excitement that seems to be a prerogative to finding, oh, dragons or giant cyclops or whatever else interesting to contemplate. Strange, I know. I should probably see a therapist or something. Why, do you have a thing of some heady sort for mythical beings? ** Okay. This weekend I have restored a post by the legendarily masterful DC’s guest-post maker Sypha aka author James Champagne. Perhaps you would like to respond by ponying up with some of your childhood fear inducers? That might be nice. But your response is completely your call, don’t get me wrong. Oh, and Sypha, apologies for inserting those two gifs in your Day, I just couldn’t seem to help myself. And with that I’ll see you on Monday.

Rosa von Praunheim Day

 

‘”Hello freaks, film friends and perverts! I was one of the first in the world to make a gay rights film after World War II, and I can say in all modesty that I’m probably the most productive gay filmmaker on Earth,” Rosa von Praunheim confidently writes on his website.

‘He is definitely the most hard-working one. Von Praunheim has directed about 80 feature and documentary films to date, as well as countless short videos for television. He initially didn’t even want to become a filmmaker, as he preferred painting. But he quickly noticed that he could reach a larger audience with his movies.

‘Rosa von Praunheim was born Holger Radtke on November 25, 1942, in a prison in Riga, during the German occupation of Latvia. Shortly after his birth, he was adopted by the Mischwitzky family, who brought him to East Berlin. The family lived in East Germany until they escaped to Frankfurt in 1953.

‘The young Holger developed an early interest for the arts. The first play he directed in high school was in Latin. He then studied at an art school in Offenbach and later at the Berlin University of the Arts. It was around that period that he assumed his stage name, “Rosa von Praunheim.” Rosa — German for “pink” — was a reference to the pink triangle homosexual prisoners had to wear in concentration camps, while Praunheim was the name of the district in Frankfurt where he lived as a teenager.

‘He directed his first short film in 1967. A year later, he received an award for “Rosa Arbeiter auf Goldene Straße” (Pink Workers on Golden Street). He became “famous and notorious,” as he likes to say, with his 1971 film, “It Is Not the Homosexual Who Is Perverse, But the Society in Which He Lives.” The title alone was already an unheard-of message in West Germany at the time. Even though the law criminalizing homosexual acts had just been reformed in 1969, homosexuality was still taboo for most Germans and the word “schwul” (gay) was used as an insult.

The filmmaker’s parents discovered that their son was attracted to men through this movie as well. This coming-out was a personal liberation for the artist, which he transformed into a wake-up call for all homosexual men. “I didn’t like gays who were completely apolitical and remained in the closet, who would find escape in parties instead of supporting the movement,” said von Praunheim. “I was angry at all the coward gays who would run away when chased by homophobes, instead of resisting as a group.”

‘With the film, Rosa von Praunheim became an instant icon of the gay and lesbian movement in Germany. He called homosexuals to “Get out of the restrooms and onto the streets!” and that encouraged countless people to reveal their sexual preference publicly. Within a short period, 50 gay rights groups were formed in West Germany. Von Praunheim became a star — in the art world as well. In 1972, his film was shown at the Documenta in Kassel.

‘The filmmaker pursued an unparalleled career and has won numerous awards. His films are campy and controversial, but often surprisingly peaceful and poetic. Many of them have gained cult status. That was already the case with his first feature film from 1970, “Die Bettwurst” (The Bolsters), a parody of bourgeois marriage. He also explored realities beyond his home country, directing, for instance, the documentary “Survival in New York” (1989) and its sequel, “New York Memories” (2010).

‘In 1985, he directed “A Virus Knows No Morals.” Instead of dealing with the issue of AIDS with what he called “a pity film,” he chose to do so with a black comedy. With the work, he aimed to entertain while raising awareness. “Many people criticize safe sex, because they believe the virus was created by the CIA and Germany isn’t threatened by it — as long as you avoid unprotected sex with Americans,” the filmmaker reported at the time of the release of this movie.

