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The blog of author Dennis Cooper

Rollercoaster Tycoon Sadist Creates 210 Day-Long Hell Coaster *

* (restored)

 

‘Gentlemen, I have done it. I have found a way to go slower than was ever thought possible.

‘You may remember from a few threads ago I made a vintage cars that used all the object data on the largest map possible – The Wheel Of Life And Death. The slowest ride with the longest possible track. at the time time i though this was the slowest you could go but I found a way to go slower.

When a roller coaster travels along a track of constant height its speed exponentially decays towards zero but never stops

‘With this in mind I build a spiral track on the biggest map. The train comes out of the station and hits breaks with slow it down to 4mph. then it travels along the track, always losing speed but never stopping, until it gets to the center. where it rolls back and does the spiral again until it gets back to the station. Calculations show that it would take 210 days to finish. not in game days. real life days.

‘Kairos – the slow

‘Just for comparison. Mr. Bones takes about – 70 minutes to complete. Wheel of life – 60 hours (3600 minutes) and Kairos – 210 days (303383 minutes).” — unnamed 4chan user

 

 

RollerCoaster Tycoon is a strange game. It was programmed by one man… in assembly language. The originals have stood the test of time in ways only the best 90s and early 2000s PC games do, even after a few sequels. That’s thanks not just to its solid foundation, but a creative fanbase that continues to output feats of engineering genius, from perfect roller coasters to viable microparks, but also, occasionally, an unrelenting doom coil of a ride that takes over 3,000 in-game years for unsuspecting guests to complete.

‘At first glance, Kairos might look like a spiraling descent into the underworld, but it’s just the isometric perspective fooling you. The actual ride is built on the largest map in the game, with tracks wrapping flat around the perimeter and spiraling into the center of the level. From there, the cars are supposed to roll back, complete the spiral a second time, and reach the initial station at the start. Brakes at the beginning of the ride slow the cars down to 4 mph, making for some painfully slow speeds throughout as that number decreases.

 

 

‘This is the only footage of Kairos apart from this Tumblr post documenting it, but you can see The Wheel of Life and Death, another creation by the same player, below — a fever dream of interlocking tracks like an eternal pattern in some abstract medieval hell.

 


The Wheel Of Life And Death

 

‘The first roller coaster as torture device creation, and the most infamous of all, is probably Mr. Bones Wild Ride, popularized on a 4chan thread that first introduced the madness of its 70-minute duration through a series of screenshots.’ — Motherboard


Mr. Bones’ Wild Ride

‘On March 26th, 2012, an anonymous 4chan user started a thread in the /v/ (video games) board, which included several screen captures from the amusement park management simulation game Roller Coaster Tycoon 2. The images showed a 30,696 foot roller coaster track with 38 riders that took four years of in-game time to complete. The original poster (OP) provided greentext descriptions of the images, explaining that passengers were constantly yelling “I want to get off Mr. Bones Wild Ride.” After the coaster ended, the passengers walked down a large path leading to another entrance to the ride, where they were greeted by an installation of a skeleton with a top hat and a sign reading “The ride never ends.” Prior to being archived, the thread accumulated over 325 responses.

‘After the 4chan thread was posted, a creepy pasta surfaced about a user visiting the Busch Gardens theme park while on vacation, where he discovers a strange ride as he wanders the park. After getting on the ride, he notices a giant skeleton tipping his hat next to a sign which read Mr. Bone’s Wild Ride.

‘On March 28th, 2012, Redditor lessonplan submitted a post to the /r/gaming subreddit titled “One does not simply get off of Mr. Bones’ Wild Ride,” which included several screenshots from the 4chan thread. Prior to being archived, the post received over 4,250 up votes and 225 comments. On April 3rd, FunnyJunk user SweatyAnReady submitted the same set of screenshots to the Internet humor site, which received over 19,500 views and 323 up votes within the next six months. On May 10th, a Facebook page for Mr. Bones’ Wild Ride was created, receiving 150 likes within the next five months. On May 22nd, a Mr. Bones thread was created in the /v/ board on 4chan, which received over 875 replies prior to being archived.’ — Know Your Meme

 

Etc.

