The blog of author Dennis Cooper

Month: November 2020 (Page 9 of 12)

Jane Bogaert presents … Nico: 10 talking points

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1. No one
“No one loved Nico and Nico loved no one . . . she was just alone . . . she couldn’t bear for anyone to touch her . . . Nico had sex with no one.” — Carlos de Maldonaldo-Bostock

‘In the documentary Nico Icon, friends and relatives of the singer, model and actress Nico describe her as “crazy,” “terrifying,” “a freak,” “a junkie” and “desperate.” But they also call her a “dreaming,” “boundless” “pure beauty” and “goddess.” Which raises the questions: Just who was Nico? And, in the 49 years she lived, did anybody really know her?

‘Born Christa Paffgen, Nico appeared in such films as Federico Fellini’s Dolce Vita in 1960 and Andy Warhol’s Chelsea Girls in 1966. She recorded a handful of spooky and singular solo albums that are as revered today as they were pitifully unheard and sidelined in her time. She was romantically — and, in most cases, creatively — involved with some of the late 20th century’s most important artistic figures: Bob Dylan, Lou Reed, Jim Morrison, Alain Delon, Tim Buckley, Jackson Browne, Leonard Cohen, Brian Jones, Iggy Pop, and Jeanne Moreau among others. But she remains best known for singing in the influential rock group the Velvet Underground at the behest of Warhol. It wasn’t her voice that got her the job. It was her presence: tall, icy, Teutonic and beautiful. But her singing — deep, mechanical and heavily accented with long-drawn-out consonants — soon grew as striking as her looks.

‘Apparently Nico was like the Kelippot, empty human shells in cabalistic mythology. Many people in the documentary say there was nothing beneath her surface: no love, no interests, no cares. There was only a wish to annihilate the one thing that attracted everyone to her: her beauty. And that she succeeded in doing, with years of heroin addiction and self-abuse.

‘”I have no limits,” she says in an interview in the movie, referring not just to her future but to her changeable past. She spent the half-century she lived trying not to be known, fabricating her background and making wildly contradictory statements to interviewers and friends — that is, when she talked at all. By simply existing as a silent German beauty, Nico became a blank screen for those around her, allowing them to project their own images onto her emptiness.’ — Neil Strauss, NYT

 

2. 1972
“Nico spoke no language — not articulately, at least.” — Carlos de Maldonaldo-Bostock


Nico interview 1972

destroymichael: Would anyone happen to know what she is saying in english?
Luna2548: she explains how she met lou and J.cale, that she was really impressed and it was the most beautiful day of her life, that she met andy at castel where she went dancing and then i don’t really understand what she means by marquis de sade dances, perverted dances she says !? lol Then she is speaking about la cicatrice intérieur… Before speaking about the movie, the journalist tell her that apart from the vu album, c.girls and the two other albums, she didn’t record anything else so he ask her if she intented to release another album and she answers you think it isn’t enough? Also, she says she would like to play at the opera one day, that when she makes music she thinks about theatre and cinema and she thinks her music is very visual. it’s not a very clear interview, but not only because of Nico, she speaks french very well…sorry for my english…
dragnpop: when she speaks of Marquis de Sade dances and perverted dances, she referrs to Gerard Malanga, who was performing something known as the “whip dance” – a dance with a whip – during Andy Warhol’s EPI – exploding plastic inevitable.
esquibelle: I idolized Nico for years as a goddess, adored her voice and unique songs. Then I met her, to do an interview for a music paper, and was sorely disappointed! She was nothing like I’d imagined! She was not too nice, bumming money for drugs, food, etc. from fans. Brown teeth, strung out, condescending and surly. She mocked her fans. She was a tragic figure, struggling with regrets, because she knew she could have done so more with her life.
girlsdocry: I would say he’s asking questions expecting a precise answer, which she never gives, such as in the end. He also implies that she is lazy and have done nothing interesting lately. But you have a point : he is very rude and unrespectful, especially when he assumes she hasn’t done anything since she left the VU. If I was her, I would have reacted more violently, but she just seem to be above all that, like a queen talking to an annoying servant.
tooboredforwords: she sounds like a man no offence ppl
Rosarie0: How suitable French is for her. It’s all so smooth. She’s telling him to get fuc–d, so smoothly.
kutkrap: This guy speaks to her like she’s some kind of retard or a kid on a tv show, it’s really weird..reallt rude, i’d say. But she is luminous…