Von Praunheim organized Germany’s first large AIDS charity event in Berlin’s Tempodrom, featuring a series of major German artists such as Herbert Grönemeyer, André Heller and Wolf Biermann. He continued addressing the issue afterwards, creating an AIDS trilogy in 1990. While denouncing discrimination against people with AIDS, he outed two popular TV public figures, comedian Hape Kerkeling and TV host Alfred Biolek, on a TV talk show watched by some four million viewers. It become one of the greatest scandals of German TV history. “It was a cry of despair at the peak of the AIDS crisis,” explained Rosa von Praunheim later. He wanted to incite closeted people to move and show more solidarity with the gay community, which was strongly affected by AIDS and HIV.

‘Along with films dealing with homosexuality, the director has also centered many of his works on older women. Cabaret artiste Lotti Huber starred in von Praunheim’s film “Unsere Leichen leben noch” (Our Corpses Still Live) in 1981. In “Two Mothers” (2007), von Praunheim documented his journey to Latvia’s capital, Riga, searching for clues on his biological mother. His adoptive mother had only before told him that he had been adopted. He was nearly 60 when he found out that he was born in a prison and that his biological mother had been murdered in a psychiatric hospital. The artist further explored his own past in “Praunheim Memories” (2014), revisiting the streets of his youth.’

‘Much has changed within the 40 years of Rosa von Praunheim’s activist career. Since October 1, 2017, gay and lesbian couples can also get married. Isn’t that a wonderful birthday present? “No, not at all,” reacts von Praunheim. “We wanted something else. It’s now moving towards conformance and ‘let’s do like the heteros,’ but that wasn’t the plan.” Another fact disturbs him even more: “Many countries on Earth still criminalize gays. The situation is horrible for homosexuals in eastern Europe, in Africa and Asia. Churches vehemently fight against gays and lesbians. There’s therefore so much to do for us and for me, in the short time I still have to live.”‘ — DW

 

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Stills






















































 

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Further

Rosa von Praunheim Site
RvP @ iMDb
“I made a lot of difference and I was controversial”
ROSA VON PRAUNHEIM Le provocateur
RvP @ MUBI
«il faut révéler l’homosexualité des prêtres»
IT’S A WOUND-ERFUL LIFE
“IN TERMS OF OPENNESS, A LOT HAS CHANGED”
RvP @ letterboxd
RvP @ instagram
The work of Rosa von Praunheim: tackling AIDS in Germany through film
Interview With Rosa Von Praunheim
Perversion of Society
Gender expression in Rosa von Praunheim’s City of Lost Souls
“Quise educar sexualmente a la gente”
Reconceiving Trans Womanhood And Sexual Pluralism In ‘City Of Lost Souls’

 

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Extras


SPECIAL TEDDY AWARD 2014 – ROSA von PRAUNHEIM


My scene in the Rosa Von Praunheim film “Uberleben in Neukölln”


A restaging of NICHT DER HOMOSEXUELLE IST PERVERS’s legendary final scene.


Rosas Welt: 70 Filme von Rosa von Praunheim – Trailer Presse

 

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Interview
from Goethe institute

 

Mr. von Praunheim, a certain pleasure in provocation and breaking taboos runs through your whole career. You triggered considerable controversy in the early 1990s by outing celebrities such as Hape Kerkeling and Alfred Biolek on a TV show. Would you do such things again?

Outing was then a big thing. You can’t do something like that alone, but only with others, and that’s very difficult because I’m a loner really. But I certainly enjoyed it. I’ve made a film about David Berger, a gay religion teacher who was kicked out of his job, and tell how many gay Catholic priests there are. It would make sense to out gays in the Church. But that’s not for me to do. It’s a job for others.

How do you see outings today?

I think it changed journalism in a very positive way. Back then the media reported about gays only in connection with AIDS deaths, crime and what not. Suddenly, gays were presented quite normally in the press, without making a problem of them. That was a big improvement.

In “It Is Not the Homosexual Who Is Perverse, But the Society in Which He Lives” from 1971, your criticism was also aimed at the gay scene, from which you called for more commitment and struggle. What has changed since then?

One of the demands was that you should out yourself, be open about your homosexuality and talk about it in your circle of friends, with your parents, at the job. In terms of openness, a lot has changed. I think that many people now grow up more naturally with their gayness – supported by the internet, by gay groups and so on. This of course doesn’t apply to everyone. But because the social climate has changed, a large percentage can now live in their relationships more freely and openly.