Turkeyslam RollerCoaster Tycoon 2 – Euthanasia Coaster
This is the product of my friend and I getting hammered on strong booze. When I found out that the Twister Coaster allows launched lift hills…. we had to. This coaster is ten miles long and probably has strong enough G-forces to knock out and kill a whale.

 

PenguinCoastersProduction Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 – Wooden Rainbow Death Coaster

 

maciozo Here’s another one. This time, everyone dies.

 

GamingVerified Roller Coaster Tycoon 3: Death Ride

 

guavagirliee Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 Crash
RIP innocent minions 🙁 creativity at its finest~

 

Etc. Etc.

 

 

*

p.s. Hey. ** Steve Erickson, Hi. Everyone, before you exit the subject of Jean Rouch, do read Mr. Erickson’s 2013 thoughts on the maestro. Well, if you want a general piece of advice about the film you’re planning, taking LSD is a very unique and complex experience, and you’ve never taken it if I’m remembering correctly, so I would suggest doing whatever homework necessary to get the representation of that experience right because 80+ percent of the depictions I’ve seen of people on LSD in films and elsewhere have been way off the mark and just inadvertently campy. Everyone, also Steve has weighed in on ‘I, Tonya’, and he doesn’t like it one little bit. See. I’m so excited to see your glowing report on ‘Wormwood’. I am now almost literally dying to see it! Cool if true about Justin Broadrick’s generosity. ** David Ehrenstein, Hi. Yes, I believe ‘Les Maitre Fou’ was left out due to lack of any video evidence on the day I made the post. But you’ve found one that continues to work as of this morning. Everyone, a Rouch film left out of this weekend’s post for technical reasons can be watched, probably, if you hurry, here, and you have Mr. Ehrenstein to thank. ** John Fram, Hey. Thanks a lot for that rich explanation of your escape room-devising experience. Much appreciated. I of course deeply understand about learning from that regarding your fiction’s construction. Zac’s and my next film is about a haunted house attraction and the family that makes it, and we’re trying to have the film’s overall structure mirror that of the attraction. Anyway, your description of the process is extremely interesting and decorates one of my imagination’s most excitable voids. Thank you again! Too bad that the Paris escape room thing didn’t happen. I think it could do really well. We have a year-round haunted house attraction here – Le Manoir de Paris — that is both excellent and hugely successful. Take care. ** Lynne Tillman, Hi, Lynne! Thank you, thank you! I’ve just started reading your novel, and it is amazing and so, so great! I hope the holidays are treating you royally. Lots and lots of love, Dennis. ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi, Ben. Thanks a bunch for alerting Mr. Best. Did you read his newish book ‘Captagon’? It’s so good. Nice to hear you’re snuggled up in Leeds. I mean assuming the city has a snuggly aspect. I’d never heard of Milky Bars. They’re white? I’m intrigued. Enjoy every single little thing. ** Dóra Grőber, Hi, Dóra! The Hallyday funeral thing was pretty massive. And all for a rock star. Even Elvis Presley, whom Americans insist on comparing Hallyday to, didn’t get treatment like that when he exited. I did manage to worm myself through the throng and partake of stuff. Really interesting. Yeah, I ended up needing to use the weekend to work mostly. I finished the new draft of the revised, partial film script and sent it to Zac so he can go over it and initiate the next changes. I started working on the assignment script and got far enough to send the beginnings that I managed to make to Zac for his input. I know I did other stuff too, but it doesn’t feel like it. Sorry you had to waste part of your day for no ultimate reason. But at least you got to spend Sunday in your bed with musical heroes serenading you. Are you refreshed? Did today build you up, wear you out, both? ** Bill, Hi. My weekend was work-y. I was okay with it. I haven’t seen ‘Beach Rats’. Zac liked things about it and didn’t like things about it. I’m very interested because its director is the great, great cinematographer for Philippe Grandrieux’s films, which are always visually stunning. I’ll take a look in the direction of that Daniel Kehlmann novel and find out what’s what. Thanks! ** Jeff J, Thank you a ton for occasioning the Day, man. I hope the allergies, flu, what-have-you used the weekend’s end as their finish line. I saw that about the theater closing on FB. That’s awful. No festival news yet. We’re just waiting and waiting with increasing nervousness. Two big festivals are considering it right now. I think we’ll hear something from at least one of them this week. Gulp, gulp. I’m still sworn to secrecy annoyingly about the other project you mentioned, but, err, it’s proceeding. News when I’m allowed. ** Okay. I was in the mood the other day to restore today’s post, and so that happened. See you tomorrow.

