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The blog of author Dennis Cooper

Selections from The Condiment Packet Museum *

* (restored)

‘I began collecting condiment packets in November of 2003. Initially the purpose of the collection was a more practical one. I came to the conclusion that ketchup was no longer a reasonable thing to spend money on. A handful of packets here and there would do just fine. I began to pick up other condiments as well. I stopped at a variety of locations in order to gather new types of condiments. It was around this time that I discovered how many different condiment packets existed. A collector by nature, the only logical thing for me to do was attempt to get every different packet design I possibly could.

‘I carefully remove the contents of my packets by making an incision along one of the short seams on the back. (I prefer the righthand or bottom seam.) I rinse the inside of the packets thoroughly to ensure all sauce is expelled. (I employ a drop of dish soap for oily condiments.) I then wait until the packets are completely dry before I place them in baseball card cases to preserve them cleanly and safely for many generations.

‘My collection has grown quickly since its inception, largely due to generous packet donations from my family and friends. If you think you have a packet that I do not, then please consider sending it to me.

‘With so many ways to package sauce, it is important to set some guidelines when you decide to start a collection. I made these decisions at the very beginning to give my collection a certain uniform appearance. The following rules make the collection more aesthetically pleasing and enjoyable to maintain.

1. Only squeezable “tear-off-the-corner” style packets are included. (Dipping tubs, creamers, and butter tubs cannot be preserved to my liking, and are easily crushed or spilled.)

2. No spices, salts, sugars, or other “dry” accountremon; generally found in paper packaging. There are far too many different sugar packets, and many other collectors are focusing their efforts on them. It is my belief that including such items harms the fundamental nature of this collection. We do sauce packets.

3. Minor design variations absolutely count as new unique packets.’ — TCPM

 

more hot sauce

 

 

more lemon juice

 

 

more vinegar

 

 

more jelly and jam

 

 

more soy sauce

 

 

more miscellaneous

 

 

more relish

 

 

more salad dressing

 

 

more bbq sauce

 

 

more mustard

 

 

more ketchup

 

 


Preparing packets for protective plastic.

 

Visit The Condiment Packet Museum
Ketchup World: Packets from Around the World
The Amazing Ketchup Packet Bear
The Sugar Packet Collector’s Page
Liesbeth Vergouwe’s Sugar Packet Collection
The Association for Dressings and Sauces

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. ** Steve Erickson, Hi. I was talking with someone who’s still really into Tortoise the other day, and I was a bit flabbergasted. Sea and Cake … ?  Man, that label is loyal. God love them. Didn’t see ‘Custody’ when it was out here. Good? If I was looking at a video of a ‘hot’ guy who suddenly pointed a stunt gun at his head I think my erection would feel very confused as to how to proceed. ** _Black_Acrylic, So England made it through. That’s happy news for you, isn’t it? I’m going to give a solid look at Itter a bit later. It looks pretty damned interesting. Huh. I think our portion of the heatwave its supposed to dial itself down at least a wee amount by tomorrow, but you can’t trust weather forecasts anymore. I hope the MRI goes as well as possible this morning. What ABBA did you choose? Were they targeted tracks or a shuffle situation? ** JM, Hey. I thought so too, yeah. Wow, ‘Moby Dick’. You’ve been reading the biggies lately. Hats off. ‘HHU’ should provide a ‘biggie’ antidote, for one thing. Digging life? ** Cal Graves, Hey, Cal. Nice to see you, bud. I’m doing well, and yourself? I love Guy Maddin’s films. Big fan. I think ‘The Forbidden Room’ might be my very favorite of his films. And, yes, ‘Sissy Boy Slap Party’ is a total treat. Here’s a link to the blog’s Guy Maddin Day from a short ways back if you’re interested. Very happy to hear that yesterday’s post sparked things for you. That’s really my posts’ ultimate dream in life. I’ve been reading … a forthcoming poetry book by Eileen Myles called ‘Evolution’, Grant Maierhofer’s novel ‘Clog’, a book of essays by the artist Adrian Piper, and a book about ‘home haunts’ as research for Zac’s and my next film. What have you been reading? ** Whoa, that was light. Okay. I decided for you folks who are doing 4th of July today to revive possibly the most American — and also maybe the worst or best, I can’t decide — post this blog has ever foisted on everyone. Sorry or you’re welcome, depending. See you tomorrow.

11 Comments

  1. CUSTODY is one of the best films I’ve seen in 2018. It’s a really stark depiction of a woman trying to detach herself and her children from a violent man (Denis Ménochet, a large bearded guy whose physical presence looms over the film.) There are elements of Haneke and Kubrick in it, but it’s not trying to make some general point about the hatefulness of the European bourgeoisie. The final 15 minutes are terrifying, reminding me of THE SHINING’s depiction of male brutishness and expressed in formal terms as well as narrative ones (especially a contrast between extremes of light and dark images.)

    I am meeting with a potential soundman tomorrow. At this point, I’m well into searching for soundmen and P.A.s, and I hope to have the crew locked down by mid-July.