 

3. Songstress
“Heroin does make you a colder and a meaner person . . . not so much Nico because she had always been different.” — Lutz Ulbrich


‘Chelsea Girls’ live in the Chelsea Hotel


‘I’m Not Saying’


‘Winter Song’


‘Heroes’ live


‘These Days’


‘All That is My Own’


‘Afraid’ live


‘My Heart is Empty’ live


’60/40′ live


‘Le Petite Chevalier’


‘My Funny Valentine’

 

4. Superstar & actress
“Nico had no inner life, or what inner life she did have was kept strictly inner . . . there was nothing to talk to Nico about because she had no interests.” — Viva


Nico in Fellini’s ‘La Dolce Vita’

Between 1970 and 1979, Nico made about seven films with French director Philippe Garrel. She met Garrel in 1969 and contributed the song “The Falconer” to his film, Le Lit de la Vierge. Soon after, she was living with Garrel and became a central figure in his cinematic and personal circles. Nico’s first acting appearance with Garrel occurred in his 1972 film, La Cicatrice Intérieure. Nico also supplied the music for this film and collaborated closely with the director. She also appeared in the Garrel films Anathor (1972); the silent Jean Seberg biopic, Les Hautes Solitudes, released in 1974; Un onge passe (1975); Le Berceau de cristal (1976), starring Pierre Clementi, Nico and Anita Pallenberg; and Voyage au jardin des morts (1978). His 1991 film J’entends Plus la Guitare is dedicated to Nico. — Wikipedia


‘La Cicatrice Intérieure’ (trailer)


‘Le Lit de la vierge’ (clip)

Andy Warhol: ‘[Nico] called us from a Mexican restaurant and we went right over to meet her. She was sitting at a table with a pitcher in front of her, dipping her long beautiful fingers into the sangria, lifting out slices of wine-soaked oranges. When she saw us, she tilted her head to the side and brushed her hair back with her other hand and said very slowly, ‘I only like the fooood that flooooats in the wiiine.’

‘During dinner, Nico told us that she’d been on TV in England in a rock show called Ready, Steady, Go! and right there she pulled a demo 45 rpm out of her bag of a song called I’ll Keep It with Mine that had been written for her, she said, by Bob Dylan, who’d been over there touring. (It was one of a few pressings that had Dylan playing the piano on it, and eventually Judy Collins recorded it.) Nico said that Al Grossman [Dylan’s manager] had heard it and told her that if she came to the United States, he’d manage her. When she said that, it didn’t sound too promising, because we’d heard Edie telling us so much that she was ‘under contract’ to Grossman and nothing much seem to be happening for her… We were still seeing Edie, but we weren’t showing her films anymore…

‘Nico had cut a record called I’m Not Sayin’ in London (Andrew Oldham, the Stones’ producer had produced it), and she’d also been in La Dolce Vita. She had a young son – we’d heard rumors that the father was Alain Delon and Paul [Morrissey] asked her about that immediately because Delon was one of his favorite actors, and Nico said yes, that it was true and that the boy was in Europe with Alain’s mother. The minute we left the restaurant Paul said that we should use Nico in the movies and find a rock group to play for her. He was raving that she was ‘the most beautiful creature that ever lived’.’