15 Comments

  1. Is “Beach Rats” directed by the cinematographer of (any) of Grandrieux’s work? I’m googling, and I can’t find any connection between the director (or cinematographer) and Grandrieux, except interviews where she says she’s ‘inspired by’ him. Am I missing something?

    • Hi, Sorry, my mistake. The cinematographer of ‘Beach Rats’ is also Grandrieux’s cinematographer on a number of his films, but she’s not ‘Beach Rats’s’ director. Apologies for the Google time wastage.

  2. good Morning Dennis. We are waiting on your feedback to make final decisions. Sorry to be pest, getting pressure from Ish and PS etc…Thanks a billion have a good week. We had snow on Saturday it was awesome xoxoxo

  3. David Ehrenstein

    December 11, 2017 at 3:25 pm

    A “Roller Coaster of Death” is kind of a natural round these blog-parts

  4. David Ehrenstein

    December 11, 2017 at 3:38 pm

    Sucide Bomber Strikes Port Authority Bus Terminal The Bomber suffered the most injuries (he’s in the hospital in custody) Minor injuries to a few passers-by.

  5. I woke up to checking out Facebook and seeing a friend saying “despite what happened in New York, I’m OK.” I then read a news story about the bombing. Scary shit. Even scarier is what use Trump will make of it.

    I can finally reveal exactly what film curating I’ve been involved in. I programmed a retrospective of films by Iranian director Mehrdad Oskouei, which will play Anthology Film Archives from February 23-28. Once the program notes and calendar text I wrote and edited goes upon on Anthology’s website (maybe later this month or early January), I’ll post a link here.

    I am seeing my doctor at 12:15 tomorrow.

  6. I enjoyed Roller Coaster Tycoon back in the day but never enough to get that into making custom rides. I very vividly remember puke near the exits of rides that had that kind of effect on visitors. Of the rides you posted the one that scares me the most is guavagirlee’s because it involves dying to Katy Perry.

    As I’ve been getting acquainted with people here I’ve been thinking a lot about who speaks whose language in a social interaction. I found myself sitting in a noisy patio with two Chileans who were speaking English with each other purely for my benefit and I felt like it was my duty to pay extra close attention to everything that they were saying. My Hebrew has definitely helped in online dating, even with people who speak good English. Sometimes I have whole conversations where I speak Hebrew and people reply in English (friends and acquaintances, not just impatient strangers). I met an American who moved here 10 years ago and we only spoke Hebrew even when nobody was in earshot. It almost feels like a drag to be forced to speak English when I’m around town with friends (especially other native English speakers) who don’t speak Hebrew. I don’t have any grand theories about language, power, Judaism, and Zionism to explain all this. I’m just along for the ride and enjoying it. What’s your experience been like with these kinds of social dynamics?

  7. This game sounds like the roller coaster equivalent of someone making one simulating the annoying glitches that sometimes pop up when watching streaming video on-line.

    When I interviewed BEACH RATS director Eliza Hittman, she cited Grandrieux as an influence. I think she also said that her cinematographer has worked with Claire Denis and when BEACH RATS began getting compared to BEAU TRAVAIL, the cinematographer said “Claire does not own the male body!”