On the occasion of your 70th birthday, you’ve launched a mammoth project – “Rosa’s World”, with 70 new short films. Many revolve around queer themes, but you also devote some to strong woman. Why is it that in the course of your career you’re films have repeatedly concerned themselves with older women, ranging from Lotti Huber to Evelyn Künecke?

It began with my Aunt Lucie, who played in Die Bettwurst (i.e., The Bed Potato) and became famous because, with her wonderful naivety, directness and honesty, she embodied a very different type of woman from that which had been previously known in film. I’m interested in older woman particularly because with them you have an erotic, but not a sexual, relation, and because between them and gay men there is often a wonderful solidarity. Perhaps also because we mutually esteem each other and both belong to minorities that are discriminated against by hetero men.

You haven’t yet had a big commercial hit. What does success mean to you?

Success is everything. But success also means when someone takes up your work. Or when someone tells me that he likes one of the poems I write everyday. Or when a couple of viewers go to the movie theater to watch one of my films. Naturally, it would be great if a thousand or ten thousand people would go to see one of my films, or if hundreds of thousands saw one on TV. But you grow humbler with time, because you know how difficult it is to prevail in this media circus. You’ve been very lucky if you managed to do anything at all.

The cartoonist Ralf König, to whom you recently devoted a documentary portrait “König des Comics” (i.e., King of the Comics), is also very successful with a heterosexual public. How do you account for that?

I think it’s the humor that makes it easier for straights to love gay life. Moreover, his comics and my films aren’t moralistic, but rather about everyday observations that could just as well apply to heterosexuals.

In the past your films and your commitment have initiated a good deal. Is there anything about which you’re particularly proud?

I don’t really know what to think about being “proud”. I’m happy that in my old age it’s been given me to continue working. My consciousness is focused more on the present and the future. The past and what I’ve done doesn’t really belong to me.

If you compare the Rosa of the early years with the Rosa of today, how much has he changed and how much has stayed the same?

I can’t say. I feel more like a seven year old. I notice this in the drawings I do. In them there’s something that was in me very early on and which I didn’t develop. So in this sense I’ve stayed the same. Very infantile. And that’s a wonderful feeling.

 

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19 of Rosa von Praunheim’s 91 films

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Samuel Beckett, 1969
‘Someone who is obviously supposed to be Beckett is walking down a Berlin street with a briefcase under his arm. He is accompanied on the soundtrack by an Italian text taken from Dante’s Divine Comedy. While the big words are being spoken, the camera, in an accurate documentary manner, moves a door sign into the picture (“Lunch from Monday-Friday 12-3pm”), but above all the Schillertheater. Beckett sits in front of the lofty building and reads the BZ.’ — Dietrich Kuhlbrodt


the entirety

 

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It Is Not the Homosexual Who Is Perverse, But the Society in Which He Lives, 1971
‘Perhaps the best Praunheim film and if its visual side has acquired a value of a historical record of a time – almost archaeological -, its ideological side is a performance of a timeless ideology – since the past always crave to return. The film gained an unusual perspective for the present as a document of contemporary action – the political art seek a discourse that in 71 had already found its formulation.’ — josé neves


the entirety

 

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Die Bettwurst, 1971
‘It’s love at first sight: elderly secretary Luzi and young, unemployed Dietmar find each other by accident in Rosa von Praunheim’s outrageous genre, social satire.’ — IMDb


Excerpt

 

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Berliner Bettwurst, 1973
‘The story of the lovers Luzi and Dietmar from Praunheim’s earlier cult favourite film “The Bettwurst” finds its continuation: A marriage and device loan attracts two to Berlin, there will be married in the Memorial Church.’ — IMDb


Excerpt


Excerpts

 

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Porträt Marianne Rosenberg, 1976
‘The equipment of the 12-minute film, which was shot by a television team for the “Treffpunkt” series, has been brazenly increased to the kitschy. Marianne Rosenberg found nothing in it. Says Rosa von Praunheim. “She trimmed .” In the draperies of the interview apartment (it is Ulrike Ottinger’s) and in the dance movements of a third party (Tabea Blumenschein) a sub-image level develops that contains all kinds of lesbian signals. However, these are primarily not suitable for decryption. Marianne Rosenberg’s mother, who was there while the film was being shot, only intervened when asked about racial persecution. “That affects the image .” Interruption of the recording. And then came the simple “no”.’ — Dietrich Kuhlbrodt