Nico in Warhol’s ‘I, A Man’


Nico in Warhol’s ‘Chelsea Girls’


Nico discusses Andy Warhol

Nico’s complete filmography

 

5. Jim Morrison
“I like my relations to be physical and of the psyche. We hit each other because we were drunk and we enjoyed the sensation. We made love in a gentle way, do you know? I thought of Jim Morrison as my brother, so we would grow together. We still do, because he is my soul brother. We exchanged blood. I carry his blood inside me. When he died, and I told people that he wasn’t dead, this was my meaning.” — Nico


Nico discusses Jim Morrison


Nico sings Morrison’s ‘The End’

 

6. John Cale *
“Being a living legend is such a precarious livelihood. It’s like being a bar of soap in a shower which doesn’t have any water in it.” — John Cale


… covers Nico’s ‘Frozen Warnings’

‘Backstage at the Roundhouse, Nico sits alone on a flight of wooden steps that lead up to the stage. A black velvet cape over her shoulders, one leg up and the other extended, her chin resting on her hand resting on her knee. Under empty beams and open blue lights on Sunday night. Waiting until it is time.

‘John Cale left the Velvet Underground two and a half years ago. Nico left before he did. Until a week ago, the only way to hear these people together was on the first Velvet Underground album. Separately, John is also on the second and his own album, Vintage Violence. Nico has made three albums, Chelsea Girls, The Marble Index, and the latest, Desertshore. And then, last week, a small announcement in a hip London magazine said: “John Cale – Nico, Roundhouse, Sunday.”

‘Nico goes on stage first, before a large and noisy crowd packed in to see Pink Floyd, who will follow. “I don’t know what mood you’re in”, Nico says to the audience in her unreproducible voice. “I suppose you’re in a very peace-loving mood.” She begins with “Janitor of Lunacy” from her new album, pumping away steadily, her legs in high leather boots on the harmonium pedal, her shoulder bag hanging from her chair. John Cale plays viola in the background then switches to piano. The combination of her voice, syllables stretched to madness and dropped, and the cavernous repetition of the harmonium slow the Roundhouse crowd down. The stage goes all black except for soft purple and green spots high above her head. The light show flickers down to a single picture, all grainy and glowing. The people stop talking. A great hall becomes a mediaeval cathedral. “I’m glad you like it,” Nico says, after some applause. “If I had a back-up group now, I would do the old songs like ‘All Tomorrow’s Parties’ and ‘I’ll Be Your Mirror’. I don’t think I would do ‘Femme Fatale’. “I haven’t that much of a sense of humor. Back then it was all right. It was a part I was playing. My hair was blonde and I…” She stops and looks at the audience. “It has changed. Now. I don’t know what part I’m playing.”.’ — Rolling Stone, 1971

*Nico’s second album The Marble Index (1969) was arranged by John Cale. He produced her third and fourth albums, Desertshore (1970) and The End (1974). On Desertshore, Cale plays most of the instruments. Nico wrote the music, sang, and played the harmonium. On The End, Cale plays a wide range of instruments including xylophone, synthesizer, acoustic guitar, and electric piano. Cale and Nico reunited in 1985 when he produced her final studio album Camera Obscura.

 

7. Death
“For one whose life was bedecked with musty glamour, Nico died an absurdly ungracious death. No one knew who she was — just another junkie looking for drugs in the sun.” — Pat Gilbert

‘On 18 July 1988, she went for a bike-ride on the isle of Ibiza.  She was visiting again, a bike rider of a healthy-living woman, almost clean of her narcotic past. People found her unconscious by the side of her bike, and took her to the Cannes Nisto Hospital. She was incorrectly diagnosed as suffering from exposure, and she died the next day. X-rays later revealed she had suffered a minor heart attack while riding her bike, fallen and struck her head, causing a severe cerebral hemorrhage that led to her death. Not the thing we expected from the woman who always was living in places the sun couldn’t reach.  She remained in fact where she was, her whole life a mystery! Her ashes were buried in Berlin, in a small cemetery in the Grunewald Forest, at the edge of the Wannsee, in to her mother’s grave, Margarete Päffgen (1910-1970) on 16 August 1988, with a few friends playing a song from Desertshore on a cassette recorder …’ — from The Nico Website

 

8. Fashion model (1952 – 1967)
“After leaving school at 13, Nico started selling lingerie and soon was spotted by fashion people. She later moved to Paris and worked for Vogue, Tempo, Vie Nuove, Mascotte Spettacolo, Camera, ELLE, and other fashion magazines until the mid 1960s.” — mog.com

See many more Nico fashion modeling photos here

 