    This page reminds me how Sriracha bottles suddenly started appearing at most American restaurants about a dozen years ago, although they’re not packets.

  2. Dennis, These are great. Yeah, worst or best…I can see it both ways, hahaha.

    I will be very conventional today and do a little bit of grilling, all stuff you’d probably hate, of course. Hot dogs and ribs. Probably some corn on the cob too. And some baked beans, though I won’t be grilling those.

    Hahaha, gazing “blearily and angrily” is pretty damn hilarious. That made me chuckle very loudly. I hear you.

    I’m still surprised we can’t get faster planes up there to get us places more quickly. I guess the old Lear jets did that, but we don’t have them anymore and they were as expensive as hell to fly on. I’m awaiting teleportation.

    Glad you made it back safely, of course. At least the films weren’t THAT bad. Could’ve been worse, I guess. Like “Snakes on a Plane,” “Final Destination,” “Alive,” or something like that.

  3. Hi Dennis, yes that would be amazing. Hmm the Broad, yes I was wanting to go more out of curiosity as hadn’t been before but looking a bit closer online and the show doesn’t really catch my attention… haha and now the temperature here is predicted to spike up into the high 90s-100, so can’t really muster the energy to drive into LA?

    I like the condiment packets. In the late 80s I inherited a hotel soap collection from my mom’s bf of the time… I suspect he actually had just been stealing soap from hotels for the previous 30 years, but when he gave if to me called it a “collection.” heh. I’m not sure whatever happened to it, and definitely not as glamorous as condiments!

  4. Hey Dennis,

    Glad to hear you are well. I am doing well myself. Im going on a family vacation to Las Vegas next week so that should be interesting.
    Forbidden Room is also my favorite. I love the choice to have the actor credits appear on screen when the actors do. Will comb thru the post for more Maddin tidbits.
    Oooh, new Eileen Myles. Hope to get my hands on that when it comes out. I’ve just finished the 4th book in a series by Sergei Lukyanenko; and Im working thru Travis Jeppesen’s The Suiciders, James’s Valencia and a book about Tarot cards. All pretty good.

    fromly
    Cal

  5. Dude, so digging life. A bunch of things have all come to a head lately and become closed off and isolate / non-isolate problems which is lovely. On Moby Dick: yeah, I GUESS I’ve been reading the biggies lately, definitely on the Tolstoy front anyway, but that’s not the reason I’m reading them – obviously there’s some cultural cache, but I tend to flip through books I have lying around and go for the first one that has a sentence that jumps out. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t. In the case of MD, the sentence that sold it for me was this killer:

    “My soul is more than matched, she’s overmanned, and by a mad-man!”

    I’m loving it so far. Hilarious book. It was between it and Gibson’s PATTERN RECOGNITION. Yeah, I can’t wait for Horror Hospital Unplugged, just because, like, what a damn title on its own huh? I got it secondhand because I couldn’t find it anywhere direct-sales-wise and the first copy I was gonna get tried to charge me $110 for shipping so uhm nope uh no way, but I found another one somewhere else somehow anyways.

    Have you seen / read / watched / listened / anything worthwhile lately? Outside of those you just mentioned to CG? I’ve been enjoying all of the new Kanye West releases (all five !!) as well as the Death Grips that just came out, tho I thought I was souring on DG’s work for a bit. What’s next on your end?

    J

  6. Yeah last night’s England result was sweet, their first ever World Cup shootout victory no less. The mysterious penalty hoodoo has been conquered. I’m very much against Brexit and I want Scottish Independence but still support the England football team, I just can’t help it.

  7. I saw Damon Packard’s FATAL PULSE tonight, 3 days after I rented it from Amazon Prime and it buffered for 3 hours. Finally, I could watch it and wow, this is one of the most entertaining films I’ve seen this year! It’s like a mix of MULHOLLAND DRIVE, SUSPIRIA (the obvious inspiration for the ultra-stylized lighting and cinematography), FEAR AND LOATHING IN Las Vegas & SPRING BREAKERS, with Packard seemingly in competition to throw in as many ’90s pop culture references as he could. Set in 1991, it begins with protagonist Trent (played by a James Spader lookalike) watching Andy Rooney complain about “yuppie thrillers” and talk about how superior he is to yuppies because he spent his youth fighting WW2. Trent goes on to participate in both political and cultural conspiracies: suffice to say the Republicans and Illuminati had something to do with the rise of multiplexes and the death of retail music stores, and “Ice Ice Baby” was part of a mind control program. SORRY TO BOTHER YOU opens in New York in two days, and it’s both bugfuck and politically coherent; I can’t say the same about FATAL PULSE, but it maintains its energy and inventiveness for an entire 2 hours and it will make you like you’re high as hell even if you’re never touched drugs.

  8. Ha, the Aramark mustard packet is really quite lovely.

    Lot of firework action tonight, Dennis. I’ve slogged through most of the new Andres Barba (disappointing really), started digging into Joanna Walsh’s Break.up (promising).

    Bill

  9. I really enjoyed using the scroll wheel on my mouse to go up and down these images while I listened to Richard Hell.

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