Excerpt

 

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Army of Lovers or Revolt of the Perverts, 1979
‘This is a really fascinating snapshot of the gay community in America at a crucial point in time — right in the middle of the Anita Bryant firestorm and just before the failure of the Briggs Initiative, the death of Harvey Milk, and the AIDS crisis. This was made right around the same time as Word is Out and Gay USA, but its tone couldn’t be any more different than those mostly self-affirming documentaries. Here, von Praunheim both dredges up and seems to revel in the contradictions of the gay rights movement — both celebrating the open sexuality (and having unsimulated sex on camera) while chastising urban, ghettoized gays for their complacency with the small gains that they had made; showing a Grace Jones performance at New York Pride and interviewing a lesbian activist who found that performance to be sexist and degrading; and interviewing not just figures like John Rechy, Harry Hay, Del Martin, Phyllis Lyon and Fred Halsted, but also the founder of the American gay nazi party and one of the founders of NAMBLA. The result is a document that feels as messy, sprawling, angry — and occasionally sexually charged — as its subject matter. Can Criterion, Strand, or some other distributor finally pick up distribution rights for these Rosa von Praunheim films?? Crazy that they’re all so hard to find.’ — Evan

Watch the film VOD here

 

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Tally Brown, New York, 1979
‘Tally Brown tells tales, sings songs, and commands the screen for documentary filmmaker von Praunheim (whose Survival in New York is also showing in this series). The classically trained Brown’s musical repertoire encompassed opera, rock, and much more. Her film collaborations with Andy Warhol and Taylor Mead are discussed, and friends Holly Woodlawn and Divine weigh in on a thrilling performer equally at home on Broadway and at gay bathhouses.’ — Quad Cinemas


Excerpt

 

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City of Lost Souls, 1983
‘A group of American rock singers, dancers and acrobats live in Berlin. They are blacks, gays, transsexuals and Jews. What New York was for the 1960s, Berlin was for the ’80s. Ein groteskes Musical. Pollyfilla is a performer who defies traditional categorisation. As ScotsGay put it “they will engage in any act and transcend shame.” Adam Castle’s feral queer creature alter-ego stomps indelicately, the line between cabaret, drag and performance art. Behind the lurid façade of Praunheim’s film, lies a powerful dialogue about the queer and trans struggle for representation, which remains highly pertinent over 30 years later.’ — Another Gaze: A Feminist Film Journal


Excerpt

 

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Positive, 1990
‘This film documents New York City’s gay community’s response to the AIDS crisis during the 1980s as they were forced to organize themselves after the government’s slow response to stem the epidemic. Activist who are interviewed include New York filmmaker and journalist Phil Zwickler, playwright and gay activist Larry Kramer and musician Michael Callen who co-founded people with AIDS Coalition. Framing the individual stories of these three men is a chronicle of the creation of the Gay Men’s Health Crisis, ACT- UP and Queer Nation as the gay community confronted the AIDS epidemic.’ — collaged


Excerpt

 

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The Einstein of Sex, 1999
‘Magnus Hirschfeld (1868-1935) was a sexologist whose scientific investigation had an enormous impact on twentieth- century attitudes to homosexuality. Confronted with the conservatism of his era and driven by a determined humanism, in 1897 he founded the first political gay movement. Then in 1920 he founded an institute for sexology in Berlin. As a socialist homosexual of Jewish extraction, he was forced to flee his country in the thirties. During his stay in Los Angeles, Hirschfeld was called ‘The Einstein of sex’ by American journalists. He died in exile in Nice in 1935. Three years later, his colleague and friend Karl Giese comitted suicide, after a fruitless attempt to prevent the destruction of the Institute by the Nazis. Rosa von Praunheim wanted to found a monument to an important pioneer in the battle against homophobia in Der Einstein des Sex, which he considers to be his most conventional film. The film concentrates on the sensitive, tormented personality of Hirschfeld, on his emotional life and his political struggle. It also looks at the course of his love affair with Baron von Teschenberg, the happy years with Giese, his debates with the conservative anti-Semitic writer Adolf Brand and his relationship with his friend and guardian angel, the transvestite Dorchen.’ — IFFR


the entirety

 