9. Ari (Christian Aaron Boulogne)
“My mother died of too much sun.” — Ari

‘In 1962, Christian Aaron Boulogne – Ari was his nickname – was born from a short-lasted relationship between Nico and French actor Alain Delon, who denied paternity for many years. Maternal responsibility wasn’t Nico’s strong suit. She supposedly took LSD while pregnant (can you imagine the unborn child hallucinating in the womb?) and dragged the child with her in her nomadic bohemian lifestyle. His infancy was spent in New York with his mother, in Andy Warhol’s Factory, as a mascot for the Velvet Underground. At the age of four he emptied the drinking glasses of Bob Dylan, John Cale and Paul Morrissey, and sucked on amphetamine pills, mistaking them for candy. Ari became Warhol’s youngest star when he appeared with his Nico in the film ‘The Chelsea Girls’ in 1966.

‘When Alain Delon’s mother, Edith Boulogne, saw Ari’s photograph in a French newspaper, she was instantly convinced it was her son’s child. Edith Boulogne [Alain Delon’s mother]: ‘I said to myself, that’s my son’s child. We went to see her [Nico], her and the baby. The kid was about two years old. He came running into my husband’s arms. We were so moved. I saw my own son in him. And I truly believed that my son would accept him… When he heard about it two years after we had taken the baby, he had his agent tell me that I had to choose between the baby and my son. My husband said, ‘Your son can feed himself, but Ari can’t raise himself.’ So we kept him. Think about it, he was so little. Before we took him, she [Nico] dragged him around everywhere. He ate nothing but french fries, in train stations, hotels, airports. They lived like bohemians. She came to see him once in three years. She brought him something from America. Guess what? An orange. My husband and I looked at each other, speechless. We took the orange and thought, she’s really not like other people… but I still liked her. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen’.

‘Delon’s mother adopted the child, giving him his last name: ‘Boulogne’. At the age of 17, Ari ran off from his adoptive parents, joined Nico and became a heroin addict – turned on to the drug by mother. After Nico died in 1988, Ari spent his much of his life in and out of detoxication clinics and psychiatric hospitals. In 2001, at the age of 38, living in Paris, he fathered a son and wrote a book about his relationship with his mother called “L’Amour N’Oublie Jamais” (Love Never Forgets).”‘ — Valter, Documents

 

10. The Velvet Underground
“And with the Velvets come the blonde, bland, beautiful Nico, another cooler Dietrich for another cooler generation.” — from the linernotes of The Velvet Underground and Nico


… rehearsing


‘Femme Fatale’ (live)


‘All Tomorrow’s Parties’ (live)

‘Femme Fatale’ and ‘All Tomorrow’s Parties’ are two songs that are very identified with you. How did it come out that those songs were performed by you ? I mean listening to that first LP I imagine that ‘Venus in Furs’ or ‘Run Run Run’ could well have been performed by you. How did you, did you have an affin … did you have a good feeling for those songs, or did Lou say “Look, these are for you, Nico.”, how did it come about the Velvet new songs ?
We just agreed upon them.
They just seemed right ?
Yes it seemed right. We never thought, about, you know analyzing every little thing.
Alright.
Er, it just happened, and, or it didn’t, because, three songs is all I sang in that group.
It’s remarkable, isn’t it ?
Maybe for, except for improvisations.
Were the live performances that you were involved in different than the ones that were recorded on that LP ? Was that the sound of the Velvets made live or was it …
No, there was, there was more improvisation.
Mm. And …
There was not only noise, but er, the kind of music you can hear when, when it’s storm, a storm outside, or that you can hear in, in elementary violence like it.
Andy Warhol’s name is on the cover as producing that record.
I mean Moe was the best drummer ever. I just heard her on that song at the hotel that we played before.
Alright.
She had the best drums sound.
She’s actually done a good LP of her own, too, sort of a garage record, she plays all the instruments, in recent times. It’s really good. ‘Louie Louie’ and all these old rock songs.
I don’t know that record. I saw her three summers ago in Los Angeles and she was married to this woodcutter, that’s how he looked like. And she had grown her hair, and she didn’t look like a boy anymore.
Right, yeah, ’cause some of the cover photos of those LPs were pretty deceptive, weren’t they, Moe Tucker, and er …
And she’s not a good singer. She’s only good on that one song ‘When you close the door’ .
Mm. Yeah, well, she’s rough, but she’s good. Well, er …
The tapes she gave me weren’t so good, that’s what I mean.
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*