  8. Hi!

    Yeah, I’ve seen pictures and… holy shit. The whole event seemed a tad bit over the top.
    It sounds like you had a really productive weekend! I’m glad you found the time to work on the film script too, besides the assignment! How’s the situation with the contracts…?
    I had a half-work-y, half-peaceful day. During the peaceful hours, I worked on Christin’s Christmas/birthday present. I decided to send them Juliet Escoria’s ‘Witch Hunt’ and I’m filling up the empty pages with some pictures I’ve collected and thoughts of my own so there’ll be a little extra to explore, too.
    How was your day? What happened?

  9. Hey DC

    This post is just perfect. I mean, when it comes down to it, this is what computers were really made for, right?

    I had a brilliant weekend, thanks! Even if pretty much all of Friday was spent asleep.

    Re: having loads of work to do – of course! I always wonder how you cram it all in: the blog, your various ongoing projects. What’s happening atm with the film? And is the latest piece with Gisele showing anywhere soon that I might be able to catch it?

    I haven’t heard back about publishing my play, although I guess it’s early days. It’s a kind of frustrating feeling though, a couple of years ago I felt like I had these big ideas and could really achieve something (still do) but just really struggled to get anyone interested in them. I guess I just have to keep writing and the work itself is the important thing. Would you maybe be interested in reading it?

    Right, I’m sitting in a pub waiting to be let in – am locked out. Have a sweet evening/morning, depending on when you take a look at these. X

  10. Hey Dennis, hope things are good. That Jean Rouch day was awesome. I’d only heard of him just very recently, and was fascinated by the influence of his technique of blurring documentary/fiction, character/actor on Godard. Really inspiring. He must have influenced Trinh T Minh Ha I imagine. It sounded like Crowd went great? Busy teaching at the MFA residency, lots of love, Axo

  11. Very intriguing hints about the secret project goings-on, Dennis.

    I saw The Shape of Water. It’s entertaining, with some great visual design (like a lot of Del Toro’s films), but a little too cute. You’ll probably hate it.

    I have to admit, around this time of year, I get a little concerned about what will go into my year-end best of lists. I think I actually saw quite a few 2017 movies this year. Last year I think I saw maybe two 2016 movies all year, yikes. Wish I could have caught Happy End though (despite Steevee’s disapproval).

    Bill

    • You can read about my problems with it at length in Gay City News in about 2 weeks. It opens Dec. 22nd in New York, and I assume it will probably make it to the Bay Area in early to mid January.

      I discovered that my CALL ME BY YOUR NAME review has been getting detailed criticism on a discussion board called Awards Forum. I don’t agree with most of their critiques, although it’s legitimate to blame me for complaining about things in the film that Ivory and Guadagnino took straight from the novel, which I haven’t read yet. But I’m thrilled to find people other than my Facebook friends seriously engaging with my reviews. At least everyone liked my attack on critic Jeffrey Wells (who dissed BPM, praising CALL ME BY YOUR NAME in comparison as the kind of “swoony,” gentle and upbeat gay movie that should be made instead.)

      I’m very anxious about what the doctor will say about my back pain, which is still making life difficult, tomorrow. I fear some disabling course of treatment.

      I have thought about co-writing my script with someone who has experience with LSD. I have a person in mind and I’ve talked to him about the project – he had a lot of positive experience with the drug in. the 90s but hasn’t taken it in 20 years; however, he’s still interested in psychedelic culture and forwarded me some stuff from a mailing list he’s on about shrinks who want to use LSD and MDMA in medical treatment – but I’m not sure about his level of writing skill.

      • Look forward to your comments on Happy End, Steve!

        Sorry to hear about the back pain. You’ve probably considered options like acupuncture?

        I haven’t read Jeffrey Wells’ reviews. But isn’t it 2017? I really had a great time at BPM, and have little interest in Call Me by Your Name. Geez.

        Bill

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