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Cows Knocked Up by Fog, 2002
‘Catchy mix of farce and documentary. Portrait of a Berlin theatre company made up entirely of the homeless, alcoholics and junkies. They call themselves ‘rats’ and take the film over to have a party.’ — ogado


the entirety

 

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Men, Heroes and Gay Nazis, 2005
‘Given the often personal, sometimes lurid and typically gay-related nature of his films (and his ubiquity as a German public personality), it’s perhaps easy to overlook the fact von Praunheim has, over the course of more than 35 years, created one of the most fascinating sociopolitical-docu oeuvres in the world. “Men” is well up to par, making something coherent (if not conclusive) out of several overlapping themes, archival footage and interviews with current or former radical nationalists. Anti-immigrant sentiments, uber-masculinity fixations and obliviousness toward the movement’s general homophobia are noted. Pic also finds room to consider “new Fuhrer” Michael Kuhnen, a closeted neo-Nazi leader who died of AIDS, and the tolerated (to a point) homosexuality of Hitler’s SA commander Ernst Rohm.’ — Variety


Excerpt

 

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New York Memories, 2010
’20 years after his successful documentary “Survival in New York”, Rosa von Praunheim returns to the city, in which he had the most exciting time of his life. Remembering his own experiences in the wild seventies, when New York City was characterized by sexual liberation and eccentric individuals, and recollecting the big changes in the eighties when AIDS started to take its toll, Rosa meets his former protagonists and goes on a personal journey to discover what has become of “his” New York.’ — MappealTv


Trailer

 

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Rent Boys, 2011
‘Despised, stigmatised and suppressed to the fringe of society — this is the reality young, male prostitutes face in Berlin. Most of the hustlers are immigrants, a lot of them act out of necessity. Rosa von Praunheim accompanies the young adults at their work in bars, porn movie theatres and on the street. He shows their reasons, their stories and above all, their strong will to survive.’ — mAppeal


Trailer

 

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Praunheim Memoires, 2014
‘The filmmaker Rosa von Praunheim remembers his humble origins from the unglamorous district of Frankfurt Praunheim.’ — letterboxd


Trailer

 

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Hitler und Jesus – eine Liebesgeschichte, 2014
‘Two actors improvise biographical scenes about Hitler and Jesus. They discover more and more similarities and set out in search of the reasons for their enormous success. Jesus wants to give love. Many conflicts have to be resolved until Hitler can finally come to accept this.’ — film portal

Watch the film VOD here

 

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Härte, 2015
‘A staple of the Berlin festival, Rosa von Praunheim’s stylised brand of filmmaking has never held him back when it comes to difficult subjects. His latest feature, Tough Love, is no different, capturing the challenging and often distressing life of Andreas Marquardt in a campy dramatisation intercut with interviews from Marquardt himself. Prostitution, molestation and karate are the defining acts of Marquardt’s life, although the harrowing experiences of his formative years and his natural talent for martial arts soon take a back seat to his career as a pimp. Informed by his awful experiences with his mentally ill mother, a career in the sex trade suits the lowly opinion of the fairer sex to a T. It’s tempting to not view Tough Love with a critical eye. It’s very nature as a retelling of true events compounded by low budget production values makes it more reconstruction than cinema. But Prauheim’s stylistic approach is distinctly melodramatic and as a result the film ultimately fails to unite form and function.’ — The Up Coming


Trailer

 

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Survival in Berlin-Neukölln, 2017
‘About Stefan Stricker, who calls himself Juwelia and has been running a gallery on Sanderstraße in Berlin Neukölln for many years. Every weekend he invites guests to shamelessly recount from his life and to sing poetic songs written with his friend from Hollywood Jose Promis. Juwelia has been poor and sexy all her life, has always struggled for recognition, but only partially.’ — letterboxd


Trailer

 

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Darkroom, 2019
‘In Darkroom, cult director Rosa von Praunheim focuses on a true crime story that occurred in Germany recently, and the result is one of his most thrilling films. Lars, a male nurse from Saarbrücken, moves to Berlin with his lover, Roland. They begin to renovate an apartment and their happiness seems.’ — MUBI


Trailer

 