p.s. Hey. Today Jane Bogaert, a member of the blog’s silent majority readership, has generously gifted us with this beautiful, concisely built post about one of music’s more enigmatic royals, the late great Nico. Take its pleasures to heart, and if you can spare a word for our guest-host, who I think I can safely assume will be looking in today, that would be cool. Thanks a ton, Jane. ** Dominik, Hey, D! I used to try to write fan fiction, or incorporate fan fiction-style in my novels, and I guess I did in ‘Guide’ in a way, but it’s a tough form, I think. More difficult to pull of than I had imagined, or at least more difficult if you need the writing you read to not be godawful. My trip was good, productive. Nice to get out of Paris. The train was crowded, but everyone seemed pretty civilised, so I think escaped without infection, although I guess I’ll find out, ha ha. Cool. How was your day, I mean today, or, well, yesterday too? I like your love. It’s very hunky. Take some love like this. ** Ferdinand, Hey. Oh, yeah, I don’t think I shared that here. Everyone, Kindly Ferdinand reminds me that I haven’t shared this just published piece in/on The Face about me and Diarmuid Hester called ‘Cult author Dennis Cooper on meth, the death of NYC and Miley Cyrus’. If you want to solve the mystery of that headline, there’s where. Thanks, man. ** David Ehrenstein, Ha ha, you snuck in a reference to your favorite film. I … think my health survived the train rides, or else I will be (unpleasantly) surprised if it didn’t. ** Misanthrope, Hi. Welcome ‘home’. Next year you should work in a haunt or haunted maze as a scary but strangely jovial zombie. I think you would really blossom. All evidence is that masks help, but they’re not perfect, and it’s the mask non-users in private locations who are the culprits, but … yeah, more restrictions are in all of our immediate futures, I fear. ** _Black_Acrylic, It is a charismatic form. That’s a good adjective for it. I’ll go see you transform Maggie Broon even if I don’t know what she’s being transformed from. Or maybe I’ll do a little research on her first. ** Thomas Moronic, Hi, T! Surprise! Yeah, I was trawling around in the archives, and there it was screaming at me for immortality. Me too, re: the form. It’s a toughie, strangely. It seems like it shouldn’t be. I’m good. Coping with the quarantine, getting stuff done as best I can, feeling all right. You? What’s the latest? Are you working on anything? ** Steve Erickson, Yeah, Hanson kind of helped pioneer self-releasing records successfully, or somewhat successfully at least. Not a huge surprise about their politics, and I guess the drummer is a COVID truther, but at least they didn’t endorse you-know-who unless I missed something. ** Okay. You can luxuriate in the many facets of Nico all day today if you like. See you tomorrow.

Thomas Moronic presents … An interview with a former writer of Hanson fan fiction *

* (restored)
—-

 

I was doing some research recently for a piece of fiction that I was thinking about doing in the future, about a character who wrote fan fiction on the internet. I read through some of the various slash fiction sites that are scattered around the web for ideas. I remembered that a good friend of mine once said that when she was younger, she wrote fan fiction about the band Hanson. So I asked if I could interview her about the motivations behind writing that particular type of thing, it’s place in her life at the time and teenage obsessions. I find anything related to obsessions and fandom really interesting so I thought I’d post the piece here.

Also, this piece is dedicated to my friend and distinguished local, the incredible artist, Michael Salerno aka Kiddiepunk. He’s used Hanson as inspiration and muse for various pieces of his work, so I thought he might dig this.

Enjoy, TM x

 

Hanson in the early days

 

So how did you get into fan fiction?

I stumbled onto it, I mean, gosh, it was the birth of the internet really, like 1996 maybe, 1997.

So you were 13, 14 or something at the time?

Yeah. My parents had just got AOL at the house, and so I was learning about chatrooms and all those things and I was just curious.

Did you read other people’s fan fiction before you did your own? Is that what made you first think about writing some?

Yeah. It was all the same kinda genre. It mean, it was all Hanson orientated. I didn’t read about other subjects. It started in May 1997 when I was in my 8th Grade Social Studies class. It was the very end of school, and we were all kinda restless and that’s why we were able to put on MTV, in the classrooms, ha.

You mean it was the end of term?

Yeah, because in Texas we finish at the end of May. And so it was the end of May and MMMbop came on and I remember just really liking it and thinking that the boys were cute and everyone else was making fun of them and saying that they were girls, and I was just like “why are you saying that? They are not!” Hehe. I just really liked them. That’s when I took an interest.

In high school I was listening to fairly different music by then but I remember I secretly buying that single because I liked the picture of Taylor Hanson on the front.

Yeah, he was my Hanson of choice, too.

When I was younger I’d listen to an album that I really liked, and just stare at the artwork on it, and take in every little detail about the liner notes, and I always felt like that wasn’t enough in a way. Because I would love the music so much and it would mean so much to me that listening wouldn’t do it – I guess because I loved it so much I wanted to feel more a part of it, you know? I mean when I was a teenager I really loved Hole, and I’d sit and listen to their records and write out all the lyrics to each song, just because it seemed like a way for me to do something extra, show how much their stuff meant to me or something – I mean it wasn’t much, but I guess it made me feel less passive in the whole thing, you know? I wonder if that’s similar to what you were doing with the fan fiction maybe?

Yeah, it makes you feel closer to it or something. And I think when you feel connected to something, you somehow want to give back to it almost and become involved with it. And I knew that I’d never get to see them in concert. I was down in South Texas, and they wouldn’t tour down that path. They’d play maybe Houston or Dallas, but I knew none of my friends would want to go with me and I didn’t want to go with my mom. So I knew I wouldn’t see them. So the fan fiction was part of me connecting with them in some way. You know I could rattle off to you thousands of facts, birthdays, and things that I still remember about them, really weird things like their favourite colours.

What were their favourite colours?

Taylor’s favourite colour was red.
Isaac’s was blue.
Zac’s was green.

When was Taylor born?

I think it was like March 13th or something, because he was only a few months older than me. We were both born in 1983 and that was very significant. I mean when you’re 13 or 14 years old you’re not going to date someone much older. At least where I come from. Taylor would have been in my grade at school, you know? It was like, he could be someone that I would know.

So the age of the band was something that attracted you to Hanson?

Yeah, definitely and just their success in music, and I just really liked their songwriting.

I know you play music yourself, right?

Yeah but at that age I hadn’t. I’d only sang in Church choirs and stuff at that point. My mother was a music teacher, so I did grow up around that stuff, but in terms of Hanson, I’d never listened to a lot of bands. I mean, my parents would put on stuff like Simon and Garfunkel but that was the extent of it. I guess I’d mainly had a typical southern upbringing with Christian and country music. I wasn’t one of those kids that totally identified with like, Guns N Roses or something like that, you know? I didn’t really care about pop stuff, I didn’t really care about pop groups, so Hanson were my gateway into other music.

 

 

Yeah and I guess in some ways that Gateway band always stays with you. I remember the first punk type thing I ever got was this album called Troublegum by an Irish band called Therapy? And that led me in a lot of other directions, like I’d read interviews with them that led me to stuff like Sonic Youth or Husker Du, but I still remained really fond of that album because it had, as you so rightly put it – they acted as a “gateway” for me. And I guess anything like that, in your formative years or something, your first experiences of certain things, I mean musical, sexual, whatever – the first time you experience something it leaves an impression that can last a really long time, indefinitely almost.