*

p.s. Hey. ** ae, Hi. Oh, okay, gotcha about the zine. How can I order a copy? What is a cheesemonger? I guess I can look it up. I like that term, cheese + monger is kind of clashy or something. And I love cheese. Even though I’m mostly vegan at the moment. What is your ideal artistic pursuit? I decided when I was pretty young to center being an artist in my life whatever it took, and it’s been hard, money-wise, but I feel the opposite of regret about that decision. Sorry for all the questions. No, I haven’t read that book. And I should, right? Assuming so, I’ll hunt it. Have a superb day by whatever means. ** David Ehrenstein, Thanks, but I’ll de-cue James Taylor if you don’t mind, ha ha. ** Misanthrope, You’re so earthbound. It’s interesting. Does it freak you out whenever you start to think about the earth being just a ball rotating in the midst of infinite space? Glad to hear Kayla’s doing okay. Oh, eek, about the possible exposure, and yeah, better safe than sorry is the byword of our times, so angle for protectiveness, I think. This is an absolutely gigantic and absolutely tiresome thing indeed. ** Dominik, Hi! Exactly about the editing. I think one of the reasons I keep doing the escort and slave posts is because I love editing their profile texts into poems as best I can. Except when they’re already poems, which happens surprisingly often and is exciting too. Maybe I should create a profile on those sites offering my services as a profile text perfecter. Except, as we’ve already discussed, I’m not so good at helping them sell themselves as sex objects. My guess is that I wouldn’t have continued to fiddle with this idea of turning the ARTE thing into fiction if I wasn’t sure it would work if I found the right approach. Maybe I have finally. Hope so. We didn’t get confinement. Now they say they’ll decide next week. The thing is that our infection rates are pretty high, but they’re plateaued, not rising, so that’s the possible saviour. Your situation sounds like ours except the schools are open here. Ha ha. Scary love there. Love so cute and ambidextrous that it can rim itself on cam and make a fortune doing so which it then donates to us out of love, G. ** _Black_Acrylic, I wonder if your storm is heading over here. No sign of it as of 9:41 am. The clouds in our sky are pretty fucking dark though, I’ll say that. ** Bill, Hi. I saw Zac yesterday, and he seems completely recovered apart from some recurring headaches, he says. I was expecting ‘The Lure’ to be a film based on that old Felice Picano novel. For some reason, I’m just simultaneously bored and repelled by the whole idea of mermaids, I don’t know why. Like even if Bresson has made a mermaid movie, making myself watch it would be like pulling teeth. ** Steve Erickson, Some things I’ve read about the Stones posit Brian Jones as the experimental one, others posit him as a hardcore blues guy who didn’t like it when they went experimental. Strange. But, yeah, I don’t know who else in the Stones would have been the one to take them in that direction. Bill Wyman? Nah. No, no lockdown announcement yet. Like I told Dominick, they delayed the decision until next week. Hard to tell. Granted, I virtually never remember my dreams, but when flashes of them linger upon waking, I haven’t once had a dream to my knowledge wherein anyone was wearing masks. ** G, Hi, G. Cool. I thought it might be nice to be serene for a day, so I’m glad it had that output. I can’t remember the last time I went swimming. I think it was at an onsen in Japan, but that wasn’t even swimming, just water immersion. I doubt that anyone is doing any better than OK these days, although I suppose all the slaves happily chained up in dungeons are probably thrilled. Here’s hoping you can get to Canada soonish. I’m an optimist, but I think that by late spring traveling will be a viable option again. No, too early for ‘I Wished’ events, I think. I’m going to do the final edit with my editor, such as that is — I don’t really get very edited — soon. That’s about it. Big kiss right back at/to you. ** Corey Heiferman, Hi, Corey. Oh, wow, that’s interesting: your weekend is Friday-Saturday? And then Sunday is back to work and so on? Huh.I know almost nothing about religion, which I assume is why your weekend is what it is (?), so that’s curious. Enfield is a good one. I wish I’d found it when I was putting the post together. Cool, thanks. I’ve never been properly scuba diving with a tank and all of that, just lightweight diving with a snorkel like you. But I liked it I would love to scuba dive. Hm. I unsurprisingly encourage you to ‘throw’ together a weird film for that festival. Truly, WTFN. ** Okay. Rosa von Praunheim. Sound familiar? Know his stuff? News to you? Today’s post gives you chance to begin to get his work under your belt, as it were. Which is not a bad idea, trust me. See you tomorrow.

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