Yeah I definitely think it is that. Like that first time you have a major crush on someone, for me it was Taylor, and the him being involved with a band. And those feelings were all really new and I was experiencing them for the first time. I think that was maybe why I was writing about them too, because I wasn’t actually experiencing them in real life even though I had all these feelings about them. So for me it was a way to investigate those feelings and explore them, kinda secretly for myself. But I was able to put it out there and also hide behind the wall of the internet, behind my screename. It started off with me and my friend Katie, because she liked them as well which is how it all started. We formed the beginning of the first novel. I ended up doing two novels and beginning a third.

Novels?

Yeah, well whatever a novel is for a 13 year old. I mean, just like a hundred pages or something.

Wow. I hadn’t realised how big the pieces were. I thought you’d just done a couple of Hanson related short stories or something.

I’d post new chapters each week. Sit at home and work on them on Microsoft Word, you know.

Where are the novels now?

There is one hard copy of each, but I guess they’re back in Texas.

Are they still online, too?

I really don’t know. I mean I know that in some ways everything in cyberspace exists forever but I’m not sure if anyone could still access those things.

So people read your stuff regularly?

Yeah, I had people subscribing and I’d post new chapters each week. It was a regular activity for me. But I kept it all very secret because I was so ashamed, because I was made to feel ashamed for liking that band so if anyone every knew how much I liked them, and that I was actually involved in their online community and I was linked to a billion different Hanson sites, you know? I had lots of people emailing me about the stuff. And the third novel which I think would have been really interesting: I had different people email me profiles of themselves and I was going to turn them into characters in the book, so they could get to interact with Hanson. But I never got round to finishing that because I was about 16 by that point and I was growing out of it and I was actually experiencing really dating a guy and it started to feel like you know – I didn’t need that stuff anymore. I guess when I started to feel more like I had my own life and had my own relationships I felt like I didn’t need to compartmentalise this other secret stuff. But I’d been so ashamed of it. I mean, I was such an ungrateful child, like one Christmas my dad got me this Hanson T-shirt and I was just mortified and so ungrateful and I said something like “You think I’m going to wear this? Why would you buy this for me?” and my dad said “Well you know, you could just sleep in it or something? You don’t have to wear it out” and I was like “I will never wear this shirt”. I was so ashamed. This band was just a joke to my peers and if I liked them it would almost make me a joke. Anyway of branding myself publically with Hanson was not good.

Can you tell me about what happened in your novels?

The first one involved this main character, I can’t remember her name, and she had very tight nit nuclear family similar to what mine was like. There was a car accident and the parents died and the sister was in a coma. My character got sent to live with an aunt in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and the sister was sent to a hospital there. And the Hanson family moved in next door, and that’s a family with seven kids and the three oldest were the guys in the band. So they moved in and the novel was about this relationship being built with the new neighbours. It was very real, and so I wrote that the band had to go on tour and stuff. The sister woke up out of the coma and we all made friends and relationships began and my character started dating Taylor, I really identified with the main character obviously, haha. My sister started dating Zac. I don’t even remember how it ended, I think it was just a happy ending, probably very loose. The next novel was a bit more interesting to write. Hanson were discovered at the South By South West music festival which is in Austin. And I was in Austin, I was a kid in Austin when they were discovered. When they got big I was in a different city, I was in Corus Christi. So I used them being discovered in Austin and I used the fact that my dad was a Methodist minister, in the story. In the story they were there for the festival and their family decided to take them to church one Sunday, so they turn up at my father’s church. That story started with them at a younger age, and my parents invited the family over to our house for dinner, and I mean there was no sexual thing in it at all. And then the band went off on tour, and they’d come back when they were a little older and that’s when the relationships would form. I think my character actually died in that one. I got electrocuted in a pool.

 

 

Woah…

Yeah, haha. Well I think I just needed to end the story. So I wrote that I was in a pool and there was a thunderstorm and lightning struck the pool.

So you were Taylor’s girlfriend in that story as well?

Yeah and there were all these storylines about the struggles of them being on the road and trying to keep a relationship through that.

It’s interesting. I mean with the first novel it seemed like maybe it was more about just the process of writing it – a big splurge of you writing about Hanson. And then as you were growing older and starting to think about that stuff more the stories starting using Hanson as a way for you to work through your feelings more.

Yeah.

But you never completed the trilogy.

No. I mean looking back I think that the reason I had so many readers was that we were all a bunch of girls around the same age all wanting the same thing, with the same desires and urges. You hear it all the time that men are more visual and women are more emotional, and I think it was a way for us to cope with those certain emotional needs. And Hanson were really clean cut, you know? It was very middle American, very happy music. So I mean, I wasn’t fancying Jarred Leto or whoever, or the bad guy, the rebel, the type of guy who my other friends were fancying at the time. Taylor seemed really positive, so it made sense to like Hanson.

Did you ever meet up with any of your online Hanson friends?

No. It was all online. Nobody knew about it, not even my best friends. It was years before I told any of my close friends, haha. It was a big secret for a long time.

You finally got to see them play in the UK, right?

Yeah I saw them play in Glasgow. So I went, having never seen them when I was really into them. I met all these girls who were my age who had had similar teenage obsessions, and had probably gone on websites and had probably written their own stuff. So it felt very dorky and it satisfied that need that I had from such a long time ago. And I’ve never had that need to go and see them since.

I guess it was like reconciling something with the teenage you? You know, accepting part of you. Which I think is important, whatever the subject matter. I mean, I used to struggle when I was a teenager, but I think as you get a little bit older, if you can feel some sympathy for your teenage self then that can be a really helpful and positive thing.

Yeah, I was accepting that part of myself, being honest with myself. I mean people still made fun, hehe, but it was nice you know? It didn’t matter. There’s always that cringe factor. But I mean, getting to see them in my 20s was like closure on a teenage part of me.

The fan fiction had given you a space outside of yourself to work stuff out.

Yeah. Well the first novel was called Almost Perfect. And that’s what I was doing, writing about ideals.

 

Hanson today

—-

 

*

p.s. Hey. ** Ian, Hey, Ian. Thanks a bunch. I haven’t read ‘Lila’, but ‘TPART’ is great. James M. Cain’s prose is so chewy and awesome, never more so than in that novel. Excellent about the progress with your story and the launching of the new one. My imaginary champagne is being uncorked at the finish line. And thanks about my trip. Heading off in about an hour. Take care. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. Ah, yes, thank you ever so much for your knowledge and the sharing of your experiences with Clarke. I hadn’t know you knew her so well, that’s amazing! I believe we all have power, whether it’s confined to one and one’s house pet and/or within a tight circle of friends or whether it’s vast and effects the world like Trump’s. I think it’s important to acknowledge and gauge one’s power as a means to handle it responsibly. ** Dominik, Hi, D! Yeah, normally my life is pretty asocial or at least doesn’t involve large gatherings of people, so I feel pretty protected. But I guess the odds of getting COVID on a train ride must be very low, so I’m going to just stay tightly masked and bury my face in a magazine. I haven’t read ‘2666’, mainly because Bolano was such a big deal and talking point for a while there that it kind of put me off, but that’s settled, and I think everyone I know who’s read ‘2666’ thinks it’s genius or close to that, so I need to get on that. Soon. Let me know what your verdict is if you stick to it. Goes without saying that your love is greeted with my head upturned and mouth very wide open. Love like a magic, wish-fulfilling wand that fits in your hand like a lit cigarette fits in mine. ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi, Ben. Ah, interesting to see the building that anchors all that beauty. March, wow, yeah, centuries ago. ** JM, Hi, Josiah. And I guess it goes without saying that said actor can’t be replaced because otherwise he would be. Ah, man, so no clear cut solution other than to hope the audience doesn’t notice? ** Bill, Thanks, man. There are some excellent films amidst her work’s body. Okay, ‘Possessor’ sounds doable then, and I won’t expect revelations. I don’t know ‘The Dark and The Wicked’. That title’s a little warning sign-like. It’ll be nice to get out of Paris today if nothing else. Been (and will be) stuck here for fucking forever, it feels/seems like. Bon day, pal. ** Right. Today you get a golden-locks-ed but possibly still relevant oldie from quite a few years back created by the supreme writer and d.l. Thomas ‘Moronic’ Moore. See you tomorrow